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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Smokeydangerous Self righteous family member
  • replies: 3

My partners mother died recently, very sudden and out of the blue, she was not sick at all. Just went to sleep and didn't wake up. As yet, there has been no will, or final wishes found. His brother, who is the second oldest sibling (sister being the ... View more

My partners mother died recently, very sudden and out of the blue, she was not sick at all. Just went to sleep and didn't wake up. As yet, there has been no will, or final wishes found. His brother, who is the second oldest sibling (sister being the oldest) has taken it upon himself to organize and direct EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. There are 6 siblings all up. One of which is completely disabled and needs full time care (deceased mother was full time carer). His brother ALWAYS been a self righteous and narcissistic person. And this shocking and traumatic event of their mother passing away, has made him 200% worse. Sending nasty, abusing messages to my partner, which are completely unwarranted. Making threats over the estate. Really nasty stuff. It is like his brother believes that he is the only one that has lost his mother. I was just wondering what people's thoughts are on how to deal with this situation. My partner is going through hell.

Chickem100 friendship anxiety
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I think I just need to get something off my chest. I'm a 38 year old happily married man who has over the last few months has developed a really good friendship with a work colleague, we chat almost everyday and have spoken openly about many ... View more

Hi all, I think I just need to get something off my chest. I'm a 38 year old happily married man who has over the last few months has developed a really good friendship with a work colleague, we chat almost everyday and have spoken openly about many things. The issue I'm finding is that I want to talk to her everyday and when I don't talk to her I get overally anxious and then don't want to message her in case I'm being annoying and then she stops talking to me, which I know seems odd as we chat all the time. The other confusing issue here is that she's been going on dates and asking for my advice and telling me all about them, which is fine but now I'm worried that if she gets into a relationship I'll be forgotten about. I want to be able to not worry about what she's doing, who's shes with or why she hasn't told me something. I know this sounds like I have feelings for her and as a friend I adore her but maybe worrying about her and our friendship speaks otherwise? Being married with a child means that I would never consider the other option and I'm sure she doesn't have the same feelings for me. The thoughts of does she like me as a friend as much as I do her keep going through my head, I fee that maybe a break from social media could be a start as I don't see what shes up to. As for my marriage I'm finding when my wife does something I don't like, I think that my friend wouldn't be like that and I'm comparing the 2 which I know isn't fair. I feel like I'm in a pattern where I can't get to just being a great friend to her without having all this excess baggage and the constant anxiety of wondering when these feelings will end and I can go back to having friends and being happy. I appreciate any advice you can provide. Cheers.

Rafa1200 I’ve done it his time
  • replies: 2

My wife and I have been married for 5 years. Overall we’ve created a happy and loving life together for us and our two young boys 3.5 and 1.5. I have a habit though of leaving the family house when things don’t go the way I think they should. I’m not... View more

My wife and I have been married for 5 years. Overall we’ve created a happy and loving life together for us and our two young boys 3.5 and 1.5. I have a habit though of leaving the family house when things don’t go the way I think they should. I’m not talking about just to cool down either. I have done it 3 times for about a week at a time. I don’t want to and I regret it nearly instantly and it’s not because I don’t love my wife or the kids. I was brought up by my father and he had alcohol and aggression issues but I do not share those patterns with my family. The previous two times were around the time my second boy was born. One involved a purely plutonic relationship I had struck up with a woman overseas that I now realise was an act of cheating on my wife even though I didn’t at the time. The second time was when we found out my wife was pregnant again right after I got the snip. I knew it would be hard for us and I didn’t want to go through that financially etc at the time. Of course now I know she was right and he is the most awesome little baby. Both times I came back and we worked on things. I thought successfully but these have building up in her and she sent me an email outlining her feelings. Once again I ‘freaked out’ and left. This time though she has said it’s the end. I know it is my actions that have brought us here but just when everything is going so well (just got on top of finances, boys are letting us sleep 7 hours a night etc) I have lost the only thing that means anything to me and I don’t know how to handle the feelings I am having. Any advice would be appreciated..

