Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Blewejam Separated, lonely, confused and suffocating
  • replies: 2

My girlfriend and I recently separated, it was strange, we are so in love but cause each other pain due to our differences in communication. Before my girlfriend packed her bags and left, we cried in each other’s arms for a while, and told each other... View more

My girlfriend and I recently separated, it was strange, we are so in love but cause each other pain due to our differences in communication. Before my girlfriend packed her bags and left, we cried in each other’s arms for a while, and told each other how much we loved the other. Seeing her leave was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. Im from England, and she’s from Germany, we met a year ago in New Zealand and have been travelling ever since. I thought she was my life partner, I still think that actually. We got so deep with our love but that also comes with downsides if you’re with each other 24/7. I’m currently at a work-away (a place where you work for Accomodation and food, doing gardening/chores etc.). The women who owns the house is really chill, we lived in an outhouse with it’s own facilities. I have not left this outhouse/my bed for 48 hours, I have not eaten in 48 hours. Every 15 minutes or so I cry uncontrollably which I’ve never done before, it feels like the first time I’ve actually cried properly, I’m 27. My best friend at home in the UK has deleted all means of contact, my other friends don’t think so deeply as to help out, my family... well my mum found out last year that my dad was having an affair after 35 years of marriage, she found out he’d spent all of their money on prostitutes and the like, the last thing she told me is that she’s scared to leave the house and is in deep depression, she said the only thing that is keeping her going is knowing I’m happy travelling which breaks my heart even more. Nobody has spoken to my dad for nearly a year. My brother is in a dark place and has been for a while, he drinks and has never had a job. I’m so lonely and broken, I don’t know anybody in this country, I have no money or plans anymore, I’m scared to go outside and I don’t know why, everything reminds me of her, I’m in a very dark place with my thoughts. My heart is in so much pain, I googled why it hurts and it’s quite interesting, but sucks either way. I can’t get it to stop aching, I struggle to breathe sometimes. All I want is her back but she’s confirmed it over so that’s that. I need advice on how I get back to normal, considering I’m hiding away, unable to eat and considering the worst. Has anyone else lost the one they thought they’d grow old with? I feel pathetic writing this, knowing so many other people have much bigger problems and all that happened to me was separation after a year. Thanks for reading this.

7un13 Why do i feel like this?
  • replies: 1

My friendship during these 2 years been the best. They literally the best people i ever get to have but sometimes i struggle on my own because of them for quite a while. For example today, i could not join my friends meet up after school for dinner s... View more

My friendship during these 2 years been the best. They literally the best people i ever get to have but sometimes i struggle on my own because of them for quite a while. For example today, i could not join my friends meet up after school for dinner so i was quite upset cuz they all just gone not caring much and i just walked off to go home not saying bye to them. One of them did shout out bye and said to call me but i was upset until now at 11 past so i did not go on media. We have other friend stay in my home country and they called her, having fun and all. I know it’s my fault to stay out of it purposely but are they a bit heartless too? I have been feeling left out for awhile already. They say it’s just me, i also hope so, cuz i dont want to leave them. But this is giving me anxiety and ovethinking. Many of them have each other picture taken together but me. Of course i do have with few of them too but i dont know. Help... i’m struggling.

Voldemort Anxiety running in family
  • replies: 3

Hi all, This is my first post here. To start with, my daughter (now 7) has Selective Mutism (childhood anxiety disorder) due to which she is unable to speak to most of the people apart from us parents. This is been going on for a while (We noticed wh... View more

