Dealing with a narcissistic ex boyfriend/ father of my son
Hi Livvyloo, welcome
The borderline's suggestion has some merit. But we have to be wary of a few issues- like children.
"The grey rock method is a practice where an individual becomes emotionally non-responsive, boring, and virtually acts like a rock. Emotional detachment serves to undermine a narcissist’s attempts to lure and manipulate, causing them to grow uninterested and bored. The grey rock method takes away what the narcissist needs and desires most–attention."
I've been in a marriage with a woman with narcissism tendancies and have an estranged mother that is narcissistic at its worse. My First wife and I split when our girls were 7 and 4yo so I still had to deal with her on issues dealing with the children like parent and teacher nights, visitations as I worked shift work so my times I could have my kids varied, diet, child support and so on. It was really hard and annoying.
My strategy was- communicate when you have to but never discuss friendship nor talk about your social life etc. Ink in the boundaries and don't let him go past them. Be friendly but not a friend. If he rings and wants to talk about a problem he has -
financially- "go to a financial advisor, it's the common avenue for those problems"
his family- " its your family not mine, sorry I cant help"
About you and his relationship before the split- "I'm sorry I have moved on but I wish you all the best"
So, short, to the point but not nasty or you'll pay the price in conflict.
Finally, narcissism, for those suffering the medical level of it and are trying to better their lives by seeking treatment is a serious mental disorder. We should all be proud of you for getting help. Those not getting help and making others lives a misery should consider going to their GP and being open about any behavior that appears to be causing social issues.
Welcome to the forums. I’m glad you’ve reached out here because that sounds like a tough situation to be in. I just wanted to let you know of a website that I’ve come across before that you might find helpful for family and friends of people with Personality Disorders:
It has lots of information to help you understand what you’re going through, as well as sections on ‘what not to do’ and ‘what to do’ that could be useful. They also have a forum, where you may be able to get more feedback from others in a similar position.
I hope this helps. You’re doing a brave thing facing this, I know it’s not easy. Take care.