Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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JessicaS Relationship concerns seem irreconcilable?
  • replies: 1

Hi all, sorry for the long post... My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for 5. When we got together I had some concerns because we have very different interests - I love travel, art, museums, books and going out, he loves camping,... View more

Hi all, sorry for the long post... My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for 5. When we got together I had some concerns because we have very different interests - I love travel, art, museums, books and going out, he loves camping, the bush, 4WDs and fishing etc. But I would go camping with him and enjoyed it (for 1 or 2 days haha), and I thought because we each had large groups of friends, we could handle that by having our own lives and then coming together for things we both enjoyed.5 years on, that was not a good idea. We have moved since to a semi-rural area an hour away from our friends, and our lives have grown completely apart. He is also drinking 6-10 beers every day which I think is contributing to this. I have told him so many times that I am lonely, and miserable, and want to make more efforts. He always agrees, then never follows through with plans...either he is hungover or tired or his back hurts or something will come up. We also have had a few discussions about housework, and he always says he will make more efforts, does for a few days and then stops. I do basically all of our housework. We have tried to spend more time together, but we just don't like doing the same things, so it is always a compromise. And a lot of the time, it feels like we have nothing to talk about. He came with me to Europe last year and enjoyed it but that just emphasised our differences again, because we really didn't want to do the same things at all. I've suggested he may be depressed because he doesn't seem engaged with life and is drinking, he says he will seek help but then doesn't. If it wasn't for one thing, this would seem like we clearly shouldn't be together, nothing is really working. But he is such a sweet, funny and kind man, and he really, really loves me. He tells me all the time, he looks at me like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world, and he is always complimenting and being sweet to me. And we don't really fight, maybe once every 6 months or so we have a big discussion about issues that can get a bit heated but not really arguing. We hug each other all the time, and our friends would say we are the model relationship. But I feel so lonely. However I can't imagine hurting him by leaving him, because he has nobody else really since he's drifted away from his friends. So occasionally, I consider suicide as the best way out. And I don't think that's normal and I don't know what to do or how to talk to him about this.

Brie_l My anxiety is made worse by my partners communication
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend has depression and I have anxiety. He’s in a bad place at the moment and when he is like this he is cold and distant. I try to be there for him, but I don’t know what the right thing to do is and he won’t talk to me about anything. I try... View more

My boyfriend has depression and I have anxiety. He’s in a bad place at the moment and when he is like this he is cold and distant. I try to be there for him, but I don’t know what the right thing to do is and he won’t talk to me about anything. I try so hard to tell myself the way he is acting is because of his depression, but it sets off my anxiety really badly. I constantly worry that I’m doing the wrong thing to an irrational point where I’ll keep asking if I’m doing something wrong and I can’t believe him when he says no because he too often won’t address a problem he has with me until way after it has happened. So often I will think everything is fine between us but then will find out that he is really upset or angry at me for something I didn’t even realise was a problem. So I can’t settle my anxiety about me doing the wrong thing by telling myself that it’s all in my head like I do about other things I’m anxious about, because it’s not, I do keep doing things wrong and I never know until it’s too late. I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells because I cant distinguish between what small things will make him angry and what is just normal communication. It feels like he wants me to read his mind of what he expects of me and I’m constantly confused, anxious, and exhausted. When I have tried addressing the problem it seems it always gets twisted in someway or it makes his self loathing worse and I just don’t know what to do. I love him so much and I really want to find a solution.

Asurazzy Worry about my 2 little girls.
  • replies: 3

Hello! I'm Asurazzy. I've been married with my husband for a year. I inherited 2 little girls from his previous relationship 10 yo and an 8 yo. We also have a 3.5 months old baby girl together. He is a very good husband and father and I could never b... View more

Hello! I'm Asurazzy. I've been married with my husband for a year. I inherited 2 little girls from his previous relationship 10 yo and an 8 yo. We also have a 3.5 months old baby girl together. He is a very good husband and father and I could never been so blessed by having 3 beautiful daughters. We have joint 50-50 custody with the 2 girls birth mother, switching about 3 days between homes. The homes distances are quite near. The 2 girls birth mother claimed to suffered from depression and claimed the disability for it. Several times she threaten to kill herself in front of the childern and upset them. She tries to manipulate the childern emotion and it causes them big stress especially to the eldest one. We reported her to the police and my husband told me he already reported her to the child service but nothing can be done because there is no court order. So many times I asked him to fight in court for full costudy. My husband said it will be futile, it will cost a lot of money, the long court process will damage the girls and at the end it will go back to 50-50 status quo costudy. He just want to wait until the 2 girls come to age to decide themselves with whom they want to stay full time. This morning I send the girls to school, in the afternoon they will have to go back to their birth mother's house and will not go back to us until Saturday morning. I can see clearly the eldest one try to hide her stress, worry and pain in her eyes. She was very uneasy. I am overcome by guilt as if I send both of them to suffer. In my head I was thinking until when we have to wait?? Do we need something really bad happened to them to take action? If something bad ever happened to those 2 girls I can not forgive myself or my husband knowing that there is possibility we can prevent that but we chose not to. I have another worry that their birth mother also likes to claim that the childern are sick so she can keep on treating them. She claimed the girls have asthma, near sighted, appendicitis, measles, etc. In her house she always pump antibiotics and medicines. I am feeling so helpless...I feel I'm just their fathers wife, it's their dad that have the last say. I love the girls so much, they are my girls as well. They are innocent kind souls. Staring at my baby 3.5 months girl sleep soundly here always make me think of them hoping that they will always be allright and safe in the other house. I don't know what to do.

