It’s been 12 months since I discovered my husband of 3 years and partner of 19 years had been having an affair with whom I thought was my best friend for 12 months.
i do not know how to handle my feelings , I chose to stay as my husband was very apologetic and has tried everything to save our marriage.
he has cut all contact with her.
we have two children that are not aware of the situation as they are to young to be exposed to this situation.
i am tired of people telling me how strong I am as I do not feel strong.
i am sorry if my thread doesn’t make sense as this is my first time ever writing this down, but I would like to speak to people that have experienced this terrible thing.
some days I am good but other days the thought of what they did to me hurts so bad that I cannot bring myself out of it
Welcome here. I really feel like you're just looking at all the pieces on the floor at the moment, and wondering how you might ever put them back together, even though you're trying.
I was struck by the idea of time when I read your post, and how these memories seem to be swirling around for you. A year since you learned about the affair, which itself went on for a year. The sense of betrayal from a man you've spent nearly two decades with, and also from a best friend too. The sense of the good days, but then the bad days when you're thrown back in time and stuck in what happened.
You've made a decision to try and keep things together and it sounds like you may be very good at putting on a brave face to it all, especially for the children. I expect this is what people see when they say you're strong, but somehow when people say that it can be like they're saying you're not affected by what happened, that it didn't matter to you, and that you're over it, when you're not.
Your husband has cut ties with this woman, and is trying to make up for what happened. But of course what happened has happened, and it can't erase what you are feeling. These are things that we can learn to live with, and they become less painful over time.
That this is the first time you've even written this down is a big turning point for you, I feel. What you've written makes total sense to me.
You mentioned wanting to hear from others who've been through this too. There are many stories involving infidelity in these threads, all with different outcomes and different reactions. What kind of stories would be most helpful for you at the moment? Or would you like to write some more about your own feelings?
Thankyou so much for your reply . Everything you have said is completely how I feel .
i would love to hear from people that may have experienced similar experiences as me , and how they have dealt with the emotions ect . As I have absolutely no one that can relate to my story and it’s hard to keep everything bottle up .
You might find the thread below helpful, it is currently active and discussing these themes: