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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Sarah86 Feeling like I can’t do anything right
  • replies: 7

Hi, I’m new here. Looking for support. I found out 3 years ago that my husband was having an affair. We separated, he has moved on and I am raising our 2 girls. We don’t co parent very well. He is a typical narcissist and does what he wants when he w... View more

Hi, I’m new here. Looking for support. I found out 3 years ago that my husband was having an affair. We separated, he has moved on and I am raising our 2 girls. We don’t co parent very well. He is a typical narcissist and does what he wants when he wants with little regard for me and the kids. I do 99% of the actual parenting. He cannot commit to a regular routine of having the girls, and when he does it ends in disaster. He yells and gets angry, smacks and they ring me hysterical to come and get them. My 9 year old has decided she doesn’t want anything to do with him. I am still working hard to see if they can have some sort of relationship. I am a single mum, I work very hard so that I can provide for my kids. They both do dancing which costs a fortune. I go without everything so I can provide for them. I don’t buy myself anything or go out. My 9 year old has behaviour issues. She’s always been a challenge. I have her in seeing a psychologist at the moment which hopefully will help. She is always getting in trouble at school and after school care. It seems like every time I pick them up the educators have to talk to me about something. I feel like a total failure. I feel like people must look at my children and think they are from a terrible home. I am strict, I follow through with my punishments and I’m trying to teach them to be kind adults. I feel like I’m up against it though, I have no support. My family live a few hours away. Whilst they do their best to come and visit, it’s really taking a toll on me. I feel like I have been isolated from all my friends as my daughter can be a bit challenging to take out sometimes. I have lost hope of ever meeting anyone, as I don’t have any child free time. I’ve also neglected to look after myself as I just don’t have the energy or the time. My daughter needs to be supervised constantly or she will hurt her sister or do something impulsive. i feel like I am not living life to the fullest and that I’m failing in every area. I’m not giving 100% to my job as I’m worried about what trouble my daughter will get into at school. She’s had a suspension warning from school and after school care now and I’m not sure what I will do if she’s not allowed to attend these anymore. she’s hurting as her father has moved a new family into his place, and she’s feeling abandoned. I love them both more than anything but feel like I’m doing a crappy job and I’m fading into an introverted, unhappy person.

Trying_to_take_care_of_my Feeling lost and confused
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend and I have just celebrated our 6 years together with a trip away. The night we got back he was feeling suicidal (extreme depression and anxiety) and I wasn't sure why. Found out the following day that the day before our trip he went to a... View more

My boyfriend and I have just celebrated our 6 years together with a trip away. The night we got back he was feeling suicidal (extreme depression and anxiety) and I wasn't sure why. Found out the following day that the day before our trip he went to a massage place and got a 'happy ending' and feared to have caught an STI (this is why he was feeling suicidal). I was in shock at first and was more worried about his feelings of wanting to end his life. I have had more time to think about everything that has happened and am feeling very hurt, broken, lost, confused. I am not sure what to do in my relationship.

Guest_9043 Tired/hurt. Grief/loss surviving family members
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm really tired, worn out and more than likely completely burnt out. I have been grieving, still am grieving the loss of my family. They are all still alive. Ambiguous grief is just as difficult to go through as grief and loss over a loved one's... View more

Hi, I'm really tired, worn out and more than likely completely burnt out. I have been grieving, still am grieving the loss of my family. They are all still alive. Ambiguous grief is just as difficult to go through as grief and loss over a loved one's passing is. There are differences, though grief is grief. I cut contact with the last one to go. My mum. I cut all contact with her on December 1st 2019. I did it via email and have never heard a word since. It's ever so easy to get trapped and stuck in the past the way you remember and feel it. The question of moving on is on my mind alot. I have been through the grief process many times so it's not a stranger to me. I had an abusive childhood with both parents. Even now I still feel bad using the word abuse. I'm in and out of denial because it hurts to know my parents abused me. I'm not at the acceptance stage of that yet. I did not need to cut contact with my sister. She barely spoke to me anyway. I cut all contact with my father when I was 30. Ten years ago. I still deal with a lot when it comes to him alone. I have no intention at this stage of getting in touch with my mother. I need to take care of me. I'm just wondering what others found useful in healing and moving on. I know therapy, I would prefer other stories than just therapy. The support would be welcome. Thanks.

Guest_9043 Unpacking after a relationship breakdown
  • replies: 4

Hi, Have not posted in a while. I had a massive argument that spanned over two days with my partner. Long story cut short, she asked that I leave and terminated our relationship. It was extremely traumatizing for me. This happened only two days ago n... View more

Hi, Have not posted in a while. I had a massive argument that spanned over two days with my partner. Long story cut short, she asked that I leave and terminated our relationship. It was extremely traumatizing for me. This happened only two days ago now. I packed all of my belongings ready to go and needed to find somewhere to stay quickly. She has asked me not to leave and wants to work things out with me. We are going to go to couples counselling and she is going to start her own individual therapy. My issue at the moment is I'm struggling to unpack my belongings. It was my home and our home. I'm struggling to feel the same and to also unpack with feeling like it's not home nor my home anymore. I can't live out of suitcases and bags. At some point I need to unpack. Any suggestions would be helpful right now. Maybe get her to unpack with me? Thanks in advance all.

