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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Purple_butterfly_89 Looking for some kind of reasoning
  • replies: 1

My ex broke up with me a year ago (he gets anxious and it seems that he just ran from our relationship when it started to get serious….I am guessing, never really had much of an explanation over the whole situation. I was aware of his history with de... View more

My ex broke up with me a year ago (he gets anxious and it seems that he just ran from our relationship when it started to get serious….I am guessing, never really had much of an explanation over the whole situation. I was aware of his history with depression and anxiety before the relationship happened. After the break up, we tried to maintain a friendship and, at times he was leading me on. After a couple of months later I said something that he may have found hurtful. He never said anything to me and a week after this he blocked me on social media everywhere, which was quite hurtful to me. I don’t know if it was what I said that prompted him to do it or something else. My mental health went downhill quickly after this. I was an absolute mess. I kept putting him before me, even when we weren’t in a relationship anymore. When he started to spiral, he blamed work and said it wasn’t me. This went on for about 3 days and he seemed to be ok again for a couple of days and then started spiralling again. He found it hard to talk to me. He kept apologising. I asked him a week into this if he still wanted to be with me and he said that he did. I attempted to have a talk but he said that he just can’t talk about it. With that, conversation over. I should have seen the red flags but I didn’t. I just seemed to trust what he was saying to me. It was 2.5 weeks from the start of the spiral to the break up and he was hurtful a few times but I always put him first and put my own needs aside. It was starting to make me anxious, but I was always kind, respectful and caring. During the break up to now, I have said 2 things to him that he may have found hurtful (was probably a little bit immature of me). Then I hear that some people yell and scream and hate each other during a break up and I wonder why I get this kind of treatment when I have done barely anything to him. Perhaps I should have done that as I may have gotten some answers and he ended up leaving my life. Any attempts to message him has pushed him further away (I have tried 3 times over the space of 8 months, 1 time he responded to a message with 1 line and another 2 times I was completely ignored with the last attempt resulting in me being blocked on his phone) and he pushed our mutual friends away. I guess you can say that he is a runner and doesn’t confront anything in the hope that problems just go away. I never really got an explanation on anything.

spaceboots Boundaries, Family Estrangement and Disownment
  • replies: 12

Hi, I was recently confronted by my father for the personal boundaries I had put in place to protect my children and myself from my mother, who I believe suffers from undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. While I am understanding and accept he... View more

Hi, I was recently confronted by my father for the personal boundaries I had put in place to protect my children and myself from my mother, who I believe suffers from undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. While I am understanding and accept her for who she is because she had a very traumatic childhood, I am not willing to allow her to emotionally and psychologically manipulate and abuse my kids (fighting and screaming with my father in front of them, swearing in front of them and trying to play favourites between them). As a result of these boundaries, I have become emotionally distant from my parents, do not allow my children to be with their grandparents alone, and we do not visit their home as they have made it clear that we are not welcomed. My parents see this as a grave insult for the life sacrifices they have made for me; accused me of being ungrateful, and disagreed that their behaviour is harmful. They have used their older age (50s and 60s) and their culture as reasons to ask if they deserve to be treated like strangers and criminals. Long story short, I told them that my children need to be protected and that if I had to choose, I choose my children over them. They believe I chose myself and "my way" of doing things. At the end of the conversation, my father told me that every choice has a consequence, and that the consequences of my choice means that we are now strangers. He doesn't feel that "strangers should benefit" from the financial success that he and my mother built together, and we can now be "exes" and should only communicate on a "need-to" basis. He emphasized that he was not using money to manipulate me, but has no other choice and believes that this is the normal "human response". He also added that should he or my mother pass away, that they will not inform me and I will not need to attend their funeral. I told him that he had a right to his decisions, but my door was always open if they changed their minds and want to get help (family therapy). Obviously this has been a very distressing event for me but I want to know, what happens now? How can I respond in a loving way when I feel so betrayed and angry? Did they HAVE to do this? Was I wrong in setting boundaries? Why can't they hear me? Is it better now that my parents have disowned me? Why bring up the fact that they wouldn't tell me if they passed away? Is this another manipulative abusive tactic? What is the best thing to do? Thanking you in advance.

That_Weird_Chic Always Feel Like a Disappointment to My Parent
  • replies: 5

Hey, I always try my hardest at the things I'm passionate about and want to do well in. At school I'm constantly trying to get through the next class. I enjoy it but it feels like there's something missing. I always feel like I could do better. I'm c... View more

Hey, I always try my hardest at the things I'm passionate about and want to do well in. At school I'm constantly trying to get through the next class. I enjoy it but it feels like there's something missing. I always feel like I could do better. I'm constantly studying or practicing my instruments or doing assignments. When I get home I do my homework and have some downtime. Then when my parents get home, they are yelling at me that jobs aren't done or that I haven't ridden my horse or some other reason. There is always something wrong. When I try and do the job I do it wrong or haven't done it well enough. I just feel like I am constantly letting down my parents. That I'm a constant disappointment. Even when I do something and I'm proud of myself or when I know I haven't done well, they keep on telling me what I can do better or what they'd do differently. I feel like I'm a constant disappointment. They treat me differently from my other siblings to. They're always nicer to them, more patient, more forgiving, more lenient. I wake up early then the others and I always hear my parents go to their rooms, knock quietly and tell them to wake up nicely but when they come to my room they slam my door open and half yell at me to get up. I'm the first one read for school waiting for the others. They take their time but whenever I'm running the tiniest bit late, they are yelling at me to hurry up. It's like a constant cycle. Everyday I feel like a disappointment to my parents. Never doing anything right. Never doing enough. Never doing the right thing. I just want to feel like my parents are proud. That they are proud to say that I am their child. That they are happy with who I am. That they feel like I am worthy to be their child. I just don't know how, or even why. I don't know that if I ever won't feel this way. Does anyone have any advice?

hanmnro He works a lot and I’m constantly lonely.
  • replies: 1

Hello all, My partner and I live together but don’t actually do much together. He works all weekend, and a few week split shifts. So we’ll get about 3 and a half days together through the week. When we are together we’ll just hang around the house be... View more

Hello all, My partner and I live together but don’t actually do much together. He works all weekend, and a few week split shifts. So we’ll get about 3 and a half days together through the week. When we are together we’ll just hang around the house because he’s so tired and that’s completely understandable!! But it’s very hard Here are my troubles.. 1. by doing things through the week we miss out on any chance to do family get togethers, friends party’s, any socialising basically. 2. I also don’t work because I have deep depression and anxiety, so even going to family things alone, I can’t do unless I’m just with my parents, as I’m an only child. I find it very hard to talk about myself, and I also have weight problems that affect my mental health. 3. He works so hard to keep a roof over our heads and I pay for bills and food. I am so thankful for all he does and I try to remind him of that each day. Unfortunately it means I’m left to do a lot around the house but I’m always tired and achy, due to my health. I try to do some things but it’s a real struggle. 4. We struggle with money, and it’s very stressful, we are looking to move somewhere cheaper, but power rates keep getting higher and bills are becoming more expensive. 5. Last but not least, I am SO lonely. I’m almost isolated from life, I don’t really have friends, and I never get invited to things. I can’t remember the last time someone asked if I wanted to do ex:cinema/food.. anything with them. The longer I don’t socialise, the more alien I feel, and I get awkward in social interactions.. it’s horrible, because I used to be so bubbly! I’m starting to resent my life and it’s becoming unbearable. if anyone has any advice on any of my problems, please help! Thank you in advance and bless you!

Guest4467 Unsure whether to cancel DVO
  • replies: 4

Hi, i have been struggling a lot since the break up of my partner who was my best friend and we did everything together. We lived together, exercised together, worked together. He was my true other half he told me he wanted to be single after we brok... View more

Hi, i have been struggling a lot since the break up of my partner who was my best friend and we did everything together. We lived together, exercised together, worked together. He was my true other half he told me he wanted to be single after we broke up, I found out already that he has moved on. It really really hurts. And we live in a small coastal town where running into each other is inevitable and I have seen him, but now I have to to worry about seeing them as a couple. Worst. anyway, he has been up to something in the last week cancelling my car insurance twice, saying it has been sold..(the car and policy in my name but somehow he could still access the policy) i went to the police bc I have had enough of his bullying tactics. I went to the police in May and they recommended I take out a dvo against him (death threats, emotional abuse) but I was so afraid of him I said no. Now I am so petrified of going to court that I just want to cancel the order. My hair is falling out, my skin condition has come back with a vengeance. I’m just wondering, is this even all worth it??? I have said some pretty nasty things to him as well. do I stick with it and the continued stress or just let it go?

bindi_ Need some advice please ?
  • replies: 2

my 9 year old son is compulsive liar to me even if i see him do it, he yells at me treats me like crap tells me im a bad mother because i send him to him room or i take all his privileges away from him. but he only does it when his father isn't aroun... View more

my 9 year old son is compulsive liar to me even if i see him do it, he yells at me treats me like crap tells me im a bad mother because i send him to him room or i take all his privileges away from him. but he only does it when his father isn't around. but when his father around he would be all nice and "ok" mum no worries do you need me to help "? i tell him just leave me alone im 6 months pregnant and totally stressed out. his constantly at me all the time eg 5 mins away dinner he asked me for an apple i said no you just had dinner he said to me well why have you been giving everyone apples over the last two weeks i said because it was the holidays and they are for school. the other kids had ice-cream he said he didn't want any. then i sat down and started eating my dinner while the kids were in the shower then he said i want ice-cream now , i did said no to him. then he starts yelling at me. I'm allowed to change my mind so on and so on. me and my partner did break up for 6 months because he kept lying to him about stuff that wasn't true. now i think im going down the same path again and i don't know what to do anymore. i ignore his behavior but my partner thinks im being so mean to him. he has no idea what he does to me when his not around. its extremely bad the worst behavior anyone could image but im over complaining to my partner to. i have tried my best i have 5 children. please can some one give me some advice. thanks

