Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mum7 Autism and denial
  • replies: 4

Hi i have 5 kids 3yrs ago i was told my child was autistic so i started the process of having her assessed and diagnosed. I told my inlaws as i have no family and my father inlaw said thats cow dung and you dont look autistic you have serious mental ... View more

Hi i have 5 kids 3yrs ago i was told my child was autistic so i started the process of having her assessed and diagnosed. I told my inlaws as i have no family and my father inlaw said thats cow dung and you dont look autistic you have serious mental issues. My 6 yr old has also been diagnosed and have 3 other children and myself off for an assesment as well. At Christmas last year i again tried to explain autism my sister inlaw said i was having a psychotic episode and to call police all because i would not smack my son.who i believe is autistic. This all happened approx 7 hrs and i had to drive home. NOW they want to see the children again but refuse to accept autism and say im mentall ill.

giggywick I cant make meaningful relationships because i dont value humans like i value animals
  • replies: 2

So this is gonna sound pretty creepy, you'll probably think im insane, like a discount Jeffrey Dahmer but i do not place value on human life and i dont know why i cant love people however i love animals and i even get upset about accidentally steppin... View more

So this is gonna sound pretty creepy, you'll probably think im insane, like a discount Jeffrey Dahmer but i do not place value on human life and i dont know why i cant love people however i love animals and i even get upset about accidentally stepping on an ant. I have diagnosed Aspergers syndrome so that may explain it a little but i dont know if thats all of it, i just want an explanation of why im like this and maybe a way i can deal with it because it makes me upset to think about things like animals being hurt and it doesn't stop. I cant make meaningful relationships with anyone because i cant stop thinking about the fact that they have contributed to animals being harmed, even if thats just because they use products that they dont know harm them. My friend in high school once killed a fly because it was irritating her and i punched her, i wanted to end the friendship and i hated her. I cant love myself either because i know that my very existence has put animals at risk. I dont know if i can feel love towards humans, i dont think i feel empathy towards them but whenever i see anything about animals being hurt i get so angry i start sobbing and it never stops because i know that animals are always being hurt and theres nothing i can do about it. I hate nearly all people i meet because it always comes out that they dont feel the same sympathy for anything accept for other humans and i cant change that perspective. Im sorry if this isn't exactly what this forum is for, i know this is most likely for coming to terms with toxic relationships or family troubles but i didnt know where else to put this post.

Oceanblu Mental illness, stigma and bullying
  • replies: 2

Hi, all - I wasn't sure where to post this, so apologies if this is not the appropriate place. Ouch. I received a text message from the friend/team-mate of a man I was in an on/off relationship with, over several years, until recently...a cruel, mani... View more

Hi, all - I wasn't sure where to post this, so apologies if this is not the appropriate place. Ouch. I received a text message from the friend/team-mate of a man I was in an on/off relationship with, over several years, until recently...a cruel, manipulative man (and thanks to the friend who told me to Google 'gaslighting'!! ) who, for some reason, I kept going back to. This 'relationship' in recent times was 'virtual' only - but overlapped him having a girlfriend who, he said, he had no intention of leaving, but we had a "bond that couldn't be broken". This man had told me, on numerous occasions, that I was 'psycho', 'nuts', and that no-one else would touch me as he had told them all as much. Recently though, when I told him I was being treated for depression, he told me he didn't think it was necessary, as I was mentally strong, and just needed to exercise more. WTA? I'm not proud of myself, but I felt the only way out was to make it that he would never want to contact me again...so I outed him. I have never had so much as a conversation with the author of the text, she doesn't know me personally, but she had previously shown herself up to making mischief - so I let her know and thanked her for her interest. I can only assume this vitriolic response is as a result of rumours my ex has made in order to make himself look good. So now, I don't feel I can attend this Club, and I am concerned about the effects this gossip will have on my ability to participate in the sport I love, or even to socialise there as I think it may nudge them into increasing the volume. Part of my depression is an urge to withdraw so this has been a massive backward step just as I was just starting to feel better. Not that I believe I have behaved in any way close to what they seem to be discussing - but it got me reflecting on the nature of this illness; I don't notice her making fun of the breast cancer for which I was recently treated. And if I decide to pursue this as a bullying complaint - well, it seems likely I'm going to be dismissed as crazy. I feel so alone.

