Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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T40 Grumpy me
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am 45 years old women, have a good job and loving husband. I am soo serious that everything my husband says I judge. I feel either he is teasing, disrespectful or mocking. My husband is very direct and has good sense of humor but I am short tem... View more

Hi, I am 45 years old women, have a good job and loving husband. I am soo serious that everything my husband says I judge. I feel either he is teasing, disrespectful or mocking. My husband is very direct and has good sense of humor but I am short tempered and strike back immediately without even analyzing what he is saying. This is causing tension between us and has ruined many weekends. Every alternative Saturdays we argue and fight. I take everything personal and very serious. I dont know how I can learn to be more patient, friendly and easy going. I have tried meditation for sometime and only do few minutes few times a week. But I dont know if it's effective to change my short temper into bubbly, happy person? Need help please.

iamtrying constant hurt
  • replies: 1

hey anyone who sees this, i’m not really expecting anyone to reply or anything it’s just more of letting it out but i’d also love if people replied to this too! i have an alcoholic mum and she’s drunk 80-90% of the time, right now she’s drunk after a... View more

hey anyone who sees this, i’m not really expecting anyone to reply or anything it’s just more of letting it out but i’d also love if people replied to this too! i have an alcoholic mum and she’s drunk 80-90% of the time, right now she’s drunk after about 10-14 days of not drinking and it’s just annoying! every time she drinks she gets angry and abusive and sends me emotionally abusive messages and also calls me causing me emotional and psychological distress! it’s been like this for almost all my life (i’m 21) and i never paid much attention to it when i was younger but i have now that i’m older and it’s really taking its toll on me and affecting me even if i’m used to it! i don’t really know what to do and it’s just so hard because i don’t have friends to turn to or see or i do and they either live to far away or don’t message me when i need them so i just suck it up and deal with it! i’m just really tired of this and what my mums doing to me it affects me more every time it happens and i just don’t know what to do. i keep blocking and unblocking my mum and when she’s not drinking i fall back into her trap again and hate myself even more when things get bad again and i just don’t know what to do anymore. hopefully someone can relate to this or if not it’s okay and i just thank whoever actually bothered to read this! i hope that if anyone’s experiencing the same thing that you’re okay and remember it’s not your fault!!! thank you

LJM50 Left my husband, feel like I left the kids too.
  • replies: 1

A few months ago I left my husband. We met 15 years ago when I was a single mum. I didn't love him but we got on well so I hoped I would grow to love him. I didn't. He cooks most days and does the basics like washing and ironing. Over the last year a... View more

A few months ago I left my husband. We met 15 years ago when I was a single mum. I didn't love him but we got on well so I hoped I would grow to love him. I didn't. He cooks most days and does the basics like washing and ironing. Over the last year and a half I found myself getting annoyed and angry with him. So much so that my retorts became vicious and below the belt. I couldn't stop and my kids were witnessing this. I dreaded the weekends because he would start pawing all over me and I couldn't stand him touching me. His mannerisms annoy me and he has no friends. We live on a small property so I bought a self contained caravan and live in that. I see him everyday as we have 2 kids but I still get mad at him. When he goes away on business, I stay in the house. It is filthy and a mess. He picks our youngest up most days and buys her chocolate and junk food all the time. He never says no and buys here anything she wants even though I have already said no. Every afternoon I go to my van and am alone. I feel like I have left the kids. I am missing out and am lonely. The kids prefer him. I just couldn't live a lie any more. I don't want to be away from the kids but don't want to be with him. I have never been able to talk about things. We tried a marraige counsellor but I didn't like him and we just recapped what we had already discussed. I don't know how to do this. I am sick of the anger.

Joy1234 FIFO dramas
  • replies: 4

I have been a FIFO wife now for 16 years. I am use to the 5 week on 5 week off roster and this isn't my problem. When our kids were younger we would take lots of holidays and have a lot family time together, but now that they can not take time of sch... View more

I have been a FIFO wife now for 16 years. I am use to the 5 week on 5 week off roster and this isn't my problem. When our kids were younger we would take lots of holidays and have a lot family time together, but now that they can not take time of school I feel I have a boarder staying with me and not a husband, he has worked every school holidays for the last 3 years but we do have a few weeks at Christmas, so we do go camping then but that is the extent of it. My routine whether my husband is home or away is exactly the same but when he has his 5 week leave he has a fantastic social life, goes out regularly and in the last 12 months has had 4 great holidays with his friends. He doesn't do much with us and has very little communication with our kids, because he says he has nothing in common with them, my teenage son even told me the other day I am his favourite and that when his dad is home they never see him and this upset me. I have tried talking to him but he doesn't get it, he thinks I am just out there to hurt him and don't understand how hard it is for him. I feel like a single mother.

