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Broken up and feeling broken

Community Member

Hi all.

man, life has just done a big flop for me. Today was going to be our 1 year anniversary for our relationship and he broke up with me on Monday.

Our relationship hasn’t been easy, we “broke up” nearly every month but always fixed it within a few days. The last break up was big but had a big resolution with him in tears, telling me he loved me and then we hadn’t broken up for 3 mths. I had thought we were doing well. that I was doing well.

I have had chronic pain for the passed 8mths which I just had surgery for 3 weeks ago. I also had diagnosed depression. But I was seeking help for all of that and felt like I was actually improving and doing so well.

He went away for a 4 day trip and I didn’t fall apart (again massive progress on my part) and he come back telling me he loves me and kissing me and going on dates.

Then I had been looking up something on his phone and saw a message to someone else come through that he was planning to break up with me.

He says he feels like he has lost himself. Because I’ve been struggling, he has been struggling and not becoming the person he wanted to be. I had already seen this happening and again, had been trying to make improvements on it. It had just been difficult because I was in pain and recovering from the op. It’s like he expected it to happen overnight.

now I’m hurting. I’m hurting so much. He was my first love and I can’t believe I have lost him after a year. It hurts because he gave up on me. On us.

how can he throw us away after a year? We could try living separately or seeing a counsellor but he ist up for any of it. He just wants to be friends. Cause he still loves me and thinks a future relationship is better built off a strong friendship.

And not only did I lose him, but my whole life. I had to move out of our beautiful apartment (that I chose because I fell in love with it) because I can’t afford to stay there because I can’t work due to pain. I’ve lost my amazing housemates. I had things happening in the area. I am only 19 and I was just building a life for myself (as best I could) and now I back to living with my family and lost all that independence.

It hurts because I love him so deeply. And he didn’t see the best me. I got unwell just 2 months after meeting him so majority of our relationship has been the struggling version of me. And I hate that he has to base his decision off that.

I have a psych but she is away for another week or 2. I have amazing family but feel so lost and broken.

4 Replies 4

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello SMLTG, and a warm welcome.

It must be disappointing for you and I feel your pain to lose someone you truly love to another person, and to recover from an operation does take time and patience, not only for yourself but also with your partner.

If any relationship is having their ups and downs, breaking up and then rejoining each other, but then he goes away for 4 days by himself, would concern me but it didn't for you which is great, however, looking through his phone you found that he was going to break up with you, that is sad and I'm so sorry this happened, but it doesn't mean he may get back with you.

Can I suggest you concentrate on recovering from your operation and perhaps you could let us know how your progress is coming along and also start writing down all the points that are making you feel like this, then you can hand this note over to your psychologist in 2 weeks?

Also if you are under 25 years you can ring Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800, but I'd really like to hear back from you if possible.


Hi Geoff,

thanks for getting back to me ❤️ It is lovely to hear from someone xx

The message wasn’t from another girl, just a male friend of his from home (where he went for 4 days) so I guess that is a relief in a sense?

The recovery is going okay. The pain is slowly easing off and for the first time in a long time I was able to work today. I was in hospital yesterday because there was concern and they have referred me for an ultrasound to make sure everything is okay. It just makes it tricky because I can’t exercise to take my mind off him or do a lot of work or go out too much so it makes it hard not to sit and dwell you know?

To be honest, I don’t think he will get back with me. Or if he did, it wouldn’t be for years.

I just walk around feeling sad with this pit in my stomach and I have such an urge to go back to my home and to see him.

I’m not usually a “be the victim” type but I’m feeling a bit screwed over by the world at the moment and whilst I know there’s is hope for the future, it doesn’t feel like I will ever feel happy or be able to shake this pit in my stomach again.

the mornings are the hardest I find. And I just feel so lonely. I miss the warm snuggles at night the most. I hate sleeping by myself without him - even with a teddy bear or a dog to cuddle.

sorry, I’m not usually such a negative nelly. Thank you for hearing me 💕

Hello somuchlovetogive, I like your username.

I can understand how upset you are feeling and it is natural to feel negative and be missing your partner so much.

As you know you won’t feel this way forever. it is a horrible feeling. .

Do you find writing down how you feels helps in any way.?

I found when my relationhsip broke up , I was in pain but by writing down feelings I gradually started to sort out my emotions.

Is there something you like doing by yourself that you could do, maybe reading a book, going on a walk, listening to music or something else. ?


Hi Quirky,

thank you ❤️

I do find writing down sometimes helps and then other times I find I just get lost and dwell in my emotions instead of actually working through them. It also helps talking to people about it, I find it helps so much hearing other’s advice and experiences. It makes me feel like I’m not alone and gives me insights into myself too.

I find I dislike being by myself... I don’t know why. It is something I have been learning about myself this year... I hate being alone. I prefer to keep busy with others. Although, I could try reading or perhaps losing myself in a video game?

I love love love to cook but am in a lot of pain at the moment and am struggling to find the motivation.

I find myself hating my illness and blaming myself for losing him. I know that’s not a healthy way of looking at it but... I just feel like it’s all my fault and I just hate that time falling ill has ruined my chance with this man.