Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

ZJ When do you know it's time to leave
  • replies: 4

Hi, I have been with my partner for 6 years now we have 2 young children together. I feel I am ready to leave this relationship but I am scared of what the repercussions are going to be like for my children and myself. My partner for the most of it h... View more

Hi, I have been with my partner for 6 years now we have 2 young children together. I feel I am ready to leave this relationship but I am scared of what the repercussions are going to be like for my children and myself. My partner for the most of it has been a very supportive father and partner in a financial aspect and also emotionally to an extent, Although he does have a very big temper on him. He has pushed me slapped me and hit me multiple times although not recent the memories of it still imbedded in my mind that I allowed it to happen more then once and have forgiven him. I have had conversations with him in regards to the incidents and how sometime the way I shut off in arguments is because of the way arguments have previously ended with us. He keeps telling me that I am the one that chose to stay and forgive and I cant keep bringing the past up He has offered to talk about the past but I cant use it for an excuse as to how I act but I do not want to talk about that with him. I want to and when I asked to go to see a phycologist he told me I couldn't say anything about the past to them else they will take the kids off him and that's not what I want. I have tried to have this conversation of separating numerous times and somehow it gets turned around and I just can't stand my ground and I give in and we are pretending everything is fine. I honestly am so lost at where to start, what to do and who to talk to

whitefeather Road Tripping Australia yet struggling to leave family behind.
  • replies: 1

Hi, My hubby and I have finally decided to take our family of 6 for a road trip around Australia within the next 6- 18months. However, in order to do this, we are leaving behind the only family members we are in a relationship with - my mum (53 years... View more

Hi, My hubby and I have finally decided to take our family of 6 for a road trip around Australia within the next 6- 18months. However, in order to do this, we are leaving behind the only family members we are in a relationship with - my mum (53 years) and little sister (8 years). Our life has been an emotional roller coaster the past 9 years with having to step out of both our families dysfunctional dynamics and dealing with multiple marriages falling apart (including my own parents). My hubby and I have more or less put our lives on hold to help ourselves and my mum and little sister through this season and get healing for our broken hearts. We now feel that this season has come to an end and its time for us to move on. We don't to stay in our current home town and raise our family here, we want to move onto new land and build a new life and leave a new legacy for our kids and future grandkids. We want to travel in a caravan for 1 year first and explore our country while finding a new place to settle. However, we have to leave the only 2 people in our life who I know loves us so much, and are the only family we have that genuinely cares about us. I'm not to sure what to gain from sharing this, but I have battled with this sadness and brokenness and emptiness alone for a long time and I'm just at a point where I needed to reach out. If anyone has similar experiences or insight they can share, I would be very grateful for your words and time. xx

LoisFly Husband has stopped talking to me
  • replies: 13

I have been married for 10 years and up until 6 months ago between in a very loving relationship with my husband. We have always been very affectionate towards each other and loving. I have no idea why hut he has almost stopped talking to me, doesn't... View more

I have been married for 10 years and up until 6 months ago between in a very loving relationship with my husband. We have always been very affectionate towards each other and loving. I have no idea why hut he has almost stopped talking to me, doesn't want to touch me. Doesn't say I love you anymore. He says he's going through a hard time and avoids the house and spends hours at the gym or with his mates. I have no idea what to do and feel devestated that he has cut me out of his life. Help

HowittWest Controlling Father
  • replies: 3

I have a controlling and overbearing father. However, he is not ‘controlling’ in the sense that he prevents my mother and me from doing the things we choose to do. Essentially, he will use “words”, to control us. I’m not sure if it’s a tactic, or whe... View more

I have a controlling and overbearing father. However, he is not ‘controlling’ in the sense that he prevents my mother and me from doing the things we choose to do. Essentially, he will use “words”, to control us. I’m not sure if it’s a tactic, or whether he does it subconsciously, but he’ll use insults and put-downs such as criticism, belittlement, sarcasm, or just outright name-calling to shame us for doing things. Basic things such as: performing a favour for a friend, taking work-off to attend a funeral. Just regular activities that he strangely doesn’t agree with. He also holds grudges and utilises our previous mistakes (or what he thinks are mistakes) to insult us. My father also does this when he’s in a bad mood, or even when he just sees an opportunity to do it. He’ll pick on either myself or my mum, endlessly. Just a string of insults or hurtful sarcasm. The worst part of this is that he also targets the other people in our lives that we (my mum and I) care about, to hurt us. I hope that makes sense, but essentially, to hurt me, he’ll belittle and insult my partner (not to his face, but to me). Or to hurt my mother, he’ll insult her family to her. I don’t spend much time with my friends or my partner because I’m too scared to ask him, to hear his response. My father also controls my spending. I’m in my early 20’s and he has access to my bank account and checks it regularly. If he believes I’ve spent too much, he’ll go into a rage. Essentially, I’m always having to think about whether this action will make him angry. I’m scared of him, because his words hurt me, a lot, and I know that it’s making me weak, mentally and preventing me from enjoying my life. I have full resentment towards my father. His actions are affecting how I'd like to fulfil my life, how I make MY choices. Living with him is difficult and exhausting as it’s constantly like walking on eggshells. However, I also feel like I can’t think this way about him because he provides for me financially. He finances my education and my livelihood. I make my own money, I have an income. However, due to our culture, my father insists on funding these aspects of my life. I just feel trapped. Sometimes I get terrible anxiety, worried about the fact that I may never be able to leave my father’s controlling presence. I also worry about my mother, because it's as if her fulltime job is to manage his temper. Has anyone else experienced this? And what have you done to escape it?

