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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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whitefeather Road Tripping Australia yet struggling to leave family behind.
  • replies: 1

Hi, My hubby and I have finally decided to take our family of 6 for a road trip around Australia within the next 6- 18months. However, in order to do this, we are leaving behind the only family members we are in a relationship with - my mum (53 years... View more

Hi, My hubby and I have finally decided to take our family of 6 for a road trip around Australia within the next 6- 18months. However, in order to do this, we are leaving behind the only family members we are in a relationship with - my mum (53 years) and little sister (8 years). Our life has been an emotional roller coaster the past 9 years with having to step out of both our families dysfunctional dynamics and dealing with multiple marriages falling apart (including my own parents). My hubby and I have more or less put our lives on hold to help ourselves and my mum and little sister through this season and get healing for our broken hearts. We now feel that this season has come to an end and its time for us to move on. We don't to stay in our current home town and raise our family here, we want to move onto new land and build a new life and leave a new legacy for our kids and future grandkids. We want to travel in a caravan for 1 year first and explore our country while finding a new place to settle. However, we have to leave the only 2 people in our life who I know loves us so much, and are the only family we have that genuinely cares about us. I'm not to sure what to gain from sharing this, but I have battled with this sadness and brokenness and emptiness alone for a long time and I'm just at a point where I needed to reach out. If anyone has similar experiences or insight they can share, I would be very grateful for your words and time. xx

LoisFly Husband has stopped talking to me
  • replies: 13

I have been married for 10 years and up until 6 months ago between in a very loving relationship with my husband. We have always been very affectionate towards each other and loving. I have no idea why hut he has almost stopped talking to me, doesn't... View more

I have been married for 10 years and up until 6 months ago between in a very loving relationship with my husband. We have always been very affectionate towards each other and loving. I have no idea why hut he has almost stopped talking to me, doesn't want to touch me. Doesn't say I love you anymore. He says he's going through a hard time and avoids the house and spends hours at the gym or with his mates. I have no idea what to do and feel devestated that he has cut me out of his life. Help

HowittWest Controlling Father
  • replies: 3

I have a controlling and overbearing father. However, he is not ‘controlling’ in the sense that he prevents my mother and me from doing the things we choose to do. Essentially, he will use “words”, to control us. I’m not sure if it’s a tactic, or whe... View more

I have a controlling and overbearing father. However, he is not ‘controlling’ in the sense that he prevents my mother and me from doing the things we choose to do. Essentially, he will use “words”, to control us. I’m not sure if it’s a tactic, or whether he does it subconsciously, but he’ll use insults and put-downs such as criticism, belittlement, sarcasm, or just outright name-calling to shame us for doing things. Basic things such as: performing a favour for a friend, taking work-off to attend a funeral. Just regular activities that he strangely doesn’t agree with. He also holds grudges and utilises our previous mistakes (or what he thinks are mistakes) to insult us. My father also does this when he’s in a bad mood, or even when he just sees an opportunity to do it. He’ll pick on either myself or my mum, endlessly. Just a string of insults or hurtful sarcasm. The worst part of this is that he also targets the other people in our lives that we (my mum and I) care about, to hurt us. I hope that makes sense, but essentially, to hurt me, he’ll belittle and insult my partner (not to his face, but to me). Or to hurt my mother, he’ll insult her family to her. I don’t spend much time with my friends or my partner because I’m too scared to ask him, to hear his response. My father also controls my spending. I’m in my early 20’s and he has access to my bank account and checks it regularly. If he believes I’ve spent too much, he’ll go into a rage. Essentially, I’m always having to think about whether this action will make him angry. I’m scared of him, because his words hurt me, a lot, and I know that it’s making me weak, mentally and preventing me from enjoying my life. I have full resentment towards my father. His actions are affecting how I'd like to fulfil my life, how I make MY choices. Living with him is difficult and exhausting as it’s constantly like walking on eggshells. However, I also feel like I can’t think this way about him because he provides for me financially. He finances my education and my livelihood. I make my own money, I have an income. However, due to our culture, my father insists on funding these aspects of my life. I just feel trapped. Sometimes I get terrible anxiety, worried about the fact that I may never be able to leave my father’s controlling presence. I also worry about my mother, because it's as if her fulltime job is to manage his temper. Has anyone else experienced this? And what have you done to escape it?

yayita My partners marijuana addiction
  • replies: 1

I grew up surrounded by marijuana, both my parents are heavy smokers, my dad suffered from drug-induced psychosis and I had a fairly anxiety-ridden childhood due to all the above. Due to those experiences, I have always had a negative stigma towards ... View more

