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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Mmmcoffee Relationship Abandonment
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am going to use this forum to tell my story, happy for anyone to comment, advise, or people to add similar experiences, or lessons learnt, but all in all I just want to talk and describe where I have been and where I am at the present moment. S... View more

Hi, I am going to use this forum to tell my story, happy for anyone to comment, advise, or people to add similar experiences, or lessons learnt, but all in all I just want to talk and describe where I have been and where I am at the present moment. So here's my story: I am a 52 year old male, married with two young boys, 10yrs & 5 yrs. My wife and I have been married for 13 yrs and been together for 17 yrs. We have had some major challenges in our time together which changes the person and I guess in this case their relationship with each other. Our first born had to have an emergency surgery at 2 yrs of age, he had a tumour on the top of his lung, and the operation was a nasty one due to his age and the size of the tumour, when his surgery was completed he was on support for his lungs as they had collapsed due to the nature of the surgery. I spent 5 days and nights beside his bed as the doctors slowly reducing the dependence on the lung machine as it was important that his lungs operate by themselves, if they did not his lungs would collapse and he would had died. After the bedside vidual the machine was turned off and his lungs did the rest, I was able to finally let go and fall asleep. My wife at the time was 7 months pregnant and I did not want her to have anymore stress than there was. Unbeknownst to us our 2nd born had a condition called biliary atresia, basically his liver was not functioning normally, and required multiple surgeries until a liver transplant. We spent the next 9 months living in the hospital system, hoping and waiting for a cadaver transplant. Whilst waiting and knowing time was running out as a baby was living in a toxic world, I was "worked up" to be a "live" donor. The Doctor who did the tests on me was surprised I was 100% compatible. he was prepared to do the surgery on me, but the children's liver team were not keen as our child was too sick to do a major operation. Everyone at some point in time look for their purpose in life, I truly believed that this was my purpose in life to share my liver with my son to save his life, however at 9 months age he eventually died in my arms before any donor transplant could be done. I went to counselling and told them my story and they said I had similar conditions as Vietnam Vets, - sleep deprivation, see futility, blood and gore, desperation, and then death, before being dropped back into society to live a normal life, smile, laugh at peoples jokes, whilst inside you are totally destroyed. So my wife and I have suffered immensely during this time, we had a third child who is now 5 years old and healthy. What is not healthy is our relationship with each other. Since the birth of our third child we have grown distance and struggle to be a couple again, seem to live separate lives under the same roof. I struggle to get my wife to communicate with me, and try to understand what I need to do to get out lives back together. This is the relationship abandonment- my wife doesn't seem to want me anymore. I have as recent explained to her that I love her and that together we need to be kind, caring, mindful to each other and that we need to learn how to love each other again. So now that you have a background into my story, this thread is about me trying to save my marriage and help my wife and myself be together again, I will add to this thread the day to day outcomes, learnings wins/loses as it helps me talk about things as I don't have anyone else to divulge with. Thankyou

kmoz90 Breakup - unsure what to do
  • replies: 1

My ex partner of six months broke up with me very suddenly just before Christmas. She has been a victim of childhood abuse at the hands of her mother. As such she had not had any emotionally intimate relationships until she met me (she is 28). I am h... View more

My ex partner of six months broke up with me very suddenly just before Christmas. She has been a victim of childhood abuse at the hands of her mother. As such she had not had any emotionally intimate relationships until she met me (she is 28). I am her first partner in over 3 years and the first person she felt she was truly in love with. She has been experiencing emotional burnout at work - she has inherited a family business which is failing, and has been putting in 12ish hours a day, sometimes 6 days a week in order to try and survive and keep the business afloat. She has been extremely tired, not exercising correctly and suffering from insomnia. The break up seemed very rash and odd. I was away on holiday for two weeks, and while I was away she was freaking out with anxiety. She broke up with me over a Facebook message, and subsequently a phone call where I was blasted with a lot of anger and blame for her well being. I have attempted to reach out to try and have a face to face conversation to try and resolve differences but she has found excuses to push me away and told me I am not hers to worry about anymore. I am worried about her mental state - obviously I have to maintain a certain level of distance and try to be delicate in any communication attempts moving forward, but there are at the very least some loose ends we need to tie up (she has keys to my house which she has not yet returned). Unsure how to approach this! It is hard when someone you love is suffering and they have pushed you away or they feel that you are the source of their unhappiness, when you want to be part of a support network for them.

