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Finding it really hard to go no contact with my mum

Community Member
I’m finding it really hard to go no contact with my abusive mum, it is heart breaking my heart but she has always been very nasty and makes me feel awful about myself so I feel it is the best decision to never talk to her again but I don’t know how to cope with that. Feeling extremely anxious, sad and mixed emotions. Does anyone have any suggestions to get through this and to cope? Feeling isolated and like no one else understands as their mother would never do what mine has. Thank you
3 Replies 3

Community Member

Hello there Sunshine981991,

hope you are doing well despite what is happening right now.
I have a similar issue that is happening in my life. Although my mother wasn’t physically abusive she has been quite emotionally distant/unavailable from me for quite a long time, ever since I was a little baby. I do understand to a degree, I acknowledge and recognise that my issue is somewhat significantly different to what you are going through. It only makes me unhappy when people have to go no contact with others in their lives because those people are somewhat toxic or mean. However in some cases you are not alone.
You are so strong. There was a very thought provoking saying I heard a few weeks ago ‘the hardest part is surviving the abuse.’
If you survived the abuse you can survive the healing and recovery process. It takes time. And it typically feels worse when you are in the moment, trouble doesn’t last forever. And problems don’t last forever. I acknowledge the fact that sometimes it feels like their isn’t any reason to hang on, believe me. I feel those thoughts sometimes too. But you were point on this earth for a reason, you have a soul purpose.
start setting goals for yourself. Take a walk. It’s time to heal and time to take care of yourself. Do something creative! That has helped me immensely whilst recovering from not having my mother around me anymore. You WILL and CAN get through this.

Don’t feel guilty for going no contact with your mother. The real question is when you are around her how does she make you feel? Does she drain your energy and make you feel so insignificant? If the answer is ‘yes’ then try and limit the time you spend with her. Our mental health is important. And we need to realise that even though we love someone so much it can be draining and very difficult to associate with them. And that is all OK. There is nothing wrong with you and many people go through what you are going through at the moment. It may not feel like it now but you are not at all alone.

keep persevering on. Stay true. Set some goals so you can start looking after yourself. Self care is not an extra, it is a necessity. Take a bath. Plan a weekend away. Do something that preoccupies your mind from what you are going through.

remember to take care and it really isn’t your fault.

have a blissful day,


Apologises for my spelling mistake. It was meant to say ; ‘you were put on this earth for a reason and a soul purpose’

Community Champion
Community Champion

Welcome to the forums,Sunshine. There are supportive and friendly people here.

when the one person who should be protective and supportive lets you down it would be heart breaking.

am not sure if writing helps but you could write something to your mum and of course never send it but just write down how you are feeling and if you date the letters/emails you may find that your mood is changing/

This may not work for you but I know it has helped others.

Keep on posting here letting us know how you are feeling.