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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lost1975 Need support Not sure what to do.
  • replies: 3

I have been in a relationship with a guy since November 2018. In feb 2019 I moved states to be with him as it was easier for me to move than him as his job is interstate truck driver and his boss it great to work for. i moved my whole life left frien... View more

I have been in a relationship with a guy since November 2018. In feb 2019 I moved states to be with him as it was easier for me to move than him as his job is interstate truck driver and his boss it great to work for. i moved my whole life left friends,family ect but I got a transfer for my employment so that’s a positive. When I first met him he was awesome very understanding and sweet. I thought I’d finally found someone that will treat me right. And someone that would appreciate I had two children aged 13 and 18. I had just come out of a 8 yr relationship 12 mths before hand and thought I’d give it one more shot At happiness. The start of the relationship was great but as soon as I moved States things went pair shape. He is in the middle of family law fighting to get his house and car and all his things back from his past relationship this Has been going on since June 2018. She has a AVO out on him for apparently using violence though out the 7yr relationship. Her story didn’t add up to me but since he has been threatening me with violence too - this happened after a blue . We have had our blues but it always seems like it’s my fault he knows I have had a hard life, I grew up in foster homes coz my stepfather was a bastard to me. I have had bad relationships and been treated like a dog. He knows I have PTSD, depression but he holds that over my head saying things like “ your mad , have you had your pills, your on the wrong medication go get it reviewed “ I have been on the same medication for years and I’m ok if I don’t get stressed out. I try and talk to him about our problems but he just thinks it’s just me carrying on. If he says something that hurts my feelings I am told to harden up. I have low self esteem and he knows that but as he tells me “ it’s my problem not his “. Sometimes my partner will have a go at me for doing something that pisses him off but if he does the same thing it’s ok. If I say something about it his comment will be “well you do it “ but even if I stop doing it. it’s hard to paint. Picture of what’s going on but I’m lost in what to do. We have some good times but it seems only short lived and it always ends up that it’s all my doing. Since moving here it’s been a long hard road. It’s a small country town with everyone being so clicky. I have no friends and all I do is work and come home .

Housecat_moon How to help my mum leave
  • replies: 2

My mum needs help to leave my Dad. She says she has no strength left and isn’t brave enough. All of her children are grown and it is just her and my dad left in our family home. he is a good person and I love him but they are not on the same page. He... View more

My mum needs help to leave my Dad. She says she has no strength left and isn’t brave enough. All of her children are grown and it is just her and my dad left in our family home. he is a good person and I love him but they are not on the same page. He doesn’t listen, doesn’t respect her or take her seriously, takes everything personally and can turn and become so furious with rage he says horrible things and can’t even look at you. He was like this through our childhood. A good person but with his own emotional traumas he isn’t able to deal with and so transmits then to all of us. I have my own issues from growing up like this but am dealing with them. my mum however is still stuck in it. she says maybe she will just stay as it is easier-she always puts herself and her own needs last and has been doing so for 30 years + I don’t think she is even in touch with her own needs anymore let alone knowing how to act on them however it is not healthy emotionally or physically for her. She keeps saying where will she go, how will she approach it with him and I am providing the best advice I can. To just be honest and not worry about his reaction as she can’t control that. To not worry about the whole picture of where she will leave because once it is in motion things will happen without having to plan ahead of time. the house they live in will sell for quite a lot of money so I believe they should be okay each buying their own houses. she works and hates it and he doesn’t so she is always tired and I imagine feels scared and alone. Breaking apart a life she has lead regardless of whether it has been good for her or not seems like too much of a jump for her. I tell her it seems hard now but not to look at the big picture and just take a step at a time and soon she will have created a new normal for herself. i encourage her to go to counseling but she can’t find one she likes and even then doesn’t know how it will help her having the hard conversations and with breaking apart her and dad’s whole world. has anyone been through this? How do I get my mum to see the only other option is to live unhappily and with no control over her own life or her own environment for the rest of her life. she has asked him to separate financially from her with the pretense of him being able to claim a pension but he got offended by the papers the lawyer drew up and refused to take it any further. i said to her if she doesn’t have the strength to do it I’ll do it for her. Is this wise?