yayita My partners marijuana addiction
  • replies: 1

I grew up surrounded by marijuana, both my parents are heavy smokers, my dad suffered from drug-induced psychosis and I had a fairly anxiety-ridden childhood due to all the above. Due to those experiences, I have always had a negative stigma towards ... View more

I grew up surrounded by marijuana, both my parents are heavy smokers, my dad suffered from drug-induced psychosis and I had a fairly anxiety-ridden childhood due to all the above. Due to those experiences, I have always had a negative stigma towards marijuana and I have always known that I will never bring up my children in the same environment. From the ages of 20-23, I used to be a heavy smoker, it was an addiction fueled by depression and PTSD from my childhood. Since I first met my boyfriend, I've always known he is a heavy everyday smoker. He doesn't like drinking so has substituted that with marijuana. Since being with my partner I have gone in and out of excessive marijuana use, to none at all. I have thankfully been clean for quite some time now and seem to have fully grown out of the independence I have had with marijuana. My partner is the kindest man I've ever known. Everyone absolutely loves him, he is so easy to get along with, he's smart, gentle and is a person who women dream of. He has never been abusive with me and is basically his sweet self when he is high. As our relationship has progressed, I have repeatedly explained that I do not want marijuana to be part of my life. We fight and argue that he does not want to give it up, that he doesn't have an issue with marijuana, and I make too much of a big deal about it and that it isn't a terrible thing. My boyfriend of over four years told me that he will no longer smoke weed once we have children. I'm 27 now and he has mentioned getting engaged more and more. The thought of getting married gives me anxiety as each day passes. I've expressed all this to him and he always tells me that I "can't tell the future". I aware of this but I don't want to chance all this heartache on when we finally have kids. That could be three or four years from now. Besides from the marijuana addiction, he has also hidden his financial issues from me (i.e. getting loans that he cannot afford - this has happened more than three times now and I've only ever found out by chance, he has never told me and I've always had to confront him about it). Our most recent argument, he mentioned again that he'll be quitting once we have children. He may never quit and I feel that he is only using that as an excuse to keep me from leaving him.

roxy24 Lonely and single
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, Im just new to this so I hope this all makes sense. Pretty much I have moved out of home and away from my life at home. Some of my close friends came with me however they are all on drugs now. Although this may not seem like a big issue,... View more

Hi everyone, Im just new to this so I hope this all makes sense. Pretty much I have moved out of home and away from my life at home. Some of my close friends came with me however they are all on drugs now. Although this may not seem like a big issue, I am really against drugs as I have an appreciation for my body. This makes me feel like I have lost contact with my close friends and makes me feel like a ‘loser’ because I don’t join them. I am in many sporting teams and have great friends there but I feel like I wouldn’t be able to just call them up and ask them to come over or whatever. So I don’t really know how I’m supposed to be in that situation. I also have many friends at uni, however I wouldn’t say that we would be close enough to hang out outside of uni. My main issue in this post is being single. All my friends are in relationships with someone and I feel like I a just not wanted by anyone. This has resulted me in raising my standards and becoming unrealistic. However, I feel like I cannot lower these standards as I am afraid I will get hurt. The whole single situation makes me sick and so upset, I am just so worried I’m going to be single forever. This sounds so silly but I feel like boys aren’t interested in me, but the ones who are, are just disgusting. This makes me feel worthless and makes me feel like I’m wasting my life away wanting to be in a relationship. Is this normal or what do I need to do?

Wawa Husband wont let me go
  • replies: 3

I separated from my husband just over a year ago. I haven't been happy for years and finally decided i am done. I dont love him anymore. He wont let go, he still tells me i have to give him another chance. He moved back in without my permission, gets... View more

I separated from my husband just over a year ago. I haven't been happy for years and finally decided i am done. I dont love him anymore. He wont let go, he still tells me i have to give him another chance. He moved back in without my permission, gets the kids upset, refuses to leave. Tells me i have to stay with him. I dont want to get nasty and call the police. We talk and i am honest with him, i want to move on. Its like he completely ignores what i day. Or says no he doesnt accept it. I just want to move on and find myself again. How can i get him to leave me alone and let go.....