Hi all, This is my first post here. To start with, my daughter (now 7) has Selective Mutism (childhood anxiety disorder) due to which she is unable to speak to most of the people apart from us parents. This is been going on for a while (We noticed when she was 3-4 year old). Though we are trying to do everything we can from our side, the progress is pretty slow and it is very stressful for us parents. I try a lot to study about anxiety related disorders to help my daughter. While doing that, we also figured that my wife too has lots of symptoms of social and generalised anxiety. And this is been going on from more than 20 years (from her teenage times). This went unnoticed and she did not had any intervention so far. We went to consult a psychologist in this regard. Now the problem is, psychologist is only seeing last 4 years where we both were overwhelmed by daughter’s condition and trying to treat just that. But, they are not looking at 20 years of struggle without intervention. I think it is good to understand the problem before jumping on solution. There are lots of things which she cannot do which is putting lots of stress on me. What do you think is the right next step: 1. Go ahead as per psychologist and concentrate on last 4 years struggle first and then look at other things? 2. Consult psychiatrist for detailed assessment. Problem with 1 is, my daughter’s problem isn’t going away in short time. Hence, I don’t see any escape in stress related to that.

Bee1998 Should I Be Concerned??
  • replies: 14

My boyfriend has been showering every morning before work (this has been a new thing for the past few months), as well as cutting his nails before work, shaving , and putting cologne on (which he never does for me on the weekends or any other time we... View more

My boyfriend has been showering every morning before work (this has been a new thing for the past few months), as well as cutting his nails before work, shaving , and putting cologne on (which he never does for me on the weekends or any other time we’re together). Am I over reacting, or are my suspicions reasonable??? I feel like he is putting all of this effort to look and smell good for work, because he is seeing someone at work/trying to impress someone/having an affair. I have brought this up with him, and he just says that it’s nothing.

SJ050 Another relationship lacking intimacy
  • replies: 9

Hi Everybody I was wondering what do people do that have a lack of intimacy in their relationship? A sexless marriage if you prefer the term. I am 51 and my wife is 40, we have 3 children 8,6 & 6. We both work full time and don’t have hardly any supp... View more

Hi Everybody I was wondering what do people do that have a lack of intimacy in their relationship? A sexless marriage if you prefer the term. I am 51 and my wife is 40, we have 3 children 8,6 & 6. We both work full time and don’t have hardly any support from family in regards to help with the children, so you can see life is not easy at times. Over the past year my wife had become less and less interested in having sex with me. I do my best to help with housework, I’d say doing more than half , give her foot rubs when ever she complains her feet are sore etc etc She says I am a loyal a selfless husband and that she doesn’t appreciate me as much as she should. What do you do when both sex drives are do far apart it is really impacting my ability to be the good husband I want to be ? We have only had sex once since November and she doesn’t understand what my problem is. My needs are at least once a week minimum. She won’t really talk about it and didn’t seem to keen to go to go to counseling when I suggested it. I don’t want to be the typical cheating husband and seek extra marital affairs as I would much rather be making love to my gorgeous wife. Is this the answer? Sorry people this has probably been bought up a thousand times but it is absolutely sending me crazy. It’s like having a Ferrari in the garage that you are not allowed to even look at let alone drive, but hey you know you have one.

Aria87 My Husband VS My Family
  • replies: 9

For many years my husband has been "putting up"with how my family behave. I used to cover up for them whenever they would be in the wrong, assuming it would help him just move on from the situation as i believe you cannot change people and at the end... View more

For many years my husband has been "putting up"with how my family behave. I used to cover up for them whenever they would be in the wrong, assuming it would help him just move on from the situation as i believe you cannot change people and at the end of the day im used to how my family are. December came to breaking point, where i had an argument with a sibling, which lead to my husband letting out all his frustration against my family. Which lead me to confronting people and their behavious, in which they have all learn how to speak to in laws etc. My mother is a big help in my life, now my husband refuses to help drop off our son at her house as he doesn't want to see her until hes ready. This brings a huge divide for me as my family want to apologize to him to work and move on from the siutation. My husband feels if he does this he is giving in and it will only happen again. Ive made it VERY clear the boundaries noone can cross. Im not expecting my husband to have daily lunches with any of my family. But i do wish he would just let my mum know whats bothered him, allowed her to apologize and we learn and move on from this. My husband needs more time, but the more time the more its oging to break more relationships and this gives me massive anxiety. I feel i cant turn to any family as they will just keep pushing me to fix my husband, ad i cant keep pushing my husband because im afraid he will loose it. Please help

