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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Seekparadise I fell in love and it gave me hope- now it’s over
  • replies: 1

4 months ago I broke up with my ex, my Nanna passed away, I moved back home from interstate & travelled to Europe for a month. The change rattled me. Europe was incredible but mentally I struggled more than I ever have in my life. I started seeing so... View more

4 months ago I broke up with my ex, my Nanna passed away, I moved back home from interstate & travelled to Europe for a month. The change rattled me. Europe was incredible but mentally I struggled more than I ever have in my life. I started seeing someone new. We bonded so strongly. He’d just come out of two traumatic relationships and struggles with ptsd. We supported each other through so many emotional breakdowns and lifted each other up when we needed it. He was there for me when I was self harming, checking in with me after doctors appts, researching my medication for me. He became my rock, the person I went to for everything. I hold so much compassion in my heart for what he’s been through and I care for him so deeply. I fell in love. It wasn’t as simple for him. He has trust issues, I was supposed to be moving to Melbourne, he’s too broken to fall in love back. The situation does my head in but I can’t let go. It made my mental health worse. So we did the dance of getting close and then me falling down a hole as soon as I left his house and agreeing to create distance, then the cycle repeating. I know it’s unhealthy. He finally has come to a decision that we should stop seeing each other, because he can’t give me what I want (a proper relationship) and it’s hurting me too much. I feel broken. He has all the qualities of what I was looking for in a life partner and I’ve never said that about anybody. In the beginning, I felt so hopeful, he understood me in a way no one has before, cared for me in a way I could really FEEL, we could’ve been great for each other. Now my hope has drained cold. I’ve already done this before- loving someone I can’t be with and who can’t love me back, and it almost destroyed me, and it took me five years to get over. I can’t go through this again. I still feel I can’t let him go. I’m so attached to him. Without him, I’m worried how I’ll cope. Everyone feels so far away and I don’t want to be close to anyone else. I have a psych appt next Wed and my GP has me on medications, so I’ve gotten help. I just don’t feel I can get through this again. All I see is hellish months coming up for me. All I do is drink, get sadder and more desperate, nurse a hangover, lay in bed and cry. I’m so tired of feeling so full of hope and having it ripped away from me and being left with yet another huge disappointment.

lifepurpose Uncoupling a marriage
  • replies: 3

Hi. Has anyone uncoupled their marriage by living in separate houses and sharing the custody of the kids? I have been thinking of leaving my 14 year marriage on and off for a couple of years. Their has been no affair or abuse but I keep thinking that... View more

Hi. Has anyone uncoupled their marriage by living in separate houses and sharing the custody of the kids? I have been thinking of leaving my 14 year marriage on and off for a couple of years. Their has been no affair or abuse but I keep thinking that we are holding each other back from what we really want from life ans being truly happy. We are just 2 people living in the same house looking after some kids. We have developed into 2 different people (introvert vs extrovert, active vs inactive). We have tried counselling years ago and I have been to counselling recently but is it ok to say 'well we gave it a go but lets just do our own thing'? I am happy to give my kids financial support and have them half the time. My main concern is the reaction of my wife as she can be very proud, selfish and get very angry. I think deep down should would eventually be ok with it. Thanks.

MummaPetal I want to feel at home somewhere
  • replies: 3

I am struggling with my marriage about whether to stay or go. We have been married for over 10 years and have a child together. We have wanted a second one but have been unsuccessful. Tests revealed no obvious reason but just "one of those things". M... View more

I am struggling with my marriage about whether to stay or go. We have been married for over 10 years and have a child together. We have wanted a second one but have been unsuccessful. Tests revealed no obvious reason but just "one of those things". My parents have both passed away and the family home was demolished. My family is changing and some have moved away, permanently. My husband is great how he has supported me to stay at home with our child. However, with his chronic sleep apnea we have to sleep in separate rooms. I am a light sleeper and hear his CPAP machine. He is often tired and tunes out for the day on the computer, TV or his phone. I often feel lonely. We have no intimacy in our marriage. He has a very low sex drive. We have had couples therapy but the right things are said in the session but things always go back to the way they were. Nothing changes. He is happy in the marriage and I am not. I am really scared. I feel as if there is a little girl inside of me screaming for attention. I want to go back to work but feel an absolute lack of confidence. It's like I want to launch but my springboard doesn't feel stable. I don't feel supported or nurtured. I don't have any money to leave. Can anyone offer any advice? Thanks.