WAGal Long term friendship help - scared to confront her
  • replies: 4

How would you approach a friend in this situation? Last Christmas my best mate presented me with the opportunity to heal from an ongoing stressful situation where I was at my lowest point mentally, taking the highest dosage of meds and trying to hold... View more

How would you approach a friend in this situation? Last Christmas my best mate presented me with the opportunity to heal from an ongoing stressful situation where I was at my lowest point mentally, taking the highest dosage of meds and trying to hold everything together by single parenting my 2 kids, studying part-time and working full time. When I and the kids came up north to holiday last year (she lives here; happily married etc), she was very concerned about my mental health and when I said, at my lowest point, ‘I don’t think I can face going back home’ (looking back rationally, I feel it was a panic attack) she said ‘so don’t’ and long story short I stayed here. She helped me tie up loose ends at home with the house etc. My daughter stayed with me but my son – who is in year 10 – begged me to let him go back home and live with my folks and keep going to his high school. I let him and it’s the hardest thing I’ve done. Even though he’s doing well at school and life, he has asked me numerous times to please come home - my parents aren't enough for him (in terms of parenting and support). He is a very mature kid and understands the reasons I made such a knee jerk reaction but now that the dust is settling, I don’t know how much longer I can continue to live here. Its isolated and ts not for me long term. But. I’ve healed. I’ve sought counselling, am completely off meds and have really landed on my feet. The downside is I miss my son terribly and now that I am doing a lot of self-reflecting I am starting to miss home. I and my daughter want to return. My mate, unfortunately, has said on 2 occasions she does not support this and if I went back she would never forgive me or speak to me again. And now, I find myself where I always seem to find myself – forgoing what I want to make others happy/to not rock the boat. Apparently, my going back home is going ‘backwards’. I actually got a ‘don’t be stupid!’ when I mentioned it the other day. Apparently, I’ll be back to my anxiety and what I was before - riddled with mental health issues. I’m seriously looking for any kind of advice – does my friend have a point? Of course, I want to do what is right by my kids and me as a family but I also need to factor in my mental health. How on earth do I approach her – and risk losing 20 plus years of friendship!? I get where shes coming from - shes concerned I'll end up in the state I was before but I feel like I'm being manipulated. Thanks for getting this far

Jellis2411 Living with a physical dissability and no support
  • replies: 4

So, I know I'm fed up with how much pain I'm in on a regular basis, and I'm fed up with long it took a health care professionals to advise of my broken spine. I feel not only do doctors not take me seriously, but neither does my husband. I should not... View more

So, I know I'm fed up with how much pain I'm in on a regular basis, and I'm fed up with long it took a health care professionals to advise of my broken spine. I feel not only do doctors not take me seriously, but neither does my husband. I should not be lifting or bending or sitting, I can stand or lay down that's it. I have explained my symptoms to my husband millions of times, but he fails to have foresight in regards to my well being. I'll ask him to put away my laundry, hell cut me off and say its mine so I should do it, I have to verbally fight back to remind him of how much pain I'm in. And he will go and hide in the computer room,or crack it at me and ignore me for 24 hours and pretend it never happened, but I want to talk about it with him for the sake of our relationship, he will repeat the above again. so if I need anything I have to msg him online and text, wait a few minutes, and call him. He won't hear me calling out because he "needs his noise cancelling headphones on ". Is anyone experiencing anything like this? I'm feeling so sad and isolated by everything I'm going threw and I have literally no one to talk to about this except my psychologist. Again, I can't talk to my husband because he takes offence and ignores me. I'll be getting surgery soon, I'll loose the ability to walk temporarily, I am so scared for my well being whilst under recovery because I truly feel I don't have any one to help me. The only positive I have is once I've recovered I won't need to rely on him and he'll be much happier.

