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Supporting my wife

Community Member

Hi team, just a quick one. My wife doesn't drink alcohol at all as we both reformed alcoholics. However a few weeks back she had a relaps & got severely intoxicated! Long story short she took a bunch of tablets & ended up in ICU. She returned home and we went back to work as normal. We work together as we are growing our own company. My wife owns a horse as she loves caring for animals. Our relationship is ok with only little barnes every now & then. She has been seing a psychiatrist and is receiving treatment for bipolar type 2. She has a history of being sexually abused when she was a teen by her brother & cousin. She is a very attractive & unique lady and I'm certainly bless to be married to her for almost 20yrs. We are only 40yo. However now she has very little motivation to do almost anything! She is putting on weight, spending heaps of time on social media and isn't engaging with myself or our boys. She is so negative about everything! her need to be right is crazy! Her OCD with her horse is financially debilitating to our family & she is getting super tired! She put our boys down all the time "13 & 14yo" also puts me down in front of them and sometimes in front of clients. Her work ethic is getting avererge to say the least. I cant run our business by myself and we cant afford to put anyone else on:( my wife has amazing skills and I do believe 3 tradesman couldn't do the quality she puts out. I couldn't physically get another job to service our financial commitments. We are going to sink unless she comes good. I have tried to talk about this with her and she will go into a meltdown swaring and being hurtful How can I assist my wife? What can I say. I see the black dog institute & also a psychologist. This does help but as we know this is all cognitive therapy stuff. I'm not happy anymore, my hobbys are running a 4.30am to get some peace back into my life. I have a strong understanding about christianity & understand that there is a higher power for me this is jesus. I worry about my wife killing herself all the time, this is so tiring. I blame myself as I cant seem to do or say anything right! Do I put her into some kind or rehab for a much needed rest. Our business would fold! Do I sell all of our stuff to support this move? Do I leave my wife and start again? Either way I feel snookered! Has anyone experienced a similar situation? Or does it get better over time. Thanks for reading my message & putting up with my poor grammar. 😁

2 Replies 2

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Hey brother,

In a similar situation, being in love with an addict. She's a different person when she's sober. I'm guessing that the same is true with you.

Everyone in my life tells me that I'm better off without her. I feel alone as well. I can't tell you what to do. What I'm doing is taking some time to myself, and focus on working on me, and giving her space to recognise that she needs help. I've tried to give her love, and space to recognise that she has an issue. She knows that she does... when she's sober. The only thing I've found that works so far is to stop enabling her addiction. This looks different to everyone. For me, it means walking away from her when she's drinking. I say 'You're an adult. You can choose to drink. But I am too, and if you choose to drink, I choose to not be close to you. When you are ready to get help, I will be here, but I can't pretend any more that what you are doing is ok.'

I hope this helps. It sounds like you are on the right track with your steps. Keep taking your inventory, and be strong.

I am also in love with a recovering addict (not alcohol tho), we are a fairly new relationship and I also cant tell you what to do. No one knows about my partners use, he has recently relapsed/slipped twice in 3 months and it breaks me. Not just the actual use, but the loss of trust, the anxiety and depression on my behalf, and the lack of self worth i carry with me because of his use.

As i said, im pretty new to all this, addictions, etc so I dont really know what to say to help. More just letting you know you're not alone, to stay strong and keep working on your own self worth. Good luck 🙂