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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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ne0cats Loneliness and Work Problems Causing Major Anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hello, I'm not sure if my problem belongs here or on a different board, but I'll post it here and see how we go. A few months ago I posted in the new forums after a really awful break up. I was forced to make a quick decision with moving, I had just ... View more

Hello, I'm not sure if my problem belongs here or on a different board, but I'll post it here and see how we go. A few months ago I posted in the new forums after a really awful break up. I was forced to make a quick decision with moving, I had just started a new job so my financial situation was a problem, forcing me to rely on a credit card. It was all really horrible and up until a few days ago I was still terribly affected by the break up. But after a turning point I can finally see the bad and feel less awful about it. However now new problems in my life have started. While I had friends support me after the break up, each one who supported me had disappeared. One was there for me the first month but once they stayed over at my new place, they've sort of been less available to talk to. The second friend that was there for me is no longer my friend. They ended up moving in after a month of me being here but past trauma (He was a guy btw) affected me and I avoided being in my own home. My friend caught on, forced me to tell him whether I wanted him here, got violent and ended up leaving. I feel super lonely quite often and I hate it as it turns me into a needy person. I have tried to make new friends but I am not very good at being friends with girls as I am not into make up or clothes and stuff like that so I feel it deters them away from me. And I really don't want to make friends with anymore guys. I honestly think I'm not ready friendship. Is there another way to counter act loneliness? The other issue I have is my job. Its been absolutely awful. I'm on a years contract covering maternity leave at a small company. I was immediately thrown into the job but there a lot of different things to learn and I have a lot of trouble grasping it so I ask a lot of questions. Even though this was okay in the beginning, my bosses have started to get snappy. What I am allowed to do and not do also keeps changing. Also I have to talk to our reps, and one is very rude to me. It got to a point where I was at my desk and had to call him. I sat there trying to stop myself from hyperventilating. One of my bosses also attacked me personally for my writing at a meeting in front of everyone. I want to leave but I feel guilty because then they are really screwed. My family tell me its okay but I just panic at the thought. I wouldn't leave till I have another job and that time may be very soon. But the more I think about it, The more I panic. I don't know what to do.

belle1419 Why do I suddenly hate the thought of being around people?
  • replies: 2

I’m a year 12 student and throughout my entire schooling life, I’ve been a very social person, I’ve had many friends and I’ve always enjoyed the idea of talking to people and going out with friends, but this past year the thought of even talking to p... View more

I’m a year 12 student and throughout my entire schooling life, I’ve been a very social person, I’ve had many friends and I’ve always enjoyed the idea of talking to people and going out with friends, but this past year the thought of even talking to people in my class makes me so upset and angry. I get very emotionally even thinking that I have to talk to them and I don’t know why this has suddenly happened? I do have a boyfriend and at the moment, he is the only person I like to talk to in my entire school. He will often bring up an idea of going out with friends on the weekend or after school or even just sitting around with others at lunch, which before I would be so happy to do and I would always say yes, but now I get so upset that I pretty much almost cry at the thought of it, and I don’t know why? I even get angry at the thought of having to be near my best friend.. i dont know what to do about this, I’m not sure if I’ve developed some sort of social anxiety or if I’ve just developed hatred for my friends.. If you have any tips, please share with me! I need guidance..

Belindaam How to go on when there is little left?
  • replies: 3

My ex husband decided many years ago that he no longer loved nor cared about me, but unfortunately forgot to let me in on his decision. So here I am, after a 26 year marriage feeling like everything that I have worked for and cared about, now amounts... View more