Guest_9043 Does anyone know the psychological name for this.
  • replies: 7

Hi, I am trying to find out a name for these behaviours so I can do some research. My father would tell my mother lies about me to my mom that were absolutely a distortion of the truth. My mom would then use physical violence on me. One time I actual... View more

Hi, I am trying to find out a name for these behaviours so I can do some research. My father would tell my mother lies about me to my mom that were absolutely a distortion of the truth. My mom would then use physical violence on me. One time I actually avoided a beating when I told her wait, stop. She found out my father lied. I can't remember what happened after that but it was a regular thing he did with me. I don't know which parent to hate more and it still messes with my head today. I want to understand so I can heal my mind and not carry out behaviours I even understand. If anyone has a name or some information for me as a starting point to start my healing and recover that would be a great help to me.

MummaPetal Strategies for difficult inlaws
  • replies: 2

Hi, I have 2 very difficult inlaws and have had many counselling sessions over their behaviour. They both have strong narcissistic personalities. It has been better for my own mental health to keep some distance but there are some days throughout the... View more

Hi, I have 2 very difficult inlaws and have had many counselling sessions over their behaviour. They both have strong narcissistic personalities. It has been better for my own mental health to keep some distance but there are some days throughout the year where I need to see them. Sometimes when I see them, things can be pleasant but at the drop of a hat, a nasty comment can be made in my direction out of nowhere. I often don't say anything back for fear of making the situation worse. Both my husband and I have tried to make them aware of how their behaviour affects me/us but it is twisted around to be my problem. I am wondering if anyone can share any resilience strategies because I find it hard to let the nasty comments go. Thank you in advance. MP.

Guest_773 Devastated due to husband leaving me
  • replies: 2

My husband left me with no warning just over a week ago. I am an empty shell struggling every minute of the day. I have a disabled adult daughter and I’m am trying to keep it together in front of her but it’s exceedingly difficult. I have zero suppor... View more

My husband left me with no warning just over a week ago. I am an empty shell struggling every minute of the day. I have a disabled adult daughter and I’m am trying to keep it together in front of her but it’s exceedingly difficult. I have zero support. I just need someone to talk to

LosingFaith Long distance relationship - sending and reviving gifts.
  • replies: 16

Hi people, I’m interested in finding out how “others think” in this situation. If you were in a long distance relationship and your partner sent you a handmade gift for Valentine’s Day, you get the parcel delivered on the day but you weren’t availabl... View more

Hi people, I’m interested in finding out how “others think” in this situation. If you were in a long distance relationship and your partner sent you a handmade gift for Valentine’s Day, you get the parcel delivered on the day but you weren’t available to sign for it, Do you; A - Pick it up the next business day? B - Pick it up mid week? C - Pick it up a week later D - Don’t pick it up? And why did you choose your answer? Then... if it was the opposite way around, and it was you that sent your partner something, specifically handmade for them and they say they’re picking it up “this arvo” and don’t end up picking it up, how would it make you feel?

Mr K Urgent advice needed, Telling the children their Mother and I are Separating, I'm scared don't want to upset them unnecessarily Help!
  • replies: 6

It's taken me ages to come to terms with my relationship being brought to an end. I've done that but at this time am still living in the same house with my wife and the kids 9 & 4. Tonight we will be telling them we will be separating and that they w... View more

It's taken me ages to come to terms with my relationship being brought to an end. I've done that but at this time am still living in the same house with my wife and the kids 9 & 4. Tonight we will be telling them we will be separating and that they will spend half their time with each parent. I've decided I will be the one who moves out of what was our family home and I'd love there to be a way to communicate that without having to say "I'm leaving". Any advice would be really great thanks .

wistful64 Is it time to walk away?
  • replies: 10

Married for over 30 years. I didn't have the best of childhood as my mum was constantly depressed, angry, threatening to leave my dad constantly and they fought terribly and hubby seemed the opposite. At first he was charming and loving but had mood ... View more

Married for over 30 years. I didn't have the best of childhood as my mum was constantly depressed, angry, threatening to leave my dad constantly and they fought terribly and hubby seemed the opposite. At first he was charming and loving but had mood swings, frustration if things didn't go his way, silent and giving off waves of anger. From early on he was a flirt and found those women who "took it the wrong way" Many arguments over the years where he told me I was crazy and that he hadn't done anything wrong and it wasnt his fault. Over the years there were many women who came into our lives that way. Just before 30 year anniversary things went downhill when I though he was having an affair and I confronted him. There had been a women in our life when our boys were little that he called "crazy" but she had entwined herself in our lives and would ring me and tell me that they had been together. At the time and over the years I had questioned him again about her but he kept denying it and saying I was just a jealous person that needed help. So when I thought it was happening again (after some counselling), this time I called him out. Eventually he confessed in marriage therapy that he had had the affair 20 years ago but wasnt having an affair now but that because our relationship was so bad he had turned to pornography (which had always been an issue between us as he had told me that unable to find me attractive any more and needed the porn.) I have tried for 4 years now to get over this but I still feel the need to constantly check what he is up to as he still covers up what he is doing rather than discuss things. I don't like who I have become and this constant fear of whether I will find out that he is lying again. I used to be scared that he would leave me but now I am scared that he will stay. I wake up in the night thinking of a life without him and it no longer scares me - does that mean it is time to move on? I don't know whether it is in us to get over this and I don't know that I want to spend my life waiting for another women to come along or worse still, for the pornography to start again (he became angry and aggressive with it and affected work and kids. When we are alone together we have a lovely time together with shared interests but as soon as a third person enters our sphere it is that same old feeling of fear, anger,hurt and if he gets upset he then stonewalls. I don't want to be afraid anymore.

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