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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Pregnantandterrified What happened to my family?
  • replies: 2

Since battling a mystery disease, I’ve felt more and more isolated from my immediate family. I’ve got nowhere with the supposed “wonders of modern medicine” and so, whilst waiting for a specialist appointment I had researched, I’ve joined support gro... View more

Since battling a mystery disease, I’ve felt more and more isolated from my immediate family. I’ve got nowhere with the supposed “wonders of modern medicine” and so, whilst waiting for a specialist appointment I had researched, I’ve joined support groups, I’ve taken herbs and seen natural practitioners.... all with the goal of kicking this illness, breaking the code and getting back to me again. Who ever “me” is now. The problem is, my husband has not supported me in anyway through this journey. I’ve been told to snap out of it, I’ve been told my issue is a mental one. He’s even said that as far as he’s concerned there is nothing wrong with me, and I just don’t want to be better. I was heartbroken and distraught that someone could say that to me, with all I’m doing to try and heal! See, the problem is that I do t look unwell. I have a multitude of serious neurological symptoms, some that you can see, others you can’t and they come and go. I have never suffered with mental illness. Even now, I am clear and rational in my decisions and my expectations of managing this. I’m not expecting a silver bullet, just hoping for some quality of life.... and hopefully a few more years worth of life. I feel defeated. I’m exhausted. I’m even a little depressed. Because the reality of this illness is endless pain, suffering and hopelessness. If I even mention my illness, or that I wasn’t well enough to do something my husband makes it into an argument. Telling me I’m unhinged. Telling me the only thing that is preventing me, is me. That’s the hardest part. He thinks I’m being like this on purpose. What do I do? I have my first neurologist appointment on Monday. I’m hopeful that I will get a diagnosis and hopefully treatment for my quality of life. But I’m also terrified. I have a three year old son.... how does one prepare for bad news? How do I cope if this is an end game for me? so far I’ve heard everything from MS, the brain tumour to autoimmune disease to functional neurological disease. I’m overwhelmed because I don’t want any of these! I just want to go back to happy. Back to the way my family use to be. Back to myself. I feel like this will be the end of my marriage, if not the end of my life. I just don’t know what to do.

mugichan My husband is suffering from anxiety and won't do anything about it
  • replies: 1

Hi All, My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married for one year. We both suffer from anxiety but I've been regularly seeing a psychologist, on medication, and implement a lot of positive strategies in my life. I've been struggling with ... View more

Hi All, My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married for one year. We both suffer from anxiety but I've been regularly seeing a psychologist, on medication, and implement a lot of positive strategies in my life. I've been struggling with the fact that he refuses to do anything about managing his anxiety, instead he withdraws from me, will play video games/watch tv as avoidance or act cranky around me. He never wants to talk about it, and when he is anxious he expects me to pick up responsibilities in our life (e.g. housework, cooking etc). I'm empathetic because I understand what anxiety can do to you, but I'm struggling with the negative effect it's having on me. I feel alone in the relationship, and that I have tip toe around him to not set off his anxiety further. When I ask him to help around the house he just says he's too anxious to think about anything right now. I've asked him in the past to see a psychologist but he says there's no point. Sometime's I feel like I'm married to a bad room mate and not a life partner. I don't know what to do.

Bluebell1 Feel lonely and neglected
  • replies: 5

I’ve been with my partner for 18months and I’ve come to a crossroad. In 18months nothing has progressed we still live seperately he gets angry when I bring up living together he also does his sport twice a day almost every day so we see each other on... View more

I’ve been with my partner for 18months and I’ve come to a crossroad. In 18months nothing has progressed we still live seperately he gets angry when I bring up living together he also does his sport twice a day almost every day so we see each other once a week if that he says he will make more time but in 18months nothing has changed I’ve seen him a handful of times since the start of this year i feel like an after thought or part time girlfriend rather than apart of his life it hurts so much to think of ending it but I’m at a loss as to what to do when we spend time together it’s good but I feel like he wants to keep his life exactly the same with me in it how do I make him see he needs to compromise and make me a priority

Cranberry_Juice Relationship stress and anxiety
  • replies: 1

I have been seeing this woman for about 3 months now and things are moving forward and she started accusing me of lying to her all the time about things I have to said to impress her, this is starting to trigger the anxiety and sending me back into d... View more

I have been seeing this woman for about 3 months now and things are moving forward and she started accusing me of lying to her all the time about things I have to said to impress her, this is starting to trigger the anxiety and sending me back into deep depression, I dontwant to go through this drama all over again as I married a Narcissist and this drove me to the point of nearly ending my life as I was constantly accused of cheating and I can never do that in a relationship. Not sure weather to put my wall back up around my heart and think about every sentence I say to her or just to walk away and be alone again I have a beautiful heart and I give it out to easy and it keeps getting stomped on.

