Family is about to self destruct

[heartstringz]

My family is about to self destruct & i dont know what to do

My relationship with my husband is failing because he is a workaholic. Hes gone long hours 5 days a week but then also apparently has to do 2 hours extra work every evening & now apparently needs to do a couple of hours work on weekends too. So we literally never spend any child-free time together because hes always working.

And my son has behavioral issues which have gone on for years & ive literally lost all confidence as a parent because nothing seems to work

Everything gets loaded onto me - im the one who has to try & fix my marriage, salvage my family & sort out my son's behaviour, because my husband "cant take time off work".

im barely coping with the load i have to carry

i already had anxiety & a history of depression

i don't know how to fix this or who to see for help.

i feel like i want to leave my husband, but i don't even know how id afford to pay rent somewhere on a part-time wage. But i can't go full-time as i have a 6 year old & a toddler.

im lost & stressed & confused & about at breaking point with the load i have to carry

My husband isnt listening to me, hes only focused on work

Has anyone else dealt with this?

Who would i see for help?

I need help with my anxiety, but i also urgently need help with my 6 year old's behaviour, but i also need help to try & fix my family. I don't even know where to start.

[White_Rose]

Dear Heartstringz

Hello and welcome to the forum.Your story is really heartbreaking and I do feel very sad for you. Not an easy task to manage a household, go to work and care for children on your own.

We are here to provide a safe place for you to talk and get support. Many of the people who post here have similar problems to you and can offer their experiences and how they coped. Please read some of the threads in the Relationship and Family Issues forum where you have posted. Does your husband work from home when he is doing these extra hours, especially at the weekend? I ask because I wonder if it is possible to tell him it's his turn to look after the children as you are going shopping (or whatever).

To get to the immediate help. Have you seen your GP lately? I can hear how distressed you are and I think it worthwhile to get a check-up. Your GP can also tell you where to get help for your anxiety before it goes through the roof. Talking to a psychologist may help you decide whether or not to separate from your husband. I know there are lots of pros and cons with finance being a huge hurdle. Do you live near any of your family? Can they help you by taking care of the children on occasions to give you more time to rest.

Perhaps one or more of your family can spend time with you and let you talk about these difficulties so you can get them out in the open. You certainly need more support than you are currently receiving. Ask your GP about help for your son. I belief children's behaviour can be adversely affect by feeling insecure. It's quite likely he misses his father and is upset that dad will go away because he is so rarely home. I think you need to tell your husband how his work is affecting his children. It is quite unreasonable for an employer to expect an employee to work such long hours. Could he be working in two jobs?

You are the mainstay of the house so it is important you stay well. Coping with anxiety and stress is a bad recipe. Please have a chat to your GP.

Mary

[geoff]

Hello Heartstringz, and a warm welcome to the forums.

It's sad that you are in this position but pleased you have contacted the online forums, as there could be a few issues for you to consider, not that I'm qualified to say, however, the concern is as he works extra hours, plus works on the weekend, do you trust him.

If you do consider leaving him, then please get back to us.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Helen72]

Hello heartstringz,

You've certainly got a lot to deal with! And by the sounds of it, it been going on for a while 😞 That's a lot to cope with; kids can be exhausting, your husband doesn't seem to help much and you're working.

Your kids might be a bit more difficult to deal with if they sense you're overloaded. So you need to look after your self first. And this is a good first step. Beyond Blue can offer immediate help - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

Let me know what you're doing first 🙂

Helen

If your son's 6, then he's probably going to school? Can his teacher help? Maybe point you in a direction as she (?) would see him a lot.