Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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RatLady Partner wants time to himself - I have to partially move out?
  • replies: 6

My partner of 3 years has out of the blue decided that I need to take some things and go stay with my dad for a while. It was incredibly unexpected. He says he’s depressed and anxious about his life - his career, future etc. and needs time to himself... View more

My partner of 3 years has out of the blue decided that I need to take some things and go stay with my dad for a while. It was incredibly unexpected. He says he’s depressed and anxious about his life - his career, future etc. and needs time to himself to figure it out and just needs his space which he “never got to have” with me there...? He wont seek help as he doesnt want it on his medical record and doesnt want my help either. Going back 3 years ago, he got me to move in with him. My life at home had been toxic so I packed up and left without hesitation. Being told to go back there crushed me completely - especially since his family had become mine and I now had nothing. We havent broken up and its the last thing I would ever want. He says he still loves me but doesnt know what he wants or what he can handle. I honestly do not understand what that means and it’s been crushing me physically and mentally. I myself have become very anxious. I dont sleep, I cant stomach food, and my work performance has dropped to the point where I spoke up to my boss’s and they said I need to take some time off. I wouldnt know what to do with myself if I had time off. I just want to see him. To talk to him. He ignores my texts for days sometimes. I know to give him space no matter how hard it is, but some of the things he says (like loving me but not knowing what he can handle) have made me feel so worthless as a human let alone a girlfriend. He has said that keeping me in limbo is just as crushing for him yet doesnt know what he wants. I’m just so alone and feel a burden on the people around me. Stuck between two homes where I’m not wanted in either.

Am_I_being_unreasonable_ Was this an apology?
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, my problem is not huge, I am generally happy and content with my life . A significant relationship has deteriorated in the last 8 months or so. We no longer talk and this has affected another relationship that I am very unhappy about. I ... View more

Hi Everyone, my problem is not huge, I am generally happy and content with my life . A significant relationship has deteriorated in the last 8 months or so. We no longer talk and this has affected another relationship that I am very unhappy about. I saw a psychcologist for awhile who helped me a lot. She confirmed that I wasn't crazy in my thinking and also helped me come to the conclusion that the relationship was not going to improve. My problem is that this person has called me to apologise, however when saying this they said that they had already apologised a long time ago but was now making it formal. My problem is the apology was not a real apology. I said if I had received an apology I would have accepted it. The only "apology" I received stated "I'm sorry for stuffing up the date on my email regarding ....... ..... YES I mean it I don't apologise for nothing why would I bother" . I said that this was the only msg I received with "sorry" in it. I then said "it doesn't matter, let's just get over it and go forward from now". The person kept insisting that they had apologised and I know has told others that they apologised. Now I am the nasty person who did not accept this person's apology. Believe me, if it was a real apology I would have said OK that's fine, thank you and let's go forward from here. The person I'm talking about started all of this by sending me a nasty e-mail months ago. I replied addressing their behavior and didn't call them nasty names or insult them. I continued to receive nasty emails and texts calling me names but never actually saying what I had done to cause this. We are very different people and have very different opinions. This is something that isn't going to change and I can accept that, I just walked on eggshells and kept my mouth shut but as this is a very close relationship I was happy to do so to keep the peace. That was until the insulting e-mails and texts started. I haven't done things or behaved as this person has wanted me to. I think a lot of the problem is that I have now stood up for myself and said I'm not going to put up with it anymore. This person has often tried to control what I do and does not take into consideration my family circumstances when making plans for family get togethers, work commitments for example, they don't work. My very long winded questions are"was this an apology ?" and "should I make an effort to mend the relationship ?" Your thoughts will be appreciated. Thank you.

Insignificant Caring for Father-in-law puts family under pressure
  • replies: 3

My 93-year-old father-in-law and his children were advised following a stroke back in August, that he needed to go into a nursing home. However, he wanted to go home so the kids said they would give it a go. He has since also been diagnosed with deme... View more

My 93-year-old father-in-law and his children were advised following a stroke back in August, that he needed to go into a nursing home. However, he wanted to go home so the kids said they would give it a go. He has since also been diagnosed with dementia. Although he has people coming in to heat up some meals, shower him and get him ready for bed most days, he is still heavily reliant on his children. Only one of his kids, however, lives near him. The others are a minimum of 90mins away. One is interstate. We are not the ones living close. But we are not interstate - so my husband is travelling regularly to his father and staying away. If something goes wrong overnight, we are too far away to get to him. I don't feel like I can say anything about how alone I feel without sounding selfish. We are both retired - and this is not the way I expected to spend my retirement. It is also costing us a small fortune in petrol, food - and time. I suffer from anxiety and have had to increase my medication due to the pressure of living alone far more than I thought I would without being a widow. The last time I saw my doctor my pulse was so high she immediately did an ECG to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack. I feel like I am constantly on the edge of a panic attack. And I am having moments of depression that I have not had for years. I feel like my life is being run by my husband's commitment to his father. We can't plan anything without a family discussion of who is available when - be we are the only ones who consult. Everyone else just tells us when they can't do it, meaning that my husband fills in. So essentially, I am stressed because of the situation and I'm stressed because I'm stressed by the situation. I don't know where to go from here.

