Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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RandomBloke Stuck with inlaws, feeling alone, wife choosing the comfy family nest over a building a new family.
  • replies: 2

Hi and thanks in advance for reading,first timer on this forum. In short I feel alone and stuck in a place I dont want to be, im struggling. Both sides are of a european background,I was brought up by my mother after my dad left and she grew up with ... View more

Hi and thanks in advance for reading,first timer on this forum. In short I feel alone and stuck in a place I dont want to be, im struggling. Both sides are of a european background,I was brought up by my mother after my dad left and she grew up with her parents as they migrated over. We have been together for 15 years now,got married a few years back and, got a house and put it up for rent moving in with her parents to get ahead. By all means not a desperate move,but a choice. We all thought we could make it work. My wife and her mother made the decision over the financials, I didnt get an invite which does not sit well with me from the beginning,considering the original arrangement was we are moving in, we pay the difference ontop of the bills they usually get. They have a VERY conservative way of living to say the least and very good with saving, id call it an obsession. Anyways, they have schooled us etc how to get ahead and we have found our own balance that is suited to a realistic way of living,not in a tacky cave. But I do respect what they have and what they have done. They went over sea's(back home) last year chasing the sun and came back this year, as they did the year before that. This time around, retired. In that time the arrangement suddenly changed to us paying for every bill even when they are here.That is literally everything including council rates.Originally was told they will buy food, now its magically changed to only dinner and "we should be happy because we are still saving". In short my wife and I are paying for everything while per parents are living a well calculated retiree dream. I dont feel a single bit of gratitude for my contibution. While they buy the cheapest food and make zero effort in the kitchen I enjoy cooking and the kitchen and still buy food they would never pay for and cook when I get time without a second through. I dont feel a single bit of gratitude. I dont want praise but why do I bother to please? I look after the garden, when they are away I take care of their house, mow the lawn, go work etc. Old man in law does nothing but watch TV. Wife is very happy living with her parents and is unapproachable in regards to me coming to her with anything that weighs me down, expects me to change for her yet wont make any changes for me, deflects everything turns it around blaming me for anything I bring up. Moving out to save us is not an option for her because money is more important than happiness. Im stuck.......

Yayeet lost
  • replies: 1

hi everyone has their story so here is mine, two years ago, i found this celebrity online. this might sound really weird but we had so much in common, if we were living in the same space we might even be together. I couldn’t believe how someone could... View more

hi everyone has their story so here is mine, two years ago, i found this celebrity online. this might sound really weird but we had so much in common, if we were living in the same space we might even be together. I couldn’t believe how someone could be so alike, however, after i knew about him, i had trouble relying on myself as mentally i felt like there were two of me and i didn’t know what to do, i tried talking to my parents and friends but i felt like it was something that no one would believe. i had a little insomnia and my social skills were completely different from before, i felt devastated at times but i didn’t want to process the emotions, the situation still kind of affects me, but i don’t know what to do in a lost state.

Mlasho Inlaw struggle
  • replies: 6

How do people deal with inlaw? I love my husband dearly and i want to be able to handle his family but i really struggle. They left me in tears for several of the last few times we have had family things. They have now got me to a point where its bor... View more

How do people deal with inlaw? I love my husband dearly and i want to be able to handle his family but i really struggle. They left me in tears for several of the last few times we have had family things. They have now got me to a point where its bordering onto hate. I dont want to make life difficult for my husband who tells me to not worry about it as their opinion doesnt mean squat. Its really not that easy for me. I dont know how to even try with them anymore. I just avoid them as much as possible. My husband is well aware why and i know he feels torn as he feels he owes his father for raising him when his mother left. How do people deal with their own mentality, mine can be a total mess, while trying to make life less difficult on their partners.

BarramundiGal Heres a scenario
  • replies: 1

I am 32, been with my partner for 10 years in 2 weeks. Two beautiful children, 4 & 7 (today is their bday). We have a business in which we have everything on the line for including part of my retired parents home on the line for. My partner is really... View more

I am 32, been with my partner for 10 years in 2 weeks. Two beautiful children, 4 & 7 (today is their bday). We have a business in which we have everything on the line for including part of my retired parents home on the line for. My partner is really sick with 2 chronic medical conditions which have only come aboutover the last two years, he is facing another surgery shortly. He has a chronicback consition and another condition called gastricparesis where effectively ur stomach becomes paralyzed. He cant eat solids and contiues to decline in front of me. He has lost close to 40 kgs most people qould be cheering however it continues to drop and he continues to decline. I have had to take leave without pay from myjob i love and have worked hard for to help with the business. I know he is in constant pain and is fustrated he cant do what he used to do. But i just cop it, day in day out. I try so hard to do the best i can. But its never good enough. He is always putting ke down or having a joke at my expense. Long story short i dont want to be with him anymore and have felt this for a fair while. Unfortunately i am stuck. He is sick and if the business goes down my parents lose their home. I have lost my support network at my job, my girlfriend knows how i feel but is over hearing about it as i am not doing anything but what am i meant to do?? I cant tell my parents asthey will stress out too. Today ismy sons 7th bday and all i have done is cry. I just cant stop. I am trapped in this shitty situation and its just eating me alive. I just got to keep going. I just am sinkimg further and further. Single mother life yet still have to live with a possessive mean person.