ASmileADay_ I'm new to the BB Forum and looking to share my experience with in-laws
  • replies: 21

Hey Everyone, I want to start saying hello and thank you in advance. As much as you are here to support, im here to do just the same. I'll keep my story short as possible. I have been with my partner for 3 years. After 8 months together we moved into... View more

Hey Everyone, I want to start saying hello and thank you in advance. As much as you are here to support, im here to do just the same. I'll keep my story short as possible. I have been with my partner for 3 years. After 8 months together we moved into his parents which was where my problems began. I was in and out of contract/temp jobs which was stressful plus the additional pressure to always be around his family. Plus the gossiping and b*tching that went was doing my head in. The control that was there was unreal. It wasn't until we broke up earlier this year that I had realised how far the control went. Despite our own problems that we never sorted properly, and couldn't because of family interference, his parents were telling him to break up with me as "all they could see" was us fighting and being unhappy/miserable and so they got their wish. We were not in a good place, but we weren't like that when we lived in our own place. I did my best to be fair to everyone plus myself, and it is very difficult to become a part of another family when you had such a different way of life and upbringing. But does that give anyone a right to tell someone to leave a person? On top of that I was being talked about behind my back which to this day I am so paranoid about. After two months of not being with my SO, I re-connected with him and we have had the necessary discussions and are doing this again. Though this isn't what I want to justify or talk about...as we both know what his family is like (he is very disappointed in them too, and in himself for being so blind). My problem now is not just the fact that nothing will be the same, but it's this paranoia I live with. Feeling like they are in his ear, that I will be criticised for EVERYTHING I do. I don't care as much as I did some months ago as I have found a couple of people who are apart of the family who see my SO's parents for what they are which really helps as further support. Perhaps I'm venting and not asking for an answer, but I just want to feel normal again. Im getting there slowly. But the experience traumatised me so much. I was angry with my SO, but I hated his parents for how they expected me to explain my actions, leaving me to defend myself. It was all too much, plus the gossiping and really nasty talk about others. It's just not for me...but I do hope that one day I wont have to second guess myself. thanks everyone for hearing me out...I'd detail so much more but cant! D

Lonely85 I feel like i have no one
  • replies: 5

I am so alone I have a bf who seems to love me in words only and I'm so tired of waiting and hoping for him to do more. I work full time while he seems to spend most of his time playing computer games. He has some mental health issues of his own so I... View more

I am so alone I have a bf who seems to love me in words only and I'm so tired of waiting and hoping for him to do more. I work full time while he seems to spend most of his time playing computer games. He has some mental health issues of his own so I want to support him, but can't help but feel he won't help himself and is content with how things are. He screams at me every so often when things get too much for him, yet never seems to want to change. I guess this isn't really my issue...I have no friends and no one to talk to about any of this and am constantly scared that I don't really matter to anyone. I had 3 close friends throughout high school and uni, and they all dumped me and I really don't know why. They're all still friends and have no reason for excluding me other than that's life. I'm fed up with life. My life is nothing so bad I'm sure, compared to many. But I'm so tired of it all. I'm screaming and no one can hear me.

VRC Husband left me after 24 years
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, My 47 year old husband of 24 years is having an affair and has decided to leave me for her. She’s a 33 year old woman with a 6year old he's never met.I am 10 years older than my husband and I was blindsided and absolutely devastated. I n... View more