Sazzamoon Sleep deprived and falling apart
  • replies: 1

My almost 3 year old battles going to sleep every night and then wakes between 1 and 5 am every night. Once he wakes up my sleeping is done for the night and I can’t get back to sleep. I have recently separated from my partner, am trying to study and... View more

My almost 3 year old battles going to sleep every night and then wakes between 1 and 5 am every night. Once he wakes up my sleeping is done for the night and I can’t get back to sleep. I have recently separated from my partner, am trying to study and my son is fighting every thing I try to do. Anxiety is taking over. I don’t know how I can fix this. I have tried everything to get him to sleep properly.

CoryL Ex keeps coming back after breakup
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I've been undergoing a rough breakup recently and don't really have many to talk to. I was in a relationship with this other person for 5 months before but I couldn't handle all the arguing and stresses involved so I broke up with her. The ... View more

Hi there, I've been undergoing a rough breakup recently and don't really have many to talk to. I was in a relationship with this other person for 5 months before but I couldn't handle all the arguing and stresses involved so I broke up with her. The relationship moved quickly within even the first few weeks with her saying I love you and wanting me to move in with her. After a month I basically did live with her by spending most days with each other but then after a while she said she felt stuck with me and had no freedom so I proposed to spend more time at the place I was renting to give space. She then thought after not sending many messages she wanted to send a text "forgot about me and move on" which broke my heart. Then we fought at that point to keep the relationship going which then we evened out the troubles. After that though the problems just seemed to rise to the point where it felt like walking on eggshells to bring up slight issues with the relationship. We've both done wrong with this relationship but I realized when to stop hurting each other and break things off. The problem is what do I do now? She keeps sending unpleasant messages, coming to the place I live, begging to come back. It's gotten me to the point I don't feel safe in my own living space. Please some guidance would be appreciative. Thank you

Kiyomi Disowned by my own family
  • replies: 11

Its been 8 years since my whole family disowned me (i was 16) and i still feel like i cant let go, mostly because i dont even have a reason for why they didnt love me anymore, i never did anything that would provoke it. I am now married with two beau... View more

Its been 8 years since my whole family disowned me (i was 16) and i still feel like i cant let go, mostly because i dont even have a reason for why they didnt love me anymore, i never did anything that would provoke it. I am now married with two beautiful children but i find every day so hard to cope with. im always in fear that my husband will fall out of love with me, and i struggle alot to whole heartedly love my own daughter and to top it off my 5mth old has born with a deformity and im so scared about the surgeries he will have to have, i feel so alone every time there is a major life event in my life i dont have my mum, dad grandparents etc to talk to and guide me, i have no support my friends think im "fine" even when i have a full on break down in front of them or they just dont care about me and focus on their other friend who is much more important, its driving me nuts. i constantly live in fear that i will lose everything...i guess i just want to know...am i alone?? has anyone ever been disowned by their family?? how do you cope? can you ever overcome the feelings or just manage them? its just so hard to see other people so close to their mums... or grand kids getting spoilt, i feel like my kids got ripped off.

Soberlicious96 My Partner's brother puts him down all the time
  • replies: 3

Hi all. I have an issue, which bothers me, and I don't know if it's my place to say anything or not. I have a wonderful man in my life who is selfless and caring and passionate and reliable and enthusiastic ...... I could add many more, but you get t... View more

Hi all. I have an issue, which bothers me, and I don't know if it's my place to say anything or not. I have a wonderful man in my life who is selfless and caring and passionate and reliable and enthusiastic ...... I could add many more, but you get the gist! I think he's wonderful! However, he has an older brother who speaks down to him all time. He tells him that he's useless and hopeless and that everything he does turns to crap. We are all grown adults - I am in my late 40's and my partner and his brother are both late 50's to early 60's - so it's a well practiced/learnt behavior. His parents are very elderly and in an aged care facility, and a few years ago they lost a sibling to cancer. My partner is also a cancer survivor! But he - my partner - also seems to think quite negatively about himself and other things. For example, any time something needs fixing, he starts out by thinking and saying things like "Knowing my luck, it will go really badly." or "I'll get ripped off". He also seem to have the attitude that the world is a conspiracy and 'out to get him' and is quite mistrusting. I, on the other hand, believe and have great faith in a Higher Power that I choose to call God, although I'm not religious as such, and generally have a very positive and grateful attitude. I don't go to church (but did for a little while), and he was brought up in a strict catholic environment but does not seem to believe in anything like I do. I sometimes feel that if he did have a belief and/or faith in something that it may help ..... But it just really bothers me the way his brother always puts him down. And when I think about us in the future - as in living together - I wonder/worry about how that negative thinking will affect us as a couple. I do hope that I can and indeed maybe even AM having a positive influence on him ..... but in saying that, do I pull his brother up the next time he puts him down? And if so, what do I say and how do I say it? Because a part of me wants to just yell at him and tell him to 'back the hell off'. And because I know that if you tell someone something often enough, they'll start to believe it .......... and I don't want my partner to think he is useless and hopeless, because he is far from that. Anyway, thanks for reading. I look forward to your replies. xox

