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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Ilovedoogos My husband loves his hand more than me.
  • replies: 4

I’m writing this post more to just vent and talk about my feelings. I’m young but have been with my husband for a very long time. We love each other very much and I don’t doubt that. We are like best friends. But the intimacy has gone. He doesn’t hug... View more

I’m writing this post more to just vent and talk about my feelings. I’m young but have been with my husband for a very long time. We love each other very much and I don’t doubt that. We are like best friends. But the intimacy has gone. He doesn’t hug me, kiss me, cuddle me. I just don’t feel like he lets me in. I really don’t mind if my husband watches porn. But we don’t have sex a lot. So it make me feel so inadequate and unattractive. I feel like he prefers to just do it on his own than be close to me. I woke up to him in the bathroom doing it. It made my fears feel real. When he came to bed I ended up having a panic attack. But I didn’t say why. He was so sweet talking me through breathing. I guess im just struggling with my feelings of not being good enough or attractive enough for him. I feel angry and sad and a little lonely. Please tell me someone out there is feeling like this?

Butterfly9 When does it start to feel better?
  • replies: 2

Its been nearly 15mths since my 14 yr relationship ended. My partner came home one day & announced he was moving away & I had to leave. We haven't seen each other since the day I left our home. I've done the rollercoaster of rejection & emotions, sel... View more

Its been nearly 15mths since my 14 yr relationship ended. My partner came home one day & announced he was moving away & I had to leave. We haven't seen each other since the day I left our home. I've done the rollercoaster of rejection & emotions, self loathing, fear & despair. I've tried to distract myself & move on but it hasn't worked. I know I cared & loved him & his child more than it was reciprocated. We communicate every now & then, & he says he still loves me. But I still can't move on. I feel like I lost my best friend & my identity. I am so sad & depressed. I am pathetic & seek even the smallest contact from him to validate my self worth. Its been over a year & I don't know how to move on. I feel like a failure. I take anxiety & ad meds but they only help me to stay barely functioning. I am ashamed of myself with friends & family & rarely interact. I can't seem to move forward. I am lost. I've done counselling with no outcome that helps. I just feel broken, rejected & stuck. The heartache is so real. I am 50 now & feel so unlovable, unattractive & unwanted. I am even ashamed to admit here how I am feeling. But I need help, I need to share, & I need advice. I just don't know how to do it alone, or what I've tried isn't working. I know my relationship wasnt perfect, but it shocked me when & how it ended. One day I had a home, a partner, a child & life. Then within days it was all gone. How have others coped & moved on? I know I will never have any of that back although contact with my ex let's me feel there may be some love & hope still there. I am very hurt & confused. Time keeps moving on but I don't seem able to. Its like me & my life as I knew it died & I don't know how to pick up the pieces. I feel disgrace in front of people who know me because I can't just get on with it like they want or tell me to. I don't know how to unlove my ex & his child I helped raise. And I don't know how to keep that love & be strong or see any worth in myself without them. I would appreciate talking with anyone who has experienced similar & maybe understands. I spend all my time hiding & hoping & feeling foolish & broken. I don't want to feel this way anymore but I struggle to know how to fix things in my heart, head & life. I keep taking my meds & dread each day alone only to hear again that its been over 12 months & what is wrong with me. If you know what I am going through & can help or offer any suggestions I would be very grateful. Thank you

Camellias Absence makes the heart grow fonder?
  • replies: 57

Hoping I can receive some advice, thoughts or positive words. ive been in a relationship for over a year. The person I am seeing often needs time alone, time alone with her children and also time alone with friends. She often tells me she ‘wants to m... View more

Hoping I can receive some advice, thoughts or positive words. ive been in a relationship for over a year. The person I am seeing often needs time alone, time alone with her children and also time alone with friends. She often tells me she ‘wants to miss me’. When i first heard this, it actually hurt. I couldnt understand why she needed so much distance. Why doesnt she want to be with me more, what is wrong with me etc etc. why does not seeng me for days, make everything better for her between us? Im trying to understand why my absence makes her happier. Why does she need to be apart from me to realise how much she loves me. Am I that repulsive...or that difficult to be around, I just wish I understood. This lovely lady does not want to get married, is happy dating and taking each day as it comes. Id marry her in a heartbeat if I could. I want to sleep beside her each night for the rest of my life, she wants to have some nights/mornings alone. And always feel guilty for wanting this. I feel that our future is very much damaged by her past(prev bad marriage) and because of that my opportunities with her are very limited and restricted. i feel so lonely without her, but I do not say anything as I sense its pressure she does not want. I miss her a lot when we are not together. But she doesnt seem to miss me or tell me so. She just is super happy to see me in small dosages. please understand I do not write these words in spite, negativity or anger. I simply long to understand and perhaps many kind folks on here will get it and share with me what I fail to see here. How can she love me, when she barely wants to see me? How can I stay important to her, without placing pressure of calls, texts to her etc? Also struggle with how her phone is virtually her lifeline. Even in the time we are together she is mind deep in messages. I feel very bad when her friends call etc as she doesnt call them back because she is with me, she requires privacy always with her friends. As it pings, makes noises etc she will always say “ its just John “ ((whoever it is at the time) How can I make her feel as though thats Ok and also still feel acknowledged? She often tells me I seem sad when her friends are messaging her or calling her. thank you for listening to me, i truly hope i have made some sense or someone will relate well to help me through this.

