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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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missrogue My parents gave all their inheritance to my eldest brother while they are still alive, I feel betrayed.
  • replies: 2

Hi there, This is something I have been battling with emotionally for a while. My nan passed away three years ago. She had three children left (including my dad) and she left all her inheritance to my dad (which included a home worth about 1.2 mill a... View more

Hi there, This is something I have been battling with emotionally for a while. My nan passed away three years ago. She had three children left (including my dad) and she left all her inheritance to my dad (which included a home worth about 1.2 mill at the time)he told her it was a mistake because her other children would then contest the will, she should leave them something. She didn't and when she passed about 11 months later surprise they contested the will (as they should have). The court proceedings lasted about 6 months. I was never allowed to come with them, instead they took my eldest brother to help them through. After the case was over, they ruled that my dad was to split the profits of my nans house (his childhood home) between the three siblings including himself and the grandchildren (five grandchildren including myself) were to get the rest of her savings split between them (roughly 25k each). At the time of the case, they got an agent to under-value the house to only 900k. All fairly simple, should have been an easy situation. Instead of selling the home, they asked my eldest brother to take out a loan to pay off my dads siblings and children. He had no assets so they paid 20k for his name to be put on the dead to the home as a co-owner with my father. (my other brother and I received no money) I was told that the house would be sold and my brother paid off for the loan he took out. Since then... My father has removed his name from the deed, making my eldest brother the sole owner. When i confronted them about this they said my other brother and i would receive their current home split between us. The home we are currently in would not be worth more than 900k. and the home they just gave my brother is now valued at over 1.5Mill. They are also planning on selling their current home and downgrading to live off the profits because they are now in such a very bad financial situation. I honestly could not care if they kept all the money and did not give us anything, I'd rather them go travelling and live their best life. Its more the fact that they have given my eldest brother SO much and they get to see him financially stable and raise a family. I have had no financial help from my parents, I have asked them for help and been denied. My parents have helped financially towards both my brothers weddings and my mum said today that they would not even have the money to buy me a wedding dress. Every time i mention this,I am told to "get over it"

T-inch So confused
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I have been marrried to my husband for 3 years this year. Been together all up for only 4. We have a 2 year old son. And am 6 months pregnant with our second. I don’t feel that he looks at me the same anymore, he doesn’t touch me the same any... View more

Hi all, I have been marrried to my husband for 3 years this year. Been together all up for only 4. We have a 2 year old son. And am 6 months pregnant with our second. I don’t feel that he looks at me the same anymore, he doesn’t touch me the same anymore, he is LESS romantic and LESS affectionate. I feel like he is not so supportive of me and he isn’t really there if I need a shoulder to cry on. I have spoken to him about this several times telling him I need affection from him, I need to feel love from him. And the only time he shows me affectionate is when he wants to have intercourse. And I’ve told him my sex drive is a bit low because I’m pregnant and I feel uncomfortable in my body right now and it would help if he made me feel special and not only show affection when he wants intercourse. But he hasn’t done that . He hasn’t done anything at all to make me feel loved even though he says he loves me when our son was 1 week old, he did not help me with night time feeds or changes or support me as I was a first time parent also and left me to struggle on my own. And I think i resented him for it. Up until this day, he doesn’t put our son to sleep, doesn’t change his nappy, doesn’t feed him , doesn’t do any of the hard work of raising a child. Only needs to entertain him a bit after work and to me it looks like he can’t be bothered to do that. He does what he wants when he wants. Example he naps when he wants even if I tell him I’m exhausted. He will end up going to nap with out asking if I will be ok to watch our son. And he will nap for 2 hours sometimes. Where I would never do that to him. I never leave him alone with our son for too long because I think it’s not fair. But I feel like he isn’t considerate of me. I feel like he just expects me to do everything when it comes to our son. And his excuse is because he works and I’m a stay at home mum and I have more energy than him. But doesn’t take into consideration how tired I actually am from trying to entertain our son and look after him instead of putting him in front of the tv which is something my husband would just do. I do love my husband. I just feel unappreciated and I’m worried when this second baby comes. And I’m worried we are not compatible anymore. I’m always mad and upset and in my head I sometimes blame my husband because if he had helped me more when I need it then I wouldn’t be so depressed. I love my son so much and I feel like a bad mother when get into depressive moods

ged12345 Sudden break up
  • replies: 2

Hey all, My girlfriend broke up with me 2 months back and it's still affecting me badly. She was always struggling with anxiety/depression, had a panic disorder and phobias, and was on two anti-psychotics and a hardcore antidepressant (mum was diagno... View more

