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Community Member

Hi All,

Some advice...

Was in a relationship and because of some circumstances met and connected with someone also in a relationship, who shared similar issues. We used each other as a communication platform to discuss ways to improve what was happening in each of our relationships.

From there feelings grew and I left my relationship. She has confessed her feelings for me and how much she wants to get out and wants to be with me. I've tried to take a step back, I've tried to give her options to talk to someone - neither have been options. She feels trapped in her relationship and that she believes in a few months she could leave.

I am so torn, I miss her, I want to be with her - but when I need her she can never be with me. She apologises but keeps telling me how much she needs and wants me.

The major issues she does not want to leave is she left and has come back, kids involved and the partner has gone back to where it was before. She feels resentment towards this person and feels terrible for her kids that she would drag them away again. She is terribly unhappy and having a few health issues without any support.

What do I do? I cant sleep, my stomach churns and my chest aches... I cant walk away -> i have asked her what would happen if the roles were reversed and she says she would wait for me....

1 Reply 1

Community Member

Hi Needing Help

It sounds like an extremely difficult and emotional situation that you are in, and I'm very sympathetic. Matters of the heart always hurt the most.

Its hard to accurately give advise when you don't know both parties and the situation personally, but to be very honest with you, her claims saying she wants to leave, be with you, would wait for you, etc, they all sound very vague. As much as it would deeply hurt to consider the possibility, is it possible she is using you as a fantasy escape from the reality of her life? With no intention of making that fantasy a reality?

Because it doesn't sound like there is anything specific stopping her from leaving now to be with you. It's not like she's 'waiting for her youngest to finish primary school' or 'after Christmas' or 'after her parents 50th wedding anniversary' and there's a real actual plan in place.

Its concerning when you need her that she's never there - how are your wants and needs met? Are you satisfied with the current situation? Do you believe it will be resolved soon?

I understand you're saying you can't walk away, and she's saying she would wait for you, but words are cheap. Is it an option to take a 3 or 6 month break away from each other, and if she's ready to leave then, do it. If she's unhappy with her current partner and has genuine feelings for you, then surely she would be able to easily walk away.

Relationships are complex and adulting is really hard. I wish you the best and hope everything turns out well for you both.