Hercs1 Marriage Breakup
  • replies: 4

Going through a really tough time as my marriage has recently broken down. Is there a forum I should be joining that may be useful?

Going through a really tough time as my marriage has recently broken down. Is there a forum I should be joining that may be useful?

icecube My son and i are socially isolated...
  • replies: 5

I am a single mum of a 7 year old boy and we are both socially isolated. I am currently undergoing the divorce process and i have been struggling with clinical depression even though i try to cover it up especially because i don't want my son to see ... View more

I am a single mum of a 7 year old boy and we are both socially isolated. I am currently undergoing the divorce process and i have been struggling with clinical depression even though i try to cover it up especially because i don't want my son to see me when i hit the downward period which is very hard. Having no family in Australia makes the situation even harder and sometimes i just don't know who turn to when things get so overwhelming.I had to move locations and i feel really bad for my son as he doesn't have any friends. I don't want him to be isolated further. I have tried to approach some parents from the school he's going to but they don't seem interested. I'd really like to meet mums with kids who understand mental health and therefore non-judgemental.

Hannerilana Plans
  • replies: 1

Had a tumultuous time for the last few years. I have been through a lot - a lot meaning 4 forced hospitalisations medication and ECT treatment. Over my early 20s in and out of hospital I tried completing my degree in arts and business always working ... View more

Had a tumultuous time for the last few years. I have been through a lot - a lot meaning 4 forced hospitalisations medication and ECT treatment. Over my early 20s in and out of hospital I tried completing my degree in arts and business always working very hard doing really well. For whatever reason family issues I went to hospital. All of this has affected my work history of 6 years. I knew people at uni who are in jobs now who didn’t work very hard in uni had a lot of help in group assignments and I worked my butt off during school and uni. Sometimes things don’t always turn out as expected and things are not always fair. Sometimes I compare to these people. Anyway the situation now is I lived on my own for a year and moved back home for a few months. I find living at home really affects my motivation by virtue of living with my mum. For whatever reason it’s Affects my motivation. Having seen extended family who I felt judged me didn’t help the situation. They didn’t go through involuntary treatment. I am planning to move interstate, still experiencing neurological issues from reducing medication, and look for temp jobs interstate . That is my plan but it’s hard to do all that whilst living at home. I am ready to be on my own and live my own life. Sometimes the unemplotment can make you feel judged and unsure what to do with your time I especially feel stifled with my mum at home. But then I have to tell myself how hard my circumstances have been and I only hope other people are compassionate understanding and not judgemental when it comes to unemployment I think I have sound reason

soph33 Toxic relationship break up & weekend depression
  • replies: 13

Hi guys! As of late, I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago after 3 years. We had a toxic relationship and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I tried to give him another chance the other week but then all this anxiety came back all in one day and I e... View more

Hi guys! As of late, I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago after 3 years. We had a toxic relationship and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I tried to give him another chance the other week but then all this anxiety came back all in one day and I ended up crying saying I couldn’t do it anymore. He never cheated but he would hide the truth and do things without thinking about my feelings. He has hurt me so much and now that I’ve broken up with him, I feel so down on the weekends that I just have no energy to do much. I’m not sure if it’s because I have been so emotionally and mentally drained of 3 years with him though. I do well throughout the work week because I love my job and it gives me the motivation and happiness I want but when it comes to the weekend I feel alone. I don’t really want to go out drinking and partying because it’s not something that makes me feel better. I love him so much still and all I think about is that he will meet another girl before I meet someone and he will be happier without me. It’s stupid but I can’t help but think that. I wasn’t enough to make him happy. So now I feel I have no confidence, I’m not interesting, I’m not pretty enough, I’m just me and nothing great. I feel because it was toxic that I sacrificed myself and now I don’t even know who I am, what I enjoy etc. where as he is able to go and spend time with his mates and be happy but I just don’t want to do that. I gave him everything of me and I feel so lost without him. I guess I’m writing this to see if anyone else has experienced something similar and how they are coping today. This has been like no other relationship I ever had. I loved him more than I’ve loved anyone else. We have ended things on good terms which makes me happy but I just feel like I’m so boring and nothing good about me I hate weekends because I’m stuck with my thoughts and I constantly think he is out partying and meeting someone new. I feel a bit hopeless now.

Hummer Struggling
  • replies: 1

I’m struggling. I recently pulled through a really rough patch in my mental health. Having to have new medication and new techniques and so on. My Mum has been my rock helping me through this and pulling me out of panic attacks. my Mum got admitted t... View more

I’m struggling. I recently pulled through a really rough patch in my mental health. Having to have new medication and new techniques and so on. My Mum has been my rock helping me through this and pulling me out of panic attacks. my Mum got admitted to the icu of the hospital, put in a induced coma because of her emphysema which made a infection more worse then it already was. This is the second time she has been admitted. It leaves me to look after my elder brother who is an epileptic, my other brother who just doesn’t want to help. My dad who I is struggling Nd my nephew. I seem to be the only one doing housework cleaning, I cook them meals and try to stay strong. On top I go to Mum every second day and it with her. The boys beside my elderly brother aren’t cleaning after themselves, I try to get them to do stuff. But it’s not completely done and they complain argue with me. i can’t afford my psychologist at the moment and I don’t have close friend to talk to. I just won’t to scream at them. I know they are worried about Mum but I want them to help with keeping the house clean. I have massive guilt if I don’t vist Mum everyday. I want to but it’s hard

elyseah when your emotionally abusive parent gets sick
  • replies: 2

I have been dealing with an emotionally abusive father all of my life and lately everything feels like its crumbling down on me. For as long as I can remember i've been dealing with anxiety and depression and so much of it stems from how my father ha... View more

I have been dealing with an emotionally abusive father all of my life and lately everything feels like its crumbling down on me. For as long as I can remember i've been dealing with anxiety and depression and so much of it stems from how my father has treated me my entire life. My only memories of him are bad. When I see and hear him all I can hear is the constant ridiculing and name calling. He's completely torn me down for 22 years and it's like i'm just a shell of a person. I don't trust anyone, I hate myself, I hate my life and I have no friends, all I do is push people away when they get too close because I don't want them to hurt me. Over the past few months my mental health has been getting worse and worse and I just cant get the bad things he has said and done out of my head, I'm broken. A few weeks ago he went to hospital as he was really sick and since then he has been diagnosed with cancer and the prognosis is not looking too bright. I've avoided the hospital as much as possible because I don't want to put on this perfect, loving daughter act that everyone keeps telling me I should do. Two weeks ago, I told my mum how bad everything was surrounding my mental health and my relationship with him and she promised she would help me, but she hasn't. I told her that I'm struggling with being sympathetic to him and what he is going through, because what am I supposed to say to the person who ruined my life. Today my mum made me go to the hospital and within 2 minutes of being there he started yelling at me for no reason, but then a minute later told me that I should be holding his hand. I refused, I'm not affectionate at the best of times, I just couldn't bring myself to touch him and eventually he told mum to get me away from him. When we left my mum screamed at me saying how selfish and disappointing I am. Apparently I'm the one thats killing him and I shouldn't be able to sleep at night. I wish I could just keep the peace, but I'm tired of pretending everything is good, when it so clearly isn't. I don't really know where I'm going with this, I don't know if I just needed to vent or whether I should ask where to go from here? I'm mad at my mum for saying those things after I broke down over how dad treats me, but I know this is hard for her and she's all I have. Although, I'm not sure I even have her after tonight. I just can't live this life anymore, I'm so tired of everything.

lost2019 I can’t seem to get along with my siblings AT ALL. And feel like shit for it
  • replies: 2

Hi I currently live with my sister for over a year. We come from a divorced family. I lived with my mum for most of my up bringing and my sister and my brother lived with my dad for their up bringing occasionally I would visit on the weekend. My sist... View more

Hi I currently live with my sister for over a year. We come from a divorced family. I lived with my mum for most of my up bringing and my sister and my brother lived with my dad for their up bringing occasionally I would visit on the weekend. My sister and I can get along well but there are times where I don’t want to show love to her, and I push her away. I always think she is out to control me if she does something for me she will always turn around and manipulate me. I don’t trust her I think. As well as my older brother (I’m the youngest) he thinks I’m an idiot and unworthy he teased me a lot growing up and constantly bullied me. I don’t have many fond memories of him. I’ve covered up my fear of him by praising him and thinking he is great eveytime he visits but I’m starting to realise as I get older and know myself. He treats me like I’m a joke, I understand he is my brother and that’s what they do sometimes, but it gets too much to the point I feel like I’m useless. My sister and him are very close and I think I resent that when they are both around. It shows in my behaviour I withdraw from them, avoid them and get defensive. I struggle to feel love for either of them and I feel confused and lost. I want to have a good relationship but also want to get away from them. Is this normal? Do we need relationship counselling? I feel there is so many unresolved issues from the divorce and growing up apart. I was 4 when the family split, it wasn’t pretty.