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I'm not Lying ..

Community Member

Something is really confusing me at home at the moment, and it's causing me to be quite anxious when I go to sleep. I also feel rather embarrassed by it and also extremely alone, as I don't even know if anyone else has had a similar issue.. and if you have, please let me know how or if you fixed it.

Bare with me as I try to explain - because for me, it's quite hard to pop into words.

I've been with my partner for 10 years, and over the last 6 months or so we've been having a few issues, but in the last few weeks, something is coming up to which I see as paranoia, but my partner thinks i'm lying.

At night as I try to go to sleep, I am at that point of drifting off, when my partner accuses me of , in no uncertain terms, "getting myself off". Apparently he can here things, I am moving my legs, and my hand, even though I sleep with my hands under my head because that's the most comfortable, and the only time they move is if I need to scratch my leg.

I get angry, of course I do, because he always wants to talk about it when i'm about to go to sleep. The problem is, he thinks he's right and I am lying. It's gotten to a point that I now sleep with the light on, to prove nothing is going on. He says "why won't you just discuss it with me and talk about it".. to which I reply " there is nothing to discuss, because there is NOTHING going on."

He gets offended that I would even say that nothing is happening, and then gets angry , slams doors and storms out of the house. Saying he feels used and that he feels like i'd rather do that, then have sex with him.

Here's the thing, i'm not doing anything, all I want to do is sleep. That's it.

So usually the next day I wake up to 10 or so text messages where he accuses me of all a range of stuff. 

I know that I am telling the truth, I KNOW that nothing is going on. I KNOW that when I go to the toilet i'm actually GOING to the toilet and I actually DO flush cause well if you don't that's gross.

I'm just at a loss, I don't know what to do. No matter what I say, OR what I prove he still doesn't believe me.

Please help .... because it's getting out of control.

2 Replies 2

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Foxy_82,

Thank you for your post. I'm sorry that you haven't had a reply for a few days.

From my own experience, and although it's not really helpful - you are kind of limited in what you can do if you aren't lying. If you were, then yes - you have options, but you aren't - so, you are virtually stuck. If it was the case of showing them your phone as proof, you can turn the light on - or sleep on top of the blankets (?), but ultimately this issue is about him and not yourself.

I'm wondering why your partner is so convinced that you are lying, particularly knowing you've been together for 10 years and it's only started 6 months ago. Is there something that's happened maybe to trigger those feelings that he has? You said in your post that you've had some issues, and that makes me curious that maybe something has happened to trigger a sense of insecurity? You don't have to answer this of course, but this might be something to think about given this is relatively new.


Community Member

Hey Foxy,

Perhaps this perspective may help...

I find that the primary reason why someone believes another person is lying is because their words dont match their actions. When you hear someone say something, but then see them do something different, it does start to build a level of distrust that the other person finds it easier to lie than to be honest.

Now of course this has absolutely nothing to do with the claim that he is making, but this claim may be a side effect of something else. Is there anything else in your life where you might say things and not follow through? It is possible that there is something else going on and it just happens to be manifesting this way because in his mind it may be seen as the same thing.

I often find that it usually isn't the surface "first reaction" that is usually what is wrong, often there are layers underneath that you need to reach to find the real issue