Think_to_much You being sick all the time is frustrating!
  • replies: 2

The title is exactly what I just got told by my partner I adore. “ 25 days out of a month your sick! “ are you doing it for attention? this comment is made off the back of me having a chest infection now, but I feel is deeper than that. If only he kn... View more

The title is exactly what I just got told by my partner I adore. “ 25 days out of a month your sick! “ are you doing it for attention? this comment is made off the back of me having a chest infection now, but I feel is deeper than that. If only he knew I did feel sick 30 days out of a calendar month and when I look and say I’m fine, I’m probably not. I’ve had anxiety and depression for 8 years. Weve been together 7 he is usually so supportive and loving but it’s like he’s mad at me now. I’ve tried to talk to him but that’s just been met with,” just get better” I just don’t know what to do. Its probably very minor in the realms of other people’s problems, but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Katiek Boyfriend going on overseas Buck's party with friends
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend and I have recently got engaged back in November we have been together for almost two years however after the first 6 months together I found out he had asked his parents for an arranged marriage and went overseas to get engaged, I only ... View more

My boyfriend and I have recently got engaged back in November we have been together for almost two years however after the first 6 months together I found out he had asked his parents for an arranged marriage and went overseas to get engaged, I only found this out when one of his friends told me. I also found out that he had cheated on me multiple times, we broke up for a brief period but then got back together with the promise that he would break off the arranged engagement, this went on for two weeks until I couldn't take it anymore and decided to get involved myself and message the girl. This caused huge problems within his family he was under a lot of cultural pressure and he was really distraught. He then decided to cut all contact with his family and move in with me. One year on and we are really happy and are now engaged ourselves, he has also made small contact with his family and he is rebuilding his relationship with them. One of his friends has decided to have his bucks party overseas and my partner really wants to go but I am so extremely anxious about it even the thought of him going brings me to tears, I know that he loves me very much and we are in a different place in our relationship to what we were last year but I can only think that the worst will happen and he will get carried away and end up cheating on me again. All his friends that are going are single and really into drinking and have no respect for girls they go out clubbing every weekend and gave a group chat which they share the pics and videos of girls they took home, even the friend whos bucks night it is will often cheat on his wife to be. I feel like me saying no to this trip is holding him back but I cannot even imagine him going and feel like it could cause a big impact on our relationship. I really need some advice, I have slot of stress in every aspect of my life including work, my relationship, my family etc and I'm finding it hard to cope atm

Oasis21 My husband turned out to be someone I didn’t even know
  • replies: 5

I was with my ex partner for 8 years and we got married after 6. Only in December of last year did I find out he was having an affair with another woman that became out of control. He was stalking her and ended up with an intervention order. Feeling ... View more

I was with my ex partner for 8 years and we got married after 6. Only in December of last year did I find out he was having an affair with another woman that became out of control. He was stalking her and ended up with an intervention order. Feeling like my life was being ripped out from underneath me, I was terrified that I was going to lose everything I only ever knew (him). I stayed and tried to make it work... and after a few months realised his behaviours and promises meant nothing as I still found so many dating apps and explicit sexual messages on his phone from other women. When i finally built up the courage to leave he couldn’t accept it. Begged and did anything he could to get my attention. Things like, threatening to throw my things out on the street ect ect. One night out with some friends, he had followed me there and began to send me abusive messages, thinking I was with another partner. He ended up smashing my car and leaving me an abundance of abusive messages. The police were called and long story short he is now in remand waiting his trial as he has charges from the previous woman and now myself of stalking and damaging property. He is having his court case tomorrow and finds out whether he is released or sentenced further time (has already been remanded for 4 months since it all happened). I’m trying to process all my feelings and mindset of it he comes out... hopefully will leave me alone but just the stress and anxiety of this person who was once my husband who I would’ve done anything for... to this stranger who did a complete 360 on me. I’ve been doing my best to move on and live life but there’s moments of guilt that catch me and I almost feel bad for everything that’s happened to him. I know I need to stop feeling the guilt as these were his choices but this was once someone I loved and it’s so hard.

