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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Heartbroken_and_Confused What am I doing wrong?
  • replies: 3

Hey! I'm a 30yo previously very sexually active woman who has been with her partner since JAN19 - he is 35yo. I have spoken to my psych abt this but its just not making any sense and they have given me advise but I just dont know. He has not wanted t... View more

Hey! I'm a 30yo previously very sexually active woman who has been with her partner since JAN19 - he is 35yo. I have spoken to my psych abt this but its just not making any sense and they have given me advise but I just dont know. He has not wanted to have sex with me or be intimate in any way at all. I cant even tell you the last time we "french" kissed. I live alone and he lives with his mum and with that said - he has stayed over at my house 4 times and when I say stayed over, he is fully clothed - tracksuit, jumper and all. Nothing sexy - nothing! We have spoken about it and he tells me it is because he has severe body dismorphia and hates himself so incredibly much. I understand as best I can and I am being so incredibly patient. I am having doubts because we have not progressed in the relationship and it has triggered my anxiety something horrendous. Because of this I feel like I am unattractive, unwanted and undesired by the man I love. This has aided in my meds increasing, substantial weight gain and just concerned for my/our future. I want children and so does he however I have health issues that can cause infertility and difficulty getting pregnant - So how will we have babies?? How can I fall pregnant if we have sex once a year - if we even have sex this year! Am I wasting my time? Should I call the quits? It hurts because I feel we are so good for one another but we are not on the same page here and it is really starting to affect me. I am starting to then overanalyse everything else that we butt heads on - nothing about this has been EASY and I am so drained. I love him to bits and he is the most nicest most genuine person I have dated but I am lacking something so imperative to what i feel is in a relationship. Am I in the wrong? Is it doomed? Should I wait it out? Please help me understand what I am doing wrong and hopefully I can move forward and get myself back on track.

ThePrize Post Separation Doubts
  • replies: 4

I have recently separated from my husband of over 20 years. I was unhappy for a long time due to emotional abandonment. I am struggling to put my finger on why I am feeling so scared about my decision. I think the grief I am experiencing is normal bu... View more

I have recently separated from my husband of over 20 years. I was unhappy for a long time due to emotional abandonment. I am struggling to put my finger on why I am feeling so scared about my decision. I think the grief I am experiencing is normal but I do question myself. My young adult children are hurting, my ex is hurting and so am I, but I know I had to make the choice to leave. Sometimes I think it is easier to go back to make all the hurt go away but I know I am not being true to what I need from my partner, who has problems expressing their emotions, showing me empathy and treating me as an equal. Is what I am experiencing normal?

Feya My mental health is sucking the life out of our relationship
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been together for 4 years. He is the most amazing, caring and supportive person in my life and I have adored him from the very moment I met him. I even moved states to be with him. Before I moved I was happy, balanced and FUN. I... View more

My partner and I have been together for 4 years. He is the most amazing, caring and supportive person in my life and I have adored him from the very moment I met him. I even moved states to be with him. Before I moved I was happy, balanced and FUN. I was strong and independent. Worked my ass off to have the life i did and i enjoyed it. When I moved, I lost all of that. Being stuck living with his parents, unemployed and away from everyone and everything I've ever known sent me into deep depression, anxiety and PTSD (from childhood.) I lost so much of my self that I feel like it's put a strain on our relationship. It's been hard on both of us and made us both so serious. We're unhappy living with his folks and I know that's a huge source of our stress. But I'm only 21 and I'm worried that we won't get that spark back again. Being in a relationship this serious is already a big commitment and comes with it's own hardships. But do you think it's possible to get back to what we used to be? Or has my mental state put a damper on our relationship forever??? We both used to be so carefree and playful but these hard times have put such a darkness and seriousness over our relationship. What do you think please?

Guest_598 Relationship with a man going through separation grief
  • replies: 5

Hi again, I am in a relationship with a wonderful man that is currently trying to get through the grief of ending his marriage in December last year. He distracted himself for several months, not wanting to face the pain. Now that he opens himself up... View more

