Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Ennie_Mel I have to move overseas to be with my husband after many years apart and I'm so scared to leave my family and stay with my in-laws.
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Hi, I am extremely close with my family and have a little sister who's like my best friend and soon I will be moving overseas to be with my husband. I agreed to moving + filed all the paperwork before I realised the reality of living with my in-laws.... View more

Hi, I am extremely close with my family and have a little sister who's like my best friend and soon I will be moving overseas to be with my husband. I agreed to moving + filed all the paperwork before I realised the reality of living with my in-laws.. they're extremely strict, old-fashioned and I am constantly getting told off for things I am doing wrong. Every night I get anxiety about leaving my family behind and not sure on how to handle it. I tried talking to my husband but he doesn't really understand. I also have anxiety about moving to live with my in laws as we can't really move out at the moment.. I can't sleep, constantly worry and feeling so uncertain about the future. I love both my husband and family. He did not want to move here so I have no choice but to be with him and move there.

Melissa_Green My husband has depression and is cheating on me with a 24 yr old.
  • replies: 5

My husband was diagosed with depression this year. He has been depressed for a while but didnt believe he needed help. We have money relating to medical issues of our sons diagnosis with autism, our other son with one lung that works and our 3rd son ... View more

My husband was diagosed with depression this year. He has been depressed for a while but didnt believe he needed help. We have money relating to medical issues of our sons diagnosis with autism, our other son with one lung that works and our 3rd son having problems croup. We have money issues because i am unable to get a full time job that pays enough to help cover the bills. He has been cheating on me with a 24 yr old because in his words "she doesnt expect anything from me, i have no responsibilities". Every time i catch him cheating he gets off facebook, instagram, snapchat, adult matchmaker websites and tinder. Only for a couple of days then finds his way back on them again. All the messages of his indiscressions. All the things he wants to do with/to her makes me feel worthless, like i mean nothing to him. He believes that he is just having a conversation with her "wanting to stick his tongue inside her" is not just conversation. I know he has depression and depressed people look for a way out but does it have to involve hurting his loved ones, the ones that have been there for him throughout the whole ordeal. He seems to have no answers for his actions and it has been going on for a while now. I have told him that if he cant promise to leave her alone, then he is to get out. His reaction to that is to go to sleep. He avoids the confrontation. Every time he goes to her he always comes back, but there is the constant lying, spending money on/with her. The real sad thing is he comes home and says he loves me, hugs me, holds my hand, looks after the kids sometimes. He has trouble dealing with the kids at the best of times. I send them to mums a lot of the time when im working to give him time, but also to know that they are in a stable enviroment. I thought this was a good idea, but this just opened time up where he has gone to see her, it makes me sick when i try to do the right thing by hime, me and the kids and he throws it all in my face by going and seeing her, sending her sexual messages. Then when i get home he acts as if he has done nothing when i know its not the truth. We have been seeing a relationship councellor ans she said for this to work, the 24yr old has to go. Well she is still there. I love my husband and i want to support him with his depression, but he is pushing me away but at the same time trying to live 2 separate lives. One with me and the kids and the other with the 24yr old. Please help, what do i do????

Paulzz Depressed wife, 2 young kids, controlling Mother in law, conflict relationships
  • replies: 10

We are in a difficult situation.. 2 kids under 5, mum who has struggled building friends at play group, kindergarten and has a conflicting relationship with her mum. Also, angry that she does not have a life, the kids suck all her energy. Now, me, th... View more

We are in a difficult situation.. 2 kids under 5, mum who has struggled building friends at play group, kindergarten and has a conflicting relationship with her mum. Also, angry that she does not have a life, the kids suck all her energy. Now, me, the husband gets dragged down by her anger. My ageing parents get dragged into conversations about unsupportiveness. My wife is depressed angry, does not do things for herself. . I work 12 hours out of the house then get home to get kids in bed we don't have a life. Not wife gets angry and reacts to people after the situation, not when it happens and puts it on me that I did not say anything. She's in a bad situation and I'm struggling with her anger lack of energy. I'm not perfect, I love the kids and revert to screaming at them when they don't consider us and listen I've tried to be supportive.. We simply don't have support, time for ourselves and now we fight about the same topics.. We need professional help and somewhere to put the kids during those sessions it's all complex and draining

