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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Hummer Struggling
  • replies: 1

I’m struggling. I recently pulled through a really rough patch in my mental health. Having to have new medication and new techniques and so on. My Mum has been my rock helping me through this and pulling me out of panic attacks. my Mum got admitted t... View more

I’m struggling. I recently pulled through a really rough patch in my mental health. Having to have new medication and new techniques and so on. My Mum has been my rock helping me through this and pulling me out of panic attacks. my Mum got admitted to the icu of the hospital, put in a induced coma because of her emphysema which made a infection more worse then it already was. This is the second time she has been admitted. It leaves me to look after my elder brother who is an epileptic, my other brother who just doesn’t want to help. My dad who I is struggling Nd my nephew. I seem to be the only one doing housework cleaning, I cook them meals and try to stay strong. On top I go to Mum every second day and it with her. The boys beside my elderly brother aren’t cleaning after themselves, I try to get them to do stuff. But it’s not completely done and they complain argue with me. i can’t afford my psychologist at the moment and I don’t have close friend to talk to. I just won’t to scream at them. I know they are worried about Mum but I want them to help with keeping the house clean. I have massive guilt if I don’t vist Mum everyday. I want to but it’s hard

elyseah when your emotionally abusive parent gets sick
  • replies: 2

I have been dealing with an emotionally abusive father all of my life and lately everything feels like its crumbling down on me. For as long as I can remember i've been dealing with anxiety and depression and so much of it stems from how my father ha... View more

I have been dealing with an emotionally abusive father all of my life and lately everything feels like its crumbling down on me. For as long as I can remember i've been dealing with anxiety and depression and so much of it stems from how my father has treated me my entire life. My only memories of him are bad. When I see and hear him all I can hear is the constant ridiculing and name calling. He's completely torn me down for 22 years and it's like i'm just a shell of a person. I don't trust anyone, I hate myself, I hate my life and I have no friends, all I do is push people away when they get too close because I don't want them to hurt me. Over the past few months my mental health has been getting worse and worse and I just cant get the bad things he has said and done out of my head, I'm broken. A few weeks ago he went to hospital as he was really sick and since then he has been diagnosed with cancer and the prognosis is not looking too bright. I've avoided the hospital as much as possible because I don't want to put on this perfect, loving daughter act that everyone keeps telling me I should do. Two weeks ago, I told my mum how bad everything was surrounding my mental health and my relationship with him and she promised she would help me, but she hasn't. I told her that I'm struggling with being sympathetic to him and what he is going through, because what am I supposed to say to the person who ruined my life. Today my mum made me go to the hospital and within 2 minutes of being there he started yelling at me for no reason, but then a minute later told me that I should be holding his hand. I refused, I'm not affectionate at the best of times, I just couldn't bring myself to touch him and eventually he told mum to get me away from him. When we left my mum screamed at me saying how selfish and disappointing I am. Apparently I'm the one thats killing him and I shouldn't be able to sleep at night. I wish I could just keep the peace, but I'm tired of pretending everything is good, when it so clearly isn't. I don't really know where I'm going with this, I don't know if I just needed to vent or whether I should ask where to go from here? I'm mad at my mum for saying those things after I broke down over how dad treats me, but I know this is hard for her and she's all I have. Although, I'm not sure I even have her after tonight. I just can't live this life anymore, I'm so tired of everything.

lost2019 I can’t seem to get along with my siblings AT ALL. And feel like shit for it
  • replies: 2

Hi I currently live with my sister for over a year. We come from a divorced family. I lived with my mum for most of my up bringing and my sister and my brother lived with my dad for their up bringing occasionally I would visit on the weekend. My sist... View more

Hi I currently live with my sister for over a year. We come from a divorced family. I lived with my mum for most of my up bringing and my sister and my brother lived with my dad for their up bringing occasionally I would visit on the weekend. My sister and I can get along well but there are times where I don’t want to show love to her, and I push her away. I always think she is out to control me if she does something for me she will always turn around and manipulate me. I don’t trust her I think. As well as my older brother (I’m the youngest) he thinks I’m an idiot and unworthy he teased me a lot growing up and constantly bullied me. I don’t have many fond memories of him. I’ve covered up my fear of him by praising him and thinking he is great eveytime he visits but I’m starting to realise as I get older and know myself. He treats me like I’m a joke, I understand he is my brother and that’s what they do sometimes, but it gets too much to the point I feel like I’m useless. My sister and him are very close and I think I resent that when they are both around. It shows in my behaviour I withdraw from them, avoid them and get defensive. I struggle to feel love for either of them and I feel confused and lost. I want to have a good relationship but also want to get away from them. Is this normal? Do we need relationship counselling? I feel there is so many unresolved issues from the divorce and growing up apart. I was 4 when the family split, it wasn’t pretty.

