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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Loulou_bell Never good enough
  • replies: 2

My whole life ive felt like a let down, but latley my partner and my own children make me feel unworthy. I wake up everyday and play pretend but inside im hurting so much i wish i could be want everyone wants me to be.

My whole life ive felt like a let down, but latley my partner and my own children make me feel unworthy. I wake up everyday and play pretend but inside im hurting so much i wish i could be want everyone wants me to be.

Rihanna_-_01 Single and depressed
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm a 26 year old female - I graduated this year and I'm doing well academically. Despite my achievements, I have been going through endless cycles of depression/anxiety as all my relationships seem to fail. I find I always attract the wrong type... View more

Hi, I'm a 26 year old female - I graduated this year and I'm doing well academically. Despite my achievements, I have been going through endless cycles of depression/anxiety as all my relationships seem to fail. I find I always attract the wrong type of men - the aggressive/possessive/jealous/narcissist type. I feel drained, upset and broken as though I will never end up in a relationship. I have men compliment me on my looks etc. and I truly dislike it because everything just seems so shallow. I feel as though I just get used then tossed around. My problem is that I'm also very shy and polite. I just feel so hopeless and pathetic. I feel like a failure. All my friends seem to be getting through well - some married/engaged/pregnant/in long term relationships etc. I feel happy for them but I feel as though there is something wrong with me; especially when they question me 'how can you be so pretty and single'. Makes me feel worse. At this time, I have my eye on a guy I've seen several times at the medical centre. But it stops there. I'm so shy/hopeless that I bet I would never be able to approach him.

Tiger101 Long distance relationship but I'm scared
  • replies: 2

I met my partner 5 years ago, it all happened very fast and we fell so involve, for the first year we lived together and it was perfect. He was given a job travelling around Australia and I was so proud of him. Unfortunately it came to an abrupt end ... View more

I met my partner 5 years ago, it all happened very fast and we fell so involve, for the first year we lived together and it was perfect. He was given a job travelling around Australia and I was so proud of him. Unfortunately it came to an abrupt end when he was diagnosed with cancer and had to come home so we could do his treatment, it was a very hard time for me in my life and whilst laying in the hospital bed he was offered another position in a mine 20 hours from me, of course he took it as he always does and once he left hospital he was gone almost straight away and I felt very alone after going through the cancer together then being left to myself. He has always wanted me to move up there with him but I was so frightened because it was such a small town away from my whole family however we talked and we were almost ready for me to move which I felt I had no say in, when he decided that he would apply for another job 2 hours from where I lived, I thought it was perfect even though I was upset that I had no say in this place we would live either but I was so excited for us to be closer to home. He has now told me that the job is going to move him to Victoria and if offered a position he will move there without considering my feelings about the move yet again. I have now fell for my best friend, she has been there for me throughout everything and has admitted to me that she loves and I love her too, but I love my partner so much and have always pictured our lives together. I feel as though she however wants the same things that I do, to start a family, to be close to home and she wants to be together. But I love my partner so much and we have been through so much together, I go back and forth everyday about who to be with and I am so scared of hurting either of them. I don't really know what our life would be like together because I haven't moved to try but each time I do another location comes into play. I feel like I can be more myself with her but I feel so happy when im around him he makes me get out of my comfort zone and takes me everywhere around the world to experience.life and his personality is contagious. I think I am involve with two people at once but I don't know who to choose. I need help because I can't do this to either of them anymore they are both so perfect that they both deserve to be happy please help me this is ruining my life.