Serendipity101 Just on the verge of splitting
  • replies: 1

My hubby is bipolar PTSD anxiety. I have ocd and ptsd Weim not coping lately with him hating me all the time. He Gets upset over everything.i developed an eating Disoder in the last few months from his treatment Of me.hes keeps threatening to leave m... View more

My hubby is bipolar PTSD anxiety. I have ocd and ptsd Weim not coping lately with him hating me all the time. He Gets upset over everything.i developed an eating Disoder in the last few months from his treatment Of me.hes keeps threatening to leave me. Because when he starts Telling me in what way I'm not good enoug. I get very Very upset and suicidal and spend ages erratically trying to Get him to change his mind. His only feelings i see are anger and anxiety. But he says I'm being delusional. That I'm perceiving Everything wrong. I don't think that's true I think I just Can't cope with it anymore. How do I know if I'm delusional or is it him.? And Either way will have us breaking up n I dunno what To do with myself I'm sooo depressed. I actually think he hates me as much as he loves me. Yes I've seen Dr and therapist but I value opinion of Ppl who suffered similarly. So I'm here. 🥺

Brave_girl Thinking of leaving my husband. He neglects me & can be emotionally abuse.
  • replies: 7

I am thinking of ending my relationship. I don’t feel emotionally safe with my husband. There’s no emotional connection or support from him. There’s no real sharing. All we have is very minimal “weather” talk interactions He has issues however says h... View more

I am thinking of ending my relationship. I don’t feel emotionally safe with my husband. There’s no emotional connection or support from him. There’s no real sharing. All we have is very minimal “weather” talk interactions He has issues however says he accepts himself the way he is and that is how it is. When I try to really talk to him he says nothing or can behaviour very negatively eg gets aggressive, angry, swears at me, puts himself down & puts me down, walks out. We are like house mates & acquaintances after 37 years together. I feel so alone.

Longboard Longboard
  • replies: 2

Having trouble with relative which has affected my mental state over many years which in turn has put a strain on my marriage which has resulted in arguments and shouting at each other it really come to head over the weekend which I said to my wife i... View more

Having trouble with relative which has affected my mental state over many years which in turn has put a strain on my marriage which has resulted in arguments and shouting at each other it really come to head over the weekend which I said to my wife it would easy just to finish it / I walk off and broke down that’s when I decided I need help start away made a appointment to see the doctor we spoke for a while and has arrange support plan for but the demon are still there but it did help

carlsland What could be wrong with my husband?
  • replies: 6

My husband of 20 years has always been a bit hyper, but now it's gotten worse. He usually goes through phases of different hobbies, etc, but now they are becoming obsessional to the point it is affecting his life and mine. A few years ago he borrowed... View more

