Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Starfruiit I can’t cope with the abuse anymore
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I’m new to this and I don’t really feel comfortable talking to friends and family due to feeling ashamed and worthless but I’m in a abuse relationship and don’t know where to turn. The verbal abuse started basically at the start of our r... View more

Hi everyone, I’m new to this and I don’t really feel comfortable talking to friends and family due to feeling ashamed and worthless but I’m in a abuse relationship and don’t know where to turn. The verbal abuse started basically at the start of our relationship but now over the past couple of months it’s turned into physical abuse as well. The abuse got so bad tonight over me trying to explain to him calmly that I had been feeling upset all day and that he just brushed it off called me a child and said I have to deal with it myself which I then proceeded to say but how come you can’t just be there for me and then he lost it saying I was keeping him from sleeping with my stupid problems and hurled insults and profanities at me and eventually he got physically abusive. This whole time I just let it happen and I apologised and pleaded with him to stop but he just kept telling me how horrible I was and that I was selfish and that no one would want to be in a relationship with me and put up with me. Im at the point where my self esteem is so low that I have no good things to say about myself, I hate looking at myself in the mirror because all I see is a ugly flawed person. I can’t even talk to him about problems I’m having because he just says that he doesn’t know how to help and that he’s sick of me being depressed and mopey. He tells me that he will change and he loves me and cares about me and I want to believe him that he will stop the abusive behaviour because I love him and always see the best in him but as soon as I do something small or I don’t act accordingly he treats me like I’m the worst person in the word I don’t know what to do anymore

Brain_Fart Family member has thrown out my meds
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My sister has taken my anxiety meds and will not give me them back because she doesn't believe i need them. I turned my house upside down stressed out about i had put them some where but can't remember where and was worried my son might find them or ... View more

My sister has taken my anxiety meds and will not give me them back because she doesn't believe i need them. I turned my house upside down stressed out about i had put them some where but can't remember where and was worried my son might find them or my nephew. I finally went and asked her and she had taken them because she thinks i don't need them and that to just put up with the anxiety/panic attack now I'm feeling anxious about going to see my doctor and asking for another script that i just got a few days ago. my head hurts from thinking about it. Why can't people just mind there own business.

Sammy2 Trust issues within my relationship- do I stay or go?
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*trigger warning mentions of addiction So I could really use some advice. My partner and I have been together for 2 years now and he is a porn addict, he has lied to me about porn and a few other things more times than I could count, he claims he wor... View more

*trigger warning mentions of addiction So I could really use some advice. My partner and I have been together for 2 years now and he is a porn addict, he has lied to me about porn and a few other things more times than I could count, he claims he working on it and trying to get better and I'm trying to support him with that. About a year and a half ago when I first found out about his addiction and all the lies I became extremely depressed and anxious all the time, I stopped going to work, school, seeing my friends, I just stopped living. Fast forward to now, for the last few weeks for the first time in ages I've actually been feeling really good, my depression has lifted and my anxiety has definitely lessened. But we are still having issues regarding his addiction and other trust issues within our relationship and I'm really scared that if I continue in this relationship I'll be taken back to the dark place I was in, but at the same time for the first time he seems to really be trying to make progress and trying to better himself and I obviously love and care about him but my fear is making me want to run far away from him. Any advice on my situation is appreciated.

Suz09 Feeling In Need of a Change...
  • replies: 3

This is my first time posting. I’m not overly sure of where to start. But I know things have to change as, at present, I feel like an imposter has taken over my mind, body and soul. I feel constantly angry or sad and I feel exhausted and tired most d... View more

This is my first time posting. I’m not overly sure of where to start. But I know things have to change as, at present, I feel like an imposter has taken over my mind, body and soul. I feel constantly angry or sad and I feel exhausted and tired most days. This year has been a constant challenge. It’s taking its toll. I am a Mother of two girls aged 4 and 12 and am married. I am in my thirties and am currently in between jobs. I’m on workcover due to a workplace incident that involved workplace bullying. This resulted in being diagnosed with PTSD, Severe Anxiety and Stress and Moderate Insomnia and Depression. Even though I’ve left the toxic job and that chapter of my life is firmly finished, I feel like other things keep taking the place of the stress I left. We have had numerous health issues, financial issues and issues with our family and friends. My partner and I have very little friends, we don’t go out often and we don’t have much intimacy either. We have both put on weight this year and are desperate to rid ourselves of the negativity and weight that weighs us down constantly. I am finding it so difficult to start. I’m a perfectionist, I need fresh starts to be specific and perfect and when they aren’t I feel like a failure. Then I tend to spiral right back to the negative. We tried to distract ourselves and give ourselves something to do within a Community setting that incorporated animal welfare with the community. At first it was great, we meet lots of new people. But soon it just added to the stress we had tried to distract ourselves from and the people we were surrounded by were no better than the bullies we had both faced in our workplaces. I feel like if we don’t deal with the demons within us they will just follow us where ever we go. Which is why I want to so badly change things. I see a Psychologist. I have a list of things I want to change in my life, introduce exercise, meditation and healthy eating into my life. Swap stress and negativity for fun and adventure and I want to love me again so I can give the love and support to my partner and children, they deserve that. I am addicted to technology which I do desperately just want to be rid of it and live in the moment. How do I start? How can I make my new start achievable? Thanks so much for reading.

