Hello, I am in need of some advice and your opinions on my situation. If
I could just describe my situation first - I hope it isn’t too
long-winded. I have been in a relationship with my partner (not married)
for almost 3 years. I was previously in a...
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Hello, I am in need of some advice and your opinions on my situation. If
I could just describe my situation first - I hope it isn’t too
long-winded. I have been in a relationship with my partner (not married)
for almost 3 years. I was previously in a very abuse relationship for
two decades which five years ago I finally left. My partner lives in UK
and since we have been together we have both travelled to see one
another. As I have children, traveling can be quite difficult and so he
has more frequently come to visit me in Australia. Early February he
came over for what we thought at the time would be a few weeks. When
lockdown came in to affect he decided to stay here with me, which was
great as we got more time together and he helped me with my children’s
home schooling and we all seemed to make the most out of a difficult
time. During the last week of him being here my mother passed away in UK
and this hit me like a tonne of bricks - the fact that I couldn’t travel
to see her or attend her funeral caused me a lot of distress. I then
discovered that I was pregnant. I discussed this with my partner and
while he was caring, he kept affirming that he was going back to UK on
the agreed date. I understood his desire to return to UK, but he also
kept saying how he currently had no work to return to and acknowledged
that his leaving would mean that we could not see each other for
potentially a year due to travel bans, that I’d have to process the
emotional impact of pregnancy alone and grieve my mother without his
support. He admitted that there was nothing urgent or compelling for him
to return to the Uk immediately for. We had also applied for a new visa
for him while he was here and it had a few weeks left to be processed
and probably granted - but the fact he went offshore meant his
application was withdrawn and now has no visa. I tried to be strong as I
knew he wanted to go home, but as my distress over an unplanned
pregnancy, my mother passing and all of the uncertainties in the world,
I felt strongly that I just wanted him to stay, at least to decide what
to do about my pregnancy and to be here to support me through a
termination. He kept telling me that while he had no work and no
commitments and not really much to go back immediately for, that he just
felt the urge to go. t was quite hard to take but I felt I couldn’t
really make any more of a case for him to stay as I felt if death and
pregnancy and current world uncertainties weren’t enough, then what else
can I say or do! I also really did not want to have to persuade someone
to staying he cared and loved me then he’d want to stay. I felt he
should want to given all of the circumstances. So he left early July and
promised to be in touch via telephone and messages. It was a huge shock
to be suddenly alone after all of those months together and to be in a
state of grief over my mum and in shock about an unplanned pregnancy and
the prospect of not being able to travel. I was a wreck when he left but
he reassured me that he would be in close touch to provide support. I
heard nothing from him for 10 days after he left the airport. I was very
distressed and concerned about him, not knowing what to think. It
finally turned out that he had gone home and gone on an bender of
drinking and catching up with friends - blanking me out and putting me
through so much worry. Fast forward to now, we are speaking over the
phone, but it is so difficult as I am facing a termination, still having
issues with some of my UK family over my absence at my mums funeral
(they don’t seem to understand the travel restrictions here) and while I
need and want to be in touch with him, it is so difficult to speak to
him now that he is seemingly carefree and tells me he’s been out to the
pub all night in British summertime, catching up with friends..while I
desperately needed his support here, even if only a few more weeks. It
just hurts as I really needed the support and given that we are now
separated indefinitely, I can’t help but be upset that he has
essentially left me to deal with all of this alone while he chills out
in UK and enjoys his summer...meanwhile I am sick, overworked, facing a
termination alone (which due to my abusive past absolutely terrifies me,
and he knows this) and grieving the loss of my mum. Am I wrong to have
wanted him to stay? Am I being unfair? What does it take for someone to
just care enough to want to support me..I just feel broken. I just can’t
help but feel abandoned at my time of great need, and for what? A drink
in the pub? Any comments or advice would be great. Thanks and sorry it
is so long. x
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