Scottb89 Loosing my gf i love for 7 years
  • replies: 1

Me and my partner been dating for long time she.js my everything i ever had and now i have no idea what i done wrong I treated her so good and loved her supported her care for her its seenms im loosing her to another guy she found

Me and my partner been dating for long time she.js my everything i ever had and now i have no idea what i done wrong I treated her so good and loved her supported her care for her its seenms im loosing her to another guy she found

MO95 Getting you partner to understand your illness
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone! bit of background: I have severe generalised anxiety, depression and stress. I have struggled with it for years and finally went and got started on some help. I have a fiancé, who I love so dearly, we have been together for 7years and ge... View more

Hi everyone! bit of background: I have severe generalised anxiety, depression and stress. I have struggled with it for years and finally went and got started on some help. I have a fiancé, who I love so dearly, we have been together for 7years and getting married very soon. He is supportive of me and he knows the extent of my mental health, but at times I can’t help but feel he doesn’t really ‘get it’. i understand how it may frustrate him at times, especially when my mental health gets in the way of my career, it frustrates me to. But I guess my question is, how do I get him to understand why I sometimes need days off even tho I appear “fine” and not “sick”. How do I get him to really understand what’s going on in my head and in my body when I have those days where I just can’t function. I just want him to understand that I’m not just being lazy or being ridiculous. i need him to understand, so that I can stop feeling worse about self on those days.

MannyOrtego Sister obsessed about my psychologist
  • replies: 3

Hi, I have been undergoing therapy with my psychologist for anxiety for a while, and just recently started doing exposure therapy. I had a massive anxiety flare up a few months ago, I realised now after calming down that a large part of it was due to... View more

Hi, I have been undergoing therapy with my psychologist for anxiety for a while, and just recently started doing exposure therapy. I had a massive anxiety flare up a few months ago, I realised now after calming down that a large part of it was due to my sister trying to control me and gaslight/trigger me(we are both adults). I cut off contact with my sister shortly after the flare up occurred. A couple of days ago she saw my car parked outside my psychologist's office and stuck a note on my windscreen. I saw it after my appointment and, I decided to go over to her house and say hi. Everything went fine until she started asking me about what I was doing at the psychologist. She started pushing me for information about which psychologist I was seeing, what I had told the psychologist, and whether I had told th psychologist anything about her. I basically told her that it was private and that I didn't want her knowing the things I spoke about. She started listing off the names of psychologists that work in that office, and asking "Is it person X? Is it person Y" and I kept telling her that I wasn't going to say. She said "You know I am going to find all this out anyway, right?" She is a nurse in a hospital and has previously been able to somehow look up some of my pathology results, even showing me the printed copy. So it worries me that she might somehow be able to access other things about me? Today, 2 days later, she messaged my brother and told him to answer a message she sent me. I had blocked her, but I thought maybe it was something important and so I unblocked her and asked what was up. She started questioning me again about names and details. I am a bit worried about this as she is not respecting my boundaries and keeps pushing it even after I have told her no. What should I do? Is it possible that she (a nurse) might be able to access any of my information from the hospital she works at? Sorry if some of this is hard tor read, I am writing it on mobile.

Ssangcham my gf and i are on a break and im pissed and mad and scared she will break up with me and forget about me
  • replies: 11

my gf of 8 months said she wanted a break but we still saw eachother after a week i told her i would rather not talk to you so your choice is to etiher get back with me now or ill just stop talking to you until you are ready or when i finish my year ... View more

my gf of 8 months said she wanted a break but we still saw eachother after a week i told her i would rather not talk to you so your choice is to etiher get back with me now or ill just stop talking to you until you are ready or when i finish my year 12. so cried and a lot of gave me all her affection and hugged me and held me tight and she told me yes eventhough im only able to see you once a week. back story is my gf and i saw eachother pretty often but due to our schedules and her parents not letting her go out on weekdays to go study at monash which is close for both of us so i can both see her and study at the same time. but it started to lower and we both really started to get stressed out and lost feelings. well after 2 days of getting back together again all her worries came back i did see her for both days but for one day i didnt see her she had these thoughts and i was so confused and annoyed. we have restrictions because we are different shes in uni and im in year 12 still. her parents dont let her go out, we dont have much money to go out a lot and do things that we would enjoy. she always paranoid of being caught which makes her unhappy when shes with me eventhough shes having fun. i told her lets stop talking for while because i was so mad. i still want her i still wanna fight for her eventhough she doubts she will she wont be scared of her parents founding out. what can i do what should i do i love her. but im also mad and depressed i cant stop crying and screaming internally. ive lost motivation of year 12 because of this. i cant let go of her because she was perfect until this happened. why is life so bad for me family problems, have a messed up knee, finnical problems mental problems please help me