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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Steves_87 NEED SOME ADVICE
  • replies: 1

Hi guys so over two weeks ago after breaking up with my girlfriend I decided to go talk to a psychologist. I thought considering the year from hell I had with my ex wife and then starting a new relationship I needed to talk to someone to gain closure... View more

Hi guys so over two weeks ago after breaking up with my girlfriend I decided to go talk to a psychologist. I thought considering the year from hell I had with my ex wife and then starting a new relationship I needed to talk to someone to gain closure on everything. I’ve had 2 visits so far. Massive thing for me to talk about myself as I’m very stubborn. But I did it. I had decided after the break up of me and my gf I can’t sit around and focus on her any longer she decided to end things and she hurt me. She just ended it because she has issues going on in her life and can’t focus on us I thought that was a really poor reasoning as I’ve had a crap year and still have given her the best version of me despite all my set backs. I decided that I needed to focus on myself. She went and blocked me on Facebook and basically shut me out completely I thought after finding this out the best thing was to let it go so I have. I’ve seen met another girl who I ended up meeting last Saturday and I guess you could say it was a date. On meeting I had grown this instant attraction to her I haven’t stopped thinking about her since. We both seem to really like one another and that my problem is she doesn’t want a relationship at the moment even though I secretly think she does deep down. She told me she only wants friends atm but did say every relationship starts with a friendship. I guess I’m one of these people that is very impatient and I really like this girl I know that I could jeopardise things if I pushed the issue with a relationship but I think she does want one it’s just this level of shyness or maybe taking that leap. I mean she wants to do a fwb’s thing be really great friends but with the benefits. I mean I’m happy to do this but I have very strong feelings for her. I know we’ve only just met and it might seem crazy but the heart and mind are a wonderful thing. I guess what I’m looking for is do I tell her how I feel so I tell her that we should just be a couple life’s too short or do I just play it safe and keep building our friendship and go from there. Any help would be appreciated thank you

Larnzi How do you move out from codependence & toxicity with anxiety?
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I am nearly in my mid thirties & have lived in a toxic environment household since I was 7. My parents have/had very bad arguments & were not really there emotionally for us growing up. Over the last couple of months I have had the courage to... View more

Hi all, I am nearly in my mid thirties & have lived in a toxic environment household since I was 7. My parents have/had very bad arguments & were not really there emotionally for us growing up. Over the last couple of months I have had the courage to tell some people in my life about what my life is/has been really like - this has been hard for them to hear, to the point one has asked me not to tell her anymore as it makes her too angry how I'm treated. I have also leaned a lot of my problems are the direct result of my upbringing - don't like being alone, become attached to people, think people are always going to leave me, scared to have a relationship because I don't know what a good one looks like etc. I have also realised I have a mum who is codependent & for the age that I am, a bit too controlling. I get treated like a "third party" in the marriage. My psychologist told me I need to move out so I can start to work through changing all these issues I have. The problem is I am REALLY scared to go & rent. I feel paralysed over it. My friends tell me I need to get out too & I know it's because they care & hate seeing me like I have been lately & how I get treated. I know I need to get out in order for my life & me to change as a person but it is seeming too much & is hard when I tell them how I feel because no one can really understand what I have gone through for most of my life. We decided it was best for me to rent on my own for at least 12 months so I can work on myself as I don't feel comfortable with a share house. I'm worried about spending my money cause I've always saved, that it's all a really bad mistake, missing the dogs, scared I'm going to get lonely, that my friends won't be there for me & I won't ask for help or tell them how I'm feeling for fear of being seen as needy or clingy & that my head will start to think all the time. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice?

Juff Both my girlfriend and I have depression but hers is way worse. She refuses to go to counselling.
  • replies: 4

Hey guys, I don't really know where to begin so I think I'll just ramble for a bit. So me and my girlfriend (both 16 years old) have been together for 15 months. Things started off really great, but gradually she started neglecting me and my abandonm... View more

