Dint know how to deal !

[Mert]

I have joined the forum hoping for some input /advice regarding my situation .after 20 years in a relationship with my partner just five weeks ago he dropped the bombshell that he wanted us " to go our separate ways " !
We had had troubles a few years back but I honestly believed we were getting much better and am still in shock over it all !
I do believe in my heart there is more to it than he is saying and he isn't saying much at all ! We are still living in the house together but in separate bedrooms and he refused to have a conversation about us !
I love him like absolute crazy and can't give up !
Little background ,five years ago he was diagnosed with leukamia ,diabetes and we have had a few financial burdens he didn't share with me until after the fact ! Two years ago he lost his lifelong best mate to suicide ,then just three days later a work mate he idolised took his life also ! At this point he really withdrew from me ,has been cranky ,irritable and very unapproachable ever since ! He dropped the bombshell just three days after another mate took his own life so it seems very timely to me ! I do believe he is likely struggling with depression ,and hoping someone had some advice on how to gently approach the conversation withOut causing him to completely shut down !
I find it quite odd that he has only told one person outside family what is going on , even his best mate has no idea ,he is just not talking to anyone ! I am falling apart making myself sick over it ,all the while he won't talk ..thanks for putting up with my rambling guys ,guess I'm just at wits end ! Have an awesome day guys

[white knight]

Hi Mert, welcome

I feel for you. While you seek ways to break the misery chain, we know too well here at B.B. the real life problem with one partner not talking about a problem. It leaves you powerless and desperate.

while he remains living in the home there is a chance. You are best to withdraw somewhat with the attitude of being more easy going, with the odd “I love you “ thrown in.

In the back of your mind make sketchy plans for accommodation changes and life beyond the marriage. Life won’t be all misery if it ends.

Place this thread in the search box

- talking to men, some tips

- worry worry worry

- the best praise you’ll ever get

I hope you work it out but remember, it takes two to do that. A reasonable time period to do so is enough. What is a reasonable timeframe? When you think it’s reasonable not anyone else.

Breaking up can feel like rejection, but often it isn’t you. Yes it would be fair of him to discuss it with you but having expectations isn’t going to help as he’d just feel obligated. Better to be pleasant and wait until he realised how much he’ll miss you if he left.

We are here when you need us.

TonyWK