Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lost78 Lost and confussed
  • replies: 1

Well here goes, Three weeks ago my partner left while I was at work, she sent a txt saying everything was my fault and she was going. She cut off all ties and by the time I could fly home, she had taken everything from the house she wanted. I had 2 s... View more

Well here goes, Three weeks ago my partner left while I was at work, she sent a txt saying everything was my fault and she was going. She cut off all ties and by the time I could fly home, she had taken everything from the house she wanted. I had 2 step kids, it was the eldests birthday when she sent the text, I couldnt even say happy birthdday. I have know then for six years. A couple of weeks previously I had found a couples counsillor for us as I had felt like our connection was strained and lost and wanted to do what I could to have a good relationship. So we went to our single appointments then a couples one. It was tough but the counsillor said it was nothing special we were pretty normal. We had an argument on the way home, she didnt know what she felt and I was upset because we had only just brought a house and she wasnt even willing to try. After things cooled down we decided to try and keep going to the sessions to see how it went. I went to work and everything seemed ok, we made some plans for my time off and still got txts with i love you in them. Then came that txt and everything changed. I have had no contact with her and the kids, she blocked me on everything as soon as she sent the text. She just walked away. I went back to the couples counsillor, phycologist and she was gob smacked that it had happened. All I wanted to do was blame my self but she saw in her clinical opinion that I was a rational adult and my partner had some big issues. I dont understand why someone would just leave like that when their partner is willing to work at it and support her? I now have lost all contact with my step kids who I love so dearly and miss everyday, however I know I do not have any rights. I have tried counsilling, being possitive, being active but the pain of not seeing them ever again is so hard. Loosing one relationship is hard but I have lost three and I am sick of being told to get over it, move on and be possitive. I feel in a very low place..............

SparklySushi He doesn’t want to have sex with me and always bites at me?
  • replies: 5

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 16 months and always done long distance (we’re 2.5 hours away he’s city and I’m rural) I’ve always struggled with the fact he doesn’t give much affection and doesn’t put much enthusiasm into the relationship... View more

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 16 months and always done long distance (we’re 2.5 hours away he’s city and I’m rural) I’ve always struggled with the fact he doesn’t give much affection and doesn’t put much enthusiasm into the relationship which has left me doubting myself and because he was once engaged makes me feel like I’m not that amazing to get over his ex... he doesn’t simply think or think to support me it’s like being with a child. For example he organised this thing for my birthday which was going to give me huge anxiety and probably result in me having a panic attack and like what I expected he didn’t support me, he left me to cry on my birthday didn’t think to even come to support me. we only see each other on the weekends and I would’ve thought by then he’d be getting pretty keen for sex but I always have to initiate it otherwise I won’t get it at all, sometimes it feels like I have to force it out of him. I don’t have that much of a sex drive but it’s like basically the only affection I get so I’ve got nothing else... we’re both in a late 20’s I have a stable full time job where he’s still fluffing about going from job to job never happy and I feel like he takes it out on me even though I try helping him and suggest things but he doesn’t listen. Due to this he still lives with his parents in a granny flat but soon it’ll all be under the same roof...I’ve tried explaining this is going to greatly affect our relationship, no privacy, can’t be ourselves and when I do get sex it’ll have to be super quiet and boring. He fails to realise all this which hurts me I honestly don’t know what to do. Besides all these bad things we get along perfect we have fun and make fun of each other but we both suffer anxiety and depression him possibly asbergers (not medically diagnosed). I feel so alone and depressed. We planned on moving in together and I put in a transfer to the city but now he’s jumping from another job again. i love him so much but I just don’t know what to do. Everything I say he bites at me. There’s no talking to him without starting an argument

Kelizabeth Struggling with finding out my ex is gay
  • replies: 4

I was with my previous partner for 9 years we had a house together, pets everything. Things started going south and we didn’t have much of a physical relationship and eventually agreed to part ways last year staying good friends. Last week I found ou... View more

I was with my previous partner for 9 years we had a house together, pets everything. Things started going south and we didn’t have much of a physical relationship and eventually agreed to part ways last year staying good friends. Last week I found out by accident he has starting dating a man. My emotions are all over the place and I’m so conflicted. I have no problem with homosexuality and hope he finally feels that he’s in the right place but at the same time I can’t help to feel angry and betrayed. I’m questioning every moment and experience we had together. The worst part is I’m ashamed of these feelings...I feel like I should just be happy for him and I’m guilty I’m feeling anything different. I know how hard it must have been for him to not be able to be honest about what he was feeling. I’m shocked and I’m overwhelmed and don’t know what to think or feel. It’s almost like I’m actually now grieving for a while past life the perceptions of which I no longer trust. I don’t know if I’m just being selfish I’m feeling this way

