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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_598 Husband wants kids, I don't
  • replies: 6

Hello All, my husband and I have been together for nearly ten years. Before we got married, we had several conversations to clarify two major questions in life - a) kids and b) living and working overseas. I was always clear that I would never want k... View more

Hello All, my husband and I have been together for nearly ten years. Before we got married, we had several conversations to clarify two major questions in life - a) kids and b) living and working overseas. I was always clear that I would never want kids (unless my biological clock would magically start ticking which I always highly doubted). Also, I always wanted to move overseas to live for a while. I do not come from here and have always been a bit of a nomad, so it was possible that I would eventually like to get closer to home again, yet not necessarily to my home country. When we had these discussions, my husband was happy not having kids and was interested in moving overseas as he saw it as a career growth opportunity. Fast forward, we have been married for nearly five years and since July last year, he all of a sudden has a very strong desire to have kids. Although, at the same time, he is not sure about it. He also said that the thought of moving overseas and all the risks that may entail terrify him and he is no longer sure whether he wants to go. We have had a really hard couple of months for several reasons and my husband is currently very depressed. He is depression-prone but usually he could find a way out after a while. At the moment, that seems impossible. I try my best to be positive but we have had a lot of sad conversations. I suggested to separate so he can explore kids with another person but he says he cannot imagine his life without me and he is all hung up on the risks of separating from me and in the end it will turn out for the worse. I feel we are in limbo and he is not getting out of the rut. He is seeing a psychologist but he doesn't want to tell her that he is sometimes thinking of killing himself. I am not sure how serious he is but he says he doesn't want to discuss these dark thoughts with anyone because he doesn't want to be reminded of them but rather become happy again. I don't know how to help him and it's tearing me apart. I feel I have nothing left to give, empty. We are going to counselling together for our marriage but I wonder if there is any hope or if I should just leave, hence making the tough decision for him. It's obvious that kids are a huge desire for him that hurts him deeply. He is so torn because he constantly wonders what to do. I told him to focus on getting better first but he cannot let go of the circle of thought. What should I do? Should I go so he can get better? What if he harms himself if I do?

JAERose what should i do
  • replies: 1

I have moved a lot in life and have never really settled down anywhere I haven't had a friend over two years and my family doesn't take my mental health issues well im afraid to talk to anyone because I feel like there is no reason for me to feel the... View more

I have moved a lot in life and have never really settled down anywhere I haven't had a friend over two years and my family doesn't take my mental health issues well im afraid to talk to anyone because I feel like there is no reason for me to feel the way I do

whitechocolate relationship issues because I am a complicated person, and my boyfriend has had enough.
  • replies: 2

Hi. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 months. We both love each other very much. He is my first serious boyfriend, and he claims I am the first girl he has loved. Were both in our mid twenties. The problem is that with my boyfrien... View more

Hi. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 months. We both love each other very much. He is my first serious boyfriend, and he claims I am the first girl he has loved. Were both in our mid twenties. The problem is that with my boyfriend ( and parents in the past!), I have an anger management issue. Whenever I feel anger/resentment with him, I yell. I raise my voice, because otherwise I don't feel heard. I feel horrible about this, and really want to change. This does not occur with other people. It has only happened with my boyfriend, parents, and my closest friend. Another problem is that I am bad at hiding it if I do not like something. Since I have never had large friend groups and always kept to myself growing up, I may be lacking social exposure (I did have some close individual friends, though). The times I have gone out partying with my boyfriend and his friends, and I was intoxicated, I said it very clearly if I did not like something, to my boyfriend, in everyone's presence. As a result, 2 of his friends have a very bad opinion of me, and warned them for me - without knowing me. They claim that I am too dominant and could hurt him. He told me this in an argument, when he felt angry. It was horrible to hear that some if the people who know him think I am a bad influence for him and that I would hurt him. I know that I have yelling issues, as well as a strong personality (and therefore cannot hide it if I don't like something easily), but I am definitely not a spiteful or mean person. I have always seen myself as a sweet and loving, kind person. However, I feel like my worst sides have been exposed since having had my first boyfriend. I am not as easygoing and adapting as some people may be, but I never had bad intentions. After my boyfriend told me this in a fight, I have been feeling confused about who I am as a person. I doubt myself now, and think maybe subconsciously am doing it on purpose. But, I have no intention of other people to dislike me, and definitely not my boyfriend. Ive always felt like Im different than other people. I was always the one to take the blame for family issues, because of my "strong" personality. My parents have treated me horribly as a child and teenager and because of this I have been depressed from 16 y/o onwards with 0 self esteem. Luckily, I met my 2 best friends who appreciated me, as well as good psychotherapist, and developed a reasonably confident personality as I matured.