SeptemberSky Miscarriage and blindsided breakup
  • replies: 1

I was in a 4 year same-sex relationship. Engaged. Decided to start a family and I fell pregnant but we lost the baby at 16 weeks. A month later my partner came home and unexpectedly ended our relationship. I was totally blindsided. Turns out she was ... View more

I was in a 4 year same-sex relationship. Engaged. Decided to start a family and I fell pregnant but we lost the baby at 16 weeks. A month later my partner came home and unexpectedly ended our relationship. I was totally blindsided. Turns out she was having an affair with a colleague she had been getting support from since our loss. The affair continued but stopped when the other woman’s partner found out. A few months later my partner wanted to try rebuild. I agreed to try provided she give it time and effort and see a counsellor if we weren’t able to get things moving. After a month she told me she was in love with me and had been very lost and confused recently. She assured me every day that things were headed in the right direction and I was learning to trust her again. Then 6 weeks into rebuilding, she ended it again. She says she loves and cares for me but she isn’t in love with me. She can no longer see a future with me and sees me as a friend only. Im so broken. I’ve lost so much. Now we have to sell our house and pack up our whole lives. I didn’t even know there were issues. In the weeks after we lost the baby she told me she loved me more than ever. I’m so confused and can’t seem to pull myself out of my misery. It’s been 6 weeks since she left and she’s told me that there’s no chance of us ever getting back together. Help!

desperatelyhopeless Depressed Couple
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I don’t really know where to start. I’m a 30 year old woman with a long history of depression and anxiety who is married to a man in his mid 30s who also has depression and anxiety, possibly OCD. We have been together almost 8 years and ... View more

Hi everyone, I don’t really know where to start. I’m a 30 year old woman with a long history of depression and anxiety who is married to a man in his mid 30s who also has depression and anxiety, possibly OCD. We have been together almost 8 years and have been through many highs and lows. The biggest high is the birth of our daughter 2 years ago who is the light of my life. Since her birth I have had a pretty good grasp on my depression, with some anxiety flare ups but overall my mental health has been stable. My husband on the other hand, has been on a steep decline mentally for about 3 years, to the point that he now feels he has nothing left and has given up on happiness and wants me and our daughter to leave him. I am at a loss. I have been as supportive as I possibly can be the past few years. I’ve stood by him through the moments of rage and anger, the verbal abuse, the sexual problems, the walking on eggshells for fear of disturbing his OCD environment (everything has to be just so or he gets angry). Don’t get me wrong, he is a good man, he is always extremely remorseful and apologetic after he’s lost his cool. But no matter how much I’ve asked him to seek help it feels like he doesn’t. Now he’s at the point where he says he’s too broken and is destined to live his life unhappy. My heart breaks for him but also for our family. I want better for all of us but just can’t seem to get him to want to change. I’ve suggested a mental health retreat as a last ditch concentrated effort to help him change some of his deep seated, very long standing self beliefs, but nothing. I'm at such a loss and feeling so heartbroken and unsure what to do next. How can you help someone who won’t help themselves

Chris123 So angry
  • replies: 2

So I think I have morning depression. I am the breadwinner and mum. I have a casual work that is barely feeding our family and husband is not looking for work, please ask him why because I cannot as it makes him angry. So this morning I woke up at 8a... View more

So I think I have morning depression. I am the breadwinner and mum. I have a casual work that is barely feeding our family and husband is not looking for work, please ask him why because I cannot as it makes him angry. So this morning I woke up at 8am, kid woke up a bit early, at 7.30. Husband also woke up because kid woke up and I was working late last night so he did that. But when I woke up, I found the hisband eating breakfast but not the kid. Kid was watching him eating breakfast. I did hear the kid asking for egg for breakfast. Before he started cooking hia oats on microwave. So while he was standing waiting for his oats to cook, why couldn't he cook his child's egg? It is so confusing. The child is also his child not just mine? Can a man please explain to me why he only cooked his breakfast without feeding his own son? The child is 6 so he cannot cook on stove yet. Husband usually cooks him breakfast if I go out to work in the morning but it seems he doesn't think it is his job whether or not I am working if I seem tired? Why does he think I have to cook and do all the housework if I am around home even though I am the breadwinner?