My husband of 20 years has always been a bit hyper, but now it's gotten worse. He usually goes through phases of different hobbies, etc, but now they are becoming obsessional to the point it is affecting his life and mine. A few years ago he borrowed a book from the library. He is an artist and this book inspired him. It was a book about an artist that had an interest in the Japanese art. Well, my husband started taking an interest in the japanese art. He never did before. But it didn't end there. He practically changed his whole culture and this is what he will do. If he gets an interest into a different hobby, he imerses himself so much into it that it takes over. For a few years it was golf. And then, everything became about golf. He would play the game constantly, stay up watching the golf into the early hours of the morning. Setting the clock to watch a golf game on tv in the middle of the night. But for the past few years it's been Japanese Art. Then he had to book a ticket to Japan and he has been there 8 times already. He now eats sushi. Never ever liked or had it before. He eats fish for breakfast, and has bought a tonne of Japanese arts and crafts, ornaments from Japan. Our house looks more Japanese then it does Australian. When I ask him, why, he just replies, "I don't know, I just like it" He refuses to eat at the table and will sit on the floor and eat his meal like a Japanese and is now taking lessons online to learn Japanese. The thing which is more upsetting, is that he has made friends with Japanese women and will talk to them online. He says there is nothing in it, that they are just friends but he sends them gifts, koala bears ornaments, from Australia. He has made about 40 Japanese friends on FB and bought Japanese books on art. He is now following Japanese sports He has spent $$$$$$$ on the trips to Japan and we had to sell our investment property recently. He says it makes him happy but, to me, it makes him agitated. I didn't marry him like this but now he has become more Japanese then Australian. He is 46 years of age One day he may watch a program on Water Buffalos and decide he needs to go to Africa to save them. Then he would get obsessed with Africa. This is how it goes with him. My concern is that he will divorce me and want to marry a Japanese. He jokes about it. His mother was a little like this and there is some mental illness in the family. What does this all mean?

AnnabelleN Boyfriend struggling with depression broke up with me
  • replies: 3

Hi, I’ve never posted on here but my boyfriend of 1.5 years recently broke up with me due to his struggle with depression. As far as I’m aware it was a very happy, loving, caring and genuine relationship from both sides and this seems very out of the... View more

Hi, I’ve never posted on here but my boyfriend of 1.5 years recently broke up with me due to his struggle with depression. As far as I’m aware it was a very happy, loving, caring and genuine relationship from both sides and this seems very out of the blue. He told me he was struggling in mid December and suggested a break, which lasted for a week where we didn’t see each other but still kept in contact and he assured me that he didn’t want to break up and he still loved me he just needed some time and space. I struggled to understand how he was feeling and why he was shutting me out so suddenly and struggled with the fact that I couldn’t help and felt as though our relationship had become a chore for him, so after a week he suggested we break up but with the idea that we would get back together when he was in the right headspace. For a week after this I still contacted him every second day or so just to see how he was doing and to wish him a merry Christmas and a happy new year, and he responded to every message. After 2 weeks of this he sends me a text saying that I kept pushing him when he just wanted some space and he has a bunch of things to work through and doesn’t see us getting back together in the future. This was a week and a half ago now and there’s been no further contact since. He told me a couple of weeks ago that he’s getting psychological help but I’m just worried about him and feel so sad and confused that a relationship that was so loving and positive has changed so fast and has ended so abruptly. I know that he has suffered from a very bad depressive episode in the past and none of his friends reached out to him so a part of me wants to reach out and let him know I still care and am always there for him but he has explicitly asked for space and has not contacted me so I don’t want to make things worse. I just don’t know what to do and I just feel sad and alone and I miss him so much. I guess I just wanted to see if anyone was facing anything similar and wanted to talk about it. Annabelle x

Phoenix4 I did not see this coming
  • replies: 2

Hi all. I realise I’m likely going to get some negativity here due to my stupidity and I’m as anxious as all hell, but anyone who has been through similar please feel free to reach out and tell me how I can get through this. 18 months ago my wife of ... View more

Hi all. I realise I’m likely going to get some negativity here due to my stupidity and I’m as anxious as all hell, but anyone who has been through similar please feel free to reach out and tell me how I can get through this. 18 months ago my wife of 17yrs and I separated, three children. I met a lady 11yrs my junior (Im 45) and we have had an incredible time, travel overseas, quiet time, meeting friends, meeting my boys etc. we just spent an amazing Xmas and NYE together and we started discussing her moving in. Last night she told me she wasn’t feeling the spark enough and it was over. Way out of the blue. I moved a half hr away from my kids, have supported her emotionally through tough times with her ex and family and work and feel used. Did not see this coming. I am so heartbroken and confused and at my age, I don’t think I will ever feel the way I did about her with anyone else ever in the future. I suffer from anxiety and PSTD and I am just feeling so damn low (definitely not the S word though). Thanks everyone.

