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Lost the love for my husband of 20years

Community Member

My husband and I recently embarked on an open relationship, originally to spice things up, we’ve had a couple of hook ups and it seemed to be working. No jealousy and it was purely a sexual orientation we chose.

My dad is now in his final stages of Alzheimer’s and lives in the UK, my depression is unbearable as is my anxiety. This coincides with a sexual partner I had leaving the country - I had no idea i had become as attached to him but now he is away for a few weeks, I miss him so much it’s agonising. My husband doesn’t know I developed these feelings for someone else.

i cannot imagine having those physical feelings for my husband .... I love him as a partner and father of our 3 beautiful kids but I’m so conflicted. I can’t eat, I can’t stop thinking about the other person who I don’t want to live without.

Ive been denying feelings of loss of attraction to my husband for many years and now feel like it’s undeniable. I just don’t think I have enough love left or it is this just grief and depression talking??? Thank you for listening.

1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Clarerosie,

It sounds like you have a few issues happening there.

I'm just wondering how this works. Am I right in assuming your and your husband had a discussion that you were both free to have sexual encounters with anyone you desired? Did you discuss how this might affect your marriage if either of you had desires for another person that were long lasting?

Do you know if your husband has had any significant hook ups with other people?

Could it be the excitement of this new relationship that is making you desire this other person?

Do you feel like you could be with the other person and your husband at the same time? Is your husband expecting you to fulfil his sexual desires as well?

Has this other man offered any chance of the two of you being together long term?

Are you hoping to return to the UK to see your father? It must be very hard for you having him so far away. Is your husband supportive if you have concerns for your Father?

Maybe you could talk to someone from Relationships Australia. They may be able to provide some suggestions for you.

Cheers from Dools