Hi again, I am in a relationship with a wonderful man that is currently trying to get through the grief of ending his marriage in December last year. He distracted himself for several months, not wanting to face the pain. Now that he opens himself up to it, everything has struck him. At the moment, he is in the worst phase, the chaos of feelings and emotions has hit him. He is angry at his wife, sad about the marriage that did not succeed, etc. etc. It has been a very tough time for him and for me because his confusion brings along nostalgia and sometimes he doesn't even know whether he should go back. It would be a mistake because there has been too much water under the bridge and he would be hurt, but he is in a lot of pain and he has a lot of pressures (e.g. financial support for her, stepson not liking him etc.). He split from an alcoholic wife with shopping addiction that did not treat him well but I think he feels guilty and beats himself up a lot. I am scared that he may make a mistake but he said the other day that he feels stuck because he cannot move forward as wanted and he cannot go back. So I believe he is mainly struggling with everything as a whole. I am waiting for him, at the moment we only see each other at work but have agreed to be professional with little personal interaction. We do not see each other privately, except for once every few weeks to talk about the progress. It is very beautiful when we meet, although we talk about tough topics. Going through a separation is hard and I know how it feels because I separated from my husband a year ago. I am willing to wait because I can see a very happy future together and he says he often thinks about that too but that he cannot really focus on the future until the past is dealt with. I understand and support that. But I find myself struggling with the waiting, not for impatience but because I am scared of what may happen. How will I know? When will he be ready? I give him space and time so he can focus on himself and although I know that is necessary, I struggle to be so far removed on his priority list. Not me personally but us as a couple. I know the future cannot play a role yet but how will I realise whether he is improving and getting closer to wanting a new life with me? I will go on leave soon, only two weeks. But is it possible that in five weeks time I would see a tiny bit of positive change? I am not saying everything resolved, just a little bit of progress? I need to see this.

bonboneyo Struggling to cope with finding out that my ex parterners boyfriend is living with her and my 4 year old son in our family home
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone and thanks for taking time reading this. My 10 year relationship with my partner ended 2 years ago and i was asked to leave the family home. We have a 4 year old boy together and at the time and since i have agreed to her every wish, alwa... View more

Hi Everyone and thanks for taking time reading this. My 10 year relationship with my partner ended 2 years ago and i was asked to leave the family home. We have a 4 year old boy together and at the time and since i have agreed to her every wish, always been there for her to help out and been an active dad for my son. I had been holding out, hoping to get her back but now i have found out that she has been seeing someone else. and i found out from my 4 year old who had been trying to let me know for some time. I have since had some very emotional conversations with her and she revealed that she started seeing this person from a tinder hook up soon after she told me to leave and that he has also been living with my ex and my son in our family home for almost a year. This has really broken me and my life has since been destroyed. Ive lost my job, my self worth and most days are filled with tears, feeling really lost and really low. I know i cant change what my partner does in her life but i feel i have been replaced. this guy feels like imposter as he's living in what is still part my house and hes been interacting with my son for over a year and i had no idea hes been there. I still love and care deeply for my ex and that really tares my apart. I really need help and guidance

79yxcc8 Am i Obsessed with him this way?
  • replies: 5

I found this advertisement for a hacker and i was able to gain remote access to his phone after because i just have the urge to since he had once cheated on me in time past and i cant seem to forget. i just want to know everyone hes with and communic... View more

I found this advertisement for a hacker and i was able to gain remote access to his phone after because i just have the urge to since he had once cheated on me in time past and i cant seem to forget. i just want to know everyone hes with and communicates to. Be my guide am i too obsessed?

Buggywug Buggywug
  • replies: 4

How does anyone deal with a family member who's obviously disturbed but refuses to discuss anything about her feelings with you? My sister, from a very young age was always extremely selfish, arrogant and haughty with other children, and an expert at... View more

How does anyone deal with a family member who's obviously disturbed but refuses to discuss anything about her feelings with you? My sister, from a very young age was always extremely selfish, arrogant and haughty with other children, and an expert at throwing tantrums to get her own way. She's still the same, at 60. Her rages are legendary, and she's at her rudest with those who've done the most to help her. I begged her to talk to me about what troubles her, but she accused me of trying to gather information to use against her. Her relationships are intense and always with men who drink heavily. When I asked her what the attraction to violent drunkards is, especially as they always end in drama and hysterics, and herself screaming at us to rescue her, she tore me apart. Worst of all are the lies. For instance, I saw her on a computer at our local library, spoke briefly, and went to visit our Mum, who was frantically packing bags and told me to get her a taxi. Sis had just rung to inform Mum that she was in the infectious diseases hospital and wanted Mum to visit her.. I nearly fell over, and told Mum that Sis was NOT in any hospital, but the library! Why on earth would anyone do that to their mother?? She tells terrible lies about people behind their backs, ( family included) and does so very believably. I warned her that she'd end up without a friend in the world if she kept that up, but her response was a screaming tirade. She lies to play off people against one another, and has been responsible for many a neighbour and family feud, She's had countless different addresses and rarely stays long anywhere, usually due to neighbours calling the police on her when she's abusing and threatening them. She can turn on the charm like a tap when it suits her, is very attractive and witty, but it never lasts. Everyone in her orbit eventually finds themselves in the firing line and leaves. Having her in the house is like sitting on a powder keg not knowing if, when or why the fuse will be lit. She literally exhausts everyone. Even at funerals, the focus has to be on herself,usually describing all the ghastly diseases she suffers from ( which she reads up in medical books but has never had.) She's a vegan, with loads of compassion for animals, but none whatsoever for people. If anyone can suggest what drives her, I'd be very grateful!