Jess06 Verbal abuse
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I guess I’m writing this as a last resort. I am 28 and I Have been in a relationship with a 37 year old for the past two years. We live together and we recently had a baby together. He has 3 children already who I have absolutely adored ... View more

Hi everyone, I guess I’m writing this as a last resort. I am 28 and I Have been in a relationship with a 37 year old for the past two years. We live together and we recently had a baby together. He has 3 children already who I have absolutely adored since even before the beginning of our relationship but since our baby was born my feelings have changed and our baby is now my priority. He consistently calls me his kids step mum even though he is still not divorced which I’ve asked him to do several times but never gets done. I don’t feel as though I should be paying for groceries etc for his children to eat when my baby is my priority and I want to save for his future. Yesterday we got into a fight about a comment I made about his kids and he took the comment the wrong way. All of a sudden I don’t want his kids here (which I never said), I am a psycho, I am c**t, an a*****e and other things. I have told him many times before that I can’t stand the name calling during arguments be he continues to do it over and over again. He threatened to call loved ones of mine and tell them private things that I had told him that they don’t know about. I have had depression in the past and also have anxiety and when we fight he also throws that in my face saying I’m unstable and that he hopes the baby doesn’t get my mental health issues. He took the baby into the bedroom and wouldn’t let me hold my baby when I tried to hold him after a few hours. I was told that I was too unstable to hold him. He has been physically abusive before and promised me he would organise for us to go to couples counselling which never happened. I feel like I’m going crazy. Majority of the time he is a really good partner - funny, helpful and encouraging but the minute I say something he doesn’t like or doesn’t agree with the nastiness starts. I am feelings so heartbroken right now and cannot believe that this is where my life is at this point in time. I have family who will help me move out with the baby but I am so afraid of feeling alone.

SeasonsoftheYear Another day, another unfair lecture
  • replies: 3

Some context before I start, last year I came out as gay to my parents with the assumption that they wouldn't be okay with it; still pretty sure they're not. Also, I'm unemployed and currently searching for a job, but I know what type of job I want a... View more

Some context before I start, last year I came out as gay to my parents with the assumption that they wouldn't be okay with it; still pretty sure they're not. Also, I'm unemployed and currently searching for a job, but I know what type of job I want as a career. Got a lecture yesterday about where I am in life, in my twenties and unemployed etc and this came off the back of failing a big test to progress into a stage for the job I want. Yes you might be thinking, twenty something and unemployed? I have tried everything to no avail in finding work, finding a job is the most difficult thing I've ever undertaken and this is even with retail experience. I tried addressing selection criteria, updating and changing my resume and now I'm overhauling my cover letter to make it less about myself, more as to why I've applied to a company and how my skills match those in the job description. I've been getting help from some friends here, which is great. Again, I am trying to find work, but it is so difficult and I don't want to go another 12 months without employment. But I think that mum thinks I'm not trying. She said that she was disappointed in me because that I failed the big test mentioned above and that there was something that I said last year that they're still not sure about (she's almost crying at this point). I could only wonder what it was that I said that was so bad to her last year and it came to me, I came out of the closet. To me, this confirms that my parents are not okay with my sexual orientation. To her, this gives her a free pass to say whatever she wants to me in any tone because, and she even framed the lecture around 'tough love', even though she does this liberally. I loathe the fact that she thinks she can use my orientation to threaten me with lectures, it's extremely unfair, and this is the second time it's happened, but I wouldn't dare say anything in return because the conflict would only get worse. I can't call her out on anything, I just sit there and take it. Pretty sure in this day and age, it's perfectly fine to be gay and I once thought that it was fine for people to take their time to process it, but since it's been turned against me twice now, I'm starting to get sick of having to wait for my parents and others frankly to accept my orientation. Would it have been better to rock up with a boyfriend and have my parents find out then? I know what I want in life and it's gonna be tough getting there, I just need to work hard at it.