I've blocked out so many people in my life

[stekay]

Hi.
So I've come to the realisation that I block out and ghost so many of my friends and it's become a bad habit. A few years back things in my life were falling apart like my job, social relationships and I was drinking to much. One day I decided to pack up and move away. I had been unhappy in life for a few years now. I told a handful of close people that I was going away but got off social media, stopped answering my phone and pretty much isolated myself.

I had some long term friends who I didn't want to speak to due to having small falling outs with. Then we had mutual friends who I also didn't talk to. People were trying to contact me all the time to find out what had happened to me. I think I have issues with feeling unappreciated by people and over time ignoring people who I thought had wronged me almost felt like a power thing or revenge. I would always think of it as "well this person said this to me or did this to them so they deserve it" and there was a satisfying yet gross felling of them contacting me but me not replying. There's people who I was friends with for years that I have spoken to in 5 years.

Doing this almost ruined my friendship with a best friend. I was hurt by something they did and didn't feel appreciated. I ignored them for months with this whole idea of making them see what it feels like. I got in contact with them after a few months and they asked me if everything was fine with them. I told them 'yeah of course' and acted like things were fine. But I realised the next day that I was being horrible by lying about it and making them confused about what had happened. The next day I told them what had really happened and why I did what I did and why I was upset. Fortunately they forgave me and we're still friends.

Eve now when I have acquaintances who annoy me, I'll usually just end up blocking them out. Sure they'll do annoying things or can be lazy or rude but I just developed this behaviour where I'm like 'Screw them' and block them out. Over the last five years I've screwed up a lot of things in my life and missed out on a lot of things. It's hard during the lockdown as all my remaining friends live far away and I can't see them and I'm stuck at home all the time and I'm realising how isolated and lonely I am (although I've know this for a whole) and how I've developed this destructive behaviour towards people possibly to save my own feelings of rejection or feeling unappreciated.

[HannaMelb]

Hi Stekay

I do exactly the same as you - I block and ignore people.

In my case I believe it’s low self esteem - I don’t think I deserve to be loved so I build up walls around me to avoid getting hurt. I sabotage relationships in fear of being disappointed.

I also feel “powerful” and in control when I do that, like I’m showing them how it feels to “be ignored” when in reality, people are not ignoring me at all...

I am very aware of my bad habits but hey, aren’t those difficult to break...?

Hope this self- analysis of me helps you to understand yourself better...

Keep in touch 🙂

[Guest909]

Hi stekay and HannaMelb

I found this post to be somewhat enlightening on a personal level.

I am in the process of separating from my wife of 30 years and can see the same "blocking" behaviour in her. When we first separated, thing were relatively amicable; well as amicable as it could be. Soon after separation, my wife's behaviour changed; she will not communicate with me, for any reason; all communication (no matter how trivial) has to go through our lawyers. An absurd situation for two adults.

I always thought that this "blocking" behaviour was a control mechanism and from what HannaMelb said, I was correct. Moreover, HannaMelb's paragraph, cited below, is quite prophetic in that it explains the probable reason for my divorce in the first place.

In my case I believe it’s low self esteem - I don’t think I deserve to be loved so I build up walls around me to avoid getting hurt. I sabotage relationships in fear of being disappointed.

I suppose my point here is that blocking is, or can be, very destructive; obviously there are exceptions.

[stekay]

"I am very aware of my bad habits but hey, aren’t those difficult to break...?"

Thank you for your post.
Yes that's true. I realised this over the last six months or so and I'm starting to catch myself now when I feel this way and start to think about the situation. For instance, someone I know asked me to do a favour for them and I did it but never heard back from them or got any thanks for them.Usually I'd be like "screw them" and would ignore them. But instead I thought well maybe they're busy or they forgot. And I can always them if the thing I did for them was all good and prompt some kind of response from them instead of ignoring them.

[HannaMelb]

Happy to be able to speak my mind and help you and others 🙂

As for other people's reactions (or rather lack of), I have learnt that they may have their own reasons for not acknowledging your help - other worries, personal situations, etc. Reasons that most probably have nothing to do with us but we tend to think that it is due to us being over-sensitive to other people's attention to ourselves... so we take it personally when we think they are ignoring us - another by-product of our low self esteem.

We can't control others' actions but we definitely can control our own reactions and ask them if they are happy with the favour we've done them - very often they will reply with a perfectly logical explanation for their apparent lack of acknowledgement. I have learnt this by my own experience. Lack of communication is at the root of many disagreements and assumptions...

[stekay]

"I suppose my point here is that blocking is, or can be, very destructive; obviously there are exceptions."

True. I mean there's certain times where it needs to be done say in a toxic friendship/relationship. But if you're doing it like I was, it ultimately becomes destructive over the long term.