Hi everyone, My 47 year old husband of 24 years is having an affair and has decided to leave me for her. She’s a 33 year old woman with a 6year old he's never met.I am 10 years older than my husband and I was blindsided and absolutely devastated. I never thought he would have an affair let alone leave me as he was a man with a strong moral code and would always stand up against injustice. I was initially reluctant to have a relationship with him due to our age difference but he pursued me persistently and promised to love and look after me till the end of time. He would profess undying love and appreciation of being with me publicly and on his Facebook. How is it that someone can love you so deeply but then completely turn around and say that he doesn’t love me or feel anything for me anymore?So in 6 short weeks he has moved out and I have had to pick up the pieces of my life. He’s cast aside his adult son and disconnected from his grandchildren- preferring to play dad to his lover’s 6 year old dad The OW has also broken up her marriage and is going to court with her husband to fight for custody and property.We do not have any property or significant savings and at 57 years old I am left feeling abandoned and frightened. I never thought I would be in this position at this age and am shattered at his betrayal and his haste to separate and leave me so quickly and plunging me in a financial hole. I know it will take along time for me to recover- it is very difficult to be alone after having someone around for such along time I am struggling particularly at night when everyone’s gone home. My hubby is gone- in its place is a cold unemotional person who now wears pink shirts, expensive cologne. I can’t even imagine anyone touching me-I cannot understand how he can hold her ,kiss her and have intimate relations with her when we have been together for so long. tonight is very hard as I haven’t seen him for 3 weeks now-the longest I have been physically away from him through our life This non contact everyone says will be better for me is still very painful. I guess he s now focusing his romantic energies on the OW andnot even look back It just feels so callous and cruel.My friends and family think I’m doing so well-but inside I’m all cut up and ground down.Sometimes I think I’m going to lose it and it takes enormous effort to bring myself out of it I am frightened that I won’t be able to keep doing this over a period of time.i just want this pain to stop

Jadedgirl He hurts me and I let him.
  • replies: 3

I am 21 years of age and I have been in a bad situation for 4 years now. When I was 18 I met a boy that became my first everything and we dated officially for five months. The relationship broke down because he had cheated on me. Eventually I found o... View more

I am 21 years of age and I have been in a bad situation for 4 years now. When I was 18 I met a boy that became my first everything and we dated officially for five months. The relationship broke down because he had cheated on me. Eventually I found out that he had cheated more than one time. There were red flags now in hindsight, but I did not know any better. Since we broke up officially, we have been on and off for 3 and a half years. It has been a roller coaster of emotions and we have been in some horrible situations. He has threatened to kill himself when we first broke up, he has said very horrible things to my face and about me, he has continued to lie and cheat and he has even forced himself on me one night when he was on drugs and begged me to come and get him. I have not been the nicest person either, I have told many people about all the things that have happened and said he isn't a nice person, I slept with someone who I later found out knew my ex and that hurt him, I have hurt and disappointed those around me for constantly going back. Last year we had a huge fight and he ended up blocking me and now he unblocks me sometimes on a night out to message me and talk and then just when I think it's getting better he blocks me again. It's hard because logically I can recognize all the hurt he causes and how broken he makes me feel, I can see that I should not be with him and I know he is not good for my health and he has hurt me mentally and physically. I know I should just block him when he unblocks me to message me. But I can't. Or at least.. I don't want to. I still love him despite it all and it hurts just as much not to be with him as it does when I'm with him. I can't live like this anymore it is too hard. All I feel is horrible and all I wish is for us to just work. I don't trust myself to stay away from him, we live in a very small town. It's getting to a point where I feel the only way to get out of it is the move somewhere away from it all. I'm just scared and I talk to psychologists and take medication but here I am still stuck. Please help me I don't know what to do anymore.

Living57 Do I or don't I, is it an affair
  • replies: 8

I have a very dear Male friend I have know for a long long time. He and his wife were close to me and my late husband. Sadly his wife has dementia, it's so awful, such a vibrant woman who spends her days locked in her own world, not knowing who we ar... View more

I have a very dear Male friend I have know for a long long time. He and his wife were close to me and my late husband. Sadly his wife has dementia, it's so awful, such a vibrant woman who spends her days locked in her own world, not knowing who we are, or the world around her. She is still able to be at home and her husband with the help of a regular nurse are doing a wonderful job looking after her. We had a meal together a few weeks ago, and probably had a bit too much to drink, but the conversation was open, nothing barred. My friend bought up the subject of intimacy and sex and went on to say how he misses the closeness he once had with his wife. I agreed having lost my husband I too miss those things. Remembering bought a flood of emotions and I ended up in tears. My friend put his arms around me and held me. It just felt right. Things progressed from there, but I stopped myself before we became too intimate. My friend understood but said if I changed my mind........ I admit he is a good looking man and i could be attracted to him if i let myself. But his wife is still alive, albeit with an awful illness. I dont want to be the other woman. But would it he wrong? Would it be considered an affair? I admit i find it confusing, part of me wants this, but i also have respect for his wife especially with the life she now has. I mentioned it to one female friend and her attitude was that the wife wouldn't know. I am just struggling with this. Any advice or thoughts would be really welcome. Thank you

