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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Sammy2019 No one in my family understands me or supports me
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I suffer from bipolar disorder. I recently signed up with the government mental health who did nothing but run me around in circles. I try getting support from family with no help. My partner says he is sick of me acting up. I can never ... View more

Hi everyone, I suffer from bipolar disorder. I recently signed up with the government mental health who did nothing but run me around in circles. I try getting support from family with no help. My partner says he is sick of me acting up. I can never talk to him without him turning things around into me. I don’t feel listened to or appreciated. Thank you for listening

Speakforchange Partner with depression (ruining perfect relationship)
  • replies: 89

I have been with my partner for a year, and although all relationships have their ups and downs I can honestly say we have had the greatest year, with love, laughter, great holidays, understanding and support and open communication about everything. ... View more

I have been with my partner for a year, and although all relationships have their ups and downs I can honestly say we have had the greatest year, with love, laughter, great holidays, understanding and support and open communication about everything. I knew my partner used to speak to someone a few years ago but that is all I knew, I also have gotten professional help once for some life direction at a time where I was a little lost but I was never clinically depressed or anxious. I assumed he meant the same thing. I found out that he was on medication and only came off it 1.5 years ago and was diagnosed mild to moderate depression/anxiety. I was surprised that he had not told me this sooner, the reason I found out was because I had moved into his place and we decided to live together as we basically were already, the only thing that changed was me paying rent and the title of me 'living' there. One night he would not have sex with me, came home and had taken some drugs which he never does, maybe one since I have known him, plus some other strange behaviours that week.This was upsetting for me, he said something had changed and he felt like the dynamic had changed and he didn't know why or what and of course it upset me, i had not changed, nothing had changed. I initially thought it was me and he just didn't love me anymore but after speaking to friends and putting the pieces together I realised it was his mental health that was struggling which was the reason for his low libido and disconnection. I moved out for a week, gave him space, looked after him, offered him support in anyway he wanted it. I literally have done and read absolutely everything I am even going to a psychologist for myself to talk it out and get supportive coping strategies, but I know at the end of the day if he does not want to get help than I cannot do anything, I ended up moving out which shocked him and killed me.... he has started making slow steps, he has a lot of past hurt that he has never fully dealt with from family issues to never having anyone to support him... the fact we have discussed a future I think that scares him because he thinks it will all go wrong and that he will have to face more family break up and pick up the pieces.. He's struggling to let go and move forward, he says he doesnt want to lose me. I am not sure what else to do??? Not sure how long I can hold on.

LSmith94 Relationship growing, but having some major concerns...
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, I’ve been with my BF for around 5 years now and we’ve lived together for roughly 2 years. My BF is here on a bridging visa while we wait for our partner visa application to be processed/granted (which can take a few years). My BF & I ha... View more

Hey everyone, I’ve been with my BF for around 5 years now and we’ve lived together for roughly 2 years. My BF is here on a bridging visa while we wait for our partner visa application to be processed/granted (which can take a few years). My BF & I have faced some major family issues over the years. His family is full of drama & they’ve been abusive to both me and my BF to the point where he no longer has a relationship with them (which is easier as they live overseas). My family also didn’t have a relationship with him for a while as they had some concerns about him using me for citizenship or money (as my family is well off). The issues with my family are no longer an issue though as everyone gets along perfectly now. However, as my BF and I get more serious, and look to buy our first property soon, I can’t help but notice some issues. My BF has a very short fuse. The majority of the time I have an opinion he doesn’t agree with, it leads to him snapping at me instantly, or he’ll just keep pushing his side to try and get me to agree with him. The problem is... he doesn’t think he has a short fuse at all & whenever I tell him the way he handles certain situations is too aggressive or hot-headed, he can be very condescending and says I just need to toughen up or stop acting like a victim, which obviously isn’t something you want your partner saying to you regularly. Secondly, when my partner and I met and first started dating, he seemed very driven and proactive, which is how I’d describe myself. However, since living together, I’ve noticed we’re two very different people. He is ridiculously lazy and it drives me insane. I literally do absolutely everything around the house, on top of studying and working full time. If I ask him to do something, he may do it, but it’ll be in his own time. For example, if I ask him to do the dishes because I need to cook dinner, he’ll do the dishes 2 hours later which obviously means I end up making dinner two hours later than I planned too which sets me back for the rest of the night. He’s also not as ambitious and driven as he first seemed... which makes me question whether he plans to be lazy forever and leech off me (as he knows I have quite a good job and career progression ahead of me). Im starting to wonder whether he’s going to end up being a hinderance to my future. I often find myself questioning whether someone else would be a better life partner for me and I don’t know if that’s a good thing at all.

