Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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alsatianwolf Emotional blackmail from parents
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, my second post here! A quick intro: I'm 17, mum and dad are separated and have been for many years. Dad is getting remarried to mum's previous best friend. This is very severely affecting mum. This woman (I'll call her S, she lives in N... View more

Hey everyone, my second post here! A quick intro: I'm 17, mum and dad are separated and have been for many years. Dad is getting remarried to mum's previous best friend. This is very severely affecting mum. This woman (I'll call her S, she lives in NSW and we are in QLD) clearly doesn't like me and I don't like her. I don't like her bratty daughter either, but her son is one of my best friends, though he has actually cut and run from the whole family at the age of 16 so I may never see him again. I have to be a bridesmaid along with the daughter for S which is something deeply against my morals and it is really upsetting my mum that I'm going through with this - so why do it, you might ask? I guess loyalty. I am so loyal to my parents that I have been doing everything in my power to keep them both happy for 10 years, even when they have conflicting views. I love my mum and dad so deeply that I will feel physically sick if I disappoint them. I am exhausted as I haven't had the chance to put myself first for a long time. (My parents are amazing people but this just outlines what goes on.) There lies the issue - dad is starting to take advantage of this. He is on good pay and will buy me things, then use that against me later. E.g. "I make sure you have the best (idk, something) at all times so how could you say this?". And he will do this for S too. "She bought you all these clothes and you're being so rude to her!!" - But he has no idea the amount of deep hatred I have for her and her motives. I know so much about her and I know she doesn't love my dad. But I could never say anything without dad immediately becoming defensive. (I feel like giving up on typing this because it's so hard to write everything down, there's so much more). I live with dad almost full time but I feel trapped here. He says the worst things about my mum but I defend her always. He is very childish sometimes and gets defensive extremely easily. I am slowly learning to hold my own in an argument because he can be manipulative. Mum is begging me to live with her for half the time but I don't even know how to approach dad about it. Then she too will emotionally blackmail me but in a different, passive aggressive way that makes me feel even worse, e.g. "Don't even worry about the dog. I'll just look after her." But mum knows me better than anyone and she is always there for me. She is struggling with money and mental health. How do I keep them both happy? I don't know.

Nat11 Friend acceptance
  • replies: 3

Hi I want to get some advice on what to do about a particular friend of mine that I am not sure if I am wasting my time. I’ve know this person about 2 years when I lived with her and I always find that I dnt ever know where I stand with her if she li... View more

Hi I want to get some advice on what to do about a particular friend of mine that I am not sure if I am wasting my time. I’ve know this person about 2 years when I lived with her and I always find that I dnt ever know where I stand with her if she likes me or not because her personality is quite dominate compared to mine which is more passive. Throughout my time living with her I always found it hard to open up cause I felt like she might judge me and because I am insecure about myself sometimes I would close myself off.Last year I decided to move back home to my parents so that I could save a bit before moving in with my boyfriend. I’d thought we would catch up like we use to but we seem to not have but I’ve noticed that she keeps going out with our other roommate who has also moved out and doesn’t included me I’ve tried to tell her next time they catch up to include me but never made the effort and recently at her 30th we took some nice photos up but she purposely I feel left me out when she posted them on Facebook. Am I being paranoid or should I ask her straight out what the problem is and maybe tell her how I feel?

Cassie1234 Making the right decision
  • replies: 4

I need help and advise from people who will not judge me and make me feel even craper. I have been with my partner for 24 years, married 17 years and have 3 kids. Life has got busy and over the past 5 years I have felt a something missing in my marri... View more