Hey guys, I don't really know where to begin so I think I'll just ramble for a bit. So me and my girlfriend (both 16 years old) have been together for 15 months. Things started off really great, but gradually she started neglecting me and my abandonment issues kicked in. It got really bad for me and I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I have been on medication for a couple months now. I've pinpointed the triggers to when things are bad with my girlfriend because my mind just spirals and worries the worst. I've always known my girlfriend to be under alot of pressure from her family and I tried to understand that she didn't have time for me. I never really realised how bad it was. So recently, she told me, she had always been suicidal and self harmed. I have tried to get her to open up before but she really doesn't want to talk about it (and I don't want to push) so I don't know too in depth about her problems. I do know that her family is abusive and I think that's why she doesn't want to go to counselling (in case her parents find out). I got so worried and shocked by her suicide line that I suggested we go talk to the school counsellor, and she said she would break up with me if I did that. I think I'm going to do it anyways, I'm happy for her to hate me if it means she is safe. Right now, I just feel so hopeless and overwhelmed because I don't know what to do. When I go talk to the school, she'll hate me but she's said I was the only thing good in her life. I'm scared she might do something bad to get back at me or if it gets so bad (me telling the school) that she takes her life because of it. I'm just so worried about her and it pains me to see her in pain. I think I just want to talk about it with you guys. All replies welcome

Michouneta Family never call us never visited us
  • replies: 1

Hi. I've been living on Australia for 9 years now. I'm single with a teenage boy. His father is aussie but we separated since 2013. My parents only talked to me because I would call them. They don't call me because they are missing me. I turned 40 re... View more

Hi. I've been living on Australia for 9 years now. I'm single with a teenage boy. His father is aussie but we separated since 2013. My parents only talked to me because I would call them. They don't call me because they are missing me. I turned 40 recently my boy is 12. He is the only family I have and yes I'm blessed but I don't want to make him have this burden that is mine. My parents never call it is not his fault. His father was absent many times he knows rejection but I am giving him the best care I can possibly give. I'm writing to you because I realised how worthless is my life; I had a car accident 4 days ago..... No one knew obviously they all live overseas, but the thought of me dying and no one would care. I was ok that day, I went home no scratch but throughout the day my body felt numb, I felt extremely fatigued. I slept for more than 15 hours. My son arrived yesterday from his dad's. No one knew. No one asked here, no one asked from overseas. I'm all alone. I'm scared and I suffocate. I felt like screaming so I went for a quick walk on the road, it was almost midnight but I could not scream, there was people there. I am in bed now crying and no one knows.

Lyla_Rose Being sabotaged by a friend
  • replies: 2

I've been friends with this person for about 5 years now but the drama only started 2 years ago when I got in a relationship. It was only small things at first, she kept saying i would spend all my time with my boyfriend so I set aside Mondays to mee... View more

I've been friends with this person for about 5 years now but the drama only started 2 years ago when I got in a relationship. It was only small things at first, she kept saying i would spend all my time with my boyfriend so I set aside Mondays to meet up with her and if I couldnt meet with her I'd call her and we would talk for hours and hours. I use to complain about my boyfriend's housemates alot because I felt very rejected by them despite my many attempts to get to know them or make a good impression, in the end I ended up telling my boyfriend that I didn't like them and explained that because I felt uncomfortable around them I wouldn't be going to his house anymore which he understood and thanked me for being honest and said he would talk to them in hopes to work things out. Anywat almost a week after this I get a message from his housemate saying I was banned from his house and ECT ect. Everything in the long message I had sent to my friend however it had been twisted and turned into something awful making me seem like a monster. I then messaged my friend saying I needed some space from her as I was very emotionally unstable and she would spent countless nights messaging me abusive words and hateful thoughts. Months later she reached out to me again after finding out I was going through a hard time with some family related drama, we where close again as if the past never happened and she apologized and everything. But turns out that she had gotten close to me again to use me, in the time we where close the people who banned me from my boyfriend's house had moved out and I moved it. Everything was going extremely well or so I thought, I found out that my friend had been trying to convince my boyfriend to break up with me, she had gone over to my daughters father's parents house to attempt to get them take my daughter off me, she spoke to everyone who knew was going to meet me and told them horrible things about me to the point where they where scared of me. My family don't talk to me, new people avoid me like the plague, everyone that new me now has this sour opinions of me. There is only two people I have left that trust me and that's my boyfriend and my housemate. I feel very alone and isolated and a common thought that pops into my mind is, why can't she just be happy that I found happiness?

