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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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hollyk Advice Please! Family ,Future family, life
  • replies: 1

I have OCD. as a result I am on medication. I moved in with my future MIL when my partner and I had problems with my family. it was an overnight move so of course I am very grateful we had somewhere to go. Straight away I saught gp and councillor hel... View more

I have OCD. as a result I am on medication. I moved in with my future MIL when my partner and I had problems with my family. it was an overnight move so of course I am very grateful we had somewhere to go. Straight away I saught gp and councillor help. Unfortunately the councillor I was referred to became inappropriate in their behaviour. I asked the gp to change councillor. I was put back on the waiting list and referred to the same councillor again by some cruel twist. I am again on the waiting list. it has been 6 moths since the move and I am struggling not having a professional to talk to. I had to give up my job when we moved and to add I don't have a driving licence. I have always been near transport previously. My partner works away all week. Im n the middle of nowhere with my future MIL. stressed. feeling useless, feeling judged. having issues with my weight. we are civil but its not a great relationship since we see each other every day(MIL). Im recently having trouble getting out of bed. My mum has depression . she spent her whole life in bed. it makes me feel even worse knowing I'm doing what she's doing. I feel like I'm becoming a burden to my partner. some days I'm perfectly organised and motivated. those days are becoming further and further away from each other. something needs to change! advice is greatly appreciated.

SuperKA Dealing with breakup
  • replies: 6

My partner of 7 years... now ex have had issues in the past with my insecurities. I have brought up the issues multiple times, discussing her a solutions on how best to deal with this. Only to find there was no resolves. After hearing her side of the... View more

My partner of 7 years... now ex have had issues in the past with my insecurities. I have brought up the issues multiple times, discussing her a solutions on how best to deal with this. Only to find there was no resolves. After hearing her side of the story, in her own words that she was better at making friends with guys than she is with girls. Whilst I like to say that I am ok with her having male friends, but I still have concerns when she speaks with them. Partly because majority of the guys she talk to have always, consistently tried to get in her pants. Most guys she talks to are ex's or someone she had a huge crush on. The last 3 years has been up and down for us. I came home from work one day, noticed she didn't log out of her facebook and I decided to search her inbox to see what they were saying. To my surprise, she had sent pictures of herself. Upon bringing this up with her, I was told it was all harmless fun and I was overreacting. Frustrated and tired from work, I dropped the subject... mind you at the time we had broken up because she was talking to another guy all day, well into the night to a point I woke up at 4 am to her still texting him. At the time I discovered the pictures, we were working things out; but I felt that it only damaged our relationship more. Still having access to her facebook, I noticed she had sent another revealing photo to another male friend. Angry, I notified her of it and again there was no resolve. I decided to drop the subject again. Then there was the night of her birthday, a friend of ours came to a concert with us and they got to talking. Getting too close for my liking, but I thought nothing of it. Long story short, she ended up chatting to him everyday all day. Finally having enough, angry about the night before about the joke she had about him I broke it off. Upset, I went on a rebound date and when she found out of this she ended up sending more pictures to guy we broke up over and another to her ex. By this time, my tragedy of a date was over and we ended up wanting to work things out again only to find out about her pictures. Now we are in this together but not together relationship and she has sent more photos, flirting with her exes and other male friends and to top it off she ended up staying at her male friend hotel. Claiming she was caught in a bad storm and hadn't seen her long time friend. Am I in the wrong or is she

Leigh_C Feeling crazy
  • replies: 1

I just found myself sending this message to my one and only friend. Names have been changed. I’ve done some reading about gaslighting and think it applies to our relationship. I feel crazy for the things I saying and feeling even when faced with unde... View more