AG1988 My husbands depression is pushing me away
  • replies: 10

Hi All, I will try and write the short version to this. My husband and I are both 30 and have a 5 year old daughter. My husband has suffered from depression for awhile and in a result of this last year left me for 4 months and went back to family in ... View more

Hi All, I will try and write the short version to this. My husband and I are both 30 and have a 5 year old daughter. My husband has suffered from depression for awhile and in a result of this last year left me for 4 months and went back to family in NZ. It was never a discussion and he was actually diagnosed over there and got help. This is also when he was placed on medication. Although when he was there the help was great, he went out alot with his brothers drinking. I had to stay back in Aus and pay for a life that we led on a dual income but now on a single income. He never called our daughter, never asked about her and only would contact me when he wanted money. I tried to help when I could but I knew I was enabling the drinking. I felt sorry for him and I was in pain that I wanted my husband back. Before he left to NZ he told me he wasnt sure if he saw a future with me - he was on instagram alot and took a liking to all the unrealistic photos on instagram. When he came back, he was amazing - he was more emotionally engaged. He actually could talk about his emotions. Until 8 weeks later his younger brother from NZ moved in with us, we then lost our famliy dynamic and he started drinking and having single lifestyle with his brother. I agreed to move to a bigger house where is brother could live with us and things got worst - my husband now goes out twice a week and spends nearly all our money - to the point where our childcare dishonours and I have no money to feed us. I would stress that this was unfair, but he didnt seem to care. Recently We both lost our jobs and he got a new one - I suggested for me to get a part time job so I could be there for my daughter starting school next year. He asked why - I stated that I do not get help around the house at all, I am a single mother and feel that if I dont get help with the night time chores the stress of a full time job for me isnt worth it... The convo went to apparently I nag all the time, and the house is a bad place to live. I got so upset that he thought this after I supported him last year and I havnt brought up anything since now his brother lives with us and i never ever get help. So I left - I am now 5 days in. He hasnt contacted me only a text saying we need space to calm down. I am now preparing for a proper separation and to move on with my life. I am not this time round - going to suggest help or fight for him - i think now he needs to realize????

KNGSVN Broke up and I don't know why I feel bad
  • replies: 1

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. It was a mutual agreement as it wasn't the healthiest relationship. Less than one month later, I find that she has already moved on to my friend, and I have realized how toxic she was to me during the relations... View more

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. It was a mutual agreement as it wasn't the healthiest relationship. Less than one month later, I find that she has already moved on to my friend, and I have realized how toxic she was to me during the relationship. Despite knowing about how much she lied, suppressed me and ultimately led me on while she started on my friend, I still can't help but feel a sense of longing to be back in the relationship, or feeling that I am inadequate. It doesn't make sense in my own head but I can't stop feeling this way.

Blue_Hope Sexless relationship, confused and crapping myself
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I've seen very similar stories on here with some great tips and I'm reaching out for some sanity and courage I guess. We've been together for 6 yrs, and his sex drive hasn't been there from the start, although it has continued to deteriorate.... View more