Farfaraway Monogamy is it societies Achilles heal?
  • replies: 17

So I like most men an unhappy with the intimacy in our relationship. its been going on and getting worse as the years drag on. Too tired, tto stressed, I don't feel sexy (She is hot as a bikini model) But if im really honest, its not just the sex, it... View more

So I like most men an unhappy with the intimacy in our relationship. its been going on and getting worse as the years drag on. Too tired, tto stressed, I don't feel sexy (She is hot as a bikini model) But if im really honest, its not just the sex, its total lack of intimacy. It's stuff like I can't sit on the lounge and hug my wife, if we go for a walk it's only her walk, not where I want to go? If i put something on TV I want to watch, she leaves the room. But its the sex thats the killer. I only feel whole, when we make love. Bit that doesnt happen any more. So then i question my self, am I good enough, is she into me, is this how the rest of my life will be, just a constant hollow existence of empty self doubt? Now I don't think my wife should have to be intimate, if she doesn't want to be. It's her body and her choice, I don't want her to do me favors. Infact for a while I began to think I was becoming impotent? I knew she wasn't into it, so I blamed myself. I started buying toys, i thought I was inadequate, I thought I didn't please her. How could I think anything but that, she would always be tired or stressed, yet would stay up watching tv hours after i went to bed?? I suggest she come to bed early and would be snapped at. We went on a holiday and nothing changed.......... but I thought it was the stress, the tiredness? yet 2 weeks on a tropical island made no difference? When we got home after being away I touched her and was snapped at again. I broke, i told her Im leaving before I end up cheating and am labeled that bastard! She freaked out, best sex ever that night, next day, beautiful texts exchanged between us, we were back. I come home on cloud 9 just wanting to sit with her, watch TV, cuddle, stroke her hair. But she won't sit with me? Im not allowed to hug her? I go to bed two hours early and she stays up and watches tv? 5 days later, its the same. Nothing will change, she just isn't into sex. But Im am, we see a councillor in a few days, my doing, last ditch effort. I love her but I can't live like this. This is an empty life. I'll never meet anyone as hot as her, I know that, she truly is stunning, but she kills my soul. Im tied up in knots I'm so strung out. I wonder if an open relationship is the answer, she shouldn't have to be intimate, but I shouldn't have to be devoid of affection? Am I wrong? I believe this is the problem with todays society. Men and women are just different. When will we accept that?

Worried_Mother Unsolved relationship issues
  • replies: 4

Hi, mother 2 and 1 on the way. I'm having difficulty trying to get the father of my kids to support the idea of having time to spend with the kids while we are seperated. We've tried to make the relationship work, for us, then for the kids. But it ne... View more

Hi, mother 2 and 1 on the way. I'm having difficulty trying to get the father of my kids to support the idea of having time to spend with the kids while we are seperated. We've tried to make the relationship work, for us, then for the kids. But it never seems to get any better. I've come to the realisation that we would never work, but the kids father just can't live with the idea that he just gets "visits" with the kids. He has literally told me, he would rather die then just get visits with his kids. I am in no way stopping him from seeing the kids or having any time with them. I've asked him to get help and speak to some professionally, but he brushes it off. How does one deal with this situation? I don't even know what I do. On one hand I don't want him to hurt himself and shut himself out of the kids lives because I know he loves them, but then I don't want to have to sacrifice my happiness to diffuse the situation.

Bonzai New Partner with depression
  • replies: 2

Hi all, first time posting My partner of 3 months has gone through a couple past relationships in the last 10 years, one being a victim of shocking manipulation and physical abuse with whilst giving birth to her 2nd child. followed on by another rela... View more