Siancorn Seperation - unable to cope
  • replies: 16

Hi All, My husband and I are separating after 18 years of marriage. This is not something I want, but I don't have a choice as he is cemented in his decision. I had an emotional affair about seven months ago and we have not been able to work through ... View more

Hi All, My husband and I are separating after 18 years of marriage. This is not something I want, but I don't have a choice as he is cemented in his decision. I had an emotional affair about seven months ago and we have not been able to work through it as he has been unable to forgive me. At this stage we are in the same house and have agreed to treat each other with kindness, gentleness and affection as we "both still care deeply about each other" and our son has asked us to work together to be emotionally stable before any big decisions are made. I am struggling to cope with our situation as we are still cuddling and have been intimate. I constantly feel anxious and on the verge of tears. I can't seem to shake these feelings..I need help..please?.

Alone4me Separating from lying, cheating, cross-dressing Husband - upset and confused
  • replies: 4

I'm very new to reaching out - here goes... My husband and I are currently separating (living under the same roof - until he house sells). There have been warning signs which I have put down to his health issues (diabetes) for that last 15 years of o... View more

I'm very new to reaching out - here goes... My husband and I are currently separating (living under the same roof - until he house sells). There have been warning signs which I have put down to his health issues (diabetes) for that last 15 years of our 30 yr marriage (he has not been interested in 'special cuddles'), has been secretive about Tax returns, deletes all phone txts, messages, recent call lists etc. Recently also discovered he has been siphoning money from his pay each fortnight (we have joint accounts where our pay goes), has accumulated significant debt (on credit cards I didn't know existed), has been having 'emotional affairs' with people at work and online, lies about having to go to work on the weekend (I went there and he wasn't there), plus found photos on his phone of him dressed in my clothes with a wig and makeup. He has also been secretly drinking alcohol and seems to be in a constant state of drunkeness ( which I stupidly though it was the diabetes and eating the wrong foods making his blood sugars sky-rocket). He has been very argumentative and aggressive. So now we are separating and while I know there is no other way out of this (I have suggested counselling but he has refused on multiple occasions - just promised things would get better).. I am so struggling and am very emotional (close to tears all the time). He, however, doesnt seem upset at all and is telling everyone he is very happy - is on multiple dating sites etc., I am struggling with the fact that I think he never really did have feelings for me as he has moved on immediately. The future no longer looks like I thought it would be with the person that I loved (not sure he actually is who I thought he was). After 30 years and looking forward to retirement - my world now is upside down. How to put this all into perspective and 'keep going' every day? The last 15 years haven't been great and I wasnt sure how I could keep going inside the marriage - and now I am wondering how to continue outside the marriage...

LUCIDFOX_X Moving to a new state?
  • replies: 1

Hey guys, have a quick read of a couple of my other threads to get a bit of background info. I've got something I'm struggling with at the moment. I'm living with my partner, have been since March 2019, and I just don't know how I'm feeling about it ... View more

Hey guys, have a quick read of a couple of my other threads to get a bit of background info. I've got something I'm struggling with at the moment. I'm living with my partner, have been since March 2019, and I just don't know how I'm feeling about it anymore. I really don't think I'm ready to settle down like this, it's kind of freaking me out. I'm only 22 and I want to date more and you know.. live my youth a bit more? But at the same time I think, should I do that? Do I want that? Dating could be crap but I just don't know if this person is 'the one'. My parents are moving away. I currently live in Sydney and so do they, but I've got a lot of history here with some pretty bad bullying and it went pretty viral. I'm concerned that if I break up with him that I'll lose a lot of my friends and I just don't want to deal with that either so I'm just unsure of what to do here. A part of me wants to go with my parents to Hobart (?) Because I don't think I'm ready to be away from them either. But I'm also worried about the career opportunity and salaries in Hobart as Sydney has way more opportunity and higher paying jobs. I work in operations and the median that I'd get paid is 46k + super. So break up and move? Break up and stay? Don't break up and stay? I just don't know. Some advice.. please! I'm desperate. And really just panicking.