Hey all, My girlfriend broke up with me 2 months back and it's still affecting me badly. She was always struggling with anxiety/depression, had a panic disorder and phobias, and was on two anti-psychotics and a hardcore antidepressant (mum was diagnosed later in life with schizopheia and was ungood to her kids). She was afraid I would leave her and would often apologise (often overly so). Her sister had a lot of control over her—they lived together but it was my ex's house—and would often insult her and make her feel guilty. I used to be good friends with the sister but she obviously has her own mental issues because she turned around at one point and just started lashing out at me, alternating between acting nice and then lashing out further after making promises that wouldn't happen. My ex promised me she would not lash out at me or push me away like her sister did. I was her first and was very loving and patient with the intimacy side of the relationship but a hiccup earlier on (me asking for an alternative when she said she wasn't comfortable with the first thing, then she did the first thing even though I tried to stop her) hung over the relationship. We talked it out though and things seemed fine. She was not very confident. She had trouble with compulsive spending on clothes and compulsive eating. She was a little erratic, sometimes being quite level and other times being a bit manic and making weird logical leaps (I asked her to enquire more about me during a harder time I was having and she thought I was having a mental breakdown). But sweet and often loving. I gave her the choice to go on a driving lesson, with me, something she was quite anxious about but said she had expressed interest in. I said "get up and come out to the car if you want to go, or stay here if you don't" and she came out. We did some really basic stuff in a car park with my hand on the handbreak the whole time. She was a little teary but I hugged her and we did some breathing. It lasted all of 10 mins. A month later she said she wanted further lessons and I said she could ask me anytime and there'd be no pressure about any of it. The hiccup above and the lesson were two reasons she broke up with me: allegedly I was very pressuring. She also said I was unsafe because I walked towards her while I was angry once after she had accused me of using her for sex (I was going to open the door or hug her depending). There's more...but I wanted to know if this sounds like mental health issues?

Daisyxo Sinking into a black hole with no intimacy
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, in my younger years I struggled alot with depression . As I've grown older I've managed to controlit and accept my feelings. I've been in a stable place mentally for the last 6 years . I'm 30 years old. 9 months ago I met my partner thro... View more

Hi everyone, in my younger years I struggled alot with depression . As I've grown older I've managed to controlit and accept my feelings. I've been in a stable place mentally for the last 6 years . I'm 30 years old. 9 months ago I met my partner through an online platform, we began seeing each other from different states until 3 months ago I moved to be with him. We have not had sex once the last 3 months , after 3 weeks I had to ask what was going on as he would turn away ebery time itried to kiss him for too long . He told me stress, days and weeks passed as I got more and more down on myself. I found myself retracting, closing up etc he would see how hurt I was but he could never give me an explanation. Fast forward to now, I've managed to get an insight into why which I won't discuss here but it may take months for us to have a sex life again and that's only a maybe. He still only tells me th3 bare minimum and each day I feel myself getting more depressed sinking into this hole. Along with thus there is zero intimacy , he has not kissed me properly, passionately once since I arrived 3 months ago - I've brought this up, he says he doesn't want to lead me on and disappoint me if I want more. ... ( let me add, he is very affectionate, hugs kisses on the cheek etc but nothing more than a peck) Living with the man I'm in love with who can't show intimacy , who can't kiss me or even share a moment with me is breaking me. We are now isolated together and I'm finding it hard to hold myself together around him, because what do I tell him if I break down, that I can't be with him if we can't have a sex life? That part isn't his fault. And how do I explain to someone what intimacy is and how the lack of it is destroying our relationship? When we lay in bed at night I wait for him to fall asleep just so I can cry. I hate it. I'm miserable but equally just as happy! I've met someone so compatible with me in every other way. This battle in my head is driving me crazy. I don't know how I can be ok in a relationship with a man who can't kiss me .

