I feel like my teenage daughter hates me
I really feel for you in this situation. I can tell you love your daughter. However, it sounds like she has overstepped the mark a number of times and worse has been allowed to get away with it.
She lives in your house. Thereby she should live by your rules. If within those rules privileges are provided. If outside the rules, privileges are removed. The rules should be set up front, consistent and enforced by both parents. THIS WILL BE HARD AT TIMES AND TAKES COURAGE AND PRACTICE.
As parents you are trying to set her up for life outside home. Outside home, there are rules in society enforced by laws. Abuse someone and you can be charged with assault. Damage anothers property and its willful destruction where damages must be paid, etc..
The hardest bit is that it is nearly impossible to talk sense to someone emotionally agitated. They must be calm enough to work with before meaningful conversations can be had. Sometimes this will take weathering the storm before dialog can be had. BOTH parties must be calm.
Seek assistance from those that manage this successfully. Get professional outside help if you need to. Getting harmony in a family is HARD work and takes continuous effort and communication.
Lastly, do not concern yourself with your daughters boyfriends parents. If your daughter is spreading lies, they will come back to hurt her far more than you.
Hopefully some of this helps some.