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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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_bananaboat_335 i have a possibly fake friend? help?
  • replies: 2

There’s this friend, let’s call them C, who I’ve been close friends with a really long time. I haven’t been in the same school class as them for a while, but we’ve still remained close. This year in our first year of high school we’re in the same cla... View more

There’s this friend, let’s call them C, who I’ve been close friends with a really long time. I haven’t been in the same school class as them for a while, but we’ve still remained close. This year in our first year of high school we’re in the same class as a new person, let’s call them J, and we’ve became good friends with her as well. up until a few weeks ago everything was going great in our class. Then We had to move seats and C sat with J on the other side of the table we were sitting at, leaving me by myself. I don’t have a problem with sitting alone, but the seat change is when it started. Basically C and J became even closer friends, leaving me out and usually doing table partner activities alone.at first I was ok with that, but then C and J started being rude and offensive towards me. I wasn’t really surprised with J, but I’d been good friends with C for ages and I’ve never really seen this sucky-up mean person before. When they are both alone with me they are both really nice and normal, but when they are together they are usually leaving me out and being rude and sometimes bitching about me like I’m not there. I don’t know what to do about this, usually I just start ignoring them becasue i know they want a reaction from me, and I’m also afraid I’ll lash out, but that doesn’t really do me any good. I’m worried that confronting them will start something bad in our friend group, but I’m sick of being treated badly and I don’t have any other friend groups to go to. Someone help please???

LoveSeeker Completely overwhelmed
  • replies: 2

Hi All, I am in desperate need of advice on how to look after myself better. I have recently had a lot of months with difficult decisions, experiences and exhaustion. My work is so busy that I do no longer know how to juggle it all. I usually work si... View more

Hi All, I am in desperate need of advice on how to look after myself better. I have recently had a lot of months with difficult decisions, experiences and exhaustion. My work is so busy that I do no longer know how to juggle it all. I usually work six days a week and dream of work sometimes. In addition, I am in a relationship with a wonderful man, however, since he has not grieved his broken marriage yet, we need to have a break with very little contact so he can get through the grief and commit to us a 100%. I love him dearly and I am scared to lose him, although everything has been absolutely wonderful and I believe we have a real chance of something very special. But the uncertainty coupled with how long it may take him to get through his past is currently killing my spirit. On top of work and private life, I have sustained an injury keeping me from doing what I love, i.e. physical exercise. I feel like my body and mind are crumbling and although I have always been so resilient, I feel like I cannot cope anymore. As the cherry on top, I am about to file for divorce from my husband. I separated last year and was very happy to finally get out. It was an emotionally abusive relationship and I felt sheer relief. I am still very happy and want this divorce but he is pleading and sending me messages about how he believes the separation was a mistake. I do not have the emotional bandwidth to deal with his emotions on top of everything else. I feel completely overwhelmed and I don't know how to handle myself. At work, I find it hard to concentrate and even tolerate being there. I have this urge to run away and just leave everything behind. In saying that, I definitely want to wait it out until my partner is finally free because he is such a beautiful addition to my life. At the moment, we are not seeing each other but that will change soon due to our work. I cannot wait to see him but am terrified of how I shall manage seeing him daily without being with him. I am not sure I can manage this. Sometimes, I have to try and keep myself from crying at work, I just don't know whether I will be able to hold it together. I can't take leave because I have too much work to complete, so it is like a vicious cycle. What can I do? I need to rebuild my energy and strength. I am usually a very happy person but the accumulation of all these difficulties is too much for me. How can I help myself?

Panda70 Loneliness and shame
  • replies: 6

My beautiful wife has left me. My 14yo son no longer stays with us (stays with his mum's/my first wife now). My 11yo can't stay with us now due to all the drama. This is all due to my anger. Not violence but anger although any anger is violence I gue... View more

My beautiful wife has left me. My 14yo son no longer stays with us (stays with his mum's/my first wife now). My 11yo can't stay with us now due to all the drama. This is all due to my anger. Not violence but anger although any anger is violence I guess. I have no one to turn too. I literally have no one as I suffer from social anxiety and therefore have no contacts. I have been unemployed for 5 1/2 months due to the social anxiety and a condition called Hyperidrosis which means I basically sweat (out of my face/head) regardless of temp. I am so alone. My wife will not even speak to me or message me and that pain is unbearable. When we met 6 years ago after my divorce she was my shining light that there was hope. The pain of not being with her is unbearable and I dont know what to do.

