Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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PrincessMilktea I'm considering sex with strangers after the guy I loved called me fat..
  • replies: 2

My self-esteem wasn't always this bad, I knew I was on the heavier side but that didn't always bother me so much. Anyways I was talking to this guy I was deeply in love with but we began to argue all the time and things were just dwindling. Long stor... View more

My self-esteem wasn't always this bad, I knew I was on the heavier side but that didn't always bother me so much. Anyways I was talking to this guy I was deeply in love with but we began to argue all the time and things were just dwindling. Long story short he sort of jokingly called me fat except he wasn't really joking and asked me why I was being weird when he 'loved it'. I've known this guy for over a year, I know his tastes in women and I know he doesn't like fat girls, he told me that himself during a conversation once, but I hadn't thought it applied to me because I wasn't as heavy as those women I figured he meant and we never had a problem being sexual with each other. I started crying after the conversation was over and started hating my body and feeling unattractive and embarrassed at being called fat, it's not like I had gained weight since we met so it made my skin crawl when I realised that he had always found my weight to be repulsive but hadn't said anything sooner. Its been months since this conversation happened and I've since separated from him but to this very day I still feel scarred by that comment and have begun to feel like having sex with different men (some from work, some from mutual friends and basically any guy that looks my way with interest). Knowing that all these guys find me attractive makes me feel desirable and I think I'm getting addicted to the attention I'm getting because of how low my self-esteem is. I feel myself growing increasingly shallow and vain, all I want from men is sex and all I spend my money and time on is make up, hair, nails, clothes etc and I get terrified at the thought of getting emotionally intimate with guys. I believe I'm inherently unloveable and that if I can't have an emotional connection with men I can replace it with a physical connection. I realise how unhealthy this is but I just can't help but want to do reckless things with men and this isn't like me at all, I know if I do end up doing these things I will later regret it in life but right now I just don't trust myself not to try anything stupid with men. It also doesn't help to be told I'm beautiful or that I'm not fat because I know that's not true, people say things to be nice and I just hate it. I'm going to the gym and dieting a lot lately to try and fix this problem but until I achieve that dream I feel like I'm going to succumb to the next guy I see and it's making me cry.

S90 Lost and overwhelmed
  • replies: 2

I've been married for 10 years and with my husband almost 15years. I thought everything was falling into place with all our dreams and hard work coming true. We have 2 children and bought our first house and I also had 2 full time job offers. One nig... View more

I've been married for 10 years and with my husband almost 15years. I thought everything was falling into place with all our dreams and hard work coming true. We have 2 children and bought our first house and I also had 2 full time job offers. One night coming home from work at 9.30pm we sat up chatted and headed of to bed. I grabbed his phone to place on charge and it went off. I found out he had been on Grinder and chatting to a guy. His profile stated bicuriouse wife doesn't know. He had shared nude photos with this guy but to make it all worse decided to send photos of myself to. I lost the plot. I spent 3 days in bed crying confused and on medication because I just wanted to sleep it all felt like a bad dream. I kicked him out for a week and he has gone to counselling himself and said he has no more feelings towards men and he just wanted to see what they thought of him. I'm trying my hardest to move past everything and remember all the good times but I'm so broken and I don't trust home. My mind wanders down bad paths as I'm scared to be happy always thinking the worst. I loved him so much and still do but I'm so scared that it is all going to fall apart in front of my eyes.

Tim22 I will always be a disappointment to my parents. What do I do?
  • replies: 3

Hi, I'm 16 and have been having a lot of trouble with my parents recently. There are two main issues, per-say. Firstly, I feel a constant judgment whenever I am around them, as if I will never be enough for them. Writing it it sounds silly, we are a ... View more