GeorgieD Trouble letting go of narcissist
  • replies: 8

Hi. i don’t know who to talk to about this as no one understands how I feel about my ex because it’s hard for people to understand trauma bonding if they haven’t ever experienced it before. I was with a narcissistic addict. He was my boyfriend when I... View more

Hi. i don’t know who to talk to about this as no one understands how I feel about my ex because it’s hard for people to understand trauma bonding if they haven’t ever experienced it before. I was with a narcissistic addict. He was my boyfriend when I was 14, then 10 years later we got together for just under 2 years. We have been broken up for 3 months now. He literally put me through hell mentally..how can I still feel love toward him?! I just don’t understand, when I think of him I have to remind myself of all the bad otherwise I’m obsessively thinking about him..I haven’t reached out because I know I can’t. We had a really bad cycle of breaking up and getting back together, he just always knew what to say to drag me back in. He is just always in my head no matter what I do. I just want to know how he is feeling with all of this, does he think of me how I think of him? Did he really love me the way he says he did. Is there anyone else going through the same thing? I need someone who understands to talk to about it because I can’t talk to my friends because they hold it against me and I just don’t feel comfortable.

kleighe Living in a toxic household
  • replies: 2

Hey guys, this is my first post! I'd love some advice from you regarding my current living situation. I live with my aunt her partner and her 2 teenage daughters. I moved interstate and had the impression I would be living in a stable and supportive ... View more

Hey guys, this is my first post! I'd love some advice from you regarding my current living situation. I live with my aunt her partner and her 2 teenage daughters. I moved interstate and had the impression I would be living in a stable and supportive household. It was that up until 6 months ago. The oldest daughter has been holding a grudge for 3 months and hasn't spoken a word to me, the other daughter has just recently moved home and there is no communication between myself and the two daughters. I have spoken to my aunty about the situation at hand and nothing has been resolved, it is so toxic. I recently lost my hours at my job due to the corona virus and yesterday my aunty expressed that she is financially struggling and I need to make more of effort with finding a job and basically blamed me for the situation, I stated it's out of my control what more could I do? The situation at hand is effecting me mentally and it is exhausting. My health is taking a huge hit for this and I don't know what to do. I can't afford to move out, it is a future plan but I wish I had better feelings about leaving the house on good terms with my aunty. My aunty has been my biggest support since a very young age and I've always turned to her for support but I feel so unsupported and neglected right now. I love my aunty to bits but I deserve better than this, any suggestions?

QuietLily I don't know what to do
  • replies: 1

So my now ex and I had been together for 4 years. We often said we were basically soul mates, as we got along so well, had so many interests in common and we've never really had an argument. For about a year or so though the relationships been rocky.... View more

So my now ex and I had been together for 4 years. We often said we were basically soul mates, as we got along so well, had so many interests in common and we've never really had an argument. For about a year or so though the relationships been rocky. We've technically split up and got back together a couple of times, we keep getting stuck in a rut with our relationship. We've broken up again, but this time he's actually moved out back to his parents so we can get some space. We've basically agreed that we don't work well together at the moment, since we've found ourselves stagnating, not really doing much to benefit ourselves, we've gained weight, become really lazy and we feed off each others bad habits. But through everything, I really am afraid to lose him. We've tried working things out as a couple but we don't have it in us at the moment it seems to keep a relationship going, we'd both rather focus on just ourselves. But I'm afraid that when we reach those goals and have bettered ourselves that he will have either moved on or not want to be with me anymore. Should I just try and move on? With how many times we've broken up and got back together, I'm scared to talk to him about things in case he things I'm trying to get back together right now, and get annoyed or something. I don't know what to do. Deep down I really do love him, we spoke so much about getting married, starting a family in a few years, getting a house together but now there's nothing and I don't want to end up losing him.

walkingBass Is there hope for a loving relationship where one side hates themselves?
  • replies: 2

For the moment I'm going to try leaving out the specifics of my relationship and ask for reactions to the concept in general. I suppose I'm hoping for responses that go "yes/no and here's why/an example", but of course I'll take whatever I can get:-) View more

For the moment I'm going to try leaving out the specifics of my relationship and ask for reactions to the concept in general. I suppose I'm hoping for responses that go "yes/no and here's why/an example", but of course I'll take whatever I can get:-)