MakeLemonade Angry Husband
  • replies: 4

Hi. New to the forum - sorry for the long post. My husband was made redundant from long term employment 3 years ago and has been in and out of casual employment and angry at the world ever since. He has refused to seek counselling and has gradually g... View more

Hi. New to the forum - sorry for the long post. My husband was made redundant from long term employment 3 years ago and has been in and out of casual employment and angry at the world ever since. He has refused to seek counselling and has gradually gotten worse and worse,it feels like our children and I are constantly on edge when he is at home - he is always yelling and swearing at us (calling all of us horrid names) and no matter how tidy I try to keep the house he manages to find something that I haven’t done right. I have supported him through everything that has happened and even sought counselling myself at one point however, the criticism has escalated lately to personal attacks on my appearance - he seems to get a real kick out of pointing out what he perceives to be my physical flaws that he describes as repulsive and disgusting (the more I do not react to the comments, the worse they become - he has even started pointing out things he believes to be flaws in our children’s appearances). I cannot understand these attacks as I was raised to believe if you had nothing nice to say then don’t say anything - why intentionally hurt someone else? He has isolated himself and us from his family and has tried his best to isolate us from my family. He has become obsessed with the gym, going for several hours every afternoon and spending time with a crowd that are 10-15 yrs younger - I almost feel as though he resents our family for stopping him from living the carefree lives these younger people have. I work part time and am also responsible for all household chores and take care of our 2x children on my own - he refuses to help with them. I don’t know what to do anymore I am tired of the constant battle and sick of the anger!

GG57 Our adult son will not speak to us
  • replies: 1

It is now almost 7 months since having any real contact with our son his partner and children. He is seeing a psychologist at the moment and our son asked us a few questions which we answered honestly to him. One was why he and his partner and childr... View more

It is now almost 7 months since having any real contact with our son his partner and children. He is seeing a psychologist at the moment and our son asked us a few questions which we answered honestly to him. One was why he and his partner and children couldn’t use our house when we were away on holidays but our other adult children could. The last time we let our son use our house when we were travelling. He abused our trust as he air bnb his own home lived in ours without telling us. But left our home in a disgusting state. We came back to maggots crawling out of the bins and beds needed doing washing fridge filthy etc. So when they asked again we said no. Neither of them are speaking to us and we haven’t seen our grandchildren for months. I ask them to join us for family get together almost every fortnight with his brothers and sisters plus grandparents and nieces and nephews. But it’s like they have cut us all off completely. Should we just stop trying? Stop inviting them and do nothing? Or do we keep trying to engage. He has contacted his brothers and sisters saying what a terrible childhood he had. He didn’t but his partner did have a very hard childhood foster homes living with grandparents etc. The whole family thinks he has taken on her problems as though they are his memories of his childhood.However, we aren’t sure if this is the case or it’s just much easier to blame the parents if life isn’t perfect. Would love to know what we should do we’ve tried and tried.

Shockwave Online Cheating
  • replies: 17

I've known my wife for 10 years and married for three of those. The marriage is a lot like others in that it has had its share of ups and downs. There has been more downs this year where not a week has gone by where we don't argue about something, us... View more

I've known my wife for 10 years and married for three of those. The marriage is a lot like others in that it has had its share of ups and downs. There has been more downs this year where not a week has gone by where we don't argue about something, usually something minor, but still love her dearly and dread the thought of ever having her out of my life. Anyway my Mother and her never saw eye to eye and unfortunately died last year, 2018. Mothers Day this year was my first without her, and a week prior would have also been her 80th birthday , so naturally I was feeling quite down around that time. That was not acknowledged by my wife. Around the same time a property she was interested in buying came off the market . The place was around 100km in the opposite direction to where we currently live. I wasn't keen on the idea because of the extra travel to/from work among other things but she was adamant she's moving with or without me if another place were to come up for sale. Anyway feeling down and certain she was considering leaving me I joined up on a dating site to see what life would be like if I was single again, and got to chat to women online, probably more out of loneliness than wanting anything romantic or sexual. Anyway, a friend of hers not known to me, noticed me on the site and informed my wife . To make matters worse I had sent a "hello" to this woman. Now my wife wants the marriage over. I'm the "scum of the earth" , "a loser", "a cheater"….Fair enough I did the wrong thing and will be my biggest regret I've ever had. I never meant to hurt her and would do anything to get her back. I know I'm not going to get much sympathy on here, and I don't expect it. But interested to hear of others in a similar situation.

aomame-rhi Was confessed to, things have spiralled.
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, For context, my partner (let’s call him Steve) and I have been together for almost 4 years. My friend I’ve known for 6 years now, we’ll call him Jon. Steve and I on paper, would seem a perfect relationship. We’re quite different people a... View more

Hi everyone, For context, my partner (let’s call him Steve) and I have been together for almost 4 years. My friend I’ve known for 6 years now, we’ll call him Jon. Steve and I on paper, would seem a perfect relationship. We’re quite different people and don’t have much shared interests that lead to us spending quality time together, but we have a stable, healthy relationship with regards to honest communication and respect. But I feel like something is missing and this feeling isn’t new. Jon confessed he has feelings towards me and I do feel affection towards him. We have a great friendship, and we share a lot of hobbies and since then I’ve become so confused about what I want that my mental health has spiralled. I’m dizzy and retching in the mornings, I can barely eat. What’s the scariest is I don’t know what’s real anymore. I know I’ve gone through the same feelings of lacking in my relationship but I feel like I gaslight myself on them. Or that I shouldn’t expect more from my relationship and should just be happy. I feel like fear is currently keeping me in place because I don’t know if I’ll find anyone better to me than Steve and I love him dearly. I feel love from him but not romance, and I was raised by a mother that thinks love and feelings are stupid and it only matters that you have someone that will take care of you. I don’t know what to think. Nothing feels right. I’m really scared and can’t see where to take the next step. I didn’t want to overload with detail so it might not paint a clear picture. But I appreciate any replies and thank you in advance.