I just found myself sending this message to my one and only friend. Names have been changed. I’ve done some reading about gaslighting and think it applies to our relationship. I feel crazy for the things I saying and feeling even when faced with undeniable evidence. Mate life is a struggle at the moment. I’m sorry to vent to you cause I have been nothing short of a shit friend to you I’m sorry for that I really am I love you and your friendship problem is I have been embarrassed about things I’ve told you about my relationship not that I’ve ever felt judged just embarrassed. Embarrassed that I don’t call you and see how you guys are embarrassed I’ve got to such a shit place in my life and I’ve treated you so poorly. I want to call you often but feel as though it’s always me and my problems. I’ve always classed you as a good friend just wished I’d been the same to you unfortunately my life with chris has pushed me away from the people I care about the most not just you but rose Carmel all of u and that makes me sad I had such a great group of friends and feel as though I messed it up. I found an empty licked out drug bag the day we were leaving for camping I decided not to say anything as I wanted Haley to have the holiday I promised her. So it all blew up New Year’s Eve and an almighty fight broke out he totally denied the drug bag was his even though he’d just done a job for a known dealer and was working every night pasted midnight to which then lead to the fight that involved chris screaming at me that not only to I deserve the sexual abuse I suffered as I child but that I enjoyed it arrantly pissed out his head his excuse for everything The police were called chris videotaped the fight as you could imagine it involved me throwing objects close to hand. I was under the limit at 10.30pm at night so I drove home with Haleywho witnessed the whole scene play out. Police didn’t charge me cause he egged me on. I then let chris come home 3rd January only to discover yesterday that he was on tinder and match.com whilst he was still away. He denies everything about the dating sites and try’s to make me think he hasn’t done anything wrong. I’m totally at my wits end and don’t know what to do??? He is making me feel like I’m crazy

Nasher21 Girl I’ve been seeing stopped all contact. Very depressed.
  • replies: 1

Hi, A bit about myself, I’m a 34 y.o male with a long history of anxiety and depression which I’m on medication for. I’m a sensitive guy who tried hard not to take things too seriously but occasionally it happens and I get defensive, this is somethin... View more

Hi, A bit about myself, I’m a 34 y.o male with a long history of anxiety and depression which I’m on medication for. I’m a sensitive guy who tried hard not to take things too seriously but occasionally it happens and I get defensive, this is something I’ve tried hard to improve but it has been the single hardest thing to do compared to other areas. Ive been seeing a girl who I work with for about 3 months now. Nobody at work knows about us. I think early on I knew it we liked each other and there was chemistry but there was something missing. At 34 I am mindful that I am running out of time to meet my life partner and start a family, I wanted to give it a decent shot but we decided to pull the pin and remain friends. Something I’ve never been too keen on but I figured it would still be nice to hang out because I don’t meet girls often and do nice things like going out to nice places. Plus I figured things could possibly change. On New Year’s Day we ended up having an argument over paying a bill and I ended up realising I’d made a mistake. Regardless of that she has not texted me back. I ended up slipping the money I owed under her door, still no texts to say she even got it. It’s been nearly two weeks now, this is totally out of character for her as she would usually have been in contact after something like this. We go back to work on Monday, it is going to be really awkward. I feel like she might try to tell everyone bad stuff about me and just shut me off etc. I am really overthinking this a lot now and feeling so helpless. I was in a good place in December, I’d been doing regular yoga and I found this had really centred my mind, unfortunately I have injured my back so I can’t even do this now. I’m sorry for the long post. I don’t know what to do, it’s Saturday night and I’m scared of Monday. I’m getting all the depressed and anxious feelings, I feel like I’m back in the worst periods of my life which I thought I was past. I don’t know what to do.

goldilocks my grandmother is a toxic person who is unforgiving and is trying to ruin my life on purpose
  • replies: 7

I texted my grandmother yesterday morning, which lead to me calling her. We were arguing through text and then I phoned her, asking her what her problem was. She screamed and hurled abuse at me. I had her on speaker phone and it got to the point wher... View more

I texted my grandmother yesterday morning, which lead to me calling her. We were arguing through text and then I phoned her, asking her what her problem was. She screamed and hurled abuse at me. I had her on speaker phone and it got to the point where my mother hung up on her for me. She then called my mother and she then called her again while she was at work, abusing her. I then went to her house to demand to speak to her, and she threatened to call the police on me! My mother and I never threatened to call the police on her when she hurled abuse at us. I was so angry I smashed two of her pot plants on the concrete. She is a toxic person who is unforgiving and she has told me that I am no longer part of the family, but that my mother and father are welcome to visit her at anytime. She is trying to put a barrier between my parents and I for a reason unknown. She is also a social worker and in spite of that she has absolutely no understanding of mental health at all. In fact, she is a mental health problem in itself. She has caused so much trouble in this family because she is an old, bitter, jealous person whose achieved nothing in life. She is trying to ruin my life on purpose because she's jealous that my parents are still together, and that I've got my own goals. She has already gossiped about me to everyone in her contacts, telling them all that I am a bad person. We went to a funeral two years ago and she couldnt help but comment on how "poor" everyone looked, and on another occasion she looked at a photo of a family friend of mine and commented on how fat she looked. I could only imagine half of the things she says about me. I don't want her in my life anymore because she is a bully. She likes to "speak the truth" about my life but theres a fine line between that and bullying someone into causing property damage at their house and abusing someone. She seems to think that I abuse her but she never provides any evidence of that. What am I supposed to?