KatD He’s not meeting my needs
  • replies: 1

My husband is quite selfish and short tempered. Blames others for everything instead of taking responsibility. I don’t like to ask him to do things around my house as everything is a huge effort and he just cracks the s***s when doing something. He g... View more

My husband is quite selfish and short tempered. Blames others for everything instead of taking responsibility. I don’t like to ask him to do things around my house as everything is a huge effort and he just cracks the s***s when doing something. He gets annoyed so easily. A big issue is that he does not make any effort to satisfy me sexually as much as I’ve discussed with him, shown him and tried. He says he’s sorry but does nothing about it. I love getting him off in different ways and he physically turns me on. I’m quite sexual and experienced as 9 years older but he has no stamina. He has never made me orgasm in six years. He lasts one minute if I’m lucky. I feel like we don’t emotionally and physically connect. I have this bizarre strongest attachment to him although I’ve left him 10 times to return upon his perseverance. We have a lot in common and I’m really attracted to him. I do however go in cycles where it’s all good, things improve, then I realise that s*** isn’t great and then I leave. We don’t live together as I love having my own space and home. This works for us although is unconventional. My first husband was emotionally abusive so I have found my strength and need my independence. I spoke to him tonight yet again about me not being satisfied. He yells “for f*** sake I was going to get that stuff” referring to the tablets to delay ejaculation but was costly and I was worried about safety. I explained he could use his hands etc and make some effort and that I was sick of masturbating. I told him I feel like he doesn’t care about me as I talk to him about it and he just gets on the defensive and angry. He fumbles around when manually ‘stimulating’ me and rarely gives me oral. Argh I don’t want to be in an unsatisfied marriage yet I love him. His selfishness is obviously not going to change though sadly. He has made no effort with his son. Has not seen him for weeks and not for Easter. I told him he should buy him an Easter egg and go see him but he didn’t. So sad. No effort with his daughter either. Just occasional phone calls. He has no relationship with his children whatsoever and that’s his choice as mothers have never got in the way. My children are my world. Every single day. My first priority. He absolutely loves my children but how can a father not want to see his children?? Sorry for the rant and if you got this far thanks for reading. Advice is greatly appreciated please from an outsiders perspective.

MumOf2boiz Not sure if emotional abuse or not .... can they change?
  • replies: 9

Hi all, First time posting here so thank you for reading this (sorry it’s a bit long!). basically I think my husband has a few narcissistic traits. He can’t see it and I feel like that just makes it so much worse..... I’m so sick of feeling belittled... View more

Hi all, First time posting here so thank you for reading this (sorry it’s a bit long!). basically I think my husband has a few narcissistic traits. He can’t see it and I feel like that just makes it so much worse..... I’m so sick of feeling belittled and practically ignored but we have two little ones together (a 21 month old and 5 month old). So I don’t know what to do... Basically My husband and I have been together for 8 years (married for 3) and I loved him dearly at the start. There were red flags but I told myself because of his troubled past/childhood that his frustration/ anger wasn’t his fault. However, now that we have kids and I have started on anti depressants, I’ve realised the truth. I’ve gained the self confidence to realise that my boys and I deserve better. ESPECIALLY my boys. I only want the best for them and I don’t like them seeing how my husband treats me. We’re seeing a counsellor (only had two sessions) but I still feel like he’s not trying to change. his behaviour includes, name calling (he has tried hard to stop this one), talking down/dismissing my feelings, gets super defensive over everything I say, never takes the blame for anything, it’s always my fault, I Honestly feel like he gets annoyed when I’m happy, he’s easily frustrated and gives me the worst attitude, and it’s always about him. If he’s tired, he won’t help out, if he’s Had enough of an outing we have to stop what we’re doing (we went to dreamworld and because he’d had enough we all had to leave). I feel like I’m always saying it’s not about you anymore, it’s about our two boys but he still doesn’t get it! I think the most upsetting thing was when I went through my postnatal depression, I said I needed more from him and I felt like he wasn’t there for me at all and that hurt ALOT. My brother in law noticed the depression in me more than my husband.... I guess, all I’m wanting to know is, can they change??