JennyA Last cry for help. Husband & I incompatible in attitude to sex
  • replies: 27

Married 29 years. Both Christian upbringing. No sex before marriage. I was naive, especially when I was young & loved my husband. I could never believe he could hurt me. 5 years into our marriage, I saw he was looking at porn. I was devastated. Same ... View more

Married 29 years. Both Christian upbringing. No sex before marriage. I was naive, especially when I was young & loved my husband. I could never believe he could hurt me. 5 years into our marriage, I saw he was looking at porn. I was devastated. Same issue resurfaced 2 more times over next 15 years. It’s to the point where we agree we both have a diff view on what's right & wrong. I classify porn as cheating &he thinks having a look is ok. In our arguing he says looking at women is enjoyable, just as looking at men is pleasurable for a woman (I did enjoy watching Magic Mike) & it doesn't mean he loves me less. We compromised 7 years ago, porn is not allowed & he can look at anything else long as it doesn't cross the line we made. This was a fair compromise &he has kept his end of the bargain, but Ive not been unable to recover from the damage he did in the past. We cant watch a movie together if nude/semi clad female, is on screen. We cant see sexy women walk by. These things just make me so angry that I know my husband is "enjoying" looking & feeding his desire to look at things that fuel his sexual thoughts. Like most men, he's a very sexual person with a high sex drive & wants orgasms often. He is very unselfish in the bedroom & takes even more pleasure than I do, about seeing me satisfied every time. I don't have the same drive & wouldn't miss it if we stopped but I have come to enjoy & want it more over the last 15 years. But every time we get to a good place, something happens.He says we need to be on the same page when it comes to enjoying all things sexual. He thinks I should enjoy the topic of sex more, so we won't fight so much about everyday sexual things. He calls me conservative & heavily blames our upbringing for the way I think about sex. I am still a believer in Christ but he has become sceptical over the years. Even though he betrayed me by looking at porn, he is very loyal & has never physically cheated on me. We’re both proud that we’ve only had ourselves as sexual partners. I have deep issues in me that have been caused by his actions & now this problem has invaded every other part of our lives to the point that we now have a sexless marriage. He can't believe that I haven't pleasured myself in months & can't understand it's not important to me like it is to him. We went to a counselor and it didn't solve much as we disagree on the topic. I don’t want divorce but we’re so far apart on this topic I feel we are unable to reconcile

LoveLost980 Last legs
  • replies: 7

How do you tell when it's time to cut your losses and move on? We've been married for 34 years. We say we still love each other but I suspect it is a very different interpretation of love that each of us has. I know that love changes as you get older... View more

How do you tell when it's time to cut your losses and move on? We've been married for 34 years. We say we still love each other but I suspect it is a very different interpretation of love that each of us has. I know that love changes as you get older (not yet 60), but I just wasn't expecting the different rates of change. When one person still longs for passion and intimacy whilst the other is happy with a polite peck, and doesn't miss anything more, then it creates problems! How do other people cope? I think I'm normal! I still want to hold hands, snuggle on the couch, kiss hello, goodbye and even make love occasionally! I seem to ask for constant reassurances that she still loves me and wants to be together. I desperately want to remain together because I love her. I get very frustrated because I can see how it could be but I also get quite despondent and moody at times because I want to feel needed physically in some way. I long to have someone reach out for me; even if it's to hug. Has anyone else had these issues?

unknownalivebutnotlivinga About me
  • replies: 1

Hi, ok so here it goes. I’m catholic Iraqi grew up in Melb + Queensland with half Aussie cousins (I look up to my Aussie aunts + fam). In Melb lived with my family for about 20 years they have never accepted me for who I am even tho they are my biolo... View more

