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Where am I going with this?

Wilbur1954
Community Member
Previously i have posted about lack of friends and my wifes disinterest in sex.
Im worried now that im heading into strange territory in order to compensate for these issues.
Ive recently become infatuated with my neighbours wife. Its driving me crazy that im having these thoughts about her. Equally as concerning is that i may act on my thoughts and cause a lot of hurt to lots of people. Ive also got the feeling that my neighbours wife would be open to a relationship with me so that only gives me confidence to do it.

What do i do?
8 Replies 8

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi again,

Let use a different situation- same problem.

A psychiatrist has a client that he finds extremely attractive. The client has told him all about her desires and frustrations as part of therapy. What does he do?

As a professional he must remain professional and maintain restraint. There is no alternative.

Your infatuation is greater because 1/ of your own dissatisfaction in your marriage 2/ because your neighbors wife is visible regularly

Hypothetically if you were to split with your wife and be a single man then you could act in your infatuations with single women and those feelings would be no different than those you have for this neighbor.

Have you thought about separation as a first step towards a life of happiness. This is the core issue

TonyWK

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Wilbur, welcome to the forums.

This infatuation with your next doors wife is compensation for what you are missing out of from home, which you realise, the problem is she may not want to harm her marriage by having an affair with you and only needing the attention you are giving her.

To not address the problems at home won't be able to happen if you are keen on your next door neighbour but to break up two marriages with the sale of both houses, contents, as well as the car and utilities, will become messy.

I don't need to tell you this, I'm sorry, because when we see someone we are attracted to, we only want a cuddle with them, and sometimes this isn't possible.

Geoff.

Wilbur1954
Community Member
Thanks Geoff
But since my post the thought of having an affair with my neighbours wife has been at front of mind.
While cheating on my wife has not been my style, ive come to the conclusion that her withholding sex all these years means she doesnt care about me. So you reap what you sow.
Its so clear to me now. I need to act on my feelings otherwise im going to spend my final years lonely and frustrated.
Of course i have to be right about how i think my wifes neighbour feels about me. If she is and our marriages break up as a result then so be it. Im sick of trying to be the good guy. I reckon i have nothing to lose.

Hi

Fair enough to a point Wilbur. But there is another family to be involved and cushioning the process might well be something to consider.

If you do seek her feelings of you and they are positive then you could establish her thoughts. The real problem is however, in such situations falling in love is the first base otherwise it is a huge gamble... love may not be two way. I’ve seen a work colleague give up his family , house etc for a lady that never left her family.

In terms of your wife, sexual compatibility is not often common, she might care for you but not high in sex drive, very common. Mind you having had one long term partner that way myself, it won’t ever change imo. Therein lies a problem and that will remain regardless of your lady next door admirations. Maybe separating from your wife could be considered as a mandatory step regardless of the lady next door?

At the moment you are also unaware if you and your crush is sexually compatible either. So there is far more questions than answers and a shaky boat to board.

Do you think anxiety is playing a role at the moment?

TonyWK

Wilbur

I think you need to slow it down a little. I can fully understand your frustration with your wife's attitude toward your non existent sex life. I reckon very few long term marriages haven't had this problem at some point.

But having an affair while you're married and living with your wife is not the way to solve the problem. If you have an affair with your neighbour's wife, I guarantee you it will be discovered very quickly. Then you have caused pain to two more people. It never is the right thing to do.

Here is a better solution. Tell your wife the marriage is over. You are done. End it respectfully. Separate and deal with the fall out. When you are officially separated and assuming you are heading for a divorce, you can then chase as many unmarried women as you like.

I know this scenario seems more complicated and lengthy but it will be the cleanest for everyone concerned. Accept the moral challenge rather than an affair.

Hi Wilbur, not sure what situation you are in at the moment, but there could be other possibilities which include, your wife could be seeing someone else, and if so, then a divorce can be implemented.

You're not sure of what position your next door neighbour is in, maybe she's having marital problems and wants a break from her husband, perhaps you need to ask, then your decision will become much easier.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

Thanks to you, Geoff and Whiteknight for your feedback.
I know what youre all saying is true.
But ive realised how mentally, pschologically and emotionally liberating it has been for me to make a decision to act. Discussing this with you guys has been the best thing for me.
Ive never felt better within myself for years. This forum has been worth its weight in gold.
I dont think me instigating separation or divorce is right for me financially. What about if my neighbours feelings towards me are not reciprocated? Then i lose a lot for nothing. I think it would be best to confirm my neighbours feelings and if so risk the affair and hope for the best.
Thank you all again for helping me through this.

Hi Wilbur, thank for getting back to us.

I appreciate and acknowledge your decision, but please be careful about the situation.

Geoff.