Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mitch_D Struggling with recent separation
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have had a separation quite a few months ago and I am still not feeling very good about it and I feel as though it is getting worse. It was a big separation carried out over a long period and my partner was unfaithful. We tried to get passed it... View more

Hi, I have had a separation quite a few months ago and I am still not feeling very good about it and I feel as though it is getting worse. It was a big separation carried out over a long period and my partner was unfaithful. We tried to get passed it but couldn’t. We were engaged, bout a house 18months before the break and a dog so I was fully committed. We were also moving interstate at the start of next year which she is now doing and she also bought me out from the house and has the dog and I feel quite isolated and empty. I thought it would pass and since the break up we had been communicating a bit and got together a few times and I felt comfortable with her again and had strong feelings. Now I feel quite angry when I think about her and things that had happened and I am sad and unsure what to do. I am not happy with my job and the move interstate was going to be a bit of a fresh start. Now I feel as though I want to move away as there are a lot of triggers around. I have felt like this before and it has passed but this time it is hanging around and getting worse and I am having a lot of trouble to feel any desires in my life and it is a bit scary for my future. I am hoping to get a bit of advice on things that can help.

Gracie_1234 Feeling guilty and scared about breaking up with my partner
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Hi, I’m new to this and decided to come here for a bit of advice as I am feeling a little lost. I’m currently in a relationship with my boyfriend, who I’ve been with for nearly 2 and a half years. At first our relationship was wonderful, however, ove... View more

Hi, I’m new to this and decided to come here for a bit of advice as I am feeling a little lost. I’m currently in a relationship with my boyfriend, who I’ve been with for nearly 2 and a half years. At first our relationship was wonderful, however, over the past about 8 months or so, several cracks in the relationship have begun appearing. We argue a lot, so much that I feel as if it is starting to exhaust me. I just don’t really think that we “get” each other as much as we originally did. A few times over the past 8 months, during arguments, I’ve tried to end things with him. However, he always talks me out of it and I agree to stay. In the past, he has told me that “he doesn’t know what he’d be capable of”if I left. He has also said that’s “he doesn’t know how he would react”. I worry about that he is implying something horrible and therefore find it incredibly difficult to leave him. Even if he doesn’t do anything to himself if I left, I know that it will completely crush him. I genuinely really care about him, and can’t find it in my heart to really hurt someone for my self benefit. It feels selfish. I am also struggling with the idea of not being with him. We share friends, his family loves me, everyone thinks we’re going to end up getting married. Breaking up with him would be such a huge shock for everyone and my life would change drastically. I’m finding it hard to work out whether or not leaving him is the right thing for me to do because of all this. I guess I just don’t know whether I should stay or not, this is my first relationship, so I don’t really know what it is meant to feel like long term. To add in another complication, a little while ago I met someone through mutual friends who I really clicked with. I feel so guilty about this, but I can’t help my feelings and I really like this person. I don’t know if this is just a “crush”/normal to have in long term relationships, or if this is a sign of something more. The bottom line is that I feel more excited seeing this new person, than I do with my boyfriend. I feel incredibly trapped and I’m not too sure how to handle this situation. I am currently seeing a Psychologist due to anxiety issues, however, I haven’t bought this up yet as I am finding this incredibly hard to talk about. I almost don’t want to admit it to myself. This is the first time I have talked about it. Thankyou so much for reading this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Guest120 In a serious relationship and have kids with someone who has BPD and refuses to treat it
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Hi, I'm new here and this is my first post so please bear with me! I'm 23 years old, I have 3 sons aged: 4 an a half, 2 an a half and a 1 year old. My partner and I have been together for nearly 6 years, he is 26 years old. the reason why I'm posting... View more

Hi, I'm new here and this is my first post so please bear with me! I'm 23 years old, I have 3 sons aged: 4 an a half, 2 an a half and a 1 year old. My partner and I have been together for nearly 6 years, he is 26 years old. the reason why I'm posting and reaching out for help here is because I've noticed a few changes in him recently. He seems so highly strung, always moody, lying more often about things he doesn't need to lie about, pointless things. He has always been like this but it doesn't normally last this long, he never seems happy. All he wants to do right now is purchase a car and that is ALL he is thinking about, he is obsessed with it, even though we already have a car that runs so getting a new car isn't really a priority right now but he WANTS this certain car. He has been smoking A LOT of marijuana lately, he has always been addicted to it because it "helps him" and I've noticed the marijuana does help A LOT with his mood, when he has it he is like a whole different person. But he can no longer go without it, not even a day. If he doesn't have his weed he LOSES it, he says he cant cope without it. He wont sleep, eat, do ANYTHING if he doesnt have weed. He yells, he's snappy, I cant even talk too him when he isn't high. It's like walking on egg shells. I've begged him to go back on his medication(he hasn't been on it since he was a teenager, according to him, I wouldn't know) he REFUSES. I've tried to explain to him that it will help him and it might even help him get off the marijuana or at least cut down but he wont even try. i'd also like to add that I would love for him to get off the weed, I hate it. But it does help with his moods so much that I just let him go. I've suggested rehab but he said no about that also. i don't know what to do anymore, his mood swings scare me. I don't want to leave him because me and the kids are all his got but I don't know what else to do at this point.