I need help and advise from people who will not judge me and make me feel even craper. I have been with my partner for 24 years, married 17 years and have 3 kids. Life has got busy and over the past 5 years I have felt a something missing in my marriage. I tried talking to my husband about it many of times but he never fully got it. He stopped noticing me, making me feel special, I started doing things without him, even changed works thinking it was my job making me sad. He is a loving husband and father but I want more now. I started to stay back at work more because I didn’t really look forward to going home. This is where things get grey. I started to get to know a guy 22 years older. We clicked and talked and talked each day. Our friendship grew and we enjoyed each other’s company. He I guess was my emotional support when I wasn’t getting it from hubby. I have got into such a addiction to text him, see him I have formed feeling for this guy which I am ashamed off and I admitted to my husband I had feeling for him and he said he already knew. We have tried marriage counselling, I have been having single counselling too. I moved out in end of last year thinking I need time out but in fact gave me more time to see the other guy. I feel so guilty but can’t help my feelings. I have moved back home hoping things will get better and hubby is trying so hard to fight for me and I know he loves me so much. If he found out about the lying he will end the marriage and I don’t want to break his heart. I am struggling so much in the head because my head is saying to stay because he is a good man and my life would be comfortable.... if I leave him I risk my family wiping me because they are disgusted I even have feeling for someone else let alone a guy 22 years old. Stay would mean still heart attach . Go means broken marriage, upsetting kids,losing family and friends, town bullshit. But atm the I struggling with my husband touching me as I feel so guilty and I am scared things will go back to what it was before.... not exciting. I am miserable everyday because I don’t know what to do and how to feel. If anyone has been in this situation please honestly tell me what to do. I appreciate anyone help right now because I am just living and barely functioning normally. Just want to be happy again . Thanks for your time.

rlt_23 Changes causing withdrawal
  • replies: 2

Hi, over the last 1 1/2 years things have been taking a backwards step for my relationship with my wife. There are two major issues that are causing problems but the one I need the most help with I think most will find unusual and would wounder why I... View more

Hi, over the last 1 1/2 years things have been taking a backwards step for my relationship with my wife. There are two major issues that are causing problems but the one I need the most help with I think most will find unusual and would wounder why I would feel this way. My wife has always been a slightly bigger girl, we have been together for 10 years now. When we first met I thought she was amazing and loved her and her body even if she was a little bigger. Over the years she did put on extra weight due to having kids but I never once worried about it. 2 years ago she started to make changes to lose weight which I thought was great however it was to slower process for her. She decided she wanted surgery to speed up the weight loss, at this point when ever I brought up the fact I didn’t want her to lose to much she continued to ignore me and said it wouldn’t cause any issues to us. One year later I’m lying here absolutely misriable, she has now lost almost 20kgs more than when we first meet. For her it’s amazing but for me I feel like I have lost her and have been feeling withdrawn sexually and emotionally from her. She hates me that I feel this way and continually post photos to Facebook looking for attention from people and it’s making me feel even worse now. i should be happy but I’m really struggling and now she’s talking about separating so she can have happiness and have some to touch her and realise how sexy she is. What’s wrong with me! thanks in advance

Reallyrosie123 Unhappy relationship, stressed, anxious. Need to talk.
  • replies: 1

Hi all, this is my first time posting here so please be kind. My partner & I have been through some very tough times the last year or two, his mental health and my own mental health have declined a lot. We live together with two daughters, and I’ve b... View more

Hi all, this is my first time posting here so please be kind. My partner & I have been through some very tough times the last year or two, his mental health and my own mental health have declined a lot. We live together with two daughters, and I’ve been thinking more & more lately that I want to leave. I suffer extreme anxiety as well as psychosis but this is managed ok with medication. I am so so scared & anxious about leaving, I’m scared of breaking out of my comfort zone & scared about the whole thing to the point where I’ve worked myself up into an absolute state. I don’t want to stay here for the rest of my life but I feel like he will take the news so badly & he won’t cope well at all. This is just eating me alive, pretending all is ok when inside it’s not & I want to run away I can’t eat much, sleep or have any happiness. I just haven’t left as it seems such a big hurdle, especially with all the catastrophizing I do. I just need someone to talk to and perhaps just some kind words or advice. Thank you for reading.

OldFashioned Both people in relationship with mental illness
  • replies: 12

Hello, Some background, my SO and I have been together for almost 2 years but we were friends long before this. I have (high functioning) autism and depression, she has generalised anxiety disorder, but we both knew about and accepted it before we go... View more

Hello, Some background, my SO and I have been together for almost 2 years but we were friends long before this. I have (high functioning) autism and depression, she has generalised anxiety disorder, but we both knew about and accepted it before we got together. For many reasons we don't live together but we will move in and get married eventually. For both of us it is our first serious relationship. I have a stressful and unstimulating 9-5 office job which I am trying to quit, and my SO works in hospitality, normally the 6-12 shift. As well as this her passion is running. She spends hours and hours training, and often volunteers as a running/fitness coach for friends, family, members of her running group's kids....etc etc. Running is her passion but before any marathon or race of any kind, she goes into this anxiety where she doesn't talk to me about it. Sometimes it lasts for weeks leading up to it, but she never shares any of it with me, she just sort of disconnects from me and all I can do is watch her suffer in silence and wait for it to end. A marathon is coming up and she's back at the silent anxiety again. My company has an awful management team and my work is getting more and more stressful, which has pushed my normally mild depression into overdrive. I'm struggling to hold on while I look for new work, but my girlfriend who's my rock is so distant right now. I grew up well into my 20s with a totally controlling and overbearing mother and my natural instinct is to push people away the moment I feel rejected/neglected. I love my girlfriend so much but I can't handle this at the moment. Has anyone else been through something similar? Oldie

