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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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CoopMattChar3 No one to talk to.
  • replies: 1

Hi. I am new to this forum and I hope I am posting in the right place. For a while now, I have found that I don't get much joy out of life anymore. Things that other people laugh, cry, feel shocked about, or generally react to, don't have any affect ... View more

Hi. I am new to this forum and I hope I am posting in the right place. For a while now, I have found that I don't get much joy out of life anymore. Things that other people laugh, cry, feel shocked about, or generally react to, don't have any affect on me. I don't have any friends, and I couldn't care less, because socialising is just too exhausting for me and I have no interest in it. The only relationships I have at the moment are with my husband and three children. My mum and I, who are known to fight more often then get along, are not talking at the moment and to be completely honest, I couldn't care less if I ever spoke to her again, although my husband says that I should because she is my mother. It is kind of hard to forgive her this time though, as the last time I spoke to her she told me and I quote, 'you know your father never really cared about you'. Well, he died about 6 years ago in a freak truck accident, so I can't ask him if this is true, but I thought he did. I mean, what kind of mother says that to her child, even if it is true? I feel that every person I come across thinks that I am a snob, when really I just find it hard to trust anyone and I feel like everyone is constantly judging me, but I have been told by a psychologist that this is due to child hood experiences because growing up I was constantly being judged and stereotyped because of how I had to live. Now, to top it all off, my husband and I keep arguing about the same thing, but nothing changes and I feel nothing. I cry, like I am right now, but not because we keep arguing, but because I feel like I am just existing, not living. I have thought about seeing a psychologist again, but the thought of all that talking just sounds too exhausting. I have had post natal depression twice now, and the thought of talking about all the stuff we went over both of those times just makes me want to curl up in the feotal position, and i know that the stuff we discussed then and she thought i had dealt with is what is still affecting me now. I have no intention of hurting myself, I am actually scared stiff of the thought of death and I want to see my children grow and live a better life then I had as a kid, but I am exhausted all the time and am worried that my kids will pick up on it. And I feel sad for my children that they are not getting to see there grandmother, but the thought of talking to her just makes me feel sick.

DamagedPrincess Parents who need help... but wont get it
  • replies: 4

I have a long history of my own mental health issues but I am dealing really well at the moment but things have escalated in another aspect and i need advice.. My MIL had a mental breakdown back in late November due to overhearing a conversation from... View more

I have a long history of my own mental health issues but I am dealing really well at the moment but things have escalated in another aspect and i need advice.. My MIL had a mental breakdown back in late November due to overhearing a conversation from her own mother saying nasty things like she wished she never had children because they're all terrible people etc. The situation only escalated when she thought it was a goo idea to start drinking. It got to the point where she was crying, shaking, screaming and throwing things across the house. We eventually got her calmed down but everyone has been on edge for a while. More recently she has seemed really well and things had been going ok but she often sent messages to my husband and her eldest daughter about the youngest one and her boyfriend who live at home with my MIL and FIL, saying how much she hates them and cant wait for them to move out etc, which they are doing at the end of the week. Well last night she was helping the daughter pack for their move and everything was good.. until it wasn't and she lost her sh*t, saying she was sick of the way she was being treated and again cant wait for them to move out etc. She was crying, screaming, throwing things at her daughter and even hit her daughters boyfriend multiple times. We tried to talk her down over the phone but it resulted in her basically saying she didn't want anything to do with us either. My husband called my FIL and said as parents they should be showing their support for their daughter not messaging other kids talking about her behind her back. He also said they if they kept going and MIL didn't get any help she would end up alienating everyone and he as her husband needs to get her help and be proper parents to your kids and FIL just hung up on him. The daughter and boyfriend are now likely staying away from MIL's until their move but... there is a history of BiPolar in the family. MIL used to be on medication for a non-mental health related condition but came off of it just weeks before her first episode and after doing some reading I am lead to believe the use of certain medications when stopped can cause episodes of manic with people who have a history of things like BiPolar. She has never been diagnosed and refuses to see the doctor about it because she doesn't think there is anything wrong with her. We've tried talking to her but we get nowhere as she gets very defensive... Can anyone offer insight or advice??? Thanks

Sedruol No longer important
  • replies: 5

Hi, Am divorced and just turned 60. Migrated to Australia when kids were 4 & 5 yo, for a better education and comfortable life. Indeed, they both got thru U and hold careers. After marriage separation and living alone, I tried ending life but unsucce... View more