Nattys Do I keep going with him the same way
  • replies: 6

I have recently met an amazing guy. Last weekend I visited him at his house. Friday night was great, Saturday he went to work came home and was OK...as night went on got really stand offish. We went to bed and there was absolutely nothing. The next m... View more

I have recently met an amazing guy. Last weekend I visited him at his house. Friday night was great, Saturday he went to work came home and was OK...as night went on got really stand offish. We went to bed and there was absolutely nothing. The next morning I woke him and told him I might get up and shower and head off he then told me he was sorry and that he suffers severe depression and anxiety...we had a good chat he cooked bfast before I left. This week as the week has gone on the message replies have got less and less now down to one word replies. I keep messaging as normal. I have told him what I think about him and how I won’t let him fall. Do I keep messaging or do I just pull back

Thegirlfriend The twilight zone, I need guidance
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I’ve been with my amazing boyfriend for a year now and he confided early on that he suffers from anxiety, has had depression and a level of ADHD (not taking meds for anything). He is incredibly loving, giving, caring and an excellent communic... View more

Hi all, I’ve been with my amazing boyfriend for a year now and he confided early on that he suffers from anxiety, has had depression and a level of ADHD (not taking meds for anything). He is incredibly loving, giving, caring and an excellent communicator. He is 38 and a bar manager, has had many jobs and owned his own business. He as countless ideas for future ventures, some of which he had wanted to put in motion by the end of the year. Over the last 6weeks his anxiety has flared up and reached a point where he’s pulled back from everyone, including me. The signs and symptoms are mental and physical and he doesn’t want to see or talk to anyone. The only people he feels comfortable with are his brother and family, who won’t ask questions. Hes tried reassuring me countlessly that this is a cycle he’s gone through before and knows what to do, and just needs space to sort his head out. Saying constantly it’s not me or “us” and that he’s not here to waste my time; if he didn’t want to be with me he’d tell me. I obliged for a few weeks but was struggling with lack of communication and time together, paired with the feeling that I couldn’t help or support. I started to feel neglected as he was incapable of being a boyfriend and giving to the relationship. Two weeks ago I suggested we have a month apart (but still in a relationship) with minimal chatter and not seeing each other so that he could focus on himself without the pressure to please me. He didn’t want the “break” but agreed it was probably best for his headspace, to sort everything out. Two weeks and I’ve been a mess. While I’ve told my closest friends and family, to have their support, he’s told no one. He’s had a lot of quiet alone time, said it’s been helping and today said he felt a little better. But his messages are unemotional, he doesn’t want to talk about it, he’s not reassuring me that “we’re okay”, he stopped saying he loves me. I guess I’m feeling neglected, abandoned and I’m SO confused. I’m trying to have faith in him and keep reminding myself that these are his issues and nothing to do with me but now I’m getting anxious that perhaps he doesn’t want to be with me. I’m so scared because I don’t know what’s going to happen. Does anyone have any tips for how to get through this or similar experiences?

Cherrybean I have a mentally unsupportive family
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I have a whole lot on my mind right now so I’ll do the best I can to keep this brief. I really don’t like living at home, I feel depressed, lonely, and anxious, have been for around a year now. A lot of people would say I’m lucky to still l... View more

Hi there, I have a whole lot on my mind right now so I’ll do the best I can to keep this brief. I really don’t like living at home, I feel depressed, lonely, and anxious, have been for around a year now. A lot of people would say I’m lucky to still live at home with my family at 21 but I personally hate it. My family rarely talks to me on a daily basis, we are not close. I felt it was a big mistake taking a gap year off at home because over the past year I’ve had to deal with a lot from my brother and my dad disrespecting me. My brother has bipolar, sort of relevant because around him I seem to never do anything right, or when he’s not in a good mood he takes it out on me, insults me, swears at me, tries to get to me mentally. I’ve learned to say I’m disengaging and walk away over the past few months but in turn I’ve developed some possible anxiety over this where I get scared hearing him walk, talk, ask me anything. My dad hasn’t been very respectful either. He’s gaslit me on situations saying that the situation isn’t as bad as I’m saying, talking over me, lecturing me whenever we talk, ignoring me. Whenever I’ve tried to tell him about my brother acting out on me, he tells me and my brother that we need to get along but that doesn’t help out be because my brother will just get upset at me again without backlash. The main thing my dad’s done that I’m unhappy with is on my birthday I was talking online with friends, my dad forgot his keys at home. He came back home late and I didn’t hear him knock, nor did my brother. He got let in, barges in my room and got upset that I didn’t hear him knock and let him in. I told him to wait till after I was done talking with friends but he kept going talking about how upset he is, on my birthday. After talking with friends online, I talked with him and he claimed he was too tired to talk to me and wouldn’t respond properly so I let him be. Then 5 minutes later he blasts his techno music late at night. Over time from behaviour like this I avoid my family as much as I can. I’d love to move out but I do not have a job, my dad will not help me with my resume, or jobs/courses so I’ve had to rely on friends for that help. It sucks when you live with family that isn’t mentally there for you, so I’m left to figure out how to do things on my own when I’m too scared to do a lot of things by myself. Even leaving the house is a big thing for me. If there’s any help or support I’d love to hear it.