Hi, I'm 16 and have been having a lot of trouble with my parents recently. There are two main issues, per-say. Firstly, I feel a constant judgment whenever I am around them, as if I will never be enough for them. Writing it it sounds silly, we are a very fortunate family and they have been kind enough to send me to a private school where I have many friends and can be happy. I am a diligent student, get good grades and always try to be a kind person. Despite all this, I can't help but feel that I'm not meeting what they want in a child, that everything I do is never up to their standards and that I will do nothing but disappoint them. Like I said, I feel bad that I feel this way, because I am so fortunate compared to others, but it still creeps in and it is destroying me. Secondly, I never feel comfortable being my true self around them. Primarily, this arises around the topic of sex. From an early age, sex and love were never, ever discussed. It got to the point where my sister (4 years younger) gave me the 'sex talk' as opposed to my parents. Very bad. I am a very sexual person, I can remember exploring myself from an early age, but never in a way that was offensive to others. Last year I was in a healthy, loving, consensual, overall good relationship with a girl my age, my parents even described it this way. Around this time last year, we decided to get more sexual and went all the way. I am sure it was done for the right reasons, not purely carnal, but also loving. I ended up having to tell my parents for reasons I can't explain in this amount of text, but they became very very angry with me. As a side note, I would appreciate it if any sex lectures weren't submitted, what's done is done. They told me that they needed me to have talked to them before doing it, but how was I supposed to do that without ever having talked to them or feeling comfortable talking to them about it. Another issue regarding sex has come up with my very occasional consumption of adult material. They never told me not to engage in that whatsoever. I'm running out of room but the gist is that I feel as though I am always failing them and that everything I do will be a disappointment to them. I think I'm a good kid, I've never experimented with drugs, I have good friends, and I'm kind, but they always find fault with me. I hope I've given enough information, all repies are appreciated, thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

YellowPoppy Reflecting on a friendship, is it worth it?
  • replies: 4

I have a friend who I have had issues with on and off but was a very close friend. She was actually one of the first friends I spoke to about what I've been going through. And at the start she was really great, supportive, checking in. But then I did... View more

I have a friend who I have had issues with on and off but was a very close friend. She was actually one of the first friends I spoke to about what I've been going through. And at the start she was really great, supportive, checking in. But then I didn't hear from her for 2 week, I sent her a message to start a conversation and she replied but not in anyway to continue talking. I received a message from her yesterday, checking in with me. Now I don't want to make any rash decisions at the moment because I know I'm emotionally volatile and I need to stabalise, but I am also feeling like I am only useful to this friend when she needs something and I don't want to communicate with her, but I don't want to be rude and just ignore her. Does anyone have any advice for me?

newlife19 Newly separated and struggling
  • replies: 4

we just separated after 20 years. ive moved out, sharing care of 2 teenage children 50/50. we are extremely amicable... both devastated that we couldn’t achieve our happily ever after.. im one month into the move out and was going okay initially, but... View more

we just separated after 20 years. ive moved out, sharing care of 2 teenage children 50/50. we are extremely amicable... both devastated that we couldn’t achieve our happily ever after.. im one month into the move out and was going okay initially, but now it’s hit me like a tonne of bricks... I miss him so much. i miss us. And I’m so sad. I can’t stop crying all the time. im BPD with D definitely rearing it’s head and SCD thoughts coming and going. im so heartbroken. i don’t to get back together- that’s not the answer.... I’m just missing him. we have made efforts to see each other more but I cannot stop the heartbreak from the pit of my stomach and the tears that just keep flowing.

M_A_D_ Mother's "Love"
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I'm not sure how to write about this, but basically ever since I was born I have been treated like a disappointment to my mother. She can be very loving one minute, but extremely volatile the next. Whenever I've said/done something she 'disap... View more

Hi all, I'm not sure how to write about this, but basically ever since I was born I have been treated like a disappointment to my mother. She can be very loving one minute, but extremely volatile the next. Whenever I've said/done something she 'disapproves of', she basically shuts me out and refuses to communicate with me at all. She then gets my dad and brother on her side, and acts like nothing has happened, and that I'm just sensitive and can't handle a bit of innocent banter. I'm 29 years old and have only just recently come to terms with this toxicity, after a whole lifetime of believing that I was the cause of my severe depression/anxiety. It's almost like there's an extreme hate she has for me, no matter what I do in life - which has been very little, thanks to her controlling ways. She has made me feel ashamed of myself and hate myself, and made me feel like I can never stand up for myself, no matter the situation (yet tells me how stupid I am that I can't stand up for myself against anyone else). I have no self-esteem and feel like I don't deserve to be happy. If I ever try to confront her about anything that has upset me about how she has treated/treats me, etc. she instantly turns on BOTH the guilt/manipulation AND changes the topic faster than you can click your fingers. It's quite a skill to be able to turn your own bad qualities around so that nothing is ever your fault. I have been living out of home for the past few years and have met an amazing guy who I am now engaged to, but my mum is obsessed with me getting a job closer to home so that she can come over more often (she apparently "doesn't know how to drive out all that way") and cook and clean for me and the children that we will one day have. I am getting to the point where I don't want her to have anything to do with my life, my upcoming wedding, my marriage and anything in my future. I am in therapy, but it is going to be a very long process to unravel the lies she has made me believe. I am wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and if they have been able to recover from all of this. Thanks!