Hi, Am divorced and just turned 60. Migrated to Australia when kids were 4 & 5 yo, for a better education and comfortable life. Indeed, they both got thru U and hold careers. After marriage separation and living alone, I tried ending life but unsuccessful. Son and his wife took me into their custody as daughter and husband left for another country. Tried to live happy with them, in an environment beyond my liking. Living in one roof with son’s dominating in-laws (one is non-English speaker) with different cultural background was tough, a torture at times but didn’t matter much since granddaughter came into picture. Dominating as they are financially secured, while I am not. In return for free accommodation, utilities and food, I service the household and nanny the first born grandchild. Exhausting but rewarding as she’s adoring and filled my empty life. Life’s got tougher when grandchild 2 came. At my age, mummying a little one, feeding at nights means sleepless nights when mum was ill or for other reasons, pushing kid 1 in a pram and a heavy school bag for kid 2 are not something you look forward doing again but again I have a free roof. My aching body? A prepaid massage or acupuncture gets me ready for the next routine. What is mentally torturing is Son became arrogant and ungrateful! I became on my own, he hardly talks but chats so happily with in-laws. Pats on the back, hugs, how are you mum, are you ok, have you eaten’ have all gone. All I ask is just a little love and respect but what I get now is an arrogant smirk. Wife said just live as if we are housemates! My heart aches and I feel I am a hired nanny, a cleaner and an Iron Lady for his office clothes. I feel they need my room space now. I am tired and Unwanted so what is there to live? At 60, homeless, has little super pension, no family. Perhaps back to my country and die slowly on my own. Who would notice anyway

missy13m How to deal with a toxic ex-partner
  • replies: 4

I am currently struggling the most with having my ex-husband in my life knowing how toxic his attitude can be. Unfortunately, as he is the father of my two children, it is a relationship I have to continue to endure, whether I personally would want t... View more

I am currently struggling the most with having my ex-husband in my life knowing how toxic his attitude can be. Unfortunately, as he is the father of my two children, it is a relationship I have to continue to endure, whether I personally would want to or not. I am just really beginning to question at what point can a person walk away? I feel that he is actually starting to cause me emotional harm and as I live with anxiety and depression, I am starting to be concerned by this and by him. Normally, even through everything, we have been ok, but recently, with particular conflicts, I have seen a side of him that I truly despise. To think of him that way makes me feel physically sick. i have held my feelings back for the sake of my children since we separated six years ago but I really feel that I need to distance myself from him as i fear he is causing me harm, emotionally and psychologically. At what point, can a person say enough - you are hurting me and I can't do this anymore? am I allowed to put myself first this time? how would I explain to my kids that I can't speak to their dad or even be in the same room as him? i honestly don't even want him in my house right now as I am overcome by these negative feelings I have of him. i feel he has changed lately and when I bring up issues with him about the kids, he turns so nasty and it makes me feel that I cannot talk to him anymore. a conversation I had with him earlier today was the last straw for me. i really don't know what to do anymore. I am tied to him for life because we have kids together and that's why I am so afraid and unsure. if he was not a father to my kids, I would have walked away the moment we separated. I really hope to get some thoughts from people who may be able to help.

Bellbell11 I don't know if I should stay or go?
  • replies: 3

I have been married for over a many years and things seem ok for a while then they get bad again. Right now he won't talk to me and we are sleeping separately. He constantly threatens to leave and sell the house (in his name only even though I well a... View more

I have been married for over a many years and things seem ok for a while then they get bad again. Right now he won't talk to me and we are sleeping separately. He constantly threatens to leave and sell the house (in his name only even though I well and truly pay my way) When he is in a mood and I try to talk to him he gives me the silent treatment, or if he does answer it is a grunt or really rude and abrupt. He ignores our youngest, 10 year old child (older kids already out of home) and shows no interest when he is in a mood. He also smokes pot and when he has run out he is horrible to be around. I am trying to do everything, I work 2 jobs, study, run my child to sports etc and try to pay all the bills. He leaves it all to me. Then complains when we have no money. And he makes it seem like it is all my fault. I don't go out, drink, smoke, buy things for myself. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be next him. I just want to hide in my room and stay out of his way. I stayed all this time for my kids. I feel like I do all the work, i get nothing much back. I've is fine if he has a smoke but feel like I am living with someone with a split personality.

EmmawiththeBPD Breakup due to Borderline Personality Disorder
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone. i am new to these forums and I would really appreciate any constructive advice. my much loved boyfriend broke up with me yesterday due to an extreme emotional response to him leaving me out of a social outing. I know my emotions were ... View more

Hello everyone. i am new to these forums and I would really appreciate any constructive advice. my much loved boyfriend broke up with me yesterday due to an extreme emotional response to him leaving me out of a social outing. I know my emotions were unreasonable now, but I didn’t until he pointed it out to me and asked me to get some help. We had not been together very long and so we were still learning about each other’s communication styles. This was our first fight but it was enough for him to break up with me. My heart is breaking and I feel manic. He doesn’t want me contacting him and I am embarrassed to admit that I have tried way too much to get him to talk to me. I have already been very proactive in getting well since this breakup, have seen my GP and have therapy lined up, am joining a gym and starting a healthier diet. I am doing this for me, but also because I want him to see how much I love him and how committed I am to fixing things and making him happy. I don’t know what to do. Im scared that I’m going to drive him away... I really want him back.