Clint82 My wife admitted cheating on me. I’m lost
  • replies: 17

Hi. I found out last night that my wife has cheated on me. We were living apart for the reason of me getting my head in the right space due to suffering from depression and anxiety. I did not want my wife to have to deal with my crippling anxiety att... View more

Hi. I found out last night that my wife has cheated on me. We were living apart for the reason of me getting my head in the right space due to suffering from depression and anxiety. I did not want my wife to have to deal with my crippling anxiety attacks and depression episodes that left me house bound and bed ridden. I did not feel it was fair on her or my young son. During the time we were apart, we were still married. Spent nights together, family outings, nights away etc. plan was for me to move back into the family home in the new year. last November I was away and she went out with her girlfriends. When messaging that night I asked her what she was doing and she told me she was watching tv at home when actually, (now I know), she was out at a pub/club with her friends. She met a guy and they kissed and shared numbers. In the months after they met up a couple of times and messaged/spoke/snapchatted. Just before Christmas she had him come over to the house whilst my son was at kinder. At this time they had sex in our bed. Just after New Year’s Day, (as I was making arrangements to move back home), she told me she wasn’t sure what she wanted anymore. I questioned her if there was another man and she denied denied denied. For 3 weeks I was a mess. Not sure if I was going to be with my wife again and not sure how I would live without her. Australia Day weekend she said she was happy to make it work. numerous times I have asked her if there was anyone else and she looked me in the eyes and promised me there had not been. Last night, 11 feb, I got a number of calls from a private number. I eventually answered and was told by an unknown man what my wife had been doing. I came back to bed and asked her about it. It took her a bit but she admitted to it. She then told me she wanted to tell me but was not sure how or when. Her reasoning is that she was lost and not sure where we were at although we had discussed the move back in and also having another child this year. she tells me she is extremely sorry and promises it will never happen again. I love her but I’m not sure if I can get past this. I’m not sure if she’s only sorry because she got caught? Is this the only time? I feel empty, worthless and not sure what the point of being here anymore is. all the work I’ve done to deal with my depression and anxiety, feels like it was for nothing. I did it for my wife and son. I feel like it was a waste of time. Feeling confused and conflicted.

jorj08 I feel so alone
  • replies: 1

Hey everyone. This is my last resort, I have tried talking to “friends” from work, my family and randoms from instagram but nobody is caring. I am so lonely, on the 17th of May I broke up with my partner of 3 years because I was well and truly over i... View more

Hey everyone. This is my last resort, I have tried talking to “friends” from work, my family and randoms from instagram but nobody is caring. I am so lonely, on the 17th of May I broke up with my partner of 3 years because I was well and truly over it. feelings gone completely. irritated by everything. Since then I have been living alone. I was thriving up until the past few days, I am sooo lonely. Reaching out to people feels good and hopeful until they don’t respond or don’t care. I am just so so so lonely and really need company or someone to talk to.

jess334 Annoyed by affection
  • replies: 5

My partner and I have a 16 month old baby. I experienced the usual post natal blues and anxiety, combined with the 'touched out' feeling when our son was a newborn. He is now a toddler so we are past that stage. But I still get so annoyed when my par... View more

My partner and I have a 16 month old baby. I experienced the usual post natal blues and anxiety, combined with the 'touched out' feeling when our son was a newborn. He is now a toddler so we are past that stage. But I still get so annoyed when my partner is affectionate towards me. It frustrates me that he is always trying to touch or hug me. It sets my teeth on edge when he interrupts whatever I'm doing to tell me how beautiful I am (mostly because I am lucky if I brushed my hair let alone hide the bags under my eyes). I hate myself for being so angry with him when I know he is just trying to show me that he loves me. I dont know why this behaviour is so annoying to me! Has anyone else experienced this after parenthood and gotten through it? Btw, I still love him and want to be with him and he is a very supportive partner and loving dad. And no I haven't told him how I feel. It would be like kicking a puppy. He would immediately be apologetic and feel terrible, even though he is doing nothing wrong.

Kiki45 Sister keeps pushing me away and ignoring me
  • replies: 3

My sister and I use to be very close and I use to consider her as my best friend. We are close in age (I’m a year and a half older) which is why we were always really close. However in the last 3 months she would completely ignore me even when I gree... View more

My sister and I use to be very close and I use to consider her as my best friend. We are close in age (I’m a year and a half older) which is why we were always really close. However in the last 3 months she would completely ignore me even when I greet her good morning or hello or when I ask her a question. An example is during the morning when I am making toast and ask if she wants any; she would just look up at me then go back on her phone and just ignore me. I’m not sure if I did anything wrong or if I had upset her without knowing so I asked her if I had upset her but again she would just look up at me then completely ignore me and go back on her phone. I started getting worried if something was wrong at school or if she was getting bullied etc. but when I asked her close friends they just looked at me weirdly asking why I would think something would be wrong. I’ve seen her when she is in front of her friends and she is like a completely different person, she is like the sister I use to have, happy and easygoing. She never tells me things that are going on in her life unlike in the past where we would tell each other everything. I didn’t know she was going to a concert and wouldn’t be coming home after school so I ended up waiting at the train station for an hour because we always walked home from the train station together. After waiting for some time I finally called her which is when I realised she was going to a concert performed by a band I’ve never heard of and never knew she had an interest in. I was a little upset that she didn’t tell me and that was when I realised how far we had drifted. Not only is she pushing me away, she is pushing my mum and dad away as well. She always stays in her room and never joins for family time even when we call her out to come and eat fruit with us and watch tv together. She does not speak with our parents unless she absolutely has to for example when she needs permission to go to a friends house or if she needs money to go out or buy food. I am just really confused how we went from best friends to almost complete strangers. I feel as though I’m her roommate and not her sister. I’m quite upset as I feel like I have lost a part of me and I wish things were the way they use to be. I know this situation is normally the other way around where the older siblings ignores their younger siblings so I find this situation a little weird myself. thanks