Hi all, I've seen very similar stories on here with some great tips and I'm reaching out for some sanity and courage I guess. We've been together for 6 yrs, and his sex drive hasn't been there from the start, although it has continued to deteriorate. I lack self esteem although I'm a confident person, just not happy with how I look, so that was playing on my mind a fair bit and kept thinking and saying to him maybe I'm just not your type - although he assures me that's not the case. We had a major falling out on Valentine's day and I expressed that I'm not going to engage in the relationship unless we seek some professional guidance and surprisingly he agreed. We don't live together and might have sex once a quarter and it's routine each time. I have been as sensitive as I can be. I do know, he's not getting it from anywhere else cause he doesn't have the drive, he has low testosterone and he has been to the doctor has meds for it but doesn't really take it properly. He wants us to buy a place together and move in I'm freaking out because whilst it makes sense to do this I feel as though I'm stuck - I have not sought for sex outside of our relationship nor is that something that I'm looking for - I just wish to have that intimacy with him more than 4 - 5 times a year. Our psychologist suggested that he speaks with an oncologist... weeks ago ... he hasn't done anything about it. To me, that's telling me he just doesn't care for it, it's not bothering him so he won't do anything about it, despite that he knows how much it's bothering me. I don't bring it up with him cause his response is that there's nothing he can do, that this is it, this is him - I'm naturally an affectionate person and it's so challenging when all I wish for is some affection. What more can I do? I'm freaking out, it's 4am on a Saturday and I'm wide awake- we're going to an auction today for a home and I feel so sick cause I don't think it's the right thing to do when we haven't got this sorted. He's said that if sex is the be all and end all of the relationship then he's not the guy ... I've said that if that was the case I would have left years ago - in other words it's not all about the sex although yes sex is, in my eyes, an important part of the relationship. I'd really appreciate to hear from you if this story resonates with you, what did you do and how did you go about in increasing your sex drive, did it work? A little help please and thank you.

Vi135408 Relationship ocd?
  • replies: 12

Been in a great relationship for 1 year and 7 months. One day 6 months ago my boyfriend texted me and said he didn’t know how he felt anymore or what he could do. Prior to this for about 2 months we were distant, we barely saw eachother. I found myse... View more

Been in a great relationship for 1 year and 7 months. One day 6 months ago my boyfriend texted me and said he didn’t know how he felt anymore or what he could do. Prior to this for about 2 months we were distant, we barely saw eachother. I found myself canceling on him a lot as I had a lot of family issues, I just wasn’t in the right mindset. On the day he told me how he felt, a part of me genuinely felt as if I was loosing him. I was in a serious panic which lasted about a month. All I would do was constantly question if he loved me, why he chose to stay and if he truly wanted to. I’d also cry about it to my friends and ask for reassurance regularly.After spending time with him on weekends this stopped. There was 1 week of clarity. Then I met up with him again, I noticed I was a bit distant and so did he. He asked me what was wrong and I said I didn’t know because I didn’t and that’s when it all started. I started questioning why I wasn’t “into it” if I was bored, out of love ect. I started to google things such as:signs of boredom, what is true love, am I still in love, why do I feel distant and the list goes on. Some articles gave me temporary relief whilst others just made me feel guilty or stressed out. I’d feel anxious when hanging around him, the thoughts were racing through my head. I’d often (stupidly) say it out loud, “what if I don’t want this? What if I’m not in love?” This took a toll on him some days he felt like he didn’t want to see me bc of it. This has now ended. The thoughts r less debilitating and arent specific anymore. I just have a merky unclear crappy feeling which I don’t know how to get rid off. It is like the thoughts of all the thoughts upset me. Sometimes I find myself researching if our relationship can last as we are young and it gets to me because I know it can be considered unrealistic. I fear one day I won’t want it, I’ll want to be alone or that we’ll become totally different. I hate it bc he is mybest friend, we have so much fun together and it feels like we are one person. There is no reason to doubt it but I still do. I guess that deep down I do this to protect myself as I don’t want it to end. Pls leave some advice of how to get rid of the feeling or ur experiences. I am also wondering if this could possibly be rocd or just anxiety as I’ve read peoples stories and a lot do not resonate with my current state of mindset. Thank you

ssvv24 Do I end it or do I try to make it work? What's wrong with me?
  • replies: 3

I've been in a relationship with this guy for a year and a couple months now and we've both never gotten into a relationship before. About 9 months in or so I've been contemplating whether I even want to be with him anymore. They were just fleeting t... View more