Deckt New relationship after divorce.
  • replies: 18

I'm torn about this. I don't want to think that others have been in this situation, but need advice. My ex-wife and I have been separated for 5 years, divorced for 3. We have a good working relationship, and agreed when we separated that we would put... View more

I'm torn about this. I don't want to think that others have been in this situation, but need advice. My ex-wife and I have been separated for 5 years, divorced for 3. We have a good working relationship, and agreed when we separated that we would put aside our personal issues, and do what was best for our sons. I am out of work due to chronic health issues. Accordingly, I meet my child support requirements with a combination of financial and care needs. Specifically, I pay for my kids private health insurance, and care for them before and after school. My boys live full time with their mum - this is a good arrangement for them, for her and for me. In addition, I take them in the (rare) event that she has an evening out, or needs to go away for work. The issue is with my new partner. She has the impression that I go 'above and beyond' to support my ex-wife. I have tried to explain to her many times that this is not the case, and on the contrary, I do very little. It is rare that our plans conflict with my parenting duties. I have suggested that we go to counselling, and if the counsellor agreed that I am being unreasonable, to make changes. She is not willing to agree to the same. Has anyone else had similar issues? Thanks in advance.

Baya Struggling after a manipulative relationship
  • replies: 5

I'm struggling to know why I'm finding a break up so difficult. Especially when I was the one who ended the relationship. Everyone I talk to tell me my ex was manipulative. And I know I want to beleive that was the case. But a big part of me worries ... View more

I'm struggling to know why I'm finding a break up so difficult. Especially when I was the one who ended the relationship. Everyone I talk to tell me my ex was manipulative. And I know I want to beleive that was the case. But a big part of me worries I was too pushy with too many expectations. I'm a single mum. And he was my first serious partner in years and I've been abused by my child's father for years. He said he fought for me even though I'm a mum who is harder to get time with. We got pregnant and aborted I think I am still grieving the loss of the family we almost had and doubt comes into my mind that it was ME who was the problem and that I was depressed and crazy when he met me. I am feeling absolutely crazy now that I can't just move on. We dated only 6 months but he texted and saw me still for 18 months. Even though he had a new girlfriend but never told me about her. Yet said he missed my kissed but not who I am because I just him so much. I feel foolish. My ego has been bruised. I feel he got away with it. And then I feel so silly for STILL missing him. Who he was some of the time. I guess I just want to know what support there is out there for this kind of thing. I just want to tell everyone and be reassured its him not me.

Gems007 Should I leave my partner? His ex has made life riduclus, He lost his kids still not dirvoce, drinks too much, still married has depression
  • replies: 6

It's been a shit 3 Years, I don't want to give up on my partner but he has dragged me through hell. He was a full time single Dad when I meet him, his wife cheated on him & left the kids & him behind while she enjoyed her life. I came along straight ... View more

It's been a shit 3 Years, I don't want to give up on my partner but he has dragged me through hell. He was a full time single Dad when I meet him, his wife cheated on him & left the kids & him behind while she enjoyed her life. I came along straight to court she took my partner. They are still married. 3 hours later she turned the kids against us, they now live with her, the family court all for the woman. It's been a year since my partner has seen his kids. The court is forcing him to sell his house to pay her out a huge sum of money so we will be homeless cause he can't refinance cause he had depression. Court doesn't care I have a child. Court doesn't care. My partner drinks too much and is hateful of woman because of his ex. He has a job now but where do I go from here? How do I leave him, after all he's been through without feeling guilty. But his drinking and hatefullness towards females I deserve better. He is verbally abusive when he drinks. Christmas day I had to leave stay in a hotel with my daughter cause he went off due to first Christmas without his kids. It's not my fault yet he can't seem to see that. My partner has depression that comes and goes. It's always all about him. His ex, his kids, his depression, the family court, it doesn't end. I get told by him I'm selfish and don't care but 3 years I've had enough. Our relationship can be awesome then we have horrible fights that always come back to my fault according to him. Pretty much cause I'm a female and all females run men's life. He is really hateful and judgmental 99% when he drinks. I'm over everything Where do I fit in, if I knew us being together would drag out his bitter twisted ex I would have ran the other way.

kned Struggling with career choices
  • replies: 2

I'm not sure if this is the right forum but here goes. Ever since I became a mum 6 years ago, my passion for my career has changed. I returned to work part time between kids, but I felt like life was similar to that early scene in 'Shaun of the Dead'... View more

I'm not sure if this is the right forum but here goes. Ever since I became a mum 6 years ago, my passion for my career has changed. I returned to work part time between kids, but I felt like life was similar to that early scene in 'Shaun of the Dead' - just going through the motions of life in autopilot, like zombies. Ita sad and disappointing as I used to hold such passion and drive for my career. I am qualified/experienced in social work so I used to want to help people! I wanted to improve their quality of life, I was always striving to be an amazing person who made changes to other's lives. Now I'm a busy mum of 3 and I don't think I'm depressed. I enjoy my kids and my life generally. However I have lost my purpose outside of being 'mum'. The thought of returning to the field I worked in, just makes me feel numb. What is wrong with me?!!! Is this a sign that I need a career change? Is this normal after having a family?