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My partner does not want to be loved or receive help

Community Member

Hi there,

I’ve done a bit of research, have tried talking to my gorgeous partner, hoping he would talk to me, but he wants nothing from anyone, wants to live a solitude life without people, will not talk to a doctor or counsellor, refuses to seek any sort of help. And sadly the thought of being in a relationship is simply too much work and does not get any enjoyment in life at all, let alone be loved.

When we first met we were both deliriously in love, talks of marriage, lots of sex. A year later he wants nothing. He told me that throughout his life he experiences months of depression, he’s taking antidepressants but apart from that won’t seek help.

He had a serious accident years ago which sadly he experienced significant pain but manages that well with meds and rest, but there are bad days.

Ive known him for 25 years as great friends since school so I know him well, together 2 years. I love him dearly. I told him to not give up on us, I’m patient and I’m here for him whenever he needs me.

We have slept in seperate rooms for months, no contact, I’m not taking it personally. I’ve offered to wait and be there for him but even the thought of me waiting for him adds pressure and he doesn’t know that the love he had for me will ever return as right now he feels numb, nothing.

Hes a beautiful soul, regardless if we remain friends I want to be there for him but not sure what else I can do. He just hides in his room and hardly speaks a word.

I listen without judgement when he’s up for talking, even though with him not wanting to be with me hurts, I don’t take responsibility for it.

Any advice on how I can support him when all I want to do is hold him and tell him how much I love him when he simply doesn’t want that or hear that from me or anyone else at all.

What we had was beautiful, I’m not expecting to get that back but I’m hanging onto those memories, a reminder he was happy and in love.

The catalyst is not seeing his children very often and an ex that’s milking him dry of funds, very sad circumstances, but I’m trying and I’m exhausted.

4 Replies 4

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Joby,

I felt your devotion, commitment, love and compassion for your beautiful partner as I read your words. But I also know you’re exhausted and drained too. Seeing him in this self isolating state must be heart breaking for you...

Sadly, sometimes people who are depressed have a tendency to withdrawal from the world, as it seems to be the case with him. But I think, especially as he’s not yet ready to seek professional help, you’re doing all you can...and what you’re doing is beautiful and generous and loving...

If you want to, and this is purely a suggestion, you could maybe suggest online live chats with professionals by reputable websites (e.g. I think Lifeline has one of those). Something like that might feel less stressful to him than seeing a counsellor face-to-face...

For now, you’re offering him unconditional love/a safe haven with you, you’re supportive, you’re respectful and you’re endlessly patient. I think you’re doing all you can at this stage and I think he’s very fortunate to have you in his life 🙂

Although, I worry that you’re neglecting yourself a little to be the supportive partner. I know he’s very important to you, but I also think you (if you aren’t already doing it) might like to find ways to look after yourself as you patiently wait for things to hopefully turn around.

I worry that you might feel emotional burnout later on/long-term if you don’t also prioritise your own mental health...I hope that’s okay for me to say; I say it with the kindest intentions.

For example, are you still going out to see your family or friends? Are you still finding some time to pursue your passions? Are there people you can talk to about your feelings? Etc, etc.

As I said...I think your partner is very fortunate to have your devotion and love, but I feel you need to take good care of yourself too...

Kind and caring thoughts,


white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

Any wonder why you are exhausted. We are not professional medical people but it seems clear to me he is in a zone that is deep and depressing, I fear for his safety.

I was a part time dad up to 2008 and had the child support issues along with missing my kids. These issues along with not coping with many toxic humans/society in general, led me to a similar state of mind. I also made several attempts at living in the bush and one suicide event.

For that reason I believe he needs professional intervention even hospitalisation. As sad as this sounds for you it should be discussed with your GP preferably with him present.

You are a beautiful devoted soul but none of us are super people, we have our limits and while it’s great to hear of the lengths you’ll go to save your marriage, you know there is a point when self preservation will kick in.

I hope you are ok. We are hear to support you through this, repost anytime


Hi Pepper,

Thank you for your kind words, I had suggested lifeline merely to just talk to someone but he's not interested at all. He promised me he wouldnt do anything silly, he simply needs time but as to how much he doesnt know.

As for me I started a new job and today I got a promotion (fist pump!), I've signed up with a canoe club and have started kayaking again on the river, it's great to push yourself through your worries but it also calms the mind. I'm also a videographer (run a business on the side) and have had a few projects locked in, that's my creative outlet and I love it. Have started locking in lunch dates with my girlfriends and my Manager is going through the same thing, so she has been exceptionally supportive. I have some amazing support and keeping myself busy with the things I enjoy. I have some personal goals for the next 12 months, so although I am here for him, I'm making sure I have me time too which is hard but I have to, otherwise as you said, emotional burnout.

Thank you so much for your support, kind words and advice, it is greatly appreciated.

Hi Tony,

Thank you for you kind words, it's greatly appreciated.

So sorry to hear about your experiences, cannot imagine how hard it must of been. Not dissimilar to what you had experienced. He simply just wants to go bush and stay in a caravan and live out his days. Hates people, society and his current situation. But he's only 44 and so much to look forward to so hard for him to see that right now.

He has promised he wont do anything silly, but not sure whether I should talk to his GP, whether that is even allowed? He said he seen his GP yesterday and told me he knows about his depression, but I am not confident he is on the right meds or treatment. I would really like to talk to his GP but he would be gutted if I did that. I did reach out to his 2 best mates and they are talking to him, he knows I did that and he's grateful, so it's a start, he's talking to his friends.

Thanks again for your support, grateful beyond words.