I've been in a relationship with this guy for a year and a couple months now and we've both never gotten into a relationship before. About 9 months in or so I've been contemplating whether I even want to be with him anymore. They were just fleeting thoughts I'd get occasionally though. I've realised lately that I'm kind of on-and-off about my feelings for him. He's always been the optimistic one and I frequently feel like I'm being a burden because I rant too much to him and I have lots of family and friend drama I unload onto him. We've never had any big fights or broken up but I feel almost tired of us at times, or maybe I'm just tired of myself convincing me that I'm dragging us down. I feel terrible but sometimes when he brings up topics I don't like discussing, such as politics or sports, I get annoyed and kind of tap out of what he's saying because I'm disinterested or I don't want to debate or fight. I don't think I enjoy our conversations as much anymore. Whenever we go out together, I don't say much or I'm not as happy or talkative as I was in the beginning. Could someone please tell me if this is normal for a relationship? I don't have a reference so this is something that constantly worries me. He was a bit chubby in the beginning but I didn't care about it until now. He's recently gained about 23 pounds, and I genuinely still do love him, but I've almost completely lost my attraction to him. . It's been months now and he still hasn't done anything to lose a little bit of weight. I tell him nicely to at least reduce how much carbs he's eating but he refuses to because he loves them too much, so I've given up on him losing weight because he's too stubborn. I've accepted that he's going to stay this way now. Honestly, sometimes I feel embarrassed to be seen in public with him because of how visibly fatter he's gotten but it doesn't seem to bother him much because he's confident in his appearance, despite the belly. It irks me a bit because I always try my best to look good for him. I do my makeup and dress nicely whenever we're out and he just wears sweatpants and a shirt as he can't fit his old pants anymore. He says he will be able to dress more nicely WHEN he loses the weight so he won't buy any new pants now... I don't know where this relationship is going. Maybe I'm just bored of it now or maybe I'm not suited for this. Could someone who was in the same boat as me give me some advice? Thank you :c

Tansie Boyfriend fell out of love and is moving onto other girls
  • replies: 7

Hi, Two weeks ago my boyfriend and I decided to break up as a couple. We’d been having a few issues for probably three months before the breakup but he was the one to call it off. We had a really good discussion about it and decided that considering ... View more

Hi, Two weeks ago my boyfriend and I decided to break up as a couple. We’d been having a few issues for probably three months before the breakup but he was the one to call it off. We had a really good discussion about it and decided that considering we’d been dating for three and a half years it was time for us to experience the single life and to get ourselves back on track. Just to focus on us really. We decided we would give it some time before telling people. So two days after we broke things off we went out with the mutual friends to a pub/nightclub (more of a pub with a dance floor). I later found out that the entire night he had been dancing with girls, after we’d had a respectful conversation about not doing just that. When I brought it up with him he claimed he had no idea about the girls or who they were and that people were just making up stories. Then half an hour later a message popped up on his phone from one of the girls, which prompted an argument. Now, two weeks later, I’m still so paranoid about the fact that he is talking to other girls so soon after a breakup. I understand that people heal and move on in different ways, but two weeks after a three and a half year relationship? I just feel so used and worthless, like he’s going around talking bad things about me behind my back. He’s changed into a completely different person in the span of two weeks. I don’t know him anymore but I can’t move on just yet. My heart is still so devoted to him and I find myself constantly thinking about him and trying to find ways for us to work things out, but he is so bad for me. For about the last 8 months of our relationship I was always scared to tell him certain things or felt like I was treading on eggshells around him due to being scared of how he’d react to what I had to say. I can’t just switch off my feelings for him the same way he has done for me. Does anyone have any advice on this or how to move on? We discussed ‘terms’ I suppose, on our breakup, things like we will still support each other and won’t make it awkward when we hang out with mutual friends, and we won’t hit up other people just yet for the sake of focussing on ourselves (his suggestion). But yet he is doing the completely opposites of all of these. I feel so disrespected. I don’t know how to handle this anymore. We still talk but it’s not the same. We have conversations but they’re very blunt on his side and they usually ending up with him getting angry at me.

Britt182 Jumping to conclusions
  • replies: 2

Last night I wrote I miss you to my ex, we have only been broken up for about week now. Our other messages have become non emotional but just last night I needed him to know I do miss him but I’m yet to get a response. And I guess I just jump to conc... View more

Last night I wrote I miss you to my ex, we have only been broken up for about week now. Our other messages have become non emotional but just last night I needed him to know I do miss him but I’m yet to get a response. And I guess I just jump to conclusions in my head about what he’s doing etc or if there’s someone new now. Im just really tired of feel like this, feeling this pain. It’s like he hasn’t have a single care about me after the break up and we were together for 4 years. I guess I just don’t understand this, like okay you don’t love me fine but how can you not care ?