BillieJo Parent divorce causing anxiety as an adult
  • replies: 1

Hello online community, this is my first post on here and am hoping to gain some insight into fellow member experiences of parent divorce and anxiety. Very recently my mother found my father with another woman, they are starting their process into di... View more

Hello online community, this is my first post on here and am hoping to gain some insight into fellow member experiences of parent divorce and anxiety. Very recently my mother found my father with another woman, they are starting their process into divorce and selling our family home, I am 27 and no longer live with either of my parents but I still find this a sad moment for our family. My father continuously seeks to blame others for everything, including myself, he brings up my past experience of sexual abuse by a stranger for ruining his and my mothers marriage. He continually texts me rambling on and on about his other woman and tries to explain himself and his actions through several texts a day. Three days ago I had what I think is my first ever panic attack, his messages and blaming all got too much and I had a further 2 attacks all about 12 hours apart. I am still feeling extremely anxious, I tried to work today but couldnt due to the shaking and emotions. As much as I am angry towards my father for making me feel this way I cant not talk to him as I still love him despite his actions. But talking to him just makes me more anxious. On top of all this with him I am also dealing with hearing my mother flirt with other men and she even asks me about contraceptive methods. I am just completely lost and feel like im drowning in this process but no matter how much I try to ignore I still have a part of me that wants to be there for them. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Or have any suggestions on how I can stop this anxiety from becoming worse? Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!

Nervybella Flaky friends, or am I over- invested?
  • replies: 2

Hi all Havent posted here for a while. I’m feeling pretty sad about a recent situation. I have a friend (been close friends for over 20 years). We catch up semi regularly and I would say have a good relationship. however... this friend often cancels ... View more

Hi all Havent posted here for a while. I’m feeling pretty sad about a recent situation. I have a friend (been close friends for over 20 years). We catch up semi regularly and I would say have a good relationship. however... this friend often cancels or changes plans on me last minute and for seemingly poor reasons. Latest example: due to meet for dinner at 6pm. It’s 5:30 so I am dressed and ready to meet up. Get a text to say “mum needs my help with something at home so can we meet at 9pm instead”. I answer and say sorry but no, I have work tomorrow to that’s too late for me... so we plan to reschedule another day I can’t help but feel like I am more invested in this relationship. If I say I’ll do something, meet someone etc I keep my word. Doesn’t having plans mean you don’t then take on another plan with someone else? Do you ditch the plan because something better comes up? Id love to know if anyone else has had friends like this and if so, what have you done? im not a confrontational person but really feeling like something needs to be said... best Bella

Ashh1 He'd rather lie to me than leave me
  • replies: 3

It started on Saturday with me taking care of my partner cause he was sick and yet again cancelling the first pair of his friends that I was ever going to meet. We have been talking to each other since Jan'19 and started dating in June'19. Because he... View more

It started on Saturday with me taking care of my partner cause he was sick and yet again cancelling the first pair of his friends that I was ever going to meet. We have been talking to each other since Jan'19 and started dating in June'19. Because he had gastro, Sunday morning i had some gut instinct that told me he had eaten crap and was lying to me, so went to check his uber eats. Then came across snapchat which he claimed he didnt know to use, we would always do funny ones on my phone. So i thought Id surprise him and add me on his chat and send him funny pics. But boy when I opened the snap chat i saw that there were a trail of messages and photos sent to his ex as recent as Jan 3rd (Now you have to know it is very uncharacteristic and against my own principle to snoop through someone's phone) The messages were not innocent at all, he was calling her a dirty bitch, both were claiming to have feelings for each other and the kick in the gut was the day before I left to Vanuatu i told him that i might be pregnant as I was late. After consoling me that we would deal with it together and that I should take care of myself and enjoy my holiday etc, the same day he sends her messages of wanting to spoon her. Now he had told me that he had broken up with this girl in Sept'18 and the last time he met was Jan'19. He was leading his ex on, she didnt know I existed, so I thought I should tell her that he has been lying and cheating to both of us. But when I did, she ended up covering up a fair bit for him. Later when we were in the car, she called up and said that they only broke up in August and the last they met was in September during which time he made her meet his granny. You see I had met his granny in October, so for his granny to meet 2 girls within a span of 1.5months - just not done! wrong! This is also when i realised that when we had started seeing each other back in June, he was still dating his ex, and was probably readying me as a back up. When in september we decided to be exclusive, he had made me uninstall all my dating apps, claiming to have done the same. except i later found out that he had still been flirting with other women until 2nd week of october. he reached out to his ex end of october. Dug even deeper, found out that his friends had set him up with another woman who he dated between June to July, so essentially he was involved with 3 of us.

Mads_ Friendships with someone struggling with an ED
  • replies: 2

Hi all, So I have a close friend who has an eating disorder. It's pretty bad, but she's in recovery. I help her through it a lot, she often comes and tells me what she's feeling / has done (she used to do this regularly, but hasn't in a couple months... View more

Hi all, So I have a close friend who has an eating disorder. It's pretty bad, but she's in recovery. I help her through it a lot, she often comes and tells me what she's feeling / has done (she used to do this regularly, but hasn't in a couple months and instead goes to another friend who she went to from the start anyway). Anyway, I've found that its starting to impinge on my mental health and I'm starting to get the feeling that I no longer want to continue a close friendship with her. However, if I do this I know she'll just think its her fault and feel worse, and I doth want her to have more on her plate. I'm about to start my last year of high school and we are planning to go to different universities, so I assume we will lose contact in that gap, as I will with most of my friends anyway. So, if anyone had any advice on what I can do (so I don't hurt her or my feelings) that would be great.