Hi, ok so here it goes. I’m catholic Iraqi grew up in Melb + Queensland with half Aussie cousins (I look up to my Aussie aunts + fam). In Melb lived with my family for about 20 years they have never accepted me for who I am even tho they are my biological parents + brother, during that time I was: sad, anxious, angry at them, low: self-confidence, confidence, self-esteem, quiet, didn’t talk much at home and at school mainly in my room unless if I’m going to get something to eat, going out with friends, we haven’t done family time in a while, always told “be like “name” cause they are such good kids and your not you are the worst person”, parents never let me go out and half the time they’d lock the door so I don’t leave and say “ I need to spend more time with them and if not ill take all your things away (or kill me). I’m always being told off for the things I do in + outside of the house, mum would constantly yell at me for everything I do, mum would complain (I’d be complaining also) about my weight, late year 10 I exercised then became anorexic from start of year 11 - mid year 12 (it didn’t last very long cause mum kept forcing food into me and not let me eat my own food I make and had to be in hospitals, when we make time and i tell them whats been happening they don’t respect my friendships and I want them to. Had a group of friends during mid - late primary, early highschool - mid highschool after then i only had one best friend and she’d come to my place 6-7 times most of the time she’d only come to pick me up so we can go out, and mum wants to spend time with my friends family she’d talk about their life and past problems about each of the family members and then she’d tell me “when are they gonna leave cause auntie, uncle or cousins are coming over i’m bored idk what else to talk about” behind their backs in another room with me and when they are not in site she’d tell me “not hang out with them often cause anything bad could happen and I don’t trust her” she doesn’t trust my friends + disrespectful to me + my friends. I wanted to share what was happening to me to my friends then but deep down I was too scared if my parents would hurt them. My friends all left cause i was too quiet for them. Also never had a proper job cause my parents didn’t allow it cause “I should be focusing on school/uni so I can get high marks” she’d force me, have been applying for jobs since 18 and still don’t have one. Who can relate?

Bee1998 My Suspicions Were Right All Along- He Had An Affair :(
  • replies: 3

I caught my partner of 2 and a half years with his co-worker last night at their work. After having suspicions of him having an affair with her for the past year, they have finally been confirmed (thanks to me catching them out). It started off last ... View more

I caught my partner of 2 and a half years with his co-worker last night at their work. After having suspicions of him having an affair with her for the past year, they have finally been confirmed (thanks to me catching them out). It started off last night with my partner never coming home from work. I called him and texted him several times and received no answers. I was worried sick. I was constantly searching Vic Traffic Incidents to see if he could have had a car accident. I nearly brought myself to calling all of the local hospitals to see if he was there. 5 hour shift passed and I was nearly vomiting with anxiety. So I decided to drive around to spots where I thought he could possibly be. No luck. Then, my step dad drove me to search one more time. We decided to go past his work to see if he was there. To my amazement, I found his car parked in the driveway, along with another car with a green P plate. I knew immediately that he was there with that girl. I ended up knocking on the door. Eventually, he unlocked it and opened the door. I asked him, “What are you doing here?” He told me he was talking with Taleah (his co-worker). This was 10pm when I caught him there at his work. I barged into the door and asked where she was. He told me she had locked herself in the toilet because she was scared of me. (She hid in there before I even went inside), so she was obviously hiding because she knew she was in the wrong. I was hysterical by this point. Asking to speak to her and ask her what was going on. My partner kept restraining me and telling me to leave her alone (as if she was his girlfriend and not me). He was defending her the entire time , and yelling at me to stay away from her. (Keep in mind, I wasn’t being physical whatsoever , and I was actually keeping my cool pretty well, seeing as though I just caught my long-term partner having an affair). She eventually came out of the toilet and was yelling at me to leave otherwise she’d call the police. (As if I was the bad person, and she was the victim)???... I was so confused and angry and hurt. My partner kept blaming me for it all , saying that he can’t ever talk to me about anything because I always rebut him. (He has never bothered to tell me anything, and I ask him frequently if he is okay , or if there is anything he wants to talk about or is unhappy about). He still hasn’t contacted me or said a word. I told him last night that we are over (and I meant it). But I am really struggling with coping.