Jimmy744 Lonely and unwanted...
  • replies: 12

Like others here, I find myself in a marriage devoid of any sort of love, attention, or affection. My wife has lost all interest in me and I have no idea why or what to do about it. A total lack of affection or attention towards me has left me feelin... View more

Like others here, I find myself in a marriage devoid of any sort of love, attention, or affection. My wife has lost all interest in me and I have no idea why or what to do about it. A total lack of affection or attention towards me has left me feeling desperately lonely and with a constant feeling of rejection and depression. I honestly don't remember the last time she cuddled up to me just because she wanted to be close to me. It would have been a couple of years ago at least... On my birthday or our anniversary she'll always post some "lovey dovey" message on facebook where anyone who read it, would think we were teenagers in love, however the reality at home is vastly different where I'm lucky if I get a passing cuddle. I often try to cuddle up to her in bed but when I do, she either totally ignores me like I'm just not there, or she pushes me away almost like she can't bare for me to touch her anymore... A cuddle while she's cooking in the kitchen or laying on the couch results in her either walking away, or just totally ignoring me. Never will she just cuddle me back. We still have sex, probably every couple of weeks on average, but I know shes just letting me out of a feeling of "duty". The last time she initiated having sex was probably 5 years ago. When we do have sex, it's always something I initiate. I help out around the home and always make sure she knows shes appreciated. Sometimes I pick some flowers out of the garden or take her out for a romantic dinner or give her a back rub while laying in bed, stuff she used to enjoy and appreciate, but nothing seems to have any effect anymore. I've even tried giving her space, almost to the point of staying well clear of her for a few weeks like a kind of a "let's see how you like it" kind of a thing, but in all honesty, I think she enjoys the separation. I still love her and don't want to leave her but it's left me desperately wanting to feel the love and attention she once gave me. I'm almost at the stage where I feel like looking elsewhere to find the attention and affection that I so badly desire. It's not that I want someone else, or that I want to cheat on her, but I am desperate to find some love and affection again and feel the touch of a woman who wants to be with me. I feel kind of stupid posting on here because I know there are many people doing it a lot tougher than I am. However, this feeling of desperate loneliness is starting to have an effect on my daily life. How do others cope???

_78lost_ Advise
  • replies: 3

I feel like his not as affectionate as he use to be. We use to always hold hands and cuddle I have brought this up and he said it's too hard now with the kids. I understand it's part of his job to work away from home but last time suggested we go too... View more

I feel like his not as affectionate as he use to be. We use to always hold hands and cuddle I have brought this up and he said it's too hard now with the kids. I understand it's part of his job to work away from home but last time suggested we go too as he was only going for 3 days but he kind of shut me down and said it will be better if he goes alone and stays with the other guys to keep the accommodation cost down. I feel like he likes to go away because he can go to the pub with the guys he works with and live the single life he usually rings us when he gets back to his room whenever they close the pub yet when his home his always in bed by 7:30pm and always says his tired and has to get up for work were I can sleep till whenever I want as I'm on maternity leave. Which anyone with small kids know this is unlikely to get a sleep in. I get really jealous when he goes away 1 because I'm worried what his getting up too and 2 I think it get a bit jealous that he gets a break. I'm aware my jealousy has caused a lot of the issues. Which I have probably brought on myself I have searched his phone before and found he looks at a lot of porn like it's a couple of times a day and he is on private pages on Facebook and I found a message he sent to a woman who put a message with a photo of herself on one of these pages on Facebook asking the group how far have you travelled for sex and he wrote that he would travel across australia for her. This to me was a form of cheating but he said it was just a jokemail and would never cheat on me because he would want me to do the same to him. I've also found messages from his work friends where there talking about me and he has called me an offensive name when I questioned this his response was I was reading it wrong. I feel so disrespected and can't get over these two incidents he has apologised but I don't understand how he could do it in the first place. Last night we had a fight over money as he always says things like I pay the bills and my money I told him it should be our money and I pay things too as with my leave pay I paid our bills until I go back to work plus I buy the groceries he pays the mortgage but it seems to be always his money we have separate accounts when I suggested we get a joint account he said no if you want money just ask me and I will transfer some into your account or get you a card for my account. I love him with all my heart but feel like I'm losing him he tells me i never say sorry andidn't I'm stubborn.

amberrc always trying to kick my boyfriend out
  • replies: 1

I have a pattern in relationships of always trying to break up with my partner even when I don't really want to. my current boyfriend is patient with me even when I try and kick him out once a week. I think this stems from my fear of abandonment but ... View more

I have a pattern in relationships of always trying to break up with my partner even when I don't really want to. my current boyfriend is patient with me even when I try and kick him out once a week. I think this stems from my fear of abandonment but I don't know how to stop it. I'm always trying to find something he has done wrong. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bipolar and borderline personality disorder.