JayceC Wife will not allow me to go to gym or eat well
  • replies: 3

I have a problem. My wife works away for months on end. When away i joined gym and modified my eating habits. I used to be an athlete until Leukemia (which i survived) but have put on weight and have associated health problems. Now my wife is back I ... View more

I have a problem. My wife works away for months on end. When away i joined gym and modified my eating habits. I used to be an athlete until Leukemia (which i survived) but have put on weight and have associated health problems. Now my wife is back I joined her as well and she went 3 times with me. I wanted to do together. Now, even if i want to go and she does not, she points out an endless list of things she wants me to do and gets really angry if i want to go to gym. She has also started doubling my food portions and baking foods, buying ice cream, chocolates and junk, insisting i eat them and getting very loud and aggressive if i do not. I have been monitoring this as i thought i may be paranoid, but it is in fact the case. Short of just walking out and going to gym and flat out refusing to eat junk (which i do not enjoy and feel sick), I do not know what to do. I have real health issues and this will kill me.

Slippers Trying my best.
  • replies: 3

I bought an expensive present for my Mum and the family has shared the cost so the one present is from everyone. I told my immediate family by text message what I had done and as far as I was concerned everyone was happy and that was that. I also org... View more

I bought an expensive present for my Mum and the family has shared the cost so the one present is from everyone. I told my immediate family by text message what I had done and as far as I was concerned everyone was happy and that was that. I also organised lunch for the whole family in a restaurant east enough for everyone to get to. I got a message from a family member asking what was going on, what are the details of the party. I was surprised since I had already given them out to everyone. The family member responded that I didn’t care for them; I tried to tell that I loved them but I felt telling them by text message was so impersonal. This tangent surprised me; I thought we were talking about the family get together and gift. The family member and I have had a rocky relationship. I have made mistakes in the past but I had tried to make good. I feel that deep down they are holding onto the anger from what I did before and there is nothing I can say or do to fix it. I was told that other family members meet up regularly and I was asked why I didn’t do this. I was going to respond by saying that “any relationship is a two way street” but this I feel would’ve have put gasoline on the bon fire And it may seem impersonal that I speak about the person as a 3rd party, this is a survival mechanism in case they read this message on the forums. I feel like I am putting this on this forums to gauge responses and was there anything more I could do or could've done things better. I am trying to look after my mental health as well Slippers

Guest_598 Closure through meeting with ex?
  • replies: 12

Hi there, my partner, who separated from his wife ten months ago, is still carrying around a lot of anger and resentment for his wife. To move past this and progress through the grief, he has decided that he needs to meet and talk with her. She lives... View more

Hi there, my partner, who separated from his wife ten months ago, is still carrying around a lot of anger and resentment for his wife. To move past this and progress through the grief, he has decided that he needs to meet and talk with her. She lives in a different state but is going to come to meet with him for two days this weekend. He has been very open and honest about it with me. He said, he is uncomfortable and worried because he is concerned that he will get angry and flip out (which would not help working through the anger effectively) and he wants to set boundaries. I think it sounds good and healthy, although there is a bit of fear that he may become nostalgic or she may try to remind them of all the great things only. He said that the last time he met her, he did not feel any longing and did not feel attracted to her either. I hope it stays that way, we are very good with each other. We constantly laugh and I know he cares about me. So I am hoping that he will progress as he is planning but I am worried about whether two days is a bit long. Usually, you would meet up with someone, chat and part ways. But she will be there for two ways, what if it turns badly? Wouldn't that be counterproductive? Or what if she gives him a feeling of normality because she visits him in their marital home. I am scared that he may get more confused or that he may become too nostalgic and give in to a ghost of a relationship that does not really exist anymore. Do you have any experience of spending that long together to find closure or at least the ability to move on and clear the air? I don't know what to expect after those two days. We will meet and talk but I am scared about the outcome. The signs look like he doesn't see going back as an option but I also don't want him to get stuck even more than he already says he is.