Hi all, first time posting My partner of 3 months has gone through a couple past relationships in the last 10 years, one being a victim of shocking manipulation and physical abuse with whilst giving birth to her 2nd child. followed on by another relationship of 4ys to a male who cheated on her a couple of times before she ended it. Soon after that breakup she was prescribed strong anti- depressants and has now been on them for 16 months. She is a beutiful and an amazing partner and mother and because of her abuse and trust in males in the past it feels like she has brought those issues into our relationship. I struggle at times to understand the way she treats me, when all i have done in this relationship is as she describes me is kind, caring and amazing.one little hickup with us, i get pushed away and made distant from her, i try so hard to be patient and understanding but i feel lonely at times but i wont give up on her cause i know some at time ill get her trust of me and can see a future with her, thats what i hold on too. I know i can easily cut ties and move on because it may just be too hard, i didnt say this before, we were together 24 years ago for 3 years .i was 24, she was 18. But previously being together that reasuures me to stay.. im a confident and strong as a person and i feel my being is a positive thing for her but it hurts me so much but i know its not about me. If anything thats what makes her distance herself is because a couple of times ive been negative out of frustration, she wont let me go and i dont understand why she wants me around. Is it because she sees me as a positive thing and am i what she needs?. its hard too read her alot of times, Trying very hard to be strong for her, but i feel i dont get much back. Hope it makes sense

Sam6003 My husband has a short fuse and seems to blame me for everything
  • replies: 3

Hello, I'm hoping someone has some advice for me. My husband has a very short fuse, gets angry easily and seems to blame me for everything. It's making me very depressed and somewhat anxious. We have 3 young children and run a business. He can be ver... View more

Hello, I'm hoping someone has some advice for me. My husband has a very short fuse, gets angry easily and seems to blame me for everything. It's making me very depressed and somewhat anxious. We have 3 young children and run a business. He can be very short and easily triggered by customers who may annoy him or do the wrong thing (in his eyes). The last straw for me is today when he made a time to pick up a wardrobe an hour away, but it happened to be the same time I have an appointment (which I had made weeks in advance). One of us need to stay at the business and can't be away at the same time. He did not check with me whether the time was OK before he arranged the pick up. When I told him it coincided with my appointment, he got angry, blamed me for "always having things on" and told me that I should just make all my appointments on the one day. I don't always have things on, it's a total exaggeration. We have a new house that we are trying to furnish and he told me that I'll just have a house without furniture now and I'll have to source everything and pick it up myself. I feel this is a total overreaction, totally unfair. He always twists things around to be my fault, somehow and then he's just plain nasty. This is just one example of many of these situations. I don't want my marriage to end, but he's had counselling over his anger and it never seems to do anything. My friend said it sounds like he's gaslighting me, but I don't know if that's so. I am independent and capable of looking after myself and I don't feel it's effecting my self esteem, just making me upset and somewhat depressed and frustrated. I don't want my marriage to end but I'm really at my wits end. We have a nearly 5 year old and 3 year old twins who would be devastated if we separated, not to mention having to work out what to do with our business. Does anyone have any advice for me? Is there a better way for me to deal with these situations? He just becomes totally irrational and I just end up leaving him in peace as I can't deal with him at the time. Thanks, Sam.

Cjay Constantly think my partner is cheating.
  • replies: 5

Hey everyone, I was just looking to get abit of advice from some people who may have had a similar issue to me and my partner. I am diagnosed bipolar since 18 however I’m now 27 and currently being reviewed as it would appear I might have bpd. I have... View more

Hey everyone, I was just looking to get abit of advice from some people who may have had a similar issue to me and my partner. I am diagnosed bipolar since 18 however I’m now 27 and currently being reviewed as it would appear I might have bpd. I have been in a relationship since January this year so relatively new and have struggled the last 4 weeks. My brain is constantly telling me my partner is doing the wrong thing... when she goes out I think she is cheating... when she’s on her phone I think she’s talking to other women and in response to this thought I am treating her like she is guilty. This has taken a toll on her and our relationship. I don’t know how to stop the thoughts overpowering my rational side and I don’t know how to see things from her perspective. I have explained the place that these feelings come from but she has told me I am wearing her down. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if anyone else in a relationship has had a similar problem with these obsessional thoughts around their partner and infidelity but I can’t seem to shake them and I clearly can’t continue to question or treat her like she’s guilty. So I’m looking for any kind of advice on what I can do to help the situation or what I can say to her to make her understand or what I am doing wrong and how I can stop. So whatever advice anyone has for me would be much appreciated because I really love her and I really don’t want my mental health to ruin this relationship. Thanks, c