NifftyNoff Am I feeling estranged or Immature?
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My relationship with my Father has been on thin ice for years. Add in the 'evil Step-mother', her words not mine. Being the second child of 4, 2 to my mother and 2 to step-mother, with 13 years between myself and my little sister. My childhood, I did... View more

My relationship with my Father has been on thin ice for years. Add in the 'evil Step-mother', her words not mine. Being the second child of 4, 2 to my mother and 2 to step-mother, with 13 years between myself and my little sister. My childhood, I did not have a true father figure as father left my mother when I was 18 months old, with 2 states between us. Seeing my father with my younger siblings feels like someone is twisting the dagger in my sternum. I have told Father dearest this. He told me he understands. Then the topic of Christmas came up, at first i told a wittle white lie saying I wouldn't be around. As last year I went to Christmas with the family to Stepmother's family. I felt alienated not apart of the family at all. As I saw my younger siblings being spoiled by the family with gifts. So this year I was convinced to go as father's family are visiting, I start by talking presents which chocolate they prefer. When Step-mother imminently says "Adults don't get Presents." Father then parrots her. As I am now the age of 23, with a house of my own, cat and job to pay bills. I understand that "adults don't get present" between Father's siblings and Parents. However, the thought of no presents from Father or grandmother and Pop. Once again makes me feel alienated and not worth their time. When I KNOW my younger siblings will be spoiled sick, like every other Christmas. Is this my abandonment issues or am I being immature?

PsychedelicFur Why do other females treat me poorly?
  • replies: 5

Hello there, I have attempted to browse through the Internet for this question. I’m afraid I did not even receive an example or the answer that I’d hope to look for. perhaps someone here can provide me with an answer? here goes ... Just recently I ha... View more

Hello there, I have attempted to browse through the Internet for this question. I’m afraid I did not even receive an example or the answer that I’d hope to look for. perhaps someone here can provide me with an answer? here goes ... Just recently I have noticed other women, particularly younger females treat me differently to how they treat their friends. I’m a flamboyant person who is perhaps a little unusual with my eccentric and colourful dress sense. They stare without saying anything, they ignore me or even sometimes tease me. there was a girl I use to study with who was nice to every other female student but quite disrespectful to me. She would constantly stare, bully me at times and be quite condescending. Everywhere else I go though people seem to be understanding and lovely about my individuality. They smile and compliment me on my style and clothes. Just a selected few of these females I work and study with who seem to just treat me differently to everyone else. Are they envious of me? Are they intimidated by my individuality? Or are they just being disrespectful for the sake of it? I have been told in the past that people are intimidated by unique individuals who dress, think differently and really express who they are. However I find that hard to believe. For me, all I do is wear what reflects how I feel.. why can’t other people do that? If they hate me for being myself why can’t they just be who they want to be? Forget about societies norm! I would really appreciate an answer. signed, PF.

needtochat How do i deal with this?
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So just to start off...i have had 2 bad relationships which involved been physically abused, verbally etc. Also cheated on and repeatedly lied too...Well 2.5 years ago i met a great guy who isnt like the others...however in his line of work he is oft... View more

So just to start off...i have had 2 bad relationships which involved been physically abused, verbally etc. Also cheated on and repeatedly lied too...Well 2.5 years ago i met a great guy who isnt like the others...however in his line of work he is often dealing with female customers. I am on bluetooth with him after i finish work as he works long hours and it allows us to chat and stay in contact. Sometimes i here a female call him "darlin" in the context of "thanks darlin" He says it doesnt do anything for him but there isnt much he can do. Also some of them sound too bubbly and almost glad to see him...i trust him but i hate that they do this...it brings back past cheating from others and flirting etc...i have bad dreams, thoughts and pics in my head of flirty behaviour. ..Yes i have spoken to him but i am struggling with it and spend alot of time worrying, crying etc...Any advice would be good at this point as i dont want this to continue...its ruining my life and we are now engaged so i should be enjoying this new chapter...