one_way_street Alone and not sure what to do now after 30+ years
  • replies: 7

My husband and I have been married what would be 30 years in a couple of weeks and he has said to me that he loves me but is not in love with me, "it has nothing to do with me or anything I have done" and moved out. We have always run business' over ... View more

My husband and I have been married what would be 30 years in a couple of weeks and he has said to me that he loves me but is not in love with me, "it has nothing to do with me or anything I have done" and moved out. We have always run business' over our time together and are in a business together now with a substantial debt. His decision blindsided me and I was inconsolable. Working 7 days a week there was not time for to make friends of my own, he played golf so had a group of blokes he was friends with so we would get together with their partners. As the kids grew up I was the one that did everything with them and it was easy then to catch up with parents of their friends but we have moved away from all that now. I made a decision to offer to sell our beautiful home to reduce a bit of debt off the business - he offered for me to stay in this 4bdm 2 bthm 3 living area home with pool and spa but omg I would die living in the place all on my own...it sold straight away so unprepared for that we had 2 dogs one quite elderly and was blind so he had to be put to sleep the best thing we could have done for him and the other we gave to some loving people this was quite upsetting but I was going into a rental unit so no choice. I also made a decision to try working the business together to protect the staff with their jobs as well as our kids work there part time while at uni and at least I would have an income and a reason to get up in the morning. It would disadvantage both of us financially to pust it as well. I have since discovered that he cheated on me 2 years ago but just a one off thing apparently and that he is seeing other people now even though he wont admit to it. I am really struggling trying to come to grips with what has happened and where do I go from here. My kids say I am better off without him he treated me with disrespect and I deserve better but regardless I still have feelings for him. I do not know that I could ever trust anyone again after this. I am 54 years old and I have no idea how to make friends now, I do not feel confident at all. Life hasnt been the easiest I went through stage 3 breast cancer at 42 and lost my two best friends either side of my diagnosis to cancer, my health has not been the best and the effects from treatment I have to live with and I fought to stay here because of my family now I am alone anyway. I have avoided answering the phone as I struggle to talk about it I wish I knew what to do

Bettyboo333 When life gives you lemons, finding a way to the lemonade...
  • replies: 5

Hi, I'm 36, and a working mother to 3 children. Their father and seperated 5 years ago due to a long history of drug use on his side. I have had ups and downs with addiction but have managed to overcome these through the years. His, however i could n... View more

Hi, I'm 36, and a working mother to 3 children. Their father and seperated 5 years ago due to a long history of drug use on his side. I have had ups and downs with addiction but have managed to overcome these through the years. His, however i could no longer help with, and i suffered years of emotional abuse in the relationship from when it began at age 17. I was able to move away from the chaos and study and follow a career and take care of myself and 5he children with support of friends and family. I then met and married 3 years ago and now have 2 step children. My husband and i have had a rough start to our marriage. I had an emergency hysterectomy in the beginning which he stepped up and moved in to take care of me and help with the children. This fueled anger with my ex and a bitter custody battle took place. My ex continues to struggle with his addiction and attempts to turn the children against me, for moving on with another man. During this time i also had two very dear loved ones pass away. One of which was my father in law which has had a lasting impact on my husband. My husband has also had instability in his career and recently followed a new path at the age of 41. I have suffered from anxiety and depression since i was formally diagnosed at 15yrs of age. My panic attacks are at times debillatating is is the depression and my husband struggles to help. Over the past 2 years i have began experiencing sleep paralysis which is the most frightening thing I've ever beenthrough. In the past i have seen professionals who at times have helped but find i am very time and financially constrained with these methods. I'm entering a new phase of my career this year and studying a Bachelor of phsycholgical sciences at uni to help others and myself ofcourse. My biggest worry is juggling motherhood, being a wife and working at the same time, while maintaining my own sanity. I spend most ofthe time feeling nimb to what is around me, walking through the motions of the day just trying to maintain order within our family dynamic.. I've had issues with addiction in the past which is why Id like to ellaborate on my title... When life gives you lemons, and you cannot have teliqua haha, how to you find a way to enjoy the lemonade and not wind up with it spilling everywhere and ruining your new dress? Thank you for your thoughts

MissTherese Rejection Hurts :(
  • replies: 5

My partner of 3 years broke up with me two weeks ago, since then the pain of his rejection washes over me daily. I really thought he was the one... I can’t function, get out of bed or eat I just want to sleep all day... he told me that I have a beaut... View more

My partner of 3 years broke up with me two weeks ago, since then the pain of his rejection washes over me daily. I really thought he was the one... I can’t function, get out of bed or eat I just want to sleep all day... he told me that I have a beautiful heart but that I have too many issues for him. I struggle with anxiety i miss him so much, the pain some days is unbearable. anyone relate? Does this get easier??