My ex husband decided many years ago that he no longer loved nor cared about me, but unfortunately forgot to let me in on his decision. So here I am, after a 26 year marriage feeling like everything that I have worked for and cared about, now amounts to nothing. I do not have a career to fall back on, as I looked after my child, the home, my husband and worked only part time for the last 18 years. My husband was unfaithful to me 8 years ago, but we decided to work to save the marriage, and I did, but he didn’t. Life went on until 2 years ago when I found out that he was cheating on me again. I kicked him out, and instead of the standard feelings of remorse, he was instead very angry. In the years of our marriage he never commented me on anything, spent little time with me or his daughter, and was away with work regularly. I thought that friends and family would side with me, but instead they have sided with him, even though I have never lied to him, did everything for him, and supported him through two sackings with work and a failed business. I feel so betrayed by him, by friends and family but most importantly by my child who, even though she has seen him both physically, emotionally and verbally abuse me over many years, has decided that she will not take sides. I am now left to try and sell the family home, but need to fix it up before then. I will hopefully be able to move closer to my daughter who is now in another state at uni, but am feeling overwhelmed by the situation. I am struggling to pay the mortgage, have few friends and little support. He has now become Mr Popular, with his friends lining him up with dates, having a full social life and having little responsibility. I feel like That I have been treated like the perpetrator not the victim. He sees his daughter only once every 3 weeks if that, yet seems to have everyone fooled that he is a good father. I feel like I have lost my best friend, my daughter, friends and family and am stuck with every possible responsibility. Some days I struggle to get out of bed and cannot see a way out of this misery. I cannot believe that he has turned on the one person who was always there for him. I have no self esteem, no belief in myself and no idea how I can possibly improve my situation. I am still crying like it happened just yesterday, even though it has been two years. Please, does anyone have any advice as I am really struggling to function each day

KC007 Feeling disconnected with my partner.
  • replies: 2

Hi, I have been living with my partner for almost 2 years now and we have been together for about more than 4 years. When I met him he did made me aware that he is an avid video gamer and at first I thought it wasn't really a big deal. We are each ot... View more

Hi, I have been living with my partner for almost 2 years now and we have been together for about more than 4 years. When I met him he did made me aware that he is an avid video gamer and at first I thought it wasn't really a big deal. We are each other's first serious relationship and so for the first 2 years before living together video games did not bother me. 1 year in when we moved in, I was already complaining about the playing time he does at home. I feel left out and find myself begging for his attention. I tried to immerse myself in his gaming scene, but I find him getting bored because I'm not doing any good. He told me several times that I have to hang out with friends or find a hobby to do so I don't feel bored when he's playing. The problem is I don't have much friends here that I connect with. I try to make an effort to connect with his friends and their partners too but they love to drink and stay out late at night and I am just not into that scene. I am from overseas and in the 5 years that I've lived in Australia, the people I still confide with are friends from abroad. I don't have many friends here since I struggle a lot meeting new people due to social anxiety. I find myself very dependent to him when it comes to unwinding especially on my days off. But latlet I have been irritated because during the limited time off we have with each other most of it he spends in gaming. A couple of days ago we fought because I told him I felt alone and we haven't had an 'us' time in awhile. The next day he came home and did not play. But then the last weekend, he spent the entire night solid 4 hours playing with friends since I got home from work and spent maybe 1 hour with me. I got angry and spoke badly of him which later on I regret until this day. This was when he told me he will never change but he thought we were great together and okay and he never thought I would say all the bad things about him. But then impulse got into me and I thought we were going to break up.

Jammies Is my fiance as good as I think
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone. This is my first forum post of any kind. I have been with my fiance for 5 and a half years, and been engaged since last January. I work for his parents on below minimum wage because I get some freebies, like fuel and rent. I love my fian... View more

Hi everyone. This is my first forum post of any kind. I have been with my fiance for 5 and a half years, and been engaged since last January. I work for his parents on below minimum wage because I get some freebies, like fuel and rent. I love my fiance, and life without him is unimaginable. But he seems obsessed with money. He pays for my car, uni, groceries And is paying for our entire wedding. However he thinks I should 'show more gratitude's for all the money he spends on me. However I never get thank you for cooking dinner, or working this underpayed job for the last 5 years to keep my parents happy, or thanks for sacrificing your career to live with me. Tonight I cancelled my current semester of uni because I can't afford it and it feels Wrong to expec him to pay for it for me. However this makes me feel like a huge failure, like I'll never be anything except a fancy maid or his housewife, never have the job I've always wanted etc. What do I do? I have always wanted to have my own money, but my own car and things but it isn't possible without leaving him. I don't know how to deal. This makes me feel like my life is over. Without him I haven't got anything and I don't want a future without him in it I know he loves me but he is so obsessed with money. Please, I need advice.