I grew up surrounded by marijuana, both my parents are heavy smokers, my dad suffered from drug-induced psychosis and I had a fairly anxiety-ridden childhood due to all the above. Due to those experiences, I have always had a negative stigma towards marijuana and I have always known that I will never bring up my children in the same environment. From the ages of 20-23, I used to be a heavy smoker, it was an addiction fueled by depression and PTSD from my childhood. Since I first met my boyfriend, I've always known he is a heavy everyday smoker. He doesn't like drinking so has substituted that with marijuana. Since being with my partner I have gone in and out of excessive marijuana use, to none at all. I have thankfully been clean for quite some time now and seem to have fully grown out of the independence I have had with marijuana. My partner is the kindest man I've ever known. Everyone absolutely loves him, he is so easy to get along with, he's smart, gentle and is a person who women dream of. He has never been abusive with me and is basically his sweet self when he is high. As our relationship has progressed, I have repeatedly explained that I do not want marijuana to be part of my life. We fight and argue that he does not want to give it up, that he doesn't have an issue with marijuana, and I make too much of a big deal about it and that it isn't a terrible thing. My boyfriend of over four years told me that he will no longer smoke weed once we have children. I'm 27 now and he has mentioned getting engaged more and more. The thought of getting married gives me anxiety as each day passes. I've expressed all this to him and he always tells me that I "can't tell the future". I aware of this but I don't want to chance all this heartache on when we finally have kids. That could be three or four years from now. Besides from the marijuana addiction, he has also hidden his financial issues from me (i.e. getting loans that he cannot afford - this has happened more than three times now and I've only ever found out by chance, he has never told me and I've always had to confront him about it). Our most recent argument, he mentioned again that he'll be quitting once we have children. He may never quit and I feel that he is only using that as an excuse to keep me from leaving him.

roxy24 Lonely and single
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, Im just new to this so I hope this all makes sense. Pretty much I have moved out of home and away from my life at home. Some of my close friends came with me however they are all on drugs now. Although this may not seem like a big issue,... View more

Hi everyone, Im just new to this so I hope this all makes sense. Pretty much I have moved out of home and away from my life at home. Some of my close friends came with me however they are all on drugs now. Although this may not seem like a big issue, I am really against drugs as I have an appreciation for my body. This makes me feel like I have lost contact with my close friends and makes me feel like a ‘loser’ because I don’t join them. I am in many sporting teams and have great friends there but I feel like I wouldn’t be able to just call them up and ask them to come over or whatever. So I don’t really know how I’m supposed to be in that situation. I also have many friends at uni, however I wouldn’t say that we would be close enough to hang out outside of uni. My main issue in this post is being single. All my friends are in relationships with someone and I feel like I a just not wanted by anyone. This has resulted me in raising my standards and becoming unrealistic. However, I feel like I cannot lower these standards as I am afraid I will get hurt. The whole single situation makes me sick and so upset, I am just so worried I’m going to be single forever. This sounds so silly but I feel like boys aren’t interested in me, but the ones who are, are just disgusting. This makes me feel worthless and makes me feel like I’m wasting my life away wanting to be in a relationship. Is this normal or what do I need to do?

Wawa Husband wont let me go
  • replies: 3

I separated from my husband just over a year ago. I haven't been happy for years and finally decided i am done. I dont love him anymore. He wont let go, he still tells me i have to give him another chance. He moved back in without my permission, gets... View more

I separated from my husband just over a year ago. I haven't been happy for years and finally decided i am done. I dont love him anymore. He wont let go, he still tells me i have to give him another chance. He moved back in without my permission, gets the kids upset, refuses to leave. Tells me i have to stay with him. I dont want to get nasty and call the police. We talk and i am honest with him, i want to move on. Its like he completely ignores what i day. Or says no he doesnt accept it. I just want to move on and find myself again. How can i get him to leave me alone and let go.....

Sad_Bookworm Lonely
  • replies: 1

I’m 26 and very lonely. I don’t have any friends. I moved from the regional town that I grew up in 2.5 years ago to the city and I’ve never managed to find a group of people I fit in with here. I moved to study at university and I’m very nearly finis... View more

I’m 26 and very lonely. I don’t have any friends. I moved from the regional town that I grew up in 2.5 years ago to the city and I’ve never managed to find a group of people I fit in with here. I moved to study at university and I’m very nearly finished studying now. I tried joining clubs at uni, but I either never really felt that I belonged or something happened that made it difficult to continue with that group. I have struggled with anxiety and depression since I was 16 and have severe self-esteem issues, that makes it difficult to believe that other people want to be near me. This also means that I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything close to a relationship, which at 26 also makes me feel that something must be wrong with me. My family has effectively been my only social support network for a long time now, but I’m starting to really feel like I’m burdening them by relying on them so much. Particularly my sister who I rely on heavily for general social interactions. Lately I’ve also been finding that I’m growing further away from my parents too, most of the time I can barely have a conversation with them without an argument occurring. I don’t know what to do anymore I’ve always been shy and I’ve always had to push myself to do any socialising but now it feels like nothing ever works out. I have seen various mental health professionals during my life, although none at the moment, and I’m currently miles away from where I was at my worse but it feels like if I don’t find a way to sort through some of these issues I might end up back there again.