FD7 Unhappy & stuggeling after weight loss surgery
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Hi FD7 not sure why but feel I need to start a conversation life has changed, I have changed and not 100% sure where I fit... I had weight loss surgery later last year (medical requirements) I have 0 regrets..... but not sure whether this a new me or... View more

Hi FD7 not sure why but feel I need to start a conversation life has changed, I have changed and not 100% sure where I fit... I had weight loss surgery later last year (medical requirements) I have 0 regrets..... but not sure whether this a new me or the old me is back my confidence went through the roof unt recently..... yes 50+kg loss is great but I am now lost strugling being what I feel is a new me (husband & dad) and my wife and son say is a happier, healthy, more relaxed, nicer me but I struggle that my life has changed so dramatically personals but our family life has not, which is good but I find myself growing more frustrated with my family taking the easy options (takeaway or simple food, little to know exercise, fixation with phone/ gaming console) where they know I can’t and won’t take the simple options as I have put the hard yards in to get to the new me and don’t want to go back to the old me.... I have found myself going back to old habits in recent weeks and hate myself for doing it...... am I expecting too much from my family as it is my personal journey? i know the new me needs a new work environment to help complete the personal goal as well but that’s a whole other conversation family first sorry for the long post just have a lot going around in my head and need to start somewhere cheers FD7

Romy Sudden breakup
  • replies: 20

Hey all, My boyfriend of 7 months just suddenly broke up with me. It was a total shock to not only me, but also my family and friends, and his family. Our relationship was amazing, we had so much fun together, we respected each other, we cared for ea... View more

Hey all, My boyfriend of 7 months just suddenly broke up with me. It was a total shock to not only me, but also my family and friends, and his family. Our relationship was amazing, we had so much fun together, we respected each other, we cared for each other and we loved each other so much. He recently has finished university, and has no job and no money. He called me saying he was worried about a trip we were going on coming up, because he had no money and felt like he would have a bad time. I reassured him that it was only a 2 night trip and I had money saved up. Anyway, the same night he called me again, I thought in regards to our trip... he broke up with me. We live an hour and a half away from each other which is why it was over a phone call. A couple of days later he saw me in person to talk about it. He states that he doesn't feel as strongly about me as he once did, he loves me and cares about me, but not enough for a relationship, he thinks the spark is gone. I told him that after 7 months, the spark does diminish. We are comfortable with each other now, we enjoy each other's company and we love each other - the honeymoon phase is over and that's ok. Anyway - his mind was made up and it was over. We ended it on good terms, I told him I wasn't mad at him, but he knows that I am really struggling with the breakup. His mum has since made contact with my mum - she has said that she has no idea why he has done this. She said that he has been so happy since meeting me (and I'm his first girlfriend), and she agrees that he is panicking about his future and not thinking clearly. She hopes for my sake that he will change his mind and realise he does want to be with me. I am devastated, but after hearing that, I have been given hope that we may end up together one day. But, this makes me sad at the same time, because I don't want to live in false hope if it may never happen.

KayKay23 In-Law Problems
  • replies: 7

Hi, This is a long story, so I’ll try and keep it short. My fiancé’s sister absolutely hates me, for no reason at all. She told me that she didn’t want me at her wedding, even though I had been engaged for nearly a year by the time her wedding happen... View more

Hi, This is a long story, so I’ll try and keep it short. My fiancé’s sister absolutely hates me, for no reason at all. She told me that she didn’t want me at her wedding, even though I had been engaged for nearly a year by the time her wedding happened. She constantly says horrible things behind my back and is extremely competitive. She is that competitive that she told me she got pregnant so she could have a child before me. She also can’t handle other people having attention on them. At my engagement party she announced her pregnancy- which then made the whole night about her instead of my fiancé and myself. The part that makes it worse, she is having this baby at her parents house with her husband. She brags about the $90K she has in her bank account, she does not pay for anything at her parents house and expects them to pay for everything with this baby. The parents are that ‘blind’ in this situation that they kicked my fiancé and I out, even though we are both uni students with no income and no savings in our bank accounts. They also kicked out my fiancé’s other sibling who is in a very similar situation as us. Im at the point where I avoid my future sister in law as I can’t stand her constantly talking about herself in a competitive way. But sometimes I can’t avoid her, with Christmas coming up and the baby’s due date soon. I want to cut her out of my life completely, but I am aware that at this stage it is impossible. Ive tried everything to ignore her and not let it get to me. But it has, that’s way I’m writing here today. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like she tries to rule my life and currently makes me feel unhappy and gives me so much anxiety.