Ami29 Concerned and don't know what to do
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am so concerned about my friend and unsure what steps to take to get her help. I am not a qualified mental health practitioner but I strongly believe she is in need of help. My friend is in her late 40's with wonderful children. She got out of ... View more

Hi, I am so concerned about my friend and unsure what steps to take to get her help. I am not a qualified mental health practitioner but I strongly believe she is in need of help. My friend is in her late 40's with wonderful children. She got out of an abusive relationship more than 10 years ago and immediately started a long distance relationship with a childhood friend who lives in another country. She has made 2 trips to visit her partner overseas. On her first trip they got engaged and she got pregnant with her 5th child. After her first trip she started having doubts about his fidelity. She encouraged friends of her Fiance to report on his activities, specifically any female companions he may have. She would reward them by providing financial assistance. She then decided that monitoring him through social media was also required. she connected with an individual working at a telephone company in the country her fiance lives who convinced her that they had the capacity & access to an individuals chats and sms messages (regardless of the country they are in). The individual sends transcripts which supposedly prove her suspicion that her husband has been unfaithful. She has accused almost every female friend she has & two of her daughters of trying to interfere in her relationship by trying to break them up, that the friends are secretly chatting to her Fiance and promising to help him migrate. She is convinced that transcripts being fabricated by her contact are real and factual. I have tried to explain that its not possible to do. Even to explain that its a serious invasion of privacy but all efforts fall on deaf ears. She does not get sufficient sleep because she is awake most nights monitoring her suspects. she keeps saying everyone is a suspect, I trust no one. Her breakdown and paranoia is going unnoticed. Maybe not unnoticed because i'm concerned. How do I help her to get help. Or is it a case of you cant help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

Em_Em Broken - Divorced - New Relationship - New Baby - Cheated on how much more can one take
  • replies: 2

I was married for 15 years to what I thought was the love of my life but turned into a nightmare domestic violence, controlling, manipulative. It started shortly after having my first child. I used to think it was only when he was drinking but I was ... View more

I was married for 15 years to what I thought was the love of my life but turned into a nightmare domestic violence, controlling, manipulative. It started shortly after having my first child. I used to think it was only when he was drinking but I was wrong. I have 3 children to this man I lived in hell I had no life I was shut off from my family and friends. I had to take my daughter to her first day of school with a bruised and swollen eye hidden with make up and sunglasses the best way I could this became on of many times I had to hide. A little while down the track I meet a new guy a little younger then me but he helped me he picked me up and helped with my children (id always thought that no one would want me I was broken and unrepairable). What did I have to loose finally a man that treated me right and loved me the way I deserved to be loved. Until I noticed changes in his behaviour I found him to be messaging other women. I checked his phone and found that he was messaging another younger female much younger I packed his bags and had them ready for when he got home. He come in I was devastated I told him I had seen the messaged and that I wanted him gone he assured me that it wasn't him that someone else had send them messaged even know some of the context in which they where wrote screamed out that they where him and he was soo upset and looked like he was sorry I let him stay. Shortly after again I found him to be messaging another female I caught it real early and cause there was nothing sexually about it I let it slide. Not long after I found out I was pregnant being 36 years of age my clock was ticking I was excited to be having another child. She is now nearly 6 months old and I have again caught him texting another female this time it went from 0 to 100 in pretty much an instance. Im broken Im sad Im lost - I dont know what to do Im sick of fighting in life Im sick of always having it hard Im a good person why do I deserve this

PsychedelicFur Being A Solitary Loner
  • replies: 3

Hello there, for most of my life I have been in immeasurable sadness due to being a ‘Lone Wolf’ or as it is formally addressed ‘A Solitary Loner’ I understand that it is great to have recreational time where you can relax, cleanse your mind and prior... View more

Hello there, for most of my life I have been in immeasurable sadness due to being a ‘Lone Wolf’ or as it is formally addressed ‘A Solitary Loner’ I understand that it is great to have recreational time where you can relax, cleanse your mind and prioritise self care but at the same time my whole days revolve around studying, because I prioritise my studies. And also doing lots of creative things to preoccupy my mind from the depressed and unbearable thoughts of loneliness. I see people my age on social media with their best friends venturing out to the city, seeing live gigs and eating lunch together. It slightly stings me within side, the fact is I don’t have that. I find it excruciatingly difficult to mix with people of my age bracket. It’s horrible. It is such a lonely, heart wrenching, unwelcoming, cold and isolating feeling. It’s hard to mix with people. It’s hard to be social, in fact it is so emotionally draining to be social. I’m always 99% someone’s second preference. They speak to me and then their friend suddenly appears and it is as if I no longer exist. These are the only thoughts my mind can articulate at this point in time. thank you very much, Psychedelicfur