mmx My best friend treats me like a psychologist
  • replies: 2

I have a small group of friends who I hang with daily at school. There are only 5 of us. Two of them are boys, who I’m really close to. They are both really nice and usually easy to talk to. The other two are girls, one of them I was in most all of m... View more

I have a small group of friends who I hang with daily at school. There are only 5 of us. Two of them are boys, who I’m really close to. They are both really nice and usually easy to talk to. The other two are girls, one of them I was in most all of my classes with last year so we became very close. The last one I met at the start of high school. At first, our friendship was incredible. We spent every minute we could together, discussing the latest gossip and plans for the weekend. We were virtually inseparable. It was early into the school year last year, that I began to feel ‘heavy’, like something was constantly using up all of my energy. I ignored it, believing it was a phase. Half way though the year, I saw that the problem was persisting. I was becoming exhausted and couldn’t understand why. That’s when I began to notice some patterns, every night I would feel relieved to be on that bus ride home from school. Every morning I would worry on the commute to school. As soon as I would arrive at my locker, every morning, without fail, the girl who I’d really hit it off with for the past year and a half would sprint over to me and vent, usually about the same topics. Family problems were always popular. Every morning it would be the same thing. I’d grab my books and drag myself to class, still listening to her telling me about herself. Up until that last moment, getting onto the bus and feel that relief, would I feel calm again. Over the Christmas break, for the first time in a while, I felt good. There wasn’t the daily routine of stressing anymore. I talked about the weather and dogs and food with my family. In a way, I sort of missed the daily bark into my ears about how my best friend’s personal life was going. The start of this year came. And so did that same daily routine. Only this time, I also had the 3 other people in my new friend group telling me about themselves too. I thought it would settle down after the excitement of the holidays went away, maybe after week or two, but here we are, nearing the end of the 6th week of Term 1. And I’m still facing the same problems. I feel very drained. I’m constantly lethargic and find it hard to concentrate on school work. My marks aren’t doing too well, either. It has been slightly better this year as I only have one friend in our group that I share any elective classes with, so break times are the only times to hang with these friends. But the tiredness and morning anxiety is still there.

BSH123 Living with boyfriends family advice
  • replies: 3

I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year and a half now and have been living with him and his family for the entire time. I got kicked out of home when we met so thats why i live with them. His parents said they were happy for me to stay and h... View more

I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year and a half now and have been living with him and his family for the entire time. I got kicked out of home when we met so thats why i live with them. His parents said they were happy for me to stay and have never actually told me to leave. I suffer from anxiety and depression so i struggle to leave the room which is causing for my mental health to really suffer. I get to the point where i cant go to the toilet or make food because I am just to scared. The reasoning for this is because i dont feel comfortable at all. My partners mum has made it very difficult for me to continue living here and i dont know what to do. I have a job that is minimum wage and only a few times a week so i dont have very much money. I also dont have my licence and dont have anyone to drive with to get the practice i need. The advice i need the most is how to deal with his mum. My partners mum feels the need to clean his room everyday even though he is 23. She doesnt just clean it though. She goes through the bin, goes through all of my stuff and kicks it around. Alot of my stuff has gone missing and we have just discovered she has stolen it and taken it for herself. She lies and doesn't admit anything and will cry to his dad saying we are lying. She has gone through my washing and taken out my underwear and put it outside the room so everyone can see it. A lot of my belongings have been destroyed. I feel like I am trapped and have no where to go. I have been applying for so many jobs and i really just need to know what options i have. My boyfriend is in the process of saving for a house so he doesn't want to rent and i cant afford to rent.

Saddd My boyfriend has broken up with me. Please help.
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend has broken up with me. It was so abrupt, I was so deeply in love with him, and still am. I really do not understand. He came home from work two days ago, and told me that “it was best to break up”.. I am really not dealing with this well... View more

My boyfriend has broken up with me. It was so abrupt, I was so deeply in love with him, and still am. I really do not understand. He came home from work two days ago, and told me that “it was best to break up”.. I am really not dealing with this well. I keep having anxiety attacks, and I am hyperventilating, not sleeping and feel awful. I feel like my entire soul has been ripped and all my plans and thoughts and future ideas have just crumbled down, and are no longer possible. I really pursued our relationship, I still want to. I want to go over to his and talk to him, communicate with him... But I don’t want to push him further away. I don’t know what to do, because the only thing I want to do is be with him, and for everything to be okay and to be able to go back to a few days ago and prevent any of this from happening. I don’t undestand. It’s killing me.