HeartSing Unlucky In Love and no more trust left
  • replies: 7

For the last 5 years I have been hurt by so many people I let into my life, let me start with my Husband. Story 1: 5 years ago my Husband left me and our children just because he was having a text message affair with an acquaintance of ours who I did... View more

For the last 5 years I have been hurt by so many people I let into my life, let me start with my Husband. Story 1: 5 years ago my Husband left me and our children just because he was having a text message affair with an acquaintance of ours who I did not like one bit as she was very conniving and discreet about what she was doing as she too had a partner. She not only prayed on my husband she also prayed on other female friend’s partners and husbands. She would text inappropriate content to my husband and make him feel those butterflies you get when you first flirt and form a connection with the opposite sex. My husband waited months for her after he left me, just waiting for her to leave her partner and when she did they moved in together. Low and behold though she ended up cheating on him with a number of other guys and they split. Story 2: During the demise of my marriage, I met a guy online who had been married twice before and has 2 children to those women, this should have been a red flag to begin with but at the time I was feeling lonely and very naive as I only ever known my husband since I was 20 years old. This guy at first gave me the attention I never received from my husband and was very sexually active, he did make me feel sexy and wanted but only for his own benefits. We moved in together and upon discovering my bi sexuality he then thought it was his duty to invite other females into our bedroom and that it was his duty to then Dominate me and tell me what was happening. You might be saying to yourselves “Why did you put yourself in this position?” Good question! After months of seeing a psychologist regarding this woeful relationship it was determined that he was actually a Psychopath with deeper issues than me. He doesn’t know he is one but all the signs pointed to that diagnosis! He knew exactly how to manipulate me and even other people and when I pulled him up on things he would make me feel bad about it. As time progressed in the relationship, things were not feeling right and I found out that he had cheated on me with one of his male relative’s wife and got her pregnant. This devastated me but didn’t surprise me as I felt that all this time this was the sort of person he was all along. I was mentally scarred by everything that occurred which led me to seeing a psychologist and a councillor after that. Story 3: As I said in Story 1, Hubby and the other woman split up and because we were not on good terms we didn’t talk favourably about or too each other throughout the duration of our separation. I was hurt by his actions in our split and very angry so he was not at all my favourite person, anyway Hubby contacted me one day and apologised for everything that had happened and that he went about it all wrong and it should never have happened blah bla bla. I was still with the Psychotic boyfriend at this point and I accepted my husband’s apologies and left it at that. A couple of weeks later I then split with the Psycho, I told my husband what happened and he started to pursue me. I didn’t want to get back with him just then because of everything that happened to me however after a few months of talking and getting to know each other I let him back in to my life. Now because I suffered such horrendous mental breakdowns I couldn’t give him 100% of me and then I discovered the text messages AGAIN! He was conversing with 2 women this time, one of who I knew and is married and the other I don’t know. He said he never met up with them and I do believe him as he is always at home with the kids and I and works at my work too. He said they made him feel worth it and feel good and I said no more this is exactly what happened last time and you know what I endured back then and just recently! My Husband is on notice at the moment and if he pulls this crap on me again it will end in divorce because my trust is non-existent right now however our kids seeing us back together makes them so happy. I have had him, the psycho guy and even close ex friends of mine take me for all I am and treat me like an idiot, the humiliation is rife and I hate myself for who I have become because of these people. I have had moments where I wish I would just not wake up and be done with this world. My heart is full of hatred and distrust and I don’t trust anyone anymore. My life consists of working and going home to my children and it appears I have no life, no confidence and no drive to strive anymore. I’ve had my days in therapy sessions but I still feel the same. There is so much more that has happened in the last 5 years that I can not divulge, as it would give away who I am so this is the very short version.