UncleChop81 Help with a difficult Ex
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I'm looking for some advice about how I can manage or improve the situation with my ex wife. We have kids together, so unfortunately we can't part ways anytime soon, which would be the ideal option. I believe she suffers from mental health is... View more

Hi all, I'm looking for some advice about how I can manage or improve the situation with my ex wife. We have kids together, so unfortunately we can't part ways anytime soon, which would be the ideal option. I believe she suffers from mental health issues, perhaps borderline personality disorder like her mother, but I'm obviously no expert. I'll try and keep the back story brief. We separated 2.5 years ago, after being married around 7.5 years. It was my decision to leave. Our marriage was plagued with issues from the beginning. I stayed for the sake of the kids, because I believed I owed them a "whole family", only to eventually leave for the sake of the kids, when I saw how the constant fighting was beginning to effect them. It's not my intention to simply pass all the blame on, but whenever my ex got upset or angry, which was often, she would force a confrontation with me there and then about it, without any regard for who else was around (which was often our kids). If I walked away to de-escalate, she would just follow and continue. During the relationship it felt impossible to keep her happy, and the smallest thing would set her off. I was walking on egg shells the whole time, and honestly felt like I could never do anything right. I often struggled to understand why she would be so upset or angry, despite honestly trying. It just felt like the she saw everything in a different light to the way most people do. Like she was looking at the world through a pair of "negatively shaded" glasses, almost to the point of being delusional. As an example, if I made an effort to do something nice for her, she would explain it away as "I only did that because..." and put a negative spin on it. And everytime something from our past would come up in an argument, she would remember it in a worse and worse way... Like she was adding a further negative spin on top of the negative spin she'd already put on the event. Anyway, our separation started off more or less amicably, and I had hoped with the relationship over things would improve. But things have been slowly spiralling downwards ever since. The same issues I experienced in the relationship are continuing, to the point now that she can barely contain her anger and bitterness during our custody handovers. It's literally impossible to discuss anything with her, as the smallest thing can cause her to fly into a torrent of abuse; which essentially mean I can't be involved in any decisions relating to our children...

Baja555 Stuck for an apology
  • replies: 9

I cheated on my girlfriend from high school and I recently bumped into her again now 10 years on since we broke up. I struck up a quick conversation but it was very awkward and I left feeling very anxious, I didn't get a chance to apologise to her. A... View more

I cheated on my girlfriend from high school and I recently bumped into her again now 10 years on since we broke up. I struck up a quick conversation but it was very awkward and I left feeling very anxious, I didn't get a chance to apologise to her. A few days later I get a call from her angry husband saying I messed up her life, that she had found it really hard from our break up , I apologised profusely to him and said I was a stupid kid and I'm very sorry for my actions and he accepted the situation but went on to say to leave her alone or he'll kill me. This was 3 months ago and I haven't been able to let it go (I have much better morals now). I think about it all the time and its completely disrupting my life. I'm getting really depressed and cant sleep, thinking I hurt her so badly. I had no idea she took it so hard. I want to apologise to her in an email or message, but fear the thought of me again will just stir the pot (and risks him coming after me). So I'm really lost for what to do: should I send him the message and ask to pass it on when the time is right, or just send her the message directly, or do I leave it alone and let it cool off?

Sparkey8 12 wks pregnant, bipolar husband, abortion
  • replies: 2

I don't know what to do. I am 12.5 weeks pregnant. My bipolar husband is currently crashing after a manic 8 days. He says he can't handle the pressure that i am putting him under. He asked me to have an abortion 2 days ago. I told him just now i woul... View more

I don't know what to do. I am 12.5 weeks pregnant. My bipolar husband is currently crashing after a manic 8 days. He says he can't handle the pressure that i am putting him under. He asked me to have an abortion 2 days ago. I told him just now i would go and see a pre-abortion conselling service on monday and now he is saying that he thinks abortion is not the right thing to do. Right now i can't see how our marriage will last. My self esteem has really taken a beating this week because he blames me for a lot of his depression and really verbally attacks every little thing he can. We already have a toddler and i work for myself in a very stressful and demanding job. I don't know how i would ever provide for two kids by myself. I hate the thought of abortion. I know i couldn't put my baby up for adoption. OH hasn't worked since december and is getting insurance from his super pending a workers comp claim which he thinks will solve all of our problems. He has grandiose ideas that the claim will be in the millions. I don't know if it will even be accepted. The pregnancy was accidental, the morning after pill failed and things with OH were good at the time. I was happy for the first few weeks but now i have no idea what to do. My sister lives interstate and parents are overseas so no support network really. I plan on seeing a psychologist early next week.