RaLpHyBoy Broken Dad needs Advice
  • replies: 1

A big hello to everyone, I’m new to this site as of today. I am having issues at home with my wife of 6 years and my 3yo daughter. Neither of them listen to anything I say and daughter is out of control with her attitude towards myself and my wife do... View more

A big hello to everyone, I’m new to this site as of today. I am having issues at home with my wife of 6 years and my 3yo daughter. Neither of them listen to anything I say and daughter is out of control with her attitude towards myself and my wife doesn’t back me at all. I discipline my daughter if and when she does something wrong by sending her to her room for time out only to be told by my wife that all I do is discipline her and yell at her...even tho I never yell at her. This has now made me to scared to discipline my daughter because I know if I do my wife will cause an argument with me, them we don’t talk and my daughter tells me to find somewhere else to live or go to my room. My wife last night txt my mobile saying She’s had enough and doesn’t want me around anymore. The issues are endless and the list goes one and one and on. I can never seem to make my wife happy and if she’s not happy my daughter sees that and takes it out on me and starts yelling at me. I’m scared my daughter will grow up disrespecting men and end up hating me as she gets older. I would love to hear from anyone that has had the same problems. I’m normally a very strong person but now feel totally broken and just not sure how much more I can take and don’t know what to do. Please Help !

LoveSeeker Experience with Relationship Break?
  • replies: 9

Hi there, my partner and I will need to have some sort of relationship break because he needs to focus on working through grief and loss from his marriage ending. He ended it but feels a lot of confusing emotions and he needs to work through the grie... View more

Hi there, my partner and I will need to have some sort of relationship break because he needs to focus on working through grief and loss from his marriage ending. He ended it but feels a lot of confusing emotions and he needs to work through the grief cycle and the feelings of loss and guilt. Since he needs to do that, he cannot really have me in the picture because I tend to be a distraction to him and he likes to avoid grieving anyway. We will see each other at work but we have decided not to see each other privately for a while and I travel a lot, so the contact will be limited. We care about each other very much, so this is hard for both of us. But if he does not work through his past, he will not be open to a full and clear future. I just hope that I will still be a part in it when he is done. I am after some advice on how to cope with the relationship break because I am having a really tough time. We said we could communicate, just not emotionally intimately because he needs a clear head to go through his bit. I am really scared about the outcome of this although I believe the way we are with each other and the strong connection we have are signs that we are on a great path together. I would like to understand how long it may take him to work through his pains and how I deal with mine due to the break. I am struggling to keep up a brave face at work and I am really scared that his challenges and the focus he needs to give them will lead to him forgetting me and hence not wanting to be with me anymore on the other side. I tell myself that people who go to a war zone for a while do not stop loving each other either but since he has not worked through his past, he has never told me that he loves me. Although I feel his actions have often suggested it. Does anyone have experience with relationship breaks (for good reasons, not following arguments and crises). We miss each other already and we have only just started. I am not sure how much contact would be counterproductive for his healing process. But at the same time, I don't know how little communication would be too little and hence risk the relationship to fall over because we do not talk to each other. Help, please.

Worried_Mum81 Need help in regards to my depressed husband please.
  • replies: 7

Hi, My husband and I have been having a lot of issues over the last two years. We now argue constantly. Mostly initiated by him. We had a huge fight last Tuesday and as it’s affecting the kids with all this fighting I asked him to leave within a week... View more

Hi, My husband and I have been having a lot of issues over the last two years. We now argue constantly. Mostly initiated by him. We had a huge fight last Tuesday and as it’s affecting the kids with all this fighting I asked him to leave within a week. He came home that night saying he had depression. I booked him the first available appointment at the GP. He has been on antidepressants now for 1 week and we have met with a marriage Counsellor. He starts his own counseling next Friday. My problem is that I’m not sure how to handle his depression. I feel like he is using it as an excuse for everything. He says the antidepressants make him more tired so he’s been going to bed early. But he has done this for months. Two nights ago I only had 3 hours sleep as I was up 7 times with our 3 year old. He knew I was tired and still went to bed early. This morning he started having a go at me about going to bed at 11.30 I told him I was up with our 1 year old and trying to get him back to sleep. I said that he should have stayed up and let me get some sleep because he has been getting more sleep than anyone. He got so angry and said I’m not being supportive and said he should go away for a few days Am I wrong to expect him to still do the right thing by me or am I right in thinking he is being very selfish in his actions? I am not sure if I am supposed to let him get away with not doing anything or let him know that I’m upset. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time because I never know when he’s going to blow up. I feel like I can’t tell him how I feel about anything because he just says he’s depressed and can’t help it.