Sarra My partner is suffering a deep depression and I don't know how to support him without loosing myself.
  • replies: 2

Hello, I am in need of some guidance.... my family's and friends are concerned about my relationship. I feel so alone because if I tell them what I'm feeling and about my relationship, they will hate my partner and tell me I'm delusional and he's man... View more

Hello, I am in need of some guidance.... my family's and friends are concerned about my relationship. I feel so alone because if I tell them what I'm feeling and about my relationship, they will hate my partner and tell me I'm delusional and he's manipulating me. I know why he acts in certain ways and he is an impulsive person, I know he feels like he is unworthy of love and is scared of being close to me. He has been very honest about his past and problems with his relationships and wants to be better but is scared that there's no way out. We have been together for a year. When he feels good, he supports, encourages me in my work and art, loves teaching me things, sharing hobbies and plans for our future together. But then when he spirals he becomes distant and refuses to talk to me and becomes angry, paranoid, jealous, mean and aggressive towards me. He starts to worry that we aren't really in love and that he will never get better. I believe that I also have been developing anxiety and depression before I met him and it's getting harder. I want to believe that we can work together to get through this because we both understand this dark space. In our arguments he can lack empathy and worries I'm working against him and I don't care about him. His family don't give him the emotional support he needs and tell him he can 'sleep it off' or take medication. I don't want him to suffer alone through this. When I was at my worst, I isolated myself and I felt like no one could help me, want to listen to my problems or just be there for me. I'm trying to be that person for him that I needed when I was struggling. My family believe I make too many excuses for him but I truely believe he is a good person and is really suffering and needs a friend that will stand by him. Again, I love him because he's thoughtful, kind, listens to me, adventurous, witty, makes me appreciate things I take for granted and teaches me so many things, supports my dreams and is so so funny. Is it impossible for this to be real?and am I sacrificing too much of myself? I don't know where to draw the line and I want to know what's it's like for anyone's else who might have been through a similar situation. Please if you could give me any guidance, I just want to understand. Thank you

paranoid_android How to manage when your only support doesn't support you
  • replies: 2

I'm a 33 year old male who has suffered from depression and anxiety since my early 20s. Thanks to my issues I don't really have any meaningful relationships or support in my every day life. There is currently one person who's opinion of me matters, s... View more

I'm a 33 year old male who has suffered from depression and anxiety since my early 20s. Thanks to my issues I don't really have any meaningful relationships or support in my every day life. There is currently one person who's opinion of me matters, someone I'd been seeing for the last 4-5 years. I'm not sure what we are now. Background information - We live in the same share house but in separate rooms. We still have a physical relationship from time to time but she's said that she has given up on caring about my problems. Despite this she is still the only real connection I have with another person. As stated she has said she no longer cares about my struggle with depression. From her perspective it would be due to having spent several years with me and seeing little to no improvement. It's not like I willingly choose to be like this but she would probably say that I do. She says that she is depressed and manages to get on with life, that she knows other people with depression who are dealing with it and coping. I told her that im pretty certain that I have Dysthymia but apparently thats just another label to hide behind. I don't know whether this is supposed to inspire me or something but all it does is make me feel like crap and judged. It just makes me want to shut down (which I almost did before coming to post this here and I probably will after posting). She has made this sentiment before. This time I've just come back from a holiday and we were talking and she asked what I was doing this week. I mentioned that I was looking into contacting Wellways in relation to depression support and she went on to say about how I'd already been back for 2 days and should have already done it - then into the speech about how great other people are and how bad I am. I shot back though by telling her that the only reason she pushes herself so hard is because if she stopped she'd fall apart, which is true and no healthier than where I'm at really. Anyway I guess I'm just rambling on now. I'm still going to be getting into contact with Wellways to seek help. It's just hard when the only person that matters to you makes you feel terrible. If I tried telling her about how it impacts me she'd just argue back against it.