8thhouse Contact With Other Parent in Trying Circumstances
  • replies: 2

I'm including a trigger warning for sexual assault. Please don't read this if it will harm your mental well-being. Hi everyone, I'm new here. I'm 24 and my son (K) is 6 and has level 2 ASD. I fell pregnant at 16 to my son's then 18 year old father (T... View more

I'm including a trigger warning for sexual assault. Please don't read this if it will harm your mental well-being. Hi everyone, I'm new here. I'm 24 and my son (K) is 6 and has level 2 ASD. I fell pregnant at 16 to my son's then 18 year old father (T). K was born when I was 17. I do not know if K was conceived consensually, T was sexually abusive towards me during our short relationship. T and I separated during my pregnancy and when K was 8 weeks old I asked T to choose between being in K's life and continuing to abuse drugs. We didn't see him for 5 years. I was diagnosed with PTSD. When K was 5, I separated from my partner. Shortly after, T contacted me saying he wanted to be a part of K's life. For the first few months, it was good. They began to build a relationship. Then my partner and I reconciled. T disappeared again. After a few months he said wanted to see K again, but he was combatative with me when making plans and he was cancelling visits at the last minute so often that I stopped telling K when he was coming, so he wouldn't be disappointed. This became a huge argument when I called him out for being inconsistent, and that K had told me that when he's at T's house he plays Xbox all day and all night. They don't go out, do anything else, or even play it together. K is only supposed to have limited screen time as his ASD gets him sucked into games to the point you'd forget he was there. During the argument, he, not I, brought up the sexual abuse. He was telling me to take him to court, he said "Tell them I r****d you for all I care. I won't even deny it." All the progress I thought I made in healing unraveled. I didn't think anybody would believe me, but he'd just confessed. My anxiety and intrusive memories have been awful, and I can't be intimate with my partner without crying. K has not seen T since then. T wants to see K. K has not asked about T. I have no idea what to do. I don't want to expose an autistic 6 year old to someone I know committed a sex crime. I can no longer repress what happened to me. I can't bear to think about T, but K is more important to me than anything, I don't know if it's better for him to have his father, or if T's inconsistency and putting him in front of a screen and not interacting with him whenever he's there is worth it. T has made it clear he will not go to court, so legal advice is not necessary, I just want to do the best for K.

Rodman316 having depression, quiting grog for good and dealing with my marrage falling apart
  • replies: 8

I have suffered depression for as long as I can remember, it comes and goes but when it hits its chaos. I recently got put on antidepresents. My wife gave me a choice of either her or the grog. At this point I was sober for nearly 3 weeks. I froze an... View more

I have suffered depression for as long as I can remember, it comes and goes but when it hits its chaos. I recently got put on antidepresents. My wife gave me a choice of either her or the grog. At this point I was sober for nearly 3 weeks. I froze and couldnt even answer. She packed and left yesterday. Ive only just been able to admit to myself im an alcoholic. Giving up cold turkey has been so hard. I crave to drink. I have used it as a coping mechanism for most of my life. I want to have my family back. Thats my goal. The only problem is now she doesnt believe that I will change. Im trying to getus counceling, I see a gp often, visit mental health regularly and see a psychologist. I ended up at hospital on suicide watch last night because I cant handle the pain. We are married and been together for 12 years. I have never loved someone so much. It breaks my heart the things I have said out of anger and frustration. She is my world. I cant stop crying andhate myself for not answeting her question. At the moment the only thing keeping me going is that she hasnt said im wasting my time. Im scared and dont know how or what to think. My head never shuts up and I bsrely sleep. Thank youfor your time

rossy1 Possible bipolar. Relationship breakdown
  • replies: 1

How do u tell the difference between mental illness and true feelings? My partner of 7 years has told me he doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for months . The way I talk and look at him just makes him sick .He hasn't yet been diagnosed with bi polar... View more