Damien123 Feeling worthless
  • replies: 3

So recently I found out that my dad is not my real dad and my partner of 3 years has known for more then half of that. I have just told her that im not happy with where our relationship sits and I’m currently starting to feel really worthless. I have... View more

So recently I found out that my dad is not my real dad and my partner of 3 years has known for more then half of that. I have just told her that im not happy with where our relationship sits and I’m currently starting to feel really worthless. I have never felt like this before and I’m just not sure what to do.

Ashley_Penny_Davey Social isolation at work
  • replies: 1

I have a bully at work. I have made 2 formal complaints against her, and they have been upheld. I think she has a narcissist personality disorder. She doesn't speak or acknowledge me, which is fine with me, but being the kind of narcissist she is, I ... View more

I have a bully at work. I have made 2 formal complaints against her, and they have been upheld. I think she has a narcissist personality disorder. She doesn't speak or acknowledge me, which is fine with me, but being the kind of narcissist she is, I feel like she os trying to exclude me. Lately, she seems to be THAT more outgoing and loud, like a child trying to prove she has more friends than another child. I am more of an introvert. I feel awkward in many social situations. I have my own mental health issues and I have issues outside of work as well. I guess I'm snowballing my problems. I don't think I can beat her, but how can I manage the situation? I am feeling more and more lonely at work. Should I focus on my other problems than her? What would you do?

Lily7845 My husband is depressed and pushing me away
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I’m confused and need advice. My husband of 11 years with two children, for the past 18 months has been pushing me away. I believe he is depressed. I have tried to ask him to get help but he says his fine. He doesn’t sleep, drinks a lot, won’t sit st... View more

I’m confused and need advice. My husband of 11 years with two children, for the past 18 months has been pushing me away. I believe he is depressed. I have tried to ask him to get help but he says his fine. He doesn’t sleep, drinks a lot, won’t sit still - always on his phone or computer, pushed away me and our children, all his close friends and his family and has started going out until all hours with a group of younger single people (one of which is a female I believe has a crush on him) I feel very alone as I feel I’m raising our children alone. It all started about 2 years ago when he was knocked back for his dream job and took another job with a man who is an awful human (in my option.) He over works him and under pays him. My husband constantly complains about him and hates him. My husband was always a goofy happy guy but lately he’s angry and aggressive and rants and just doesn’t seem like himself. i got to the end of what I could take and told him we needed to take sometime apart and asked him to stay with his parents for a while. He then came back a few days later and said he doesn’t love me and doesn’t know if he ever did. He first said it in a text message and I said that he had to come and tell me to my face if he wanted to end a marriage. He opened up to his mum and she told me that he has admitted that he thinks he might be depressed.. he also told his mum that he has so much fun with this other chick (swears it’s just a friendship and nothing has happened but can see that something could). After a 2 hour conversation which started with “I don’t love u” and ended with “I don’t know what I want.” I said I would give him space and could look at separation if this is really want he wants.. in this convo I told him that this is not him. he is someone who fights and wouldn’t walk away. He’s applying for a job which requires him to move towns. I Asked when will he see our children? He left upset but a few days later he asked if he could stay at our house but in another room and we have started to hang out a bit and it seem like we’re mending. He talks bout this new job and talks about how “he could salary sacrifice our house” and things like that which seem to include me. He is still hanging out with this other girl but also with me.. I don’t want to put my foot down about it because I feel he will run but I’m terrified that she is becoming a bigger thorn in our marriage and will make it hard to heal. I don’t even know if that’s what he wants.