Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Eleventwo Family breakdown
  • replies: 8

Almost a month ago I learnt something that completely shattered my family. It was a secret that some had known for many years, some for a couple of years, some for months and others for a couple of weeks. I was the last to know yet the one it affecte... View more

Almost a month ago I learnt something that completely shattered my family. It was a secret that some had known for many years, some for a couple of years, some for months and others for a couple of weeks. I was the last to know yet the one it affected the most. The cause of it was my husbands fault yet I find myself forgiving him and our relationship of 33 years continues. My problem is that I feel so much anger towards my sister and her family because of the way the news was broken to me. It was the day before my birthday, I had travelled across the world for what I thought was a holiday of a lifetime, they chose that time to tell me. They knew I had been planning and booking hotels etc , I feel ridiculed because they all knew the holiday wasn't going to happen. Why do I feel more angry about this than the actual issue? I feel so betrayed by my whole family, my husband included, although I find I can forgive him but no one else. I understand this might be hard to give advice on without explaining the whole issue, but I just want to get rid of this anger, anxiety and sleeplessness, I can't see an end to it.

Anonymous2109 My partner cheated on a perfect relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi, My partner and I have been together for nearly 9 months. A couple of weeks ago my best friend had told me that a mutual friend of ours had been receiving innapropriate messages from my him. I asked to check his phone (he NEVER has had any reserva... View more

Hi, My partner and I have been together for nearly 9 months. A couple of weeks ago my best friend had told me that a mutual friend of ours had been receiving innapropriate messages from my him. I asked to check his phone (he NEVER has had any reservations about me checking his phone and never hides his phone e.g. always has it out at the dinner table when we're together etc) and I didn't see any messages. My best friend then supplied me with the screenshots which basically revealed him begging this girl to come over to his house, and making comments about how comfy his bed is, despite her saying no several times. Now the weirdest part is he's only met this girl once, she's never given him any signs she was even remotely interested (judging by the messages they shared), and he knows for a fact that this girl is a lesbian, in a committed relationship, and both she and her girlfriend run in my social group?!?! Anyways after many tears and fights I decided to stay with him if only he could explain why he did it. He blurted out that it was to seek acceptance from her. Him and I have had a PERFECT relationship and I know he loves me to death considering he gives me ALL his time, energy, affection and love 24 hours of the day, 7 days a week. He treats me like an absolute queen ALL the time. Because of how great he is to me, I make an effort to always tell and show him how much I adore and appreciate him too. He has been an absolute perfect boyfriend to me and never betrayed my trust or even upset me until this point. He's an all round respectful person to everyone he comes across, and everyone in his life (his and my friends and family) think this is completely out of character for him. He is adopted, and has loving adopted parents, however he feels as though they are often unsupportive of his goals in life and this demotivates him, perhaps making him feel unaccepted. Also I notice that he is a chameleon, changing himself to please others. E.g. if he plays his favourite song/wants to go somewhere and someone says they don't like it, he will start bagging out the song/place too. He says he does this because he's afraid to be perceived as difficult or be unliked. He is also incredibly hard on himself when he fails at something, even if its no big deal. He'll call himself degrading names and become defeated. I can see that he wants to change, and is already taking small steps to be more assertive. Does anyone have tips on how I can work on these issues with him?

roadtoselflove86 Daughter of an narcissistic mother
  • replies: 2

I am a 33 year old female who was raised by a narcissistic mother. She was and is a hard woman to please hardly anything I ever did was good enough or to her high standards. Growing up she had high expectations of me which a majority of the time were... View more

I am a 33 year old female who was raised by a narcissistic mother. She was and is a hard woman to please hardly anything I ever did was good enough or to her high standards. Growing up she had high expectations of me which a majority of the time were not healthy. She was not affectionate in showing love. During my teens is when I realised that her love was conditional. My narcissistic mother always jumped at the chance to boast to others taking credit for my successes/achievements in my life. The last past 3 years when I still lived with my narcissistic mother most of time I use to argue with her as she was too controlling and did not respect me, my boundaries or my belongings. It felt suffocating as she would always threaten me verbally or physically (which I stood up for myself). She has made me think and feel guilty as to why she is the way she is. I dreaded going on outings with her as most of the time she would jokingly/intentionally say negative comments about me in front of family, friends even strangers. As of April this year I put my foot down and ‘broke the chains’ and finally decided to move out from staying with her (narcissistic mother) and move back to my Dads. Now that I have set boundaries I try and limit my contact with her. I have come to the realisation that she can not change. I know the daughter, mother relationship we had/have is tumultuous and toxic. I’m slowly regaining my ‘self’ my journey to being healed is an ongoing process that will take time, as I know I will have to learn/relearn healthy habits for the betterment of my mind, body and soul.

