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Stressed and confused

Community Member

This is my first time posting.
For backstory Im a single mum. The relationship with the dad is non-existent I believe we were young and emotions too high. We were teens and tried to be adults and whilst it worked momentarily, that quickly dissolved. I suffered for a while but he had me convinced that I was the cause of issue and he was my saviour. I fell pregnant and he cheated on me which I discovered was happening for months which ended in physical altercation and I left him. We tried co-parenting but after our child's 1st birthday, there was another altercation, police and courts involved and after it all I never seen or heard from him. 3 years later I continued in relationships that were toxic as I believed that is what I deserved. With some help, I did finally walk away and decided that even if I don't deserve the best my child does and I stopped dating. That is until I was in my mid 20's when I met the love of my life, who is a very respectable man.
After 8 months of dating, he had to go away for 9 months for training. We promised to wait for each other, we spoke to each other daily He did get to come back some weekend's where we would occasionally get to hang out.
I struggled with feeling good enough, being someone who did carry a lot of baggage and issues from past trauma and I placed him on a pedestal, amazed how someone like me could have someone like him. However, whilst he was at my home, his friends called and mentioned my partner's attempts to take another woman out (they didn't realise he had them on speaker) He quickly tried to brush it off but they continued to mention how attractive he was saying she was and so he finally told them where he was and they immediately stopped talking and said they would call back later. My heart was immediately shattered to say the least.
he did admit to thinking she was attractive but that's it nothing happened. I believe that. But I don't 100% trust him anymore. I blamed myself for not being good enough and I really struggled. 2 years later and we're still together, about to make a big commitment together and I find all these fears rushing to me. I still don't trust him completely and it makes me feel bad for it because he has tried so hard to prove himself.
I'm questioning myself. I feel ashamed for still letting this affect me so much when he hasn't don't anything wrong all this time later.
I don't want to keep bringing this issue up because I see the effort he has made. But this is eating me up.
1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Jesscee, and a warm welcome.

I know that it's so upsetting for your spouse/partner to have the audacity to cheat on you, especially when you're pregnant and how it affects the marriage/relationship and making the future to be uncertain, but it can be healed.

His willingness and to be honest and open can rebuild the trust, this won't allow for it to happen straight away, but build up over time, especially if they realise what they have done is wrong.

Promises and forgiveness is a two way event because you need the anger and pain to be processed, while he needs to prove he is trustworthy by providing and showing the love he has for you, this will slowly regain the trust you want.

Take care.