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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_9043 Nieces Graduation-Cannot attend. Feeling very sad and hurt.
  • replies: 3

It is my nieces Year 6 Graduation on the 10th Dec. I got an invite to go but decided not to as I am not well due to a nervous breakdown about past childhood abuse and would not help me seeing the perps with no support. I attended her Kindergarten Gra... View more

It is my nieces Year 6 Graduation on the 10th Dec. I got an invite to go but decided not to as I am not well due to a nervous breakdown about past childhood abuse and would not help me seeing the perps with no support. I attended her Kindergarten Graduation, I attended when she started her first day of school and I have tried as much as possible to remain in her life and know whats happening for her. I couldnt' take anymore abuse. I am barely coping with my childhood stuff and now have to deal with the many years of control over me when it came to seeing Mia. Even reading those words breaks my heart into pieces. For those who have been reading my posts would know I recently cut contact with my mother and my father doesn't exist to me. I know that Mia will be fine with me not attending. I have had to work through that which has been very hard for me. I have to keep myself safe though. I have bought Mia gifts for her graduation and a card. I will be sending them off tomorrow. I bought her a diary to write in saying you are one in a million, I bought her a book to write in titled writing my future. I bought her a unicorn figurine to hold onto when she is nervous and as a reminder that I believe in her and two very nice ballpoint pens. I wrapped it up in puppy dog gift wrap as I know she loves dogs. I guess it is my way of showing her how much I love her and a way of having my influence in her life. She is old enough to send emails now so we occasionally email. I have made sure she knows throughout her life how much I do love her and will always be there for her. I feel immense anger towards my sister for robbing me of someone that meant everything to me. I still cry over it. It wasn't enough for both my parents to steal my childhood and young adulthood but my sister decided to take it one step further and rob me of my niece and also rob my niece of me. I never had any children of my own and never will so having Mia although I respected her mother and her mother doing the raising, I felt Mia was my little piece of joy that I could be an aunt to her. I had many hopes and dreams and the love I had and still have for Mia was akin to a mothers love. I am slowly but very painfully letting go of Mia a bit more. She is 12 now and she knows where I am and she knows I will always be there for her. I have to take care of my broken heart and that I have fallen to pieces over it. I can take no more. Need some support. Thanks.

goldenlocks WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?
  • replies: 5

He has a restraining order against me, but he says to me: "I have always liked you but I have kept it from you."

He has a restraining order against me, but he says to me: "I have always liked you but I have kept it from you."

Dimitra Alone and confused
  • replies: 1

I love my husband (like a father figure) and have two little kids with him. Life has been financially comfortable but very lonely. I met someone else who feels more suited to who I am today and has similar mindset, goals and issues. I told my husband... View more

I love my husband (like a father figure) and have two little kids with him. Life has been financially comfortable but very lonely. I met someone else who feels more suited to who I am today and has similar mindset, goals and issues. I told my husband about this attraction and we both felt I needed to move out.That was 5 months ago. Im still in limbo - scared to move forward and scared to 'stay'. Has anyone ever experienced this?

Jilted Lonely and alone
  • replies: 5

It’s been a year since I’ve posted. I’ve left my marriage, amicably as it turns out - husband wasn’t happy with me either. I’ve moved to where my friends are but am very lonely. It’s a beautiful day outside and I’ve spent it in my room. I share a hou... View more

It’s been a year since I’ve posted. I’ve left my marriage, amicably as it turns out - husband wasn’t happy with me either. I’ve moved to where my friends are but am very lonely. It’s a beautiful day outside and I’ve spent it in my room. I share a house now with other renters and only have a few of my own possessions. My affair continues but he now wants to have some time to think. My job is coming to an end. I don’t know what to do from here. Some days a have no willingness to move. And feel so guilty if I waste a day pining. How do people get through similar situations? I’m contemplating going back to husband but know that the cycle will repeat. I don’t want him to be unhappy just so I am not alone. Seems an impossible situation. Your thoughts?

stewiegriff318 Wife of 14yrs has left me
  • replies: 2

My wife of 14 years has decided to throw in the towel and give up on our marriage after she found out i lied about having her login details for her facebook. I feel it has to be more than just this but she isn't telling me the whole truth. She has sa... View more

My wife of 14 years has decided to throw in the towel and give up on our marriage after she found out i lied about having her login details for her facebook. I feel it has to be more than just this but she isn't telling me the whole truth. She has said she doesn't give up on her marriage that easily when we have fought and then for her to say that she is done is completely out of the blue. She has gone to the the extreme to tell everyone what i have done and now feel like she is moving on and not telling me anything at all cause she doesnt trust me. Its been 3 days now we are on talking terms still but feel that no matter what i do to get help for my insecurities she will still leave me even though she has known about these issues from when she first met me.i dont know what to do. Im actually scared ive lost her and dunno what else to do. I do have some support people who have said to just leave her be and not message her but it is so hard.

Anonymously01 Parents want to kick me out
  • replies: 3

Im 18 years old and have no job or money. My parents want to kick me out of home and being homeless terrifies me. I have low vision and cannot see well especially at night so I'm not sure what to do...I am still trying to complete school and get a jo... View more

Im 18 years old and have no job or money. My parents want to kick me out of home and being homeless terrifies me. I have low vision and cannot see well especially at night so I'm not sure what to do...I am still trying to complete school and get a job but with low vision it has made things difficult. I know it's legal to leave at 18 but i don't have anywhere to go.