Blue_ocean My husband cheated with a prostitute
  • replies: 7

Hello I'm married 13 years. . My husband whom I love very much went away on a boys trip got drunk and went to a brothel. He hasn't admitted to it but his search history said he searched for brothels on the night he got completely drunk with his mates... View more

Hello I'm married 13 years. . My husband whom I love very much went away on a boys trip got drunk and went to a brothel. He hasn't admitted to it but his search history said he searched for brothels on the night he got completely drunk with his mates. Hos maps app says he asked for directions to get there. His mates ... They are all married. He has lied to me before and I believe in my heart that this isn't the first time. I'm lost destroyed heartbroken depressed and suffer bad anxiety. I'm so scared and find it hard to get out of bed. I have 3 young children and look at them And tell myself you have to pick yourself up and get up and look after your family and then I get hot and cold shivers and become sick ... I eat and throw up. I love my husband and believe Im a great wife I look after the house cook clean and run after the kids homework activities etc. I also work. I'm so destroyed when I'm near him I feel secure and when I'm away from him I get angry and emotional. I have thoughts of leaving him and I cant see myself alone without him raising our kids. I don't want to be without him and I'm struggling to find reasons to be with him. It's a nightmare. I say to myself put it behind you and move forward and it works for a day then I'm back to being helpless. I'm overwhelmed with responsibilities at the moment. Im just so lost and have no one to speak with.

Struggler99 Feel like I've got no one to talk to about my ideas
  • replies: 2

I get it. We all have our own priorities, commitments and schedules in life. I do too as well. I've been exercising, eating well, reading and meditating to develop a positive, resilient mindset. I'm striving to cultivate a disciplined, purposeful lif... View more

I get it. We all have our own priorities, commitments and schedules in life. I do too as well. I've been exercising, eating well, reading and meditating to develop a positive, resilient mindset. I'm striving to cultivate a disciplined, purposeful life. But one thing I seem to have a problem with is finding time to talk with my few chosen friends. I have few friends because I like to see them more as mentors and role models than leisure friendships. I'd like to learn from them and keep myself accountable on what I do. But them being few, they are often busy with their own commitments. That I have no problem with. More than that, I'm not really into "usual" mates or friends' night out. I'd rather go to restaurants, cinemas, museums or libraries than bars or nightclubs to hang out with people. I prefer these places than bars or nightclubs even though I can make it there. What really gets me going is talking about deep, meaningful conversations often centred around philosophy, spirituality, politics, culture and history. I feel like no one will get me if I start talking about Plato, Marcus Aurelius, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard or Solzhenitsyn. These topics are genuinely my own interests, and I don't see myself being "more intelligent" or "intellectual" than other people. Surely, it won't hurt to make a catch-up with at least one person once a week? I'm an introvert, a misanthrope. I have self - respect and understand that some people do their own thing. I'm alone, not lonely. I value human interactions and relationships, just not on a superficial level. I don't think I'll be needing help in making this post. Perhaps your own perspectives and insights so that I may see this "issue" of mine in a different light?

Blackg00 Thirty years of trust gone
  • replies: 3

Hello , today is my thirty year anniversary with my wife. I haven’t wished her any thing and I don’t know if I can right now. A bit over a year ago I received almost a hundred thousand dollars from a will. We had decided to finally buy a house with t... View more

Hello , today is my thirty year anniversary with my wife. I haven’t wished her any thing and I don’t know if I can right now. A bit over a year ago I received almost a hundred thousand dollars from a will. We had decided to finally buy a house with the money as a deposit. That fell through as my wife had fines , unpaid debts and multiple loans of which I knew nothing about of about 36 thousand , so we paid them out. Still no massive problem we both worked and we were saving . Then my wife got a new car $20k ok she needed a better car but we still had 40k in the bank. A few more bills and it was down to 30k , but these things happen. Then a bout six months ago my wife got sick and for the most part couldn’t work , I felt better knowing we had money in the bank to cover bills etc that was until the end of September when I finally looked into the account. My wife had spent 24k plus her sick pay and holiday pay and there was 6k left . That soon went on bills that she hadn’t paid . I am angry, frustrated and I cannot tell my family of what she has done , she just says she needed to escape and the money was her escape from her pain . I don’t know what to do , marriage is for life , just when I thought there was stability and a safety net , my partner threw it to the wind. Now it looks like she will never be able to work again , I am already working 60 hours a week for not a lot of money , it’s not like I am a young man at 52 years , but I cannot keep it up till I retire so I am at a loss of what to do. At this stage I am unwilling to give up on thirty years of marriage, but she betrayed us to the deepest core and it hurts me every time I look at her when I know now that she needs me more than ever. She thinks we will somehow all pull through but has no idea how that will happen , I haven’t had a day that I don’t worry about going under and loosing everything. It is affecting my moods and habits. I don’t talk to her the same way any more , sometimes I just grunt . She just says sorry but without any feeling , and still continues to plan holidays and cruises. I walk away when she starts to try and talk about them . Am I wrong or is thirty years not worth the pain and heartache, richer or poorer sickness and in health , I don’t want to give up , she is not helping with the way she pretends it’s only a minor problem.