Guest_598 Obligation to end well or latent feelings?
  • replies: 4

Hi All, I am currently in a difficult situation whereby the person I want to spend my life with (and who dreams of a life with me), still needs to go through a proper ending of his marriage which he ended a year ago. He did not manage the separation ... View more

Hi All, I am currently in a difficult situation whereby the person I want to spend my life with (and who dreams of a life with me), still needs to go through a proper ending of his marriage which he ended a year ago. He did not manage the separation well and avoided the grief for a long time. Now, he says he needs closure by talking through everything with his ex-wife and a psychologist, so that he can a) understand why the marriage of 13 years failed and b) to be 100% sure, there are no leftover feelings for her. He has said numerous times, and very clearly, that he has no love or longing / attraction for her anymore. But he struggles to let things go so I believe he needs to be 1000% sure there are no feelings that will return. I find that very unlikely but it worries me nonetheless. He says he needs to talk to her / spend more time with her just to be sure he has done the right thing. Obviously, that hurts a bit because every time he plans to see her, I get worried that the feelings may return. However, the reason why I highly doubt that are below and I would really like your thoughts on whether you think someone would suddenly have feelings of love for a person again if he says these things: He says he feels no love / attraction towards her, He does not want to engage in anything physical with her, The trust is gone, He thinks he may have stayed because it was comfortable, He does not think they are too well aligned - he wants to travel and live overseas, she is very family bound, She is an alcoholic (sobre at the moment but it has not been too long), He says he gets angry a lot and I believe there is a fair bit of resentment in him, He dreams of a future with me but says he cannot commit 100% until the past is done, He wants her to understand the reasons why he left so she can have another good relationship, He wants to use the sessions with her to understand so that he does not carry old problems into a new relationship. He finds me extremely attractive, he dreams of travelling with me, he is thinking of travel plans for next year, we have spoken about "deal breakers" for new relationships and what would be important to us if we were together. He also spoke about cleaning and selling their house and then moving into a two bedroom unit so we could possibly move in together once he has lived alone for a while. Based on all that, do you think there is a high likelihood or risk that he would suddenly fall back in love with his ex-wife?

WantsPeace Emotional Abuse
  • replies: 1

This is my first time writing on here, I came across your post! Your post is from a couple of years back but I would love to hear where you are now? I am too in a relationship with a man who is emotionally abusive and I love him so much. My fiance ch... View more

This is my first time writing on here, I came across your post! Your post is from a couple of years back but I would love to hear where you are now? I am too in a relationship with a man who is emotionally abusive and I love him so much. My fiance cheated on me and broke up with me last New Years and this person who I am with now pounced on me as soon as I was single and gave me the attention i was craving to get over my fiance and his behaviour, little did i know i would be in a cycle of emotional abuse and being yelled at. We have so much in common and we live in quite a small surf community where he knows a lot of people and I feel like he has so much power over me. I am 38 years old and am worried I will never have someone that loves me and that I have missed the opp to have a normal family which is what I have always wanted. There is the normal push and pull of him acting bad and then making out its my fault, it has gotten worse and Im getting desperate. I hold down a full time job and become exhausted by the drama, his father knows what he can be like and tried to support me but I dont think he understands how serious it is as he used to do the same thing to his mum when they were young. We went to councilling for awhile and he said the lady didnt do anything for him and he said he would go to a man so I am trying to organise that. His behaviour is starting to leak and I look like and idiot, i am an eternal optimist and always see the good in people and I feel I am being taken for a ride as I not being respected or put first. I am so scared to be without him because we have such a connection but I am scared im going to end up in a really bad place. HELP!