HavaHeart What do I do? So unsure...
  • replies: 2

I thought we were forever we have been together since I was 16, going on 18years, married 10, kids, house and a whole life. It came crashing down in December, my world I knew was a joke. December 13th the kids and I went back to our home town to for ... View more

I thought we were forever we have been together since I was 16, going on 18years, married 10, kids, house and a whole life. It came crashing down in December, my world I knew was a joke. December 13th the kids and I went back to our home town to for my mum 60th whilst my husband stayed home for 2 days; when I got there my parents told me dads battle with cancer was not going well and there was nothing the doctors could do he may have a few weeks. After crying to my husband on phone he told me to stay to spend time with my dad. This was strange to me as he lies alot. I would monitor his messages on Facebook. 17th Dec after saying good night I read the most painful thing. He had a girl we Knew 12 years ago an old neighbor stayed Over they fooled around (no sex just for play). I was broken! I wrote back telling them I was reading their story for few days. husband called 1 min later denying it but I sent him a screenshot of all they had said The next few days were a blur he was sorry he wanted us. it was awkward when we got home, he didn’t say a thing. Then we started fighting every single day I wanted answers he didn’t want to give, I wanted the story and he gave more lies, I wanted him to change and he thought he shouldn’t have to he thought isolating himself from us and ignoring it will make it all ok. He shouted at me, he blamed me he called me names he just didn’t want to hear anything I had to say. Things were not good but not bad but The kids and I went back home at the start of January and my dad passed away on the 15th I was the strong one of my family and had to hold it together But when home I wanted to know the truth and we had a huge fall out I was done and I expressed that if he can’t be honest with me I would help him pack his bags. He stuck to his story. As usual he turned it round on me and made out I was loosing the plot needed to calm down and work on myself, sadly this worked for I started to change myself while he changed nothing. I still did absolutely everything round the house and kids whilst working while he changed nothing. I did whatever he wanted while he still yelled and called me names. I had enough so I messaged her for her side, no reply until today. my heart broke again as it turned out he lied about so many things and they had done this 12 years ago when we were neighbors. what to do? what to say to him? my life I know has ceased to exist I am wonder about other times I thought he had cheated!i am lost! Help

Takingtime Small but now big
  • replies: 1

I have been with my partner for over 10 years. It is difficult to explain how life effecting it is when your partner repeatedly can not remember/ denies/ says you are making up things/changes his mind when referring to important conversations. This h... View more

I have been with my partner for over 10 years. It is difficult to explain how life effecting it is when your partner repeatedly can not remember/ denies/ says you are making up things/changes his mind when referring to important conversations. This has meant that he dominate any life plans we make together because nothing we bring to the table in partnership is able to be considered relatively solid. I feel like an idiot for taking 10 yrs to wake up to how crippling this has been to my life. It means everything runs to a dead end ... I could see him always making changes for himself but just realising being in partnership with someone who isn’t understanding partnership and the importance of communication holding meaning - means I barely exist and have been always thinking we would be able to eventually make plans that considered us both. I don’t know what to do.

Beach26 Lost feelings and super confused
  • replies: 3

I am struggling and don’t know who to ask for help! I’m engaged however my relationship hasn’t been one for a while, only when it really suits him He can be very horrible in how he talks to me and controlling, I believe he suffers depression but won’... View more

I am struggling and don’t know who to ask for help! I’m engaged however my relationship hasn’t been one for a while, only when it really suits him He can be very horrible in how he talks to me and controlling, I believe he suffers depression but won’t get any help. I have tired for almost 2 and a half year to bring us back together but now they he is trying, I just can’t I feel no connection anymore , we just moved into a new house and I thought he would relax a little but just turns to drinking to help the problem, in which I get put down and he will turn a situation into making me feel guilty. One of my super close male friends has helped me through seeing that isn’t how it’s meant to be. He has also confessed feelings a few months ago in which I didn’t think I had for him . However as I pushed them to the side I have realised how much I do care about him and how it is meant to feel loved by someone. I have kissed my friend it just happened and no words will explain it. However since then he said he cant talk to me as it hurts him to much hearing all the nasty comments my fiancé makes towards me and knowing I am still with my fiancé because he knows the truth. I really do want to leave my relationship but I’m scared of hurting my fiancé.im scared of being left with nothing. Even though for the first time in my life I need to put myself first and follow my heart. I just really don’t know what to do anymore