Emma930 Knowing I deserve better
  • replies: 4

I'm struggling. I moved towns 2 years ago now where all my friends cut me off and blocked me on everything. I have spent 1 and a half years so lonely and dying for friends. It is so hard to meet people as an adult and I was really struggling. I start... View more

I'm struggling. I moved towns 2 years ago now where all my friends cut me off and blocked me on everything. I have spent 1 and a half years so lonely and dying for friends. It is so hard to meet people as an adult and I was really struggling. I started a new job where I met a guy and spent 4 months talking to him. Looking back he wasn't a gentleman from the start and I should have left him. I was so very lonely and didn't want to lose him because I thought he made me happy. Genuinely believed he made me happy, I was 'happy'. He introduced me to him family and friends so I thought I meant something to him. I found out he cheated on me with my only friend and he begged for forgiveness. It broke me but I didn't want to lose him because then I would be alone again. This was my biggest fear. I was dumb and forgave him for him to tell me 2 weeks later that he doesn't want me anymore. He broke me. I was alone again. I kept texting him and made myself look so desperate trying to convince him to keep me around. Only to find out he found another girl. It has been a long month, I am struggling. I hate myself for the fact that I made myself seem desperate for him, I hate myself for the fact I kept him around because I was lonely, I hate myself for the fact I can't get him out of my head. I am trying so so hard to move on and every part of me wants to move on and be happy except my brain will not let me forget how 'happy' i thought i was. My brain convinces me i miss him but i don't. I just want to move on and be happy but I can't let the idea of him go for some reason, I don't know how to let go. I now have such a bad view towards guys. I had a bad ex before I moved and this situation hasn't helped. I am now scared to hang out with guys because I DONT want to be used again. In my opinion all guys are assholes. How can I move on? How can I not hate every guy in the future? How can I not get used again? How can I be happy in myself and on my own, I don't want to keep someone in my life again just because I am lonely? I just want to be happy....

Outback_Dad Parental Alienation
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I have 3 children to a previous marriage. The two eldest are now in the workforce and the youngest in her second last year of school. I have been alienated from them for about 15 years through various nefarious tactics. I was wondering how I regain c... View more

I have 3 children to a previous marriage. The two eldest are now in the workforce and the youngest in her second last year of school. I have been alienated from them for about 15 years through various nefarious tactics. I was wondering how I regain contact - proper contact. The eldest two have responded sporadically in the past twelve months but their communications have remained distant. My eldest child occasionally asks how I am and how their younger siblings, to my second marriage, are. My second child made brief contact when in the area. He really only seemed interested in how much my house and car cost and where I work. It felt like an intel operation. I have not heard from him since (over 6 months now). It was the first time I had seen him in 8 years. I would appreciate some guidance.

cherrysundae dont rly want to be in this relationship - am i a bad person?
  • replies: 4

recently one of my close friends moved schools, and shes been going through a lot already on top of all of that. she moved against her own will and wanted to stay here very much . on her last day, she was crying a lot so naturally, me being her frien... View more

recently one of my close friends moved schools, and shes been going through a lot already on top of all of that. she moved against her own will and wanted to stay here very much . on her last day, she was crying a lot so naturally, me being her friend and all i comforted her. we had always had a pretty close friendship,even within our group of close friends we found ourselves connecting with each other more. well, after her last day she messaged me over the phone and conffessed that she had feelings for me . i didnt know what to do we r both very similar in these kinds of situations - we panic so we have one of our close friends to back us up - so while she was panicking about confessing her feelings and i was panicking about getting confessed to we both turned to the same close friend for support and well i didnt know what to do i did not want a relationship i mean shes a lovely girl and all but im just not ready for a relationship right now but i thought, how can i turn her down now when my other close friend already knows whats going on ??? how can i turn her down when shes already going thrrough so much?? so i said yes and we've been dating for 2 weeks and a bit. i dont want to be in this relationship but i feel like the longer im in it the less easy it is to get out of . shes not a bad person and its not a bad relationship i just dont want to be in one right now . and i know its wrong that i said yes to a relationship despite my true feelings and i feel extremely guilty about it. i dont think i can go to my friends for support because they all know this girl so they will most definitely think i am a completely terrible person . i just dont know what im even supposed to do- how can i break up with her when ive already said yes? and shes already going through so much so how terrible and selfish do i have to be to want to end things between us when it could be so negative for her?? should i just keep going along with it or be honest with my feelings? everyday i feel more and more guilty about this . is what im doing even so wrong? i just cant help but wish i was single right now. why am i such a bad person? she doesnt deserve to have to put up with me .