Genie23 Relationship anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hi, my partner and I have been together for over a year now. We initially worked together and became friends. Then we started a casual relationship. During this time, he had a hard time accepting us being involved. He didn’t like the idea of us worki... View more

Hi, my partner and I have been together for over a year now. We initially worked together and became friends. Then we started a casual relationship. During this time, he had a hard time accepting us being involved. He didn’t like the idea of us working together and spending so much time together, and had recently ended a 3 year relationship. As a result, he would, every few months, panic and break things off then flirt/kiss someone else. It was usually people we worked with. Every time he would come back begging for forgiveness, and I would. I trusted he was a decent person and worth another chance. Eventually, after one of these occasions, where I decided to end it for good and not forgive, he decided he was ready to commit to a relationship. Since then, everything has been amazing. He is extremely loving and committed. We have been living together for a year, moved interstate together, talk about marriage and how we’ll raise our kids. He constantly tells me he loves me and never wants me to leave him. He says I am his world, and I do believe him. I feel so lucky to be with someone so loving, and I love him immensely in return. But every now and again I have moments of weakness where I doubt everything. I understand it is due to these past indiscretions. And when I think back to those occasions, they don’t really hurt anymore. I recently saw his Instagram feed and it was full of half naked women. I have a hard time opening up, so it took me almost a full day of anxiety and doubt to tell him how I felt. He totally understood and said that he hardly even used Instagram. The next day he unfollowed all of these accounts because he knew it made me uncomfortable. We are both so happy and in such a good place in our relationship, but I know he once messaged these accounts. And their responses were flirtatious and suggesting sex for other favours. I don’t think he has messaged these accounts since we’ve officially been together, but I’m just finding it so hard to forget about. Last night I didn’t sleep, and as a result I had to call in sick to work because I was too exhausted. I do trust him, I just feel like I don’t know how to let these things go. I have read some forums where people experience the same issues with letting go of the past, but I just don’t know how to. He has become such an amazing, committed person since we’ve been together. Both personally and professionally. And I have become so happy since we’ve been together, so I don’t wait to ruin it.

Loriangel Hi everyone I’m new to this
  • replies: 2

Im feeling overwhelmed right now don’t confide in many pple and have a lot going on . Feel like giving up but can’t have a son who lives at home with me and I’m a single mum who’s ex doesn’t visit our son much it’s sad plus a lot of other things goin... View more

Im feeling overwhelmed right now don’t confide in many pple and have a lot going on . Feel like giving up but can’t have a son who lives at home with me and I’m a single mum who’s ex doesn’t visit our son much it’s sad plus a lot of other things going on and didn’t know who to turn too to vent it all out

38yearold Son struggling with separation
  • replies: 1

So my wife left me about 9 months ago after 12 months together. We have a 6 year old son. Tonight he told me he has tried everything to get us back together and doesn’t know why we live apart. He cried his eyes out. It ripped my heart out. i am curre... View more

So my wife left me about 9 months ago after 12 months together. We have a 6 year old son. Tonight he told me he has tried everything to get us back together and doesn’t know why we live apart. He cried his eyes out. It ripped my heart out. i am currently in the shower crying my eyes out. What am I supposed to say to him? How could someone do this to him? How could someone break up a family? im a broken man.

Guest_598 No contact and anxiety
  • replies: 5

Hello, I am currently on a no contact break with my partner. We care about each other a lot but he has a hard time getting through something personal and so we decided not to be together and not to talk so he has all the time to focus on himself. I a... View more

Hello, I am currently on a no contact break with my partner. We care about each other a lot but he has a hard time getting through something personal and so we decided not to be together and not to talk so he has all the time to focus on himself. I am fully supportive because I love him a lot but I am getting really anxious about the no contact phase. I am wondering whether he is thinking about me at all or whether he may lose his feelings for me. How should I deal with this and has anyone ever had experience with this. I try to read about it but there is only information about no contact with ex boyfriends. We are not exes and we had zero problems, we just have to have this break. We have not been together for a year yet but we have had a great relationship. He just needs to deal with his personal issues. Is it possible that he thinking of me but wants to make this work really well? He is very determined, so i could imagine he is trying his best to focus on what he needs to do. But I am scared about not knowing.

auschic How to deal with someone who emotionally withdraws
  • replies: 2

This feels like a complicated issue, so I'm hoping I can get some advice on how to deal with it. I'll start off by saying I'm in a long term relationship with someone I love. Our relationship is great most of the time however emotional scars are star... View more