Guest_9043 Acknowledging Childhood and Adulthood abuse by my mother.
  • replies: 6

As the title says, this is all very recent, extremely raw and beyond what I can manage on my own. I am 40 years old now and I feel SO ANGRY. I am angry yes because of what happened, yet also angry because I have had enough robbed of me and now I am h... View more

As the title says, this is all very recent, extremely raw and beyond what I can manage on my own. I am 40 years old now and I feel SO ANGRY. I am angry yes because of what happened, yet also angry because I have had enough robbed of me and now I am having more robbed of me. I need support and maybe some advice for me to decide and make a choice on what I feel is best. To cut a long story short, I was abused by all three family members. Father, Mother and Sister. Extended family- NIL relationships. I have not had contact with my father for ten years now and I highly doubt will ever see him again because I actually do not want to. At this point I have no contact with my sister or mother. They can only contact me via email. I feel incensed when I see something from them there. I just want to ignore it and not respond to be honest. It sound easy to just not respond but it isn't. It brings a lot of emotion and confusion for me. I'm trying to decide whether to cut contact while I am trying to deal with this massive blow. I got an email from my mother today asking for my postal address. I assume she wishes to send me a Christmas card. I do not know what to do. I went into a stressed and confused state. I don't want anything. I have let them know briefly I am not going to spend Christmas with them. It will not be good for me at all. I showed no emotion or feeling in my emails because well they don't do emotion and feelings, mostly mine. Theirs, well the world revolves around the both of them and my mother still thinks I play the roles for her she gave me as a child. I have not recovered from that at all. The damage it did to me and the way I developed growing up was because of the specific types of abuse from her. I was her therapist looking after her when she could not look after herself, neglected and abandoned in so many different ways. It was hard for me as a kid. I hated him immensely for that. It's hard now how to feel because I was being abused by both parents. Sometimes I don't know how to feel because it is so confusing. All I know is that I cannot have them in my life at all right now. They don't even know what I am dealing with. It's all about them. I can't talk to them because I will just be ignored, invalidated and/or abused. So I really have no option but to have no contact for now. My issue is that how do I do that? Do I tell them, do I say nothing. Thanks all.

Burdy Reconnecting with father after 30 years, should I?
  • replies: 7

As some of you may have read in my previous thread, I have recently come to terms with being raised by my mother who has undiagnosed NPD. I have decided that for my own health and well being it is time for me to cease contact with her and through thi... View more

As some of you may have read in my previous thread, I have recently come to terms with being raised by my mother who has undiagnosed NPD. I have decided that for my own health and well being it is time for me to cease contact with her and through this process some other issues have bubbled up to the surface which I am dealing with quite well with the support of my amazing husband. one of those issues is whether or not to contact my biological father after so many years. As I now understand it he was parentally alienated by my mother, I remember that he did attempt contact with me for some years but I was a bit brain washed into believing he had essentially abandoned us and only made contact when he felt like it etc etc, so at age 15ish I myself to him to leave off and never contact me again (with mother standing behind me while I was on the phone). Yet he continued to try and make contact, admittedly only once a year or so but makes me now think he tried as he could whilst being blocked by my mother and never just went away and forgot about us. My questions around contacting him are now that I understand what happened I feel I owe him an apology of sorts for assisting my mother to push him out of my life. But at the same time I don't really know this man, he is a stranger to me. Also, what effect will my contacting him have on him and his family? Will it be hurtful to him as he has maybe found peace in getting on with his life with his new family? I did contact him about 15 yrs ago when I first started to question my mothers motives, we met for a drink and he seemed happy to see me. He was open and honest and answered all my questions but at that time I was still somewhat under my mothers spell and got into a lot of trouble by contacting him (even though I was 30 yr old adult) so the meeting was just that 2 hour drink and I have not had any contact since. I don't feel like he is missing from my life as I don't really know him but I do feel like I owe him something as he must have his own questions around why his children rejected him and I realise now it would have been painful for him. Or do I let sleeping dogs lay?

Brent01 My wife wants divorce feeling lost
  • replies: 7

So my wife of 8 years wants a divorce,I'm lost depressed anxious,I have to move out,and my former mother in law is my boss,I'm just so down and don't no what to do

So my wife of 8 years wants a divorce,I'm lost depressed anxious,I have to move out,and my former mother in law is my boss,I'm just so down and don't no what to do

JyeJye I can’t find love
  • replies: 2

Hello My name is Jye I’m 19 and I just cannot find love no girl finds me attractive I don’t know what it is about me like I’m literally extremely loyal I’m so kind to women I’m a little overweight but I’m tall I always cry my self to sleep at night I... View more

Hello My name is Jye I’m 19 and I just cannot find love no girl finds me attractive I don’t know what it is about me like I’m literally extremely loyal I’m so kind to women I’m a little overweight but I’m tall I always cry my self to sleep at night I’m depressed I often think about just quitting I’ve never had love all I want is for someone to care and love me