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Struggling with my anger issues

Community Member
Hey everyone.

I'm 23 years old and have been struggling with anger outbursts since I was roughly 15-16.
I was in a 5 year relationship at a young age where it ended because of my outbursts over little things and constant over thinking of situations and arguments. I'm so confused with why these outbursts happen and I'm always regretting my actions after they happen.
I recently broke up with my partner of 2 years for the exact same thing. Over thinking, things not playing out how they do in my head, me going berserk over dishes, or laundry that has been there for multiple days. When I lose my temper I say things to deliberately try and hurt my partner to get back at her for making me upset and angry. I regret what I say as soon as they're said.
I feel confined to my own thoughts and honestly don't know how to talk to someone about my problems as I don't know how to explain how I feel.
I spoke to my partner before we broke up and she wanted me to talk to a doctor and get help. I said I would do this but feel embarrassed on what I have done and don't know how to talk about how I feel.

I hope this makes abit of sense and look forward to hearing back from anyone who has been in the same situation as me or can explain to me on how to talk about what's going on when I don't really understand on what's going on.
5 Replies 5

Summer Rose
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Dk96

Welcome to bb and thank you for sharing your story. It made perfect sense and I know it took courage to write it all down, so well done for reaching out.

I haven't been in your situation but I am a mum with a 23 year old son and I've seen some angry outbursts over the years. I think this issue is more common than you might think. You are not alone.

I'm not a doctor but you might want to consider lifestyle changes to help you deal with stress and frustration. For example, regular exercise can really help as can reducing alcohol/drug consumption (if that's relevant).

But the key here is to understand your thoughts and learn ways to change how you behave in anger provoking situations. It is possible to change your behaviour with the right help and support.

I would like to suggest that you make a double appointment to see your GP. You don't have to have all the answers. Simply explain how anger is affecting your life/relationships and wellbeing (like you did in your post) and ask for help to work out what is really going on.

Your GP will likely ask questions to help him/her understand the situation better and can then refer you to a professional in your local community for further assistance.

How do you feel about talking with your GP? I hope this makes sense to you.

Kind thoughts to you

Community Member

Hi Dk96,

The fact that you've reached out to people on this forum shows that you are very mature and capable of seeking help. I've experienced anger issues and had dealt with them by ignoring the situation. In the end I spoke to my GP who in turn put me in contact with a counselor. Usually I'm not the kind of person to seek help. I used to find talking to strangers about my problems embarrassing and emotionally draining. But I knew I had to get it under control. Through counseling I gained an understanding of my underlying issues and triggers and how to keep better control. Sometimes you have to seek help to get better. Time alone is not enough.

Community Member

I am exactly the same. Just got dumped again by the love of my life because of my outbursts. I think it's to do with stress. As well as maybe not being able to communicate how I feel very well sometimes and also being unable to just stop, take a breath and reflect on what it is that is making me stressed or high strung and putting me in these shitty moods which then end with me blowing up at the silliest thing.

The latest person I was with, also had a bit of a temper so that wasn't the best mix haha. But because of that, they also had an understanding of the fact I was just venting etc. after I blow up. It's only then that I can calm down and reflect on what it actually was that is upsetting me and try to work on that.

Im going to my gp tonight to get a referral to see a psychologist/councilor. These outbursts are exhausting and they take up so much time, energy and then I just feel like shit and wish I could just be able to stay level headed and not loose myself to my thoughts and emotions.

No one really deserves copping an earful from me. I need to make the change and I think speaking to a professional is really going to help. I also have ADHD. Going to seek professional help for that changed my life in a massive positive way. So hopefully it will be the same with my anger and stress issues.

Let me know how you go ☺️

Community Member
Hi Dk96. I'm very similar to you in that I too get anxious and tend to overreact. I'm wondering if as a child you felt ignored and only attracted attention if it was to berate or discipline you. Being in the firing line for something you didn't do is hurtful and abusive. Not being able to (prove) innocence or being ignored when trying to explain something is equally abusive so the anger builds and eventually finds an 'out' by hurting someone else. I often felt as though I had to justify my actual reason for living and this caused many angry outbursts too. I started keeping a journal where I was free to express my anger and I learnt through this to calm down and accept. Dishes not being done doesn't affect me, however rather than allow mundane things to rile me, I looked for hobbies that took my concentration. Often things in life don't go as planned, if they did, life would actually be rather boring. Maybe next time there's unwashed laundry or dishes piled high, write down in your journal why this angers you. Your journal is yours for personal thoughts and anger issues. Also learn breathing techniques which help calm you. Maybe talk to your Dr, don't be scared of judgement, try to explain why you become so anti. Writing in your journal will help here as you need to think about why you're angry? If it's repressed anger, this is where the Dr can help.

Community Member

Hi Dk96 - I am by no means an expert and myself actually rarely feel anger, but your post made me think of someone I know.

He also has anger outbursts - quite suddenly, sometimes over very little things, where he briefly *seemingly* loses control for a moment and then regathers himself. I don't know if your outbursts are also brief, or if they're a little bit longer.

I just wanted to say that this guy, in spite of his anger outbursts, is actually very loved and 'tolerated' (when he's at his worst) because he has worked on not removing his anger, but containing it.

He gets frustrated and angry as often as he always has, but he has learned to channel it in a way that does not make the people around him feel threatened, targeted or subject to it. He loses his cool, we all know to stay calm and just carry on... yes at worst he may kick furniture... but we know and fully trust he would never take it out on us. He has his moment, we carry on, he calms down, the day goes on.

Maybe working on a solution like that with a therapist somehow is an option? I just want you to know it is possible to be loved, supported and accepted even if you always stay a little more angry than everyone else. It's just about HOW you channel it.