This feels like a complicated issue, so I'm hoping I can get some advice on how to deal with it. I'll start off by saying I'm in a long term relationship with someone I love. Our relationship is great most of the time however emotional scars are starting to surface and I'm feeling lost on how to deal with it. Some back story: my partner and I went through a rough patch at some point in our relationship. It was at a time when we were both emotionally immature and didn't know how to control our emotions properly. Minor arguments would suddenly turn into explosive, angry attacks. Things would get thrown and broken. Temper would rise. Voices would yell, scream and shout. Tears would flow. It would escalate and get very intense. Like two raging fires with gasoline on top. We knew this was a problem and did our best to fix our issues. Through talking we identified alot of hidden resentment and communication issues that had caused our arguments to get so intense. Once we got to the root of the problem our relationship got back on track and we've been great ever since. Things are calm and happy, it's nice. We both feel emotionally stronger. However, there's one issue. We don't argue often but when it does happen and I do have a legitimate concern to talk about, my partner shuts down. At any sign of me getting emotional about a topic he shuts down. He goes cold and distant and it hurts. Even if he is in the wrong and his the one who has hurt me and I have tried to discuss it, he will shut down. This is so hurtful for me because all I want to do is do the right thing and communicate but he just withdraws. It seems like he doesn't care about me at all. I brought this up with him and he says he shuts down because when he gets emotional he makes things worse so he becomes cold to deal with it. He said it's like a emotional callus his built because of our bad arguments in the past so if it happens again it doesn't affect him as much. His basically desensitzed himself but as a consequence he has become emotionally withdrawn. It makes sense but at the same time it's worrying because were not who we used to be anymore. Is this permanent damage? How can it be fixed? I feel Like We're being held back.

ElleG Husband incarcerated - trying to maintain relationships
  • replies: 14

My partner of 20 years has recently been arrested and charged with an offence. He is being held without bail. He has never put a toe out of line in his life, is not a violent person, barely even raises his voice. Alcohol was involved in this incident... View more

My partner of 20 years has recently been arrested and charged with an offence. He is being held without bail. He has never put a toe out of line in his life, is not a violent person, barely even raises his voice. Alcohol was involved in this incident (he is not a drinker). I and my family, our friends etc support him but he may serve a jail sentence. We have a 5 year old. I am trying to process this all, seeing a counsellor. I am still in shock I think - I am sure that feelings of anger will come at some point. I want to know how to best maintain a marriage when one partner is away for an extended period like this. And especially when a small child is involved. Can anyone offer any advice? Or has anyone been through something similar? I want to know there will be a light at the end of this (long) tunnel. Also appreciate any self care tips - I am struggling to eat and sleep. Thankyou x

Eddie27 When to let go?
  • replies: 42

Hi all, My partner of 12 years had become increasingly alcohol dependent over the last 3 or so years, with it increasing moreso over the last 6 months. She has a high profile/high stress job, but is also highly functioning and doesn't see it as an is... View more

Hi all, My partner of 12 years had become increasingly alcohol dependent over the last 3 or so years, with it increasing moreso over the last 6 months. She has a high profile/high stress job, but is also highly functioning and doesn't see it as an issue. I didn't act on it as in the past it has caused arguments, she was always a happy drunk, but would become irritating as we wouldn't be in the same head space. To deal with her work stress, I would try and plan trips to force a 'work-life' balance. This had been working well as we could spend quality time together. However, in January of this year on holidays it wasn't the same- I could feel her stress and would let her drink as it seemed to immediately ease her conflict, but I would then become agitated in her company. Six weeks ago, we had a major fight and she repeatedly told me I wasn't there for her when she needed me and I was very cold towards her. She was probably correct with her analysis, but I felt I never saw her with her working hours and when I did see her it was always with alcohol. She said she felt traumatized after our fight and moved out. Initially for a few days and then came back, but now its been about a month. She says she cant come back to our house as it's too emotional and she is not in love with me anymore. I feel we've neglected our relationship and both have some work to do on ourselves. I dont have strong family or social support networks as we did absolutely everything together. My family is also interstate. She has strong family connections and has recently signed up to dating/social sites, with the intention to move on. She has also been spending more time at work social events. I'm staying in our house, but I cant sleep, Im emotional, irrational and cant stop crying or thinking about the situation and starting to feel quite depressed. I am getting help for sleep and anxiety issues but my therapist is currently away. I don't want to give up on our relationship, as I still love her and know that she is my soul mate. But, if she doesn't feel the same and cant come home, what do I do? Do I give her space and focus on getting myself together and continue hanging on to hope that she might come back? or do I accept that it's over and she will never come back, as she 'cant promise anything'? I feel like she is seeing someone else, but I could also be paranoid. I do feel totally alone and confused. Thanks for listening