Djl001 I fell for another woman but have a young family
  • replies: 2

This is my first post. I’ve been in a marriage with my wife for 13 years and never looked at another woman. This changed 7 nights ago and I fell hard. Things haven’t been great between my wife and I for a couple years. We don’t have sex, we snap at e... View more

This is my first post. I’ve been in a marriage with my wife for 13 years and never looked at another woman. This changed 7 nights ago and I fell hard. Things haven’t been great between my wife and I for a couple years. We don’t have sex, we snap at each other we fight about stupid stuff. I’m a small business owner and I’ve had some pretty rough times over the past 24 months and it’s taken a toll on both our lives. We have 2 kids under 6 and a beautiful home. My wife is gorgeous and an extremely caring person. We love each other but I don’t know if we’re in love. I’ve also been battling severe anxiety for years now. Almost crippling . So it’s rare I go out. I’m 35 and was out with my friends last weekend and another woman showed some interest in me. We had a flirt and that was that. However as I was leaving to go home I bumped into her again and she gave me her number. Out of curiosity I texted it. Never done that before while married. Turns out she’s 42 divorced with adult children, extremely beautiful down to earth and a strong independent woman. We chatted intensely for a week and met up. She sent me texts saying she missed me and wanted to see me(she knew I was married). Through the corse of around 7 full nights of text and 4 visits we kissed .. 3 times and It was electric. I finally told her today that it had to stop as I was falling (had fallen) for her. She doesn’t want feelings involved and agreed that it wasn’t the best time to peruse this for both of us. I’ve deleted any contact I could possibly have with her and she is ok with not continuing this as it’s hurting me that I can’t be with her. I feel crazy it’s only been a short time but I know when I know. I don’t know what to do with myself as all I can do is think about her. But it can’t happen. Not only is she not ready for a relationship due to divorce proceedings but doesn’t want to break up my family. I don’t want to lose my family either, but I don’t know how to suppress these feelings I have for her. It’s most likely over now I’ve poured my heart out to her and she felt the same but it wasn’t right. How do I get over this, how do I stop thinking about how happy it made me feel ? It’s causing my anxiety to spike and to lose sleep. I know it’s my fault I should have left it alone but it just felt right at the time. Any advice would be greatly appreciated thanks D

TJD16 Confused
  • replies: 2

Hi I'm in my late 30s and have been with my partner for over 6 years. My partner has sent me photos of a painting of himself holding up a piece of paper in it with a smile drawn on it and constantly tells me he cannot switch off his mind. He is const... View more

Hi I'm in my late 30s and have been with my partner for over 6 years. My partner has sent me photos of a painting of himself holding up a piece of paper in it with a smile drawn on it and constantly tells me he cannot switch off his mind. He is constantly having these thoughts but doesn't elaborate on what they are. I have pleaded with him to go and see a Dr and he has admitted he won't do that because then it's like he's admitting he has a problem. From around March this year has started pushing me away. Almost 2 weeks ago he told me I was the only one invested in the relationship how he didn't know what to feel or how to feel about anything anymore. On the Friday he messaged me to say he would be coming up around 10pm that night. When it got to midnight I said to him that I was going to bed he was welcome to stay or if he wanted to go that was fine too. He said so you don't want me to stay do you. I said no of late if has you of you want to have dinner together or if you want to come over you tell me you feel obligated to do I wanted to make your own choice. He has lashed out at me several times now to the point I feel nothing I can say or do is the right thing in his eyes. After leaving here the Saturday morning he sent me a you tube clip of queens I want to break free then underneath wrote from my mind. Once I see it I begin to worry so I try calling him, no answer, I message back without a reply so I went to his house. When I got there I was asked what brings you here? What did you expect to find here? And then was told you know I was really looking forward to having a night on my own. I said that ok I only came to check you were ok any way. I got out the door remembered I had a pyjama top in my drawers there that I'd been meaning to grab only so he let me I I go to my drawer and it's empty. He points to a bag on the floor and says there's your clothes in there. I got really upset by this and said how many times are you going to do this to me and out of spite said I hope one day you feel as hurt as I am. He then said to me will you just rack off. We haven't seen each other or spoken to each other since. It's now been over a week and I'm at a loss as to what to do from here. I am worried about him but I feel that I need to leave him be and let him come to me if he chooses to otherwise I'd be just adding pressure onto him and I don't want that. Am I doing the right thing? I'm so confused?

Want2keep I want to keep the baby but my partner wants me to abort!
  • replies: 5

Hi, I have come here for advice as I have no family left. I found out I am 6 weeks pregnant and my partner wants to abort as he feels we cannot financially support a baby. We both have jobs and I would get 3 months maternatity leave. My partner is cu... View more

Hi, I have come here for advice as I have no family left. I found out I am 6 weeks pregnant and my partner wants to abort as he feels we cannot financially support a baby. We both have jobs and I would get 3 months maternatity leave. My partner is currently going through a divorce and feels that we are not in a financial position to have a baby. This is his only reason. He said if I keep the baby he will potentially not cope and kill himself. I am very upset as I was hopeful that he might have wanted to keep the baby, but he is very against it. Pls someone help me I feel that my only option is to terminate. I dont have his family support either. We are both 38 years old and I see it as a gift that I have fallen pregnant. He sees it as a big mistake.