Sad_Bookworm Lonely
  • replies: 1

I’m 26 and very lonely. I don’t have any friends. I moved from the regional town that I grew up in 2.5 years ago to the city and I’ve never managed to find a group of people I fit in with here. I moved to study at university and I’m very nearly finis... View more

I’m 26 and very lonely. I don’t have any friends. I moved from the regional town that I grew up in 2.5 years ago to the city and I’ve never managed to find a group of people I fit in with here. I moved to study at university and I’m very nearly finished studying now. I tried joining clubs at uni, but I either never really felt that I belonged or something happened that made it difficult to continue with that group. I have struggled with anxiety and depression since I was 16 and have severe self-esteem issues, that makes it difficult to believe that other people want to be near me. This also means that I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything close to a relationship, which at 26 also makes me feel that something must be wrong with me. My family has effectively been my only social support network for a long time now, but I’m starting to really feel like I’m burdening them by relying on them so much. Particularly my sister who I rely on heavily for general social interactions. Lately I’ve also been finding that I’m growing further away from my parents too, most of the time I can barely have a conversation with them without an argument occurring. I don’t know what to do anymore I’ve always been shy and I’ve always had to push myself to do any socialising but now it feels like nothing ever works out. I have seen various mental health professionals during my life, although none at the moment, and I’m currently miles away from where I was at my worse but it feels like if I don’t find a way to sort through some of these issues I might end up back there again.

UncleChop81 Help with a difficult Ex
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I'm looking for some advice about how I can manage or improve the situation with my ex wife. We have kids together, so unfortunately we can't part ways anytime soon, which would be the ideal option. I believe she suffers from mental health is... View more

Hi all, I'm looking for some advice about how I can manage or improve the situation with my ex wife. We have kids together, so unfortunately we can't part ways anytime soon, which would be the ideal option. I believe she suffers from mental health issues, perhaps borderline personality disorder like her mother, but I'm obviously no expert. I'll try and keep the back story brief. We separated 2.5 years ago, after being married around 7.5 years. It was my decision to leave. Our marriage was plagued with issues from the beginning. I stayed for the sake of the kids, because I believed I owed them a "whole family", only to eventually leave for the sake of the kids, when I saw how the constant fighting was beginning to effect them. It's not my intention to simply pass all the blame on, but whenever my ex got upset or angry, which was often, she would force a confrontation with me there and then about it, without any regard for who else was around (which was often our kids). If I walked away to de-escalate, she would just follow and continue. During the relationship it felt impossible to keep her happy, and the smallest thing would set her off. I was walking on egg shells the whole time, and honestly felt like I could never do anything right. I often struggled to understand why she would be so upset or angry, despite honestly trying. It just felt like the she saw everything in a different light to the way most people do. Like she was looking at the world through a pair of "negatively shaded" glasses, almost to the point of being delusional. As an example, if I made an effort to do something nice for her, she would explain it away as "I only did that because..." and put a negative spin on it. And everytime something from our past would come up in an argument, she would remember it in a worse and worse way... Like she was adding a further negative spin on top of the negative spin she'd already put on the event. Anyway, our separation started off more or less amicably, and I had hoped with the relationship over things would improve. But things have been slowly spiralling downwards ever since. The same issues I experienced in the relationship are continuing, to the point now that she can barely contain her anger and bitterness during our custody handovers. It's literally impossible to discuss anything with her, as the smallest thing can cause her to fly into a torrent of abuse; which essentially mean I can't be involved in any decisions relating to our children...

Baja555 Stuck for an apology
  • replies: 9

I cheated on my girlfriend from high school and I recently bumped into her again now 10 years on since we broke up. I struck up a quick conversation but it was very awkward and I left feeling very anxious, I didn't get a chance to apologise to her. A... View more

I cheated on my girlfriend from high school and I recently bumped into her again now 10 years on since we broke up. I struck up a quick conversation but it was very awkward and I left feeling very anxious, I didn't get a chance to apologise to her. A few days later I get a call from her angry husband saying I messed up her life, that she had found it really hard from our break up , I apologised profusely to him and said I was a stupid kid and I'm very sorry for my actions and he accepted the situation but went on to say to leave her alone or he'll kill me. This was 3 months ago and I haven't been able to let it go (I have much better morals now). I think about it all the time and its completely disrupting my life. I'm getting really depressed and cant sleep, thinking I hurt her so badly. I had no idea she took it so hard. I want to apologise to her in an email or message, but fear the thought of me again will just stir the pot (and risks him coming after me). So I'm really lost for what to do: should I send him the message and ask to pass it on when the time is right, or just send her the message directly, or do I leave it alone and let it cool off?