Summer_snow Sister think i am crazy?
  • replies: 4

Few years ago i had fight with my ex. My ex was ok but my sister said she was crying bcoz of that and asked me to go to mental clinic. The mental clinic staff said i am perfectly normal and she kinda confused why I brought myself in. Today, I had arg... View more

Few years ago i had fight with my ex. My ex was ok but my sister said she was crying bcoz of that and asked me to go to mental clinic. The mental clinic staff said i am perfectly normal and she kinda confused why I brought myself in. Today, I had argument with her via text. I was always afraid to say what i think but today I was brave to say i think she is wrong. she said she wanna cut ties as siblings (she always do this to my older brother, and my brother always ended up apologizinf to her) I said thats ok and asked her to give all my staff back. I walked to her place and knocking on the door/ringing the bell several times but she didnt answer. I was upset and said loudly “i wanna take my stuff back”. Then, she asked me to wait. my brother in law came home and told me my sister didnt wanna let me in (she lives in my dad’s house and the husband pay for the utilities. she never work/socialize, no kids). i insisted to stay to have my stuff back but he said my sister didnt wanna open the door. So i chatted with my brother in law and her neighbour (who was doing gardening) and then i went back home. And then suddenly police came in front of my door. they said they recieved a call frm my sister saying i was threatening her. But they didnt say anything much and left politely. I feel like my sister always wanna put me in such position to make me think that i am crazy/have mental problem. Besides, i am also disappointed of her treating my my mum badly. she didnt shout to mum but often give condescending statements like saying my mum childish and cant do anything. but i feel like my mum is afraid of her and never talk back (my brother also think so). She also swore at my dad behind his back and often said her husband is just like a cow, bcoz he couldnt make more money and she is sick of him, also saying she could get a better guy if she wants to (the husband is 34, good looking and have master degree and a supervisor) .She even cheated on him few years ago. i wonder maybe she is the one who has mental problem? She said she argue with the husband maybe like everyday, but she also said the husband is quite nice bcoz never force her to work, and she can leave dish unwashed bcoz of watching drama series for like 5 days, being intimate only 1x/month, she is using the master bedroom and the husband is ok to sleep in single room. Also my mum often cook for her and her husband, otherwise she said the husband doesnt mind to eat instant noodle.

CrazyGecko89 Close friend is always vague about one subject.
  • replies: 5

My best friend and I have known each other for about 15 years and I first met her during early high school and we just simply clicked. We would spend a lot of time together in and out of school so unsurprisingly we were assumed to be a couple which l... View more

My best friend and I have known each other for about 15 years and I first met her during early high school and we just simply clicked. We would spend a lot of time together in and out of school so unsurprisingly we were assumed to be a couple which led to people asking us for advice or seen with jealousy by others since high school relationships were short lived at best. We did talk about dating back then but decided it was better to know each other more first and the subject was dropped because by then we always supported each other. After high school life's obligations meant it was trickier to spend time together but we still found away even if it meant doing simple chores together like shopping, washing, cooking, spend a few nights on the couch or just message each other but we don't live together. Again we were seen as a couple outdoors but this worked to her advantage mostly as if she was approached by a guy she would act as if I was her boyfriend until the person moved on. There has been a couple of things that I noticed but never could get direct answers for though despite her being a direct person. The entire time together she has never made any attempt to date other people let alone show interest or talk about it. I have asked her about us being together and the answer will change between she doesn't to want to risk our bond together to saying she can be a hypocrite to her decisions. As for the subject of intimacy she has asked questions about it but her stance on it is that she isn't ready but she'll let me know when she is however she does know where I stand and there's no need to rush On the one side it feels like I'm filling the boyfriend role unofficially for awhile but I think she's worried that taking the extra step would affect our connection negatively which is a possibility or that since she's been busy a lot more lately it might feel like a relationship would not get the attention needed at the time affecting obligations seen by her.

