I have a mentally unsupportive family
Hi there, I have a whole lot on my mind right now so I’ll do the best I can to keep this brief.
I really don’t like living at home, I feel depressed, lonely, and anxious, have been for around a year now. A lot of people would say I’m lucky to still live at home with my family at 21 but I personally hate it. My family rarely talks to me on a daily basis, we are not close. I felt it was a big mistake taking a gap year off at home because over the past year I’ve had to deal with a lot from my brother and my dad disrespecting me.
My brother has bipolar, sort of relevant because around him I seem to never do anything right, or when he’s not in a good mood he takes it out on me, insults me, swears at me, tries to get to me mentally. I’ve learned to say I’m disengaging and walk away over the past few months but in turn I’ve developed some possible anxiety over this where I get scared hearing him walk, talk, ask me anything.
My dad hasn’t been very respectful either. He’s gaslit me on situations saying that the situation isn’t as bad as I’m saying, talking over me, lecturing me whenever we talk, ignoring me. Whenever I’ve tried to tell him about my brother acting out on me, he tells me and my brother that we need to get along but that doesn’t help out be because my brother will just get upset at me again without backlash.
The main thing my dad’s done that I’m unhappy with is on my birthday I was talking online with friends, my dad forgot his keys at home. He came back home late and I didn’t hear him knock, nor did my brother. He got let in, barges in my room and got upset that I didn’t hear him knock and let him in. I told him to wait till after I was done talking with friends but he kept going talking about how upset he is, on my birthday. After talking with friends online, I talked with him and he claimed he was too tired to talk to me and wouldn’t respond properly so I let him be. Then 5 minutes later he blasts his techno music late at night.
Over time from behaviour like this I avoid my family as much as I can. I’d love to move out but I do not have a job, my dad will not help me with my resume, or jobs/courses so I’ve had to rely on friends for that help. It sucks when you live with family that isn’t mentally there for you, so I’m left to figure out how to do things on my own when I’m too scared to do a lot of things by myself. Even leaving the house is a big thing for me. If there’s any help or support I’d love to hear it.
Welcome to the forums and good on you for having the courage to post too 🙂
I understand you as I was in the same situation when I was 21 and it was awful. Can I ask if you have a couple of friends that you can 'really' talk to? Having a support network can be a huge help
I know you are an adult...not a kid. Our friends at kidshelpline are wonderful....Like us they are non judgemental. They are also available 24/7 365 days a year counseling service.....both phone and online and it doesnt cost anything. Just from what you have posted you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by just having a chat either by phone or by email Cherrybean 🙂
1800 55 1800 24/7
any questions are always welcome Cherrybean! There are many gentle people that can be here for you too
I hope you can post back if you wish!
my kind thoughts
Thank you for being brave and sharing your story as I’m stuck in a similar position as well. I’m 19, came from a dysfunctional household which I have a lot of mental issues to deal with which my mum couldn’t care less about and I’m still looking for my first job. I wish to become independent and I really want to move out ASAP. Like you I have to figure out things on my own and I’m afraid of becoming independent. Are you in uni? If so, I suggest you should try see the university counsellor for extra support. Talk to your friends, spend time with them and they will become your family and support you. If you are in university, don’t give up as there are many opportunities to better yourself and improve your situation. I found out that my uni gives people money to study abroad at an international campus for free ( if you have youth allowance) which is a great opportunity for me to take a break from my family. Also there is a lot of support services out there which you can try such as Headspace.