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Get down about being single

Waban67
Community Member

Hello all, I am a single mother of two teenage boys. I have predominately been single since their father and I split 10 years ago. I am outgoing, have great friends, work and play music in bands an generally have a good life, although I do find being the primary carer all the time exhausting.

I am possibly a little fussy about who I get involved with. I take care of my physical and mental health. I'm not a massive drinker and enjoy having hobbies. Communication is also really important to me. I had hoped I could meet someone who also cared about their health, liked being active, was an open honest communicator, was affectionate and had a love for music.

I have a few failed attempts at relationships over the last few years and I get so incredibly down when they don't work. I go to such dark places and I don't want to be like this. My boys need me to be OK. My eldest son who is 17 has recently started having mental health issues, which he is thankfully open about and we are seeking help. I know with all that is going on with him, I shouldn't be thinking about relationships, but I don't want to be on my own forever. I would love to be in a relationship. I am an incredibly independent person in so many ways, but I think most of us need someone special in our lives.

I have just ended another failed relationship. We were only together a few months, but I am doubting myself and would love to just have a general chat online about this if possible to help me work through my thinking.

2 Replies 2

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Waban67,

welcome to beyond blue.

I think we all want to have some sort of special relationship with another person and I guess the nature of the relationship will vary from one person to the next. You said that when your relationships end you get down and go into dark places. I guess that after a breakup there would be a feeling of loss - something that you had invested yourself and time in has gone.

Also, and speaking for myself as person who has constant negative thoughts and believes in patterns (when the same thing happens over and over, you expect it to happen the next time) when things do you wrong it reinforces the belief, and while it is not occuring you are waiting for it to happen. Not sure if this is similar for you?

So I will listen to you and if you like help you through your thinking.

I guess one question that springs to mind is what happened that caused the last relationship to end?

Peace to you,

Tim

Clear82
Community Member

I know exactly how you are feeling. You are not alone!

Today the guy I been dating for 2 months just sent me a nasty message after I was just simply being caring whilst he is feeling down. But I’m being too intense apparently.

I hate that feeling of a break up and I don’t know about you I start to think it’s me!

I just keep telling myself it will happen one day, and I got over the last break up and the others before that.
And to be grateful for who I have in my life who stick by me.