Quercus Adoption
  • replies: 16

Hi everyone, Last week driving my son to school there was a story on the radio. I burst into tears and all of the feelings of worry, guilt, grief, fear, anxiety and wanting won't leave me. Ryan Jon posted a thank you to his biological mother on mothe... View more

Hi everyone, Last week driving my son to school there was a story on the radio. I burst into tears and all of the feelings of worry, guilt, grief, fear, anxiety and wanting won't leave me. Ryan Jon posted a thank you to his biological mother on mother's day to thank her for putting him up for adoption. The story spread like wildfire because it hit home to so many. But me... It left me feeling crap. Why? Because I asked my Mum (who was adopted in a closed adoption) to ask for her medical records. This means court because when she was very sick as a young Mum they refused to allow her access to records. I have medical issues noone in my family has. And I have two kids of my own and I want to know if I have to worry. I don't want to know them. Maybe I'm a terrible human being but unlike Ryan Jon I don't have any compassion to give them. Now I'm pushing my own Mum away. Because four months later the discussion has been ignored. Nothing has happened and I feel like I don't have the right to demand the records myself because I wasn't the adopted child. My Mum made it clear she has never discussed it even with my Dad. That the issue is a giant can of worms that I'm too scared to force open and hurt her even more. I admire the bloke on the radio. He has a much bigger kinder heart than me. Just had to get this out. It feels like poison in my head and heart.

AnnaJean24 Alone with no more support
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’m new here. A lot has gone on in my life and I’ve come to a point where I don’t know where to go. Ive suffered from severe anxiety, depression, insomnia and phobias growing up. What seemed to be a one year battle ended up being eight years. As ... View more

Hi, I’m new here. A lot has gone on in my life and I’ve come to a point where I don’t know where to go. Ive suffered from severe anxiety, depression, insomnia and phobias growing up. What seemed to be a one year battle ended up being eight years. As a result, I had to drop out of school, I lost my friends and my ability to function within society. I have managed to recover and get back on my feet but things aren’t the same - which has been a huge struggle for me the last few years. To help put things into perspective it’s like waking up from a coma and having to relearn everything again. i thought when I got better I’d make new relationships but I was wrong. I try going out and be social but I can never make connections with people. I’m always the odd one out in the group. On top of that work isn’t easy and the companies I apply for keep shutting down. I’m not getting any younger and I feel like I’m not moving. The last few months have been hard. I got into a car accident, a family member almost died and my partner had been looking at other girls. On top of that my NDIS plan isn’t accessible due to a stuff up so I’m unable to see a psychologist right now. All I do is cry all the time. I tried reaching out to my mum and my partner but they’re so sick of hearing me cry. They just look at me and walk away. I have no one now. I don’t know what to do or who to talk to. I feel so worthless to the point my only option now is giving up. I’m here hoping for some advice or to hear from someone who’s been through something similar.

R210616 Pregnancy Blues
  • replies: 2

30 weeks pregnant and feeling so low. A FIFO husband who has no time for me and gives no empathy for how I am struggling as he always “has it harder”. I don’t know how to put on a smile or be excited when I feel I don’t have the support. Sometimes I ... View more

30 weeks pregnant and feeling so low. A FIFO husband who has no time for me and gives no empathy for how I am struggling as he always “has it harder”. I don’t know how to put on a smile or be excited when I feel I don’t have the support. Sometimes I wonder if I would be better off doing it alone. It is hard when the other half is spending his only time home out wasting money on drinking and other things don’t know what I hope to gain from posting, will I feel better when the baby comes or will it be harder with 2 kids to look after feeling alone thanks for listening.

Tigerlily87 Family members in addiction- how to cope
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, Im so new to this so not sure if im in the right forum (please direct me if im not!). My partner is a recovering drug addict and has had a recent slip (relapse? one time use, not sure the correct terminology). Im really struggling to pro... View more

Hi everyone, Im so new to this so not sure if im in the right forum (please direct me if im not!). My partner is a recovering drug addict and has had a recent slip (relapse? one time use, not sure the correct terminology). Im really struggling to process this, work through it, the trust thats been lost, how to support him while maintaining my own strength and not become absorbed in the situation. Its only very very recent so Im still up and down with emotions. Has anyone else had a partner go through drug addiction and recovery? I really need advice, to hear positive long term recovery stories and support- not looking for negative opinions, or advice to walk away, as at this point, its not something i want to consider but my heart is breaking....