How do u tell the difference between mental illness and true feelings? My partner of 7 years has told me he doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for months . The way I talk and look at him just makes him sick .He hasn't yet been diagnosed with bi polar but I think it's coming . I told him I thought something was wrong and we went to the doctors he's been referred to a psychiatrist which I hope is soon. We have been together 7 years . Lot of ups and downs . I have moved out for now . This is so hard .. he thinks even if he is diagnosed that it has nothing to do with our relationship but how could something like that not affect a relationship. Looking for any advice or stories from anyone who has been through the same thing .. thank you*editHe gets very agitated easily . Has weeks where he is bouncing off the walls happy lots of energy . Can't get enough of me sex everywhere and everyday plus strange sexual fantasies. Then he will be ok auto pilot just going through the motions of the day . Not really talking getting angry over very small issues . He tried to kill himself 5 years ago after having a period of time where he was just sad and he didn't know why. He doesn't remember conversations we have had or claims that I have / haven't said things and is adamant his version of events is what's real. He said he's heard a voice in his head a few times . And lays in bed at night his mind just in overdrive . He's had trouble sleeping for about 3 years . Also these behaviours where he pushes me away happen at the same time yearly almost like clock work . He has had problems long before I come on the scene and has never dealt with anything . I think as he's getting older it's all just catching up with him. I just want him to get the help he needs

FeathersnFluff Son & DIL Seperating Slowly
  • replies: 29

My son has decided to seperate from his wife of a year. They have two small boys under 3 My son came to me with a heavy heart telling me he couldn't keep going to work coming home cleaning the house and taking care of both boys. I know being a stay a... View more

My son has decided to seperate from his wife of a year. They have two small boys under 3 My son came to me with a heavy heart telling me he couldn't keep going to work coming home cleaning the house and taking care of both boys. I know being a stay at home is a big job but not even the basics are getting done. When I visited the kids are dirty and running around with very little supervision. I have always been scared for their safety.....I have never said a word about it to my DIL because I don't want to interfere. Anyway when my son said he was leaving her she tried to harm him and told him he would never see his children again. The Police became involved and put a Domestic Violence Order in place against my DIL. . It's a big long background story but what I'm trying to get too is my son is trying to seperate nicely by dropping in to see the boys every day after work, teaching her to cook, driving her to appointments etc. I understand his motivation ....he wants the boys not to be traumatised and wants to go through mediation rather than a big court case. All this would be fine except my DIL has mental health issues and is a self confessed every day pot user. When she is at her worst she lashes out at people and it makes it hard to reason with her. To be quite honest I am worried for the safety of my Grandchildren and my son. My son says leave it to him. He can handle everything. So I have tried to stay out of it but it's very stressful. Has anyone else been through a similar situation?

GhostAu Stay at home Parent
  • replies: 5

Gday, Woke up feeling really emotional this morning, and i guess ive decided enough is enough and i need to do something. Ive known im an emotional person for a very long time, but ive always tried to keep it under raps and controlled, but my situati... View more

Gday, Woke up feeling really emotional this morning, and i guess ive decided enough is enough and i need to do something. Ive known im an emotional person for a very long time, but ive always tried to keep it under raps and controlled, but my situation has changed over the last couple few years, and i can just feel myself dissapearing more and more, and i find myself hiding in video games. For someone who is nearly 40, i cant see that as a good thing. I gave up work 3 years ago to be the fulltime carer of my eldest, who is now 15. He goes to a special education school during the day, but someone needs to be available incase he has a seizure, and as my wife has the better career path, it was only logical that she work, and i stay home. He has an acquired brain injury, caused by what the doctors have labled " aborted SIDs". Ive always blamed myself for his difficulty's, as i was the one at home with him when it happened, and the one that found him.I would pick him up from his childcare on my way home from work, and take him home. If he was restless when putting him down for his afternoon nap, i would put him in our bed, instead of his cot, as the smell of his mum would help him settle, but on this day he didnt wake up, and was in a coma for 2 months after. I was 23 at the time. since then we have had 2 more children, now aged 12 and 4. Since leaving work, ive realised i dont really have any friends, i had people i worked with, or my wifes friends, but none of my own. I dont get phone calls, i dont get out of the house, i dont socialise, im just here, trying to stay busy. I love my wife, but she is so busy with her work, i dont think she notices me . I know she loves me, and cares for me. She just has so much on her plate allready, i dont want to add to her burden. Ive been sleeping on the couch for the last year or so now, ive told her its because of her snoring, but really its because im not sleeping much and i dont want her to notice. We havent been intimate in over 2 years now, which isnt down to my lack of drive, but hers. Im ok with that, i think, but it brings with it a sense of being worthless and feeling unattractive. I dont know. I just have the feeling i want to dissapear, i want to leave everything behind and walk of into the sunset, and leave everything behind. I wont thought, i have three smiling little ( or not so little) faces smiling at me that need me. It would be nice though lol