youcantknow My mum is driving me mad! she can't cope with me!!
  • replies: 4

My mum is the coordinator of the wellbeing centre at my school! i don't understand how she has all the time in the world to talk to them and care about them but then when I'm having a bad day she cants cope with me! we had a fight the other day (one ... View more

My mum is the coordinator of the wellbeing centre at my school! i don't understand how she has all the time in the world to talk to them and care about them but then when I'm having a bad day she cants cope with me! we had a fight the other day (one of many lately) because i was having a bad day (couldn't get out of bed and be just soo sad u know). she starting yelling saying how she doesn't understand why I'm still like this after she has done everything to help me, take me to a specialist and pay for all these medications! she says things like this all the time when we're fighting she doesn't even realise how much it hurts me knowing that she understands that the kids she sees at school cannot be ok but whenever I'm not its the end of the world. or even when my brother comments saying means things like it's not like she eats anyway or just random things about me that obviously means nothing to them but hurts me so much!!!

JasmineC Trust issue in relationship
  • replies: 5

My husband and I have been married for more than a year, but 2 years before the wedding I found out that he cheated on me with another girl when he went overseas for a holiday. So we broke up after that. Fast forward about a year later, we got back t... View more

My husband and I have been married for more than a year, but 2 years before the wedding I found out that he cheated on me with another girl when he went overseas for a holiday. So we broke up after that. Fast forward about a year later, we got back together, things were cleared up as I understood that we were not that serious in our relationship, also his mum did not approve of our relationship, plus I still loved him so I forgave him, well I thought I did. Not until recently I find myself constantly go on his facebook messenger and check his messages because that was how I found out about the previous cheating scandal. I found one of this message in his facebook messenger. He was saying "I miss you" to her out of nowhere and I don't know if I'm just over thinking but the messages sound a little bit flirty. Should I be concerned? After what happened in the past, I can honestly say that my trust issue hasn't actually been repaired yet, but I really don't know what to do now. I really love him and he has been a great husband since we got back together again. I just don't want this trust issue of mine to ruin our relationship, should I see a counsellor?

Guest_7403 Step son accusations/lying
  • replies: 13

Hi all haven't posted a thread for a long time on here, not because I haven't been struggling...more because I know my issues and what I should be doing but something happened on Sunday that has thrown me completely and myself even wife don't know wh... View more

Hi all haven't posted a thread for a long time on here, not because I haven't been struggling...more because I know my issues and what I should be doing but something happened on Sunday that has thrown me completely and myself even wife don't know what to do about it exactly. We have two 6 year olds (my daughter) and my wife's son....we also have a 6 month old together. We have split parenting so the bigger kids are only here 50/50 My wife messaged her ex Sunday because she had caught her son telling little white lies (about eating his snacks etc) and that his behaviour and mood has changed and his lack of interest in school (grade 1) to find out if his dad had noticed any changes His dad replied saying that a week ago his son told him "I sneak down to the toy room and push him to the ground constantly" he then stated that I "make him cover his eyes and walk into things as punishment". Now I and my wife know that these are complete lies, and even his dad stated he's sure that I'm just playing around with him. But the thing is when it comes to the step son I have a no touch policy, I don't play pretend fights with him, I don't touch him jokingly...I just don't find it appropriate and I do it that way to avoid things like this. I also let my wife discipline him, I don't like to discipline someone else's child unless necessary. So my point being kids can miscontrue things, but in this case he can't be confused as I don't remotely do things he's referred too. So my wife msged the ex and told him what I'm like with him. 10 minutes later the ex calls her apologising saying he's just challenged him on what he's said and he's admitted to making the whole thing up because "his brain told him too" I'm very concerned about this as I spend a bit of time alone with this child when mum's at work. At the moment we've cancelled his birthday party this week, and asked that he stays at his dad's for two weeks as a repercussion and learning experience. Too which his dad feels is appropriate. My main concern moving forward is what to do and how to act with this child now, I don't trust him and have told the wife I won't be putting myself in a position where I'm alone with him to have anymore accusations thrown at me I'm aware he is only 6 but I guess my concern is the seriousness and details of the lies that worry me about getting in trouble with dhs etc I also feel sick to my stomach that he's done this to me, as I do alot for that boy and it really is a slap in the face