MYM Hi
  • replies: 3

I don’t know what to do. I feel so meaningless and don’t belong to anywhere. I come from a family, we are not very close and warm, have ok-good relationship, they all live very far. And I have my own family, husband and cute kids. Husband is a nice p... View more

I don’t know what to do. I feel so meaningless and don’t belong to anywhere. I come from a family, we are not very close and warm, have ok-good relationship, they all live very far. And I have my own family, husband and cute kids. Husband is a nice person on his own, he is polite, kind and always willing to help others. But he’s totally different person towards me, rarely treat me kind and not passionate at all. He thinks me like a disgusting person to touch or look. When my children were babies, I was their world. But now they think only their father is their parent and I’m just a nanny/maid/house helper. Husband blame me for the change because, he said, I don’t play with them!! He blames me for every single thing and I’m never good enough. Feel like children copy from dad and they treat me like an extra person. Being left out in every possible way...

anon216 Unhealthy Family Situation
  • replies: 4

My family relationships with my household (brother and mum) are really unhealthy. Both of them work and get home late and so I'm left alone for the majority of time at home. I take care of a lot of the household responsibilities but this usually goes... View more

My family relationships with my household (brother and mum) are really unhealthy. Both of them work and get home late and so I'm left alone for the majority of time at home. I take care of a lot of the household responsibilities but this usually goes unappreciated. After my family is home, our nights can mostly consisting of arguing or avoiding one another (particularly my brother). My mum has some alcohol issues which greatly affect my brother and I's relationships with her. I have a closer relationship with her, but it is somewhat strained and I feel very alone. My brother is extremely verbally abusive, and has also been physically abusive as well. I constantly feel put down and upset and find that I cannot communicate with him without an argument starting. He is aware that what he is saying/doing is wrong, but has told me multiple times that he will not apologise and that he just genuinely doesn't care how I am affected by it. As much as he is my brother and I should believe that he does actually care about me, I honestly don't think that he does. I find that I am scared of him being upset and hurting me mentally or physically. Everything has come to a point where I feel constantly stressed, nervous and scared, even when I am away from my brother. I feel like there is no way out of my situation. I have talked to some close friends and partner about my problem, but I am scared of upsetting them or making them worried. I have also asked my mum to help me get an appointment to see a psychologist who I can talk to these things about but nothing has progressed. I am only 16, so not exactly sure what to do. If there is any information on how I might be able to initiate this myself, it would be really appreciated.

OliviaTS Wealthy boyfriend doesn’t understand financial struggles. Causing mental strain and affecting relationship.
  • replies: 3

I have been with my partner for 6months and I’m struggling because he is from a upper middle class background where he has never struggled financially. He gets mild anxiety but has limited experience with serious mental health issues. He is an extrov... View more

I have been with my partner for 6months and I’m struggling because he is from a upper middle class background where he has never struggled financially. He gets mild anxiety but has limited experience with serious mental health issues. He is an extroverted idealist and loves going out, eating out, going places and trying new things. He very rarely has to consider whether he can afford something and if he wants it, he usually gets it. He works 4-5 days a week, earns good money and lives at home. Meanwhile, I have anxiety and depression which seriously affects my ability to work. I’m from a lower class family who have always struggled financially so I don’t have money to fall back on. I can usually only manage working a single shift a week due to my anxiety and survive primarily on centrelink payments. I moved from home to be closer to university which I’m struggling to complete and 90% of my income goes to living expenses. He is constantly asking me to do things with him and usually these will cost money so my last 10% goes to things I do with him. And he wants even more. He says one day I’ll be able to afford things and he offers to pay for things before then but when he pays for things it makes me feel inadequate. When I’m earning more money I’m worried that everything I earn is going to go to this lifestyle that isn’t necessarily suited to me (an introvert). I want to be able to save money and do things when for him but I feel he is going to suck up all of my money because he doesn’t struggle the same way I do. I don’t believe I will ever be earning money in the same capacity and he seems to think that I will and will eventually be able to pay him back essentially. When I wasn’t in a relationship, even though I was still quite poor, I never really worried about money the way I do now and it’s really affecting my mental health. I don’t know what to do because I love him and we have a pretty healthy, good relationship. I know I need to discuss it with him but it’s hard to know what a good middle ground is that doesn’t end in him feeling under appreciated. Thanks for any advice!