Gigi1981 Incredible anxiety
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Hello, I am suffering from incredible anxiety at the moment. I am in a relationship with a man that has separated from his wife and he always said that there was no more love and she just makes him angry and sad. He has just reached the worst phase o... View more

Hello, I am suffering from incredible anxiety at the moment. I am in a relationship with a man that has separated from his wife and he always said that there was no more love and she just makes him angry and sad. He has just reached the worst phase of separation grief and is completely confused with the turmoil of feelings. I am giving him all the time and space he needs but the other day, when I asked him whether he is contemplating going back to her, he said he doesn't know and he is confused. Today, we had an accidental conversation about it and I told him that I would need to leave his life if he is thinking of going back to his wife because I could not watch him make himself unhappy and I could not watch him give up getting through the pain of grief although he is so close to getting better. He said "it wouldn't be giving up. I'm not giving up.". The statement "it wouldn't be giving up" has created incredible fear in me because I feel he may really consider going back although I actually thought he is just incredibly confused and in pain. I don't know what to do, I was shaking for 15 minutes and I felt terrible for bringing it up at the wrong time. We will sit down on the weekend to talk properly and I am so scared. He says he cares a lot about me, we had a very happy day just yesterday and he told me that he told his friend about me the other day and that it made him so happy. I am terribly confused and just so incredibly anxious. Please, can someone make some sense of this. When you go through the worst separation phase where all feelings crash in on you, can that mean you are just confused about your options but it does not necessarily mean you will act on your thoughts? Or am I going to lose it and I am just closing my eyes because I don't want to accept it. We had the best year together, and a really really close relationship and bond. I could not see this coming, I am so utterly confused.

bamc Struggling & confused mumma -unhappy with relationship or am I just depressed?
  • replies: 2

I'll start by saying this is my first post and I hope I'm doing this right. By way of background, I had a pretty shitty childhood which lead to a pretty shitty 20's and a lot of bad decisions made on my part. I've been in and out of therapy and on an... View more

I'll start by saying this is my first post and I hope I'm doing this right. By way of background, I had a pretty shitty childhood which lead to a pretty shitty 20's and a lot of bad decisions made on my part. I've been in and out of therapy and on and off medication for the better part of 5 years (initiated after a suicide attempt in 2014). I've only very recently started seeing a psychiatrist again after nearly 2 years, and have been put back on a mood stabiliser which I stopped taking when I fell pregnant with my son in mid-2016. Doses are being staggered and I'm on week 3, I don't know if this is all a reaction to the meds or because I finally opened up about how I've been feeling or if it's because I have to accept that I'm not happy with my relationship. I fell pregnant two months into our relationship. Upon moving in a few weeks later, discovered my partner was a high-functioning alcoholic (should have seen the signs...) which made my pregnancy and first year of motherhood absolute hell. Now after many years of fighting, of begging and pleading, of threats and a stint of separation, he's come a long way. Still drinks, but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. It's manageable. It's acceptable. Right now, it's the least of my worries. I love my partner, I do. I'm fond of him, I care about him, but I am not "in love" with him anymore. There's too much water under the bridge and I've seen some really ugly sides of him that have diminished that passion. Now I know that what I might have to say next sounds contradictory after saying I love him, but he's a real arsehole. He's grumpy all the time, he's spiteful and mean, he's snappy and irritable and sometimes just really horrible to be around. He offloads to me but won't go and talk to anyone professionally. He leaves everything up to me with the house, kids (our son plus his daughter from another relationship), waits for me to get home from work to do everything. Me asking him to do anything ends up with him sulking and me feeling like shit. He knows how badly I've been struggling lately, and he hasn't done a single thing to try and make this time easier for me. I'm beginning to resent him and it's causing a massive rift. I don't know if I'm feeling like this because I'm in such a low place, or if I genuinely don't want to be with him anymore. I don't know how to stop reacting to everything, I know it mostly comes down to my own insecurities but I just have no idea what to do anymore.