mooncrab_ Struggling to get through the negativity...
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, This is my first time starting a thread in these forums and I definitely feel it is about time to reach out plus I really need to vent >.< A bit about me... I am 33yrs old, I have a partner(fiance), two children from my previous marriage... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first time starting a thread in these forums and I definitely feel it is about time to reach out plus I really need to vent >.< A bit about me... I am 33yrs old, I have a partner(fiance), two children from my previous marriage and have had depression and anxiety for years. Lately, I have been struggling. In life and love. I can't seem to focus on the good and my emotions have been taking me for a ride once again. I keep feeling like a failure. Even when I tell myself that I'm not a failure because of all the positive things i've been doing, I still feel the ache in my heart. Logically, I can understand that what I am feeling is very likely due to hormonal changes (that time of month) and that it's normal to be moody during these times. But sometimes, even after I have completed a task, I start to question whether it is good enough? Is it enough? I guess the inadequacy stems from comparing myself to my partner. He is a professional in his field with strong academic direction. I know he wants me to be more productive, to evolve from negativity and ignorance and to build myself into a stronger person. But I can't help feeling as though "expectation" is the sword hanging over my head. I am a mum. I cook, clean, manage the kids (both have adhd tendencies) manage the cats and study 9.30-2.30. At the end of the day I'm tired and left feeling empty. My partner is at work 8-4 and then straight to online uni studies once he's home, he's also burning the candle at both ends . Every few days he'll ask me whether I got to finish a certain task and if I apologize for not being able to get to it he reminds me that I should be more organized by now. Sometimes I sense a little disappointment in his mood. And lately, that has been tipping the scales for me. It's not easy trying to manage two children with attention difficulties and hyperactivity who just want to turn on the telly and watch nonsensical crap on youtube because all their school friends are into it. But honestly, am I seeing things differently to everyone else? Am I supposed to be doing more? I feel so lost these days... I feel like I've lost who I am along the way. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

P_pod Can you ever trust again?
  • replies: 3

I’ve been with my partner for 29 years. I’ve recently found out he was unfaithful numerous times earlier in our marriage. He travelled a lot for work. One of which may have resulted in a child - no paternity test yet. He is now saying that he would n... View more

I’ve been with my partner for 29 years. I’ve recently found out he was unfaithful numerous times earlier in our marriage. He travelled a lot for work. One of which may have resulted in a child - no paternity test yet. He is now saying that he would never do it again. We are starting counseling soon. He says he wants us to work. He loves me and is sorry. Is it possible to get through this? We have been happy for many years. It is such a shock and I’m still in disbelief, heart broken etc. we have kids who just can’t work out what is happening.

Lady45 Advice needed - Relationship Breakdown
  • replies: 25

I was due to get married in 2 weeks time. 4 weeks ago, my fiancé moved out. He used to be the most loving and caring guy i had ever met. He has a daughter (4) and a son (12). I also have a son who is 7. My partner’s ex hates my partner. She withheld ... View more

I was due to get married in 2 weeks time. 4 weeks ago, my fiancé moved out. He used to be the most loving and caring guy i had ever met. He has a daughter (4) and a son (12). I also have a son who is 7. My partner’s ex hates my partner. She withheld care of his kids, alleged he assaulted her and alleged he sexually assaulted his daughter. I have supported my partner throughout this whole ordeal, preparing for and attending court as he fought to gain care of his kids. I thought if we could get through that we could get through anything.The allegations were thrown out of court. I also supported him financially as he was always saying he had no money due to legal costs. After regaining some care of his kids he moved in with me. I rearranged my home to feel like home for his kids and treated his children as if they were my own. My son became very close to his stepbrother and sister. After the property settlement he bought a $53,000 car. That’s when I asked him to start contributing to the bills. We started planning our wedding.That’s when things started to change. My partner became disinterested in organising the wedding. All he did was organise the photographer. I organised everything else. He became quite argumentative and highly critical. Before Xmas, I suggested that we take the kids away for a weekend. He said he couldn’t afford it. Days later he bought himself a $400 watch. I paid for the weekend. He withdrew emotionally and I became frustrated. I kept asking if he still wanted to get married? The answer was yes but his actions said otherwise. I threw my engagement ring at him. He moved out. As he was gathering his things I told him in anger to “get out of my house”. He moved back in 5 days later and we tried to make it work. When he told me the wedding was not the wedding he wanted, I cancelled the wedding. I couldn’t go ahead with it after he told me how he felt about it. We continued to argue. He said I'd withdrawn emotionally. I hadn't. 4 weeks ago he moved out to his parent’s home and told me he needed ‘security’ because he didn’t feel like our home was his house.He felt like I could throw him out at any time, despite living together for 18 months. 3 day after moving out he put an offer on a house. I told him this was a deal breaker. He bought it! Thinking we could resolve our issues living under 2 rooves. I was not considered or involved in this decision. I’m heartbroken.It’s so hard knowing that we would have been married in 2 weeks time...