B_bear Recent separation and struggling
  • replies: 24

My wife of over ten years recently left. We always had a rocky relationship and I thought I would handle separation if it happened but I’m not. Currently going through lawyers re property dispute. I’m really struggling to let go, still being in love ... View more

My wife of over ten years recently left. We always had a rocky relationship and I thought I would handle separation if it happened but I’m not. Currently going through lawyers re property dispute. I’m really struggling to let go, still being in love with her but even more so with the family dynamic we shared with our children. She has been somewhat difficult during this time and recently wrote a letter along with property settlement papers which contained some really hurtful comments. She wants contact and outings together for the children which i would love to do for the kids but it rips me up each time I have to see her. My emotional state is already at rock bottom and seeing her just causes more pain and confusion for me. Just not sure what to do from here. It’s been about five months since she moved out and I just feel like I keep going backwards.

Jaluso I hate hurting everyone
  • replies: 1

I have recently left my husband after 27years of being together. In fact I've been with him longer than I've been without him. I love him. But have fallen out of love. We have 3 kids 19, 18 and 15. Because I didn't feel anything for him for about 5 o... View more

I have recently left my husband after 27years of being together. In fact I've been with him longer than I've been without him. I love him. But have fallen out of love. We have 3 kids 19, 18 and 15. Because I didn't feel anything for him for about 5 or so years I started to look elsewhere just to feel something. It's not something I'm proud of and I hate that I hurt him like that. And now I've hurt my kids by leaving. We share them 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. That was six months ago. Now I'm seeing someone else and I'vee had to tell the kids this and it feels like I'm reopening the wound all over again. They are my world and I hate that I'm hurting them. I cry all the time. Even at work I'll just break down. I just want my family back together again. And happy. It feels like I was happier being the only unhappy one. I'm such a disappointment to them. I don't know what advise you have. I'm just trying to work it all out in my head. I can't sleep and I'm just laying here crying. Thought it would be a bit therapeutic to write it down. It has helped a little bit. Just don't know what to do. My babies are hurting and it's all my fault

Hayds When is Enough Enough?
  • replies: 2

I’m Haydn. I’m tired; emotionally drained and ‘going numb..’ I’m not suicidal at all (part of my story) long term AOD Recovery Bipolar 1 MDD & complex grief..... all at once. My clinical team are solid. My family is toxic; my relationship is folding.... View more

I’m Haydn. I’m tired; emotionally drained and ‘going numb..’ I’m not suicidal at all (part of my story) long term AOD Recovery Bipolar 1 MDD & complex grief..... all at once. My clinical team are solid. My family is toxic; my relationship is folding....people always want more... I’ve nil more to give & dare I (mockingly) ask for support? I’m over facades, lies, agendas, false ‘authentic’ care & im hurting. My dad died last year and he’s the only human I’ve encountered whom intrinsically connected with me. It’s all a bit messed up. H

TMC Feeling stuck and worthless.
  • replies: 6

My quality of life seems to have been on a downward spiral for years, ever since a family crisis in 2013 I guess you could say. I don't remember the last time I felt like I was on track... the last time I felt content that I was heading in the right ... View more

My quality of life seems to have been on a downward spiral for years, ever since a family crisis in 2013 I guess you could say. I don't remember the last time I felt like I was on track... the last time I felt content that I was heading in the right direction... or the last time I felt good about myself in general. Most people in my life are too busy to care, or make it known that they have issues larger than my own and they need to focus on themselves. I have tried reaching out but most people turn me away... they are too busy, I'm too needy, or they just don't care. I'm always questioning my self worth. I feel like no one values me, so why am I here? I try so hard to do the right thing by my family, friends and career, yet it seems every step I take is the wrong step. I just want to give up. I don't know what to do anymore...