Sigismunt Feeling of loss/bitterness/envy regarding the sexual intimacy
  • replies: 2

I am feeling a very harsh loss/bitterness/envy regarding the sexual intimacy. This has led to me having a periods of about 2-4 days of me feeling as if I were ill and no energy, but without any physiological symptoms such as temperature or cough. Thi... View more

I am feeling a very harsh loss/bitterness/envy regarding the sexual intimacy. This has led to me having a periods of about 2-4 days of me feeling as if I were ill and no energy, but without any physiological symptoms such as temperature or cough. This is usually triggered with the thoughts of sex that I crave. Also, I feel *loss* that I haven't had wild hormonal 18-20 yo sex, and can't get over it. I also have other responsibilities such as studying, which I can not fulfil during this period of feeling down. Also, I gave an oath that I will not have any long-term relationships, as a result of one of such down periods (~2 years ago). Otherwise wouldn't consider myself a man for breaking my own word/oath. I am a graduate student, 24 yo. I have had just 2 sexual partners. I have had options in life, showing interest, and kissing, about 6-8 girls (such as confesses/proposals to start relationships, but usually girls changed their mind later). I am very tall, better than average-average on looks, with some pluses and minuses, not ugly, but mb not a model. On a self-reported personality test, I am introverted (low energy, but medium assertiveness), highly neurotic, very highly disagreeable (0th percentile, very true) and high creativity/openness to experience. I am not an easy person, in short - not for myself, nor for others. Not a lot of friends. In the past I have had some psychotic breakouts due to the drug abuse (now clean). I am a child of scandalous divorce, where mother was neurotic (not terribly, but mb some oedipal thing + she had harsh swings of mood), father was absent (emotionally and physically), always away from home working. Mother also died quite some years ago. Before death she cycled between blame me for it, but then to loving. Very nasty dying. I want to understand how I could get the depression feeling under control, so that I could at least have less of these down periods, and ideally eliminate them.

Outofluck23 Marriage over.
  • replies: 5

After 4 years and one baby, and a tough year behind us, I sat my husband down to ask him to try harder or it was never going to work, his response "I don't want to try, it's over" I was so unhappy in our relationship (No intimacy, love affection or t... View more

After 4 years and one baby, and a tough year behind us, I sat my husband down to ask him to try harder or it was never going to work, his response "I don't want to try, it's over" I was so unhappy in our relationship (No intimacy, love affection or time together). So why am I feeling so horrible now? I am angry he was not willing to try, and I am sad for myself and now have 2 kids to 2 fathers and feel as though no one will ever love me again. We have to continue living together as I have no income and nowhere to go until I find a job. I spend my days barely holding it together until the kids go to bed so that I can crawl into bed too and break down and cry. I haven't eaten since he ended it, so 5 days now and the thought of food makes me sick, I'm not sleeping well either. I feel absolutely devastated even though I was unhappy in the relationship, I really wanted to try and make it work, I tried so hard and feel like he didn't try at all. How do I make it through the next weeks having to share a house with this man who seems completely unaffected by the relationship ending?

Once_bitten__twice_shy Here comes the rollercoaster...
  • replies: 1

Hmm where do I start? I'm sitting here at nearly 1am unable to sleep yet again. After 18 years and 2 children, my partner told me that he didn't love me amymore and wanted to leave. Cue rollercoaster of emotions number 1. Telling the kids, trying to ... View more

Hmm where do I start? I'm sitting here at nearly 1am unable to sleep yet again. After 18 years and 2 children, my partner told me that he didn't love me amymore and wanted to leave. Cue rollercoaster of emotions number 1. Telling the kids, trying to work, rejection, fear, loneliness, anger and I'm sure many others. Partner comes to me after 3 months and says he has made a terrible mistake. So without me truly thinking this through, I agree. After all, it would stop all of these awful emotions I was experiencing and we would be a happy family again. This went alright for 2 years until today when I find out he is cheating on me. Cue rollercoaster of emotions number 2 and all I can think is how the hell did I get here again? And the scariest part is that I know what is coming and it isn't the worst of it yet. I know I am strong and I know I will get through this maybe but all I can think is that I don't want this .

Canopygod Totally lost on a couple of issues....
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I have no idea on where to start on my messy situation, but I’ll try my best... My ex and I have broken up 18 months ago, I have since met this absolutely wonderful lady on tinder. She, at first was the most loving person I have ever met. She... View more

Hi all, I have no idea on where to start on my messy situation, but I’ll try my best... My ex and I have broken up 18 months ago, I have since met this absolutely wonderful lady on tinder. She, at first was the most loving person I have ever met. She was definitely the one I could spend the rest of my life with, even the sex was amazing and non stop. I am now living with her. In the past 3 weeks, most things on her behalf have stopped. She still tells me occasionally that she loves me, but that’s it. I have since found out she is texting her ex and has met him at her work. She says they are still friends. On top of all this, we are dealing with my ex, who is living in my house and I am not allowed back there as she has put a DVO on me, yet I never hit her, cause I threatened to turn the power off(in my name) she felt intimidated. The lies she is telling the police is unbelievable. I was escorted off my own place by Police. We were together for 7 years. Everything is 100% in my name,as she had always wanted. She has never paid a cent for anything, all she paid for was the groceries. Now, the solicitor’s are loving me and she just sits there for free. She is not willing to cooperate in any way. I have been told that she now wants to get back at me.