Young_Jez Relationship anxiety and over thinking
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Hey guys, First of all I'm really new to this. I don't know really where or how to start. The issue I'm facing may seem silly to some but the current new relationship I'm in I feel like I'm constantly over thinking every possible scenario every possi... View more

Hey guys, First of all I'm really new to this. I don't know really where or how to start. The issue I'm facing may seem silly to some but the current new relationship I'm in I feel like I'm constantly over thinking every possible scenario every possible outcome. To the extent where it's hard to sleep, hard to focus on my goals, hard to do anything as it's constantly at the forefront of my mind and can't seem to get it to budge. I'm usually a very positive person and always look on the bright side and focus on positives but I really can't with this one. Does anyone have any tips that has helped them previously? Thankyou

159357 Parents won't believe
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Parents can't bare the thought that their child, born from 2 families riddled with intense mental illnesses could have anything wrong with them. Since a doctor won't take me seriously as a student coming in for diagnosis, i asked my mum since my dads... View more

Parents can't bare the thought that their child, born from 2 families riddled with intense mental illnesses could have anything wrong with them. Since a doctor won't take me seriously as a student coming in for diagnosis, i asked my mum since my dads working the whole time the dr is open. I never planned to go far and tell the dr or my parents about how many things i may "think" i have, it was only for suspected ADHD because i just want to think like a normal person. She doesn't believe that i could ever have anything wrong with me, despite my parents joking how im clearly impaired, and just says im addicted to medication and "won't help me because all i want is drugs." Of course i want drugs, i want somethign to help me think normally, think im normal or make me forget im not normal. What's the plan here, since i'm lost. Doctors wont take me seriously since im in high school clearly wanting drugs (again, because i actually need them) and my parents will never go with me or allow me to bring it up. (Never mentioned anything specific when going to dr, but just listed my symptoms and got told to get blood test)

strugglingmumma Feeling broken after complex deceit and infidelity
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I don't really know how to start this. I found out last week that my husband of 18 years had been DMing someone on the other side of the world. He has a history of mental health issues including borderline personality disorder, anxiety, depression an... View more

I don't really know how to start this. I found out last week that my husband of 18 years had been DMing someone on the other side of the world. He has a history of mental health issues including borderline personality disorder, anxiety, depression and anger issues. He has been in and out of our lives for the last 10 years trying to come to terms with his issues. He has cheated three other times in that time while not living with us, all women he met on Instagram. He was living with us this time and said the he wanted to go on a 12 week overseas trip to work for a friend doing maintenance work in exchange for free board and meals. I didn't want him to go and there were many arguments. He packed a suitcase and left 6 weeks before his flight and stayed with a friend. He wouldn't return my calls and didn't say goodbye to the kids or I when he flew out. He took money and once there started messaging the kids and I saying that he was coming back to us, that he loved us, sending photos. He has been gone since June and last weekend I accidentally discovered on Instagram that he went over to meet up with a woman who met him at the airport and has spent the last 9 weeks driving across the country with her. I spoke to her and she said that he told her he had been divorced for 6 years. She said she would kick him out and that she also felt deceived and lied t. The next day she messaged me to say she had thought about it some more and they were staying together. I am gutted, cry constantly and have no idea how to move forward. My children are teenagers and want nothing to do with him now. My future has been ripped out from under me with no warning and I'm struggling just to breathe. This is a condensed version and there is so much more he's done. I'm so sad.

Becsicles Reaching out to the wrong people
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Hi everyone/anyone! Does anyone struggle with fidelity? I find myself trying to reach out to men whilst being in a long term relationship. I think I know why I do it, it’s to feel wanted and desired, which in turn will hopefully make me feel worthy a... View more

Hi everyone/anyone! Does anyone struggle with fidelity? I find myself trying to reach out to men whilst being in a long term relationship. I think I know why I do it, it’s to feel wanted and desired, which in turn will hopefully make me feel worthy and happy and give me some small amount of joy. But I have a conscience and it’s not fair on my partner. I just can’t seem to stop doing it. Am I the only one?

Regine Is Date Night necessary in relationships?
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Hi I feel like crap this morning. Haven't had much sleep since arguing with my partner lastnight. I know this sounds dramatic but I'm angry & hurt at the fact my partner doesn't seem to want to go on a date night or even plan it. Feels like he dreads... View more

Hi I feel like crap this morning. Haven't had much sleep since arguing with my partner lastnight. I know this sounds dramatic but I'm angry & hurt at the fact my partner doesn't seem to want to go on a date night or even plan it. Feels like he dreads the thought of it & is such a mission for him to get on board. We're currently in a good place. We both agreed we would try & make time for just us & have a date night regularly. I feel its a good way of maintaining growth in our relationship as a couple. He feels we already spend time together at home with our son. I don't know why but it bothered my he doesn't want to make the effort. I've been crying since lastnight. Am I over reacting? Am I overthinking over a small petty thing? Why do I feel this way