Troubled63 Should I run away?
  • replies: 2

I am very paranoid that They are going to find my post, so I will just refer to them as They. Ive always had trouble with Them, and now I am at my limit. At the beginning of the year I would say that I would never commit suicide, but I am seriously s... View more

I am very paranoid that They are going to find my post, so I will just refer to them as They. Ive always had trouble with Them, and now I am at my limit. At the beginning of the year I would say that I would never commit suicide, but I am seriously starting to doubt myself here. I had a short bout of depression (or something similar) recently and now I can understand why people would take their own lives, which is very disturbing. Originally, I intended to stay until I was old enough to leave, but how would I know what I would do before then? I know that I should ask for help or something, but I would end up disgracing myself, which isn't the problem here, but They is only one person. Everyone else involved has nothing against me. I would never be able to live with myself if I tear them apart, because really they're alright without me. I am the only problem. I might have some problems running away, as I have no friends or other family. I am young, but I am sure that i can still exit the country(that is, go to a place where I will not stand out). I can simply wait until I can work, and go from there. I am intelligent and resourceful, and They would not look for me. Please, I don't want to make a mistake so help me out here.

mazikeen Partner put us in legal and financial risk, what do I do?
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I'm new to these forums and looking for some advice. Through a number of bad decisions and new strict laws in place, my husband had his driving license suspended, and more recently, was caught driving while suspended which has led to a c... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new to these forums and looking for some advice. Through a number of bad decisions and new strict laws in place, my husband had his driving license suspended, and more recently, was caught driving while suspended which has led to a court order and our car being impounded. I didn't know about the license suspension for a few months as he never told me. He has put us at financial risk through a series of bad financial decisions related to the suspension and with the potential loss of his job due to the above (I work full time as well). I am trying to forgive him for making these mistakes (we all make mistakes) and I am working with him to secure a lawyer for the court order. However, I am struggling with whether or not the above behaviours indicate that I should move on and leave him to sort out his own problems. I am trying to be supportive but I am so angry and hurt that he's done this, that it feels like he hasn't thought about the consequences or impact of his actions. Today he didn't go into work and stayed in bed watching TV feeling sorry for himself, and took a loss of pay as a result (despite me reminding him that we need the money to cover lawyer fees and fines). While I understand the impact that this has on his mental health and well-being and want to be supportive, I am also growing quite cold towards him. I have made it clear to him that it is not the mistake that matters to me, but his efforts in rectifying it. I don't know how to be supportive of him and take care of myself when I feel like I have to push him to make it right. I have even said to him that if I don't see efforts, I'm not going to stick around any longer and I have tried to set clear expectations as to what making it right looks like for me. He has said to me that what has happened has had a big impact on him, and I'm trying to be understanding and encourage him to seek therapy (which he is refusing) but at the same time, I feel as though he's made a very serious mistake, and he needs to push through his bad feelings and make an effort to fix it. I feel like a villain, and yet also feel like I'm the only one who is trying to ensure we don't lose the house, or any other consequences from his actions. Every time I try and talk to him, his response is 'I know' but he doesn't offer any solutions on what he's going to do to fix this situation (even when I offer ways). What more can I do, or am I handling this wrong? Any help would be really appreciated.

Confused123456789 Seeking Relationship / Breakup Advice
  • replies: 3

I recently broke up with my boyfriend, we were long distance and this became a major issue as he could not commit to anything more consistent for at least the next 2 years. This was the only reason we ended up breaking up, besides this we were good t... View more

I recently broke up with my boyfriend, we were long distance and this became a major issue as he could not commit to anything more consistent for at least the next 2 years. This was the only reason we ended up breaking up, besides this we were good to each other and we got along really well. We have had no contact since breaking up (3 weeks ago) and he immediately deleted me from all social media, which I assume is due to him being hurt. I have had a very quick rollercoaster of emotions... serious depression, sadness, anger and at some stages I even feel like I’ve accepted the breakup, I am aware this sounds like a very quick process over a very short period. I am travelling interstate shortly to where he lives due to an event a friend is holding (seperate friends, he will not be at the event). I would like to make contact with him to see if he would like to catch up while I am there, however I am worried about affecting either of our mental health if this is the wrong decision. I would give him the option of not responding at all if he didn’t think it was appropriate for me to ask and would let him know I would not harbour any ill feelings if he chose not to. Do you think it is a good or bad idea to make contact? Will I set us both back in our healing process or is it a positive move to try and maintain a friendship? I am honestly not sure if he would be happy to hear from me as we didn’t breakup on bad terms or if he would be annoyed at me for making contact and “interfering” in his life (for lack of a better word). I have written a very polite text, giving him multiple options to say “no” or not even reply, however I am unsure if I should send it or not? I am very wary everyone deals / reacts to breakups differently and I would not want to set him or myself back in our healing process or affect either of our mental health. Any advice would be appreciated

Matchy69 feeling helpless
  • replies: 35

I have met a girl who i have fallen madly in love with.She replied to an add of mine.The problem is she is married and in a marriage that she dosnt want to be in and says wants to leave her cheating husband but is to scared to.I cant stop thinking ab... View more

I have met a girl who i have fallen madly in love with.She replied to an add of mine.The problem is she is married and in a marriage that she dosnt want to be in and says wants to leave her cheating husband but is to scared to.I cant stop thinking about this girl and cant do anything i just spend my days and night thinking about her and just crying all the time for her.I dont know what to do.