Guest_9043 Nieces Graduation-Cannot attend. Feeling very sad and hurt.
  • replies: 3

It is my nieces Year 6 Graduation on the 10th Dec. I got an invite to go but decided not to as I am not well due to a nervous breakdown about past childhood abuse and would not help me seeing the perps with no support. I attended her Kindergarten Gra... View more

It is my nieces Year 6 Graduation on the 10th Dec. I got an invite to go but decided not to as I am not well due to a nervous breakdown about past childhood abuse and would not help me seeing the perps with no support. I attended her Kindergarten Graduation, I attended when she started her first day of school and I have tried as much as possible to remain in her life and know whats happening for her. I couldnt' take anymore abuse. I am barely coping with my childhood stuff and now have to deal with the many years of control over me when it came to seeing Mia. Even reading those words breaks my heart into pieces. For those who have been reading my posts would know I recently cut contact with my mother and my father doesn't exist to me. I know that Mia will be fine with me not attending. I have had to work through that which has been very hard for me. I have to keep myself safe though. I have bought Mia gifts for her graduation and a card. I will be sending them off tomorrow. I bought her a diary to write in saying you are one in a million, I bought her a book to write in titled writing my future. I bought her a unicorn figurine to hold onto when she is nervous and as a reminder that I believe in her and two very nice ballpoint pens. I wrapped it up in puppy dog gift wrap as I know she loves dogs. I guess it is my way of showing her how much I love her and a way of having my influence in her life. She is old enough to send emails now so we occasionally email. I have made sure she knows throughout her life how much I do love her and will always be there for her. I feel immense anger towards my sister for robbing me of someone that meant everything to me. I still cry over it. It wasn't enough for both my parents to steal my childhood and young adulthood but my sister decided to take it one step further and rob me of my niece and also rob my niece of me. I never had any children of my own and never will so having Mia although I respected her mother and her mother doing the raising, I felt Mia was my little piece of joy that I could be an aunt to her. I had many hopes and dreams and the love I had and still have for Mia was akin to a mothers love. I am slowly but very painfully letting go of Mia a bit more. She is 12 now and she knows where I am and she knows I will always be there for her. I have to take care of my broken heart and that I have fallen to pieces over it. I can take no more. Need some support. Thanks.

goldenlocks WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?
  • replies: 5

He has a restraining order against me, but he says to me: "I have always liked you but I have kept it from you."

He has a restraining order against me, but he says to me: "I have always liked you but I have kept it from you."

Dimitra Alone and confused
  • replies: 1

I love my husband (like a father figure) and have two little kids with him. Life has been financially comfortable but very lonely. I met someone else who feels more suited to who I am today and has similar mindset, goals and issues. I told my husband... View more

I love my husband (like a father figure) and have two little kids with him. Life has been financially comfortable but very lonely. I met someone else who feels more suited to who I am today and has similar mindset, goals and issues. I told my husband about this attraction and we both felt I needed to move out.That was 5 months ago. Im still in limbo - scared to move forward and scared to 'stay'. Has anyone ever experienced this?

Jilted Lonely and alone
  • replies: 5

It’s been a year since I’ve posted. I’ve left my marriage, amicably as it turns out - husband wasn’t happy with me either. I’ve moved to where my friends are but am very lonely. It’s a beautiful day outside and I’ve spent it in my room. I share a hou... View more

It’s been a year since I’ve posted. I’ve left my marriage, amicably as it turns out - husband wasn’t happy with me either. I’ve moved to where my friends are but am very lonely. It’s a beautiful day outside and I’ve spent it in my room. I share a house now with other renters and only have a few of my own possessions. My affair continues but he now wants to have some time to think. My job is coming to an end. I don’t know what to do from here. Some days a have no willingness to move. And feel so guilty if I waste a day pining. How do people get through similar situations? I’m contemplating going back to husband but know that the cycle will repeat. I don’t want him to be unhappy just so I am not alone. Seems an impossible situation. Your thoughts?