Cup_of_tea Lonely
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I am new on here so not sure what to say just found these forums I migrated from uk to Australia 11 years ago and are in a really unhappy marriage, I feel so lonely all my family are overseas and whilst I have friends they are not close friends at th... View more

I am new on here so not sure what to say just found these forums I migrated from uk to Australia 11 years ago and are in a really unhappy marriage, I feel so lonely all my family are overseas and whilst I have friends they are not close friends at the moment my career is really stressful I cope at work but when I get home I fall apart currently completing a separation agreement to move out of my family home I need the separation amount to move out and buy somewhere for my daughter and I feel like I can’t think of anything else at the moment writing this down makes me feel like I am stupid for getting so stressed and I feel like I should get a grip but my mind is just going in circles I think as all my friends an family are overseas I have no one to talk to and writing it down is like telling someone kind of feel like I am going mad

Lost_husband My bipolar wife wants a divorce
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I’ve been married for almost 10 years now and my wife who suffers from bipolar disorder is on the verge of leaving me. Despite having had all that time to research and educate myself on all things bipolar, I stupidly enough cruised along thinking eve... View more

I’ve been married for almost 10 years now and my wife who suffers from bipolar disorder is on the verge of leaving me. Despite having had all that time to research and educate myself on all things bipolar, I stupidly enough cruised along thinking everything would be fine, that we’d somehow manage to work through her ups and downs because we were madly in love. But of course times change, children come along, work stresses mount up and more importantly, my inability to step up when times got tough have led us to where we are now. Despite her giving me multiple opportunities to make amends and me saying all the right things, about how things will change, I tend to be good for short periods then slip into old cruise control habits. And now she’s had enough, we’re on the brink of separating and the reality is finally starting to sink in that I might be in the verge of losing my best friend and the one woman I’ve ever truly loved. She is barely acknowledging my existence at the moment and I don’t know what to do/how to make things right. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to save our marriage, but I think I may have used up all my chances (who could blame her really after the multiple times I’ve told her I’ll change?!) Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Total_disbelief Feeling down
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Hi I have been married to my husband for 32 years when about a week ago he came home from work and he is leaving he didn't give me any chance to speak just said he had had about of fighting and yelling when we hadn't had a fight for about a month he ... View more

Hi I have been married to my husband for 32 years when about a week ago he came home from work and he is leaving he didn't give me any chance to speak just said he had had about of fighting and yelling when we hadn't had a fight for about a month he gave me no reason p that than he had had enough and was done when I ask him to stay and work on it together he said no when I ask him if he lived me he said no I don't know how to have a l hide without him

Lost_Wanderer How should I move forward?
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About 1.5 years ago I split up with my partner who was a narcissist. The road to recovery has been rough with several relationships that didn't work (due to my trust issues) and an increasing alcohol reliance. I've made or thought I made some ground ... View more

About 1.5 years ago I split up with my partner who was a narcissist. The road to recovery has been rough with several relationships that didn't work (due to my trust issues) and an increasing alcohol reliance. I've made or thought I made some ground lately with a sense of peace. Since then I've entered yet another extremely difficult relationship with a direct report at work. Initially I was avoiding doing it but after losing a close friend we connected as she comforted me. The person in question here pushed hard to initiate the relationship. Since then it has been a rollercoaster of emotion with her letting me know she has social anxiety specifically around the thought of this. I feel like walking away is ridiculous as this is the first person I've had an emotional connection with like this in so long, but continuing to try is killing me. Continuing to attempt to make this work is causing me stress, I don't know if I can talk to her about stuff or count on her for support nor where we stand any of the time. In addition to this I run several companies, one of which is going through a very rough patch causing stress also. There are a number of family issues with my extended family with regards to health that I am also attempting to assist with. I'm trying as hard as I can to be a rock for everyone I can and hold everything together but my sleeping has gotten more and more erratic, I've started to feel sick through the day and when eating, and I've been getting headaches. Last night I bumped into this woman whilst catching up with some friends, I didn't know if I would be intruding if I went over so I left it up to her to come to me. She said she would but never did (shouldn't be a big deal). After sitting there and wondering (for about 2 hours) if she would I realised that the only reason I was even still there was to see what she would do. Most the people I liked had left and I was now hanging out with mostly people I neither knew nor liked.