Barraboy What to do?
  • replies: 5

My wife/partner of 15 years is in full depression and rejects doctors advice to see a counsellor as she doesn't believe they can help. She has medication daily. She hates everyone and every thing and drinks & smokes to manage her afternoons. Our rela... View more

My wife/partner of 15 years is in full depression and rejects doctors advice to see a counsellor as she doesn't believe they can help. She has medication daily. She hates everyone and every thing and drinks & smokes to manage her afternoons. Our relationship is distant, not hostile. We have 2 teenage children. For the past 12 months I have been waiting for her to hit the bottom and have an epiphany about different wellbeing approaches and possible changes - this hasn't happened and things seem to be getting worst. I have suggested, nicely, about cutting down drinking & smoking, about other possible wellbeing approaches, counsellors etc all to no avail. I am wondering where to go as I am worried for her wellbeing and trajectory but do not seem to be able to talk with her - any suggestions?

Lily M Its complicated
  • replies: 2

Hi, My husband of 19years being complaining of boredom and lack of motivation in life on and off ...we often have this episode of anger burst and Im the one to be blamed all times! he works hard and travels a lot, I work 4-5 day a week too, I have be... View more

Hi, My husband of 19years being complaining of boredom and lack of motivation in life on and off ...we often have this episode of anger burst and Im the one to be blamed all times! he works hard and travels a lot, I work 4-5 day a week too, I have been trying to keep positive vibe at home, I took him out just the two of us a few times just in last 2 weeks, for dinners and walks and I would text him and call him at work to check on him, he would come back from work say hi then takes his laptop and go to the bedroom.... on Friday he complained that he feels being neglected by me and he is just an ATM for the family.... nothing in his life is for him... He said that after I mentioned our little daughter has her friend’s birthday party on Saturday morning... I tried to remind him that we are having dinner out together that Saturday... he got angry at me and stormed off for saying basically ( you shouldn’t feel that way because we are going out)... I felt what I said wasn’t in the right time for his mental status... I shouldn’t dismiss or ignore his feelings.... so I texted him acknowledging and I apologised for my reaction.... then tried to talk to him, he then started to swear at me for every time i try to speak, he would say f off.. like 5-6 times I said its ok take your time and he kept on repeating it... I said please don’t speak to me like this and I left the bedroom... he texted me saying that its my right to not accept his way of speaking to me, he will find another woman to accept his swearing at her and to take care of him by giving everything he needs, love, wild entertainment that he has being waiting for, but he will stay at home for our kids only and he won’t talk to me or deal with me anymore! He kept on saying that I don’t deserve anything and he hates me, I’m stupid and uncultured, coming from the middle east, he is never being happy and satisfied with me and Im always a disappointment for him. And he will find another woman to love and respect and give everything to! What did I do wrong ? How can I live with him under the same roof from now on... can anyone one share if they live under the same circumstances as me please? what are the rules and boundaries? I don’t want him to show his disrespect to me in front of our girls. Sorry for the long post and thank you toget the time to read my post. Lily

BritGirl Husband is leaving me because I don’t want a baby
  • replies: 3

Hi All, I just found this forum. My husband of 4 years latter for 8 suddenly has a burning desire for a baby and I don’t, I have always said I don’t think I want kids unless some weird instinct kicks in and who knows it may still kick in one day I am... View more

Hi All, I just found this forum. My husband of 4 years latter for 8 suddenly has a burning desire for a baby and I don’t, I have always said I don’t think I want kids unless some weird instinct kicks in and who knows it may still kick in one day I am only 30, my husband says he can’t wait any longer though as he wants to be a young parent. I do completely understand his desire and respect his decision. It is just utterly heartbreaking for me. A lot of our friends have started to have babies so I think that is what sparked this. My husband also has depression which he has suffered with for many years and refuses to seek help. He also is emotionally abusive towards me and tries to isolate me and when I do go out with friends he won’t talk to me for an entire day after or gets verbally abusive towards me. I realise that perhaps we would be better off to part ways as we are no longer on the same path. I just feel completely alone as I am originally from the UK and have limited friends here. I have been feeling lovely in my relationship when my partner is in his depressive ways as he is emotionally abusive to me and blames me for his depression. I just don’t know what to do now and don’t feel I have anybody to turn to for advice. My partner hasn’t spoken to me for two days now since I went out with friends after he told me he no longer wanted to be with me if I didn’t want a child now. So I feel stuck, he won’t talk through our problems and I am lonely because I don’t have anybody to talk to about my situation.