stewiegriff318 Wife of 14yrs has left me
  • replies: 2

My wife of 14 years has decided to throw in the towel and give up on our marriage after she found out i lied about having her login details for her facebook. I feel it has to be more than just this but she isn't telling me the whole truth. She has sa... View more

My wife of 14 years has decided to throw in the towel and give up on our marriage after she found out i lied about having her login details for her facebook. I feel it has to be more than just this but she isn't telling me the whole truth. She has said she doesn't give up on her marriage that easily when we have fought and then for her to say that she is done is completely out of the blue. She has gone to the the extreme to tell everyone what i have done and now feel like she is moving on and not telling me anything at all cause she doesnt trust me. Its been 3 days now we are on talking terms still but feel that no matter what i do to get help for my insecurities she will still leave me even though she has known about these issues from when she first met me.i dont know what to do. Im actually scared ive lost her and dunno what else to do. I do have some support people who have said to just leave her be and not message her but it is so hard.

Anonymously01 Parents want to kick me out
  • replies: 3

Im 18 years old and have no job or money. My parents want to kick me out of home and being homeless terrifies me. I have low vision and cannot see well especially at night so I'm not sure what to do...I am still trying to complete school and get a jo... View more

Im 18 years old and have no job or money. My parents want to kick me out of home and being homeless terrifies me. I have low vision and cannot see well especially at night so I'm not sure what to do...I am still trying to complete school and get a job but with low vision it has made things difficult. I know it's legal to leave at 18 but i don't have anywhere to go.

Guest_9043 Acknowledging Childhood and Adulthood abuse by my mother.
  • replies: 6

As the title says, this is all very recent, extremely raw and beyond what I can manage on my own. I am 40 years old now and I feel SO ANGRY. I am angry yes because of what happened, yet also angry because I have had enough robbed of me and now I am h... View more

As the title says, this is all very recent, extremely raw and beyond what I can manage on my own. I am 40 years old now and I feel SO ANGRY. I am angry yes because of what happened, yet also angry because I have had enough robbed of me and now I am having more robbed of me. I need support and maybe some advice for me to decide and make a choice on what I feel is best. To cut a long story short, I was abused by all three family members. Father, Mother and Sister. Extended family- NIL relationships. I have not had contact with my father for ten years now and I highly doubt will ever see him again because I actually do not want to. At this point I have no contact with my sister or mother. They can only contact me via email. I feel incensed when I see something from them there. I just want to ignore it and not respond to be honest. It sound easy to just not respond but it isn't. It brings a lot of emotion and confusion for me. I'm trying to decide whether to cut contact while I am trying to deal with this massive blow. I got an email from my mother today asking for my postal address. I assume she wishes to send me a Christmas card. I do not know what to do. I went into a stressed and confused state. I don't want anything. I have let them know briefly I am not going to spend Christmas with them. It will not be good for me at all. I showed no emotion or feeling in my emails because well they don't do emotion and feelings, mostly mine. Theirs, well the world revolves around the both of them and my mother still thinks I play the roles for her she gave me as a child. I have not recovered from that at all. The damage it did to me and the way I developed growing up was because of the specific types of abuse from her. I was her therapist looking after her when she could not look after herself, neglected and abandoned in so many different ways. It was hard for me as a kid. I hated him immensely for that. It's hard now how to feel because I was being abused by both parents. Sometimes I don't know how to feel because it is so confusing. All I know is that I cannot have them in my life at all right now. They don't even know what I am dealing with. It's all about them. I can't talk to them because I will just be ignored, invalidated and/or abused. So I really have no option but to have no contact for now. My issue is that how do I do that? Do I tell them, do I say nothing. Thanks all.