Lyall27 Father of my child going to jail for 2 years
  • replies: 4

My ex, whom I coparent an 8 y o with, has been charged and sentenced to 2 yrs jail time. They appealed and he is out of bail but faces court again in a month. He only discussed this with me today and I’m still processing it all. What happens to our c... View more

My ex, whom I coparent an 8 y o with, has been charged and sentenced to 2 yrs jail time. They appealed and he is out of bail but faces court again in a month. He only discussed this with me today and I’m still processing it all. What happens to our coparent arrangements. I do not get along with his family at all and have massive anxiety thinking about having to communicate with them. I will wait and see what happens in a month with the sentencing, but need advice on if I should talk to my 8 y o about this and how and if anyone has been through anything like this.

Mumsie123 I have lost control of my 10year old son
  • replies: 2

I am in a really low place atm and I haven’t been this low before. I walk into my home from work and I hate my house and my life, I feel like the walls are coming in on me. I can’t smile, I’m emotionless, I’m numb, I can’t concentrate, I’m snappy, I ... View more

I am in a really low place atm and I haven’t been this low before. I walk into my home from work and I hate my house and my life, I feel like the walls are coming in on me. I can’t smile, I’m emotionless, I’m numb, I can’t concentrate, I’m snappy, I have restless legs, I’m uncomfortable and most of all I am full of guilt. Guilty that I am not friendly to my two boys anymore or my husband or mum or dad. I’m crying all day and night. This has been made worse with the night behaviour or my 10 year old son. I dread nights and I am already feeling broken this adds to my breakdown. here are my notes from Saturday night it has happened every single night and we are on night 5 of this. Saturday - At 2am mr 10 comes into our room and asks to put the pedistal fan on in his room he is hot. He has the overhead fan on high it’s a cool night and is raining. We tell him to go to sleep. He cry’s and go to bed. 10mins later he comes back into our room he can’t sleep we tell him to go to bed and there will be no games in the morning as this behaviour can’t continue. He has a meltdown. The house is now fully awake. He turns all lights on. He comes into our room another 10mins later he is still hot and can’t sleep. I am yelling and screaming now, My husband is yelling and screaming also. I give in and turn the pedistal fan on. We all go to bed upset. 15mijs later he comes back in he can’t sleep can he read. We are all upset I’m crying asking why he is doing this to us. he then says he will sleep in his brothers room. He comes back in 10 mins later saying he can’t sleep. I go into the room demanding why he is doing this to us crying and very over tired and upset. I ask if he thinks it’s a game: my son then takes the sheet off his body and puts it on the floor and then asks me to please get his blanket from his room to put on him. I loose my mind and make him go back into his own room. We all go back to bed. Yet again he comes in and says his hot, my husband looses it and throws his pedistal fan in the backyard we are all crying and yelling we put him in his bed and we now can’t go back to sleep we are to upset, I feel like My son has won and we have been held hostage in our house. Once again 15mins later he comes out and says he can’t sleep. It’s now 4.16am we are broken. I have given him a phenergon so we can try get some sleep it is now 4.45am what should I do to get out of this bad place and help my once happy home?

bon7989 hurt a friend, apologised, now what?
  • replies: 1

I recently hurt one of my closest friends. something i apologised for straight away when i realised what i had done and the hurt i caused. i gave it a few days before i messaged her asking to meet up for coffee so i could properly apologise. she decl... View more

I recently hurt one of my closest friends. something i apologised for straight away when i realised what i had done and the hurt i caused. i gave it a few days before i messaged her asking to meet up for coffee so i could properly apologise. she declined saying she needs time, is still hurt and cant forgive me just yet. i'm very understanding of this. i guess now im unsure of what to do. if we have group events coming up is it better i don't go so she doesn't feel i'm ruining her night. or if i go how should i interact with her. i feel not saying anything will seem like i'm ignoring her but if i'm too full on will seem. i dont want to lose her as a friend.

Drew_W Falling out with an Old Old Friend
  • replies: 2

In the past month I have been through the very upsetting experience of falling out with one my best friends for nearly 30 years. We had planned go rafting for our other best friends 40th. L lives overseas and had with great expense paid to come home ... View more

In the past month I have been through the very upsetting experience of falling out with one my best friends for nearly 30 years. We had planned go rafting for our other best friends 40th. L lives overseas and had with great expense paid to come home for this adventure. About 2 weeks before the trip a couple of other people had to pull out and all of sudden we didn't have enough people for the tour operator. Both my other friend C and I tried very hard to find some other people, as L was very annoyed and kept mentioning he wouldn't come if the trip was cancelled which none of us wanted. I then found another company that could take us but by then the weather had been so dry the river wasn't running and we couldn't go anyway. L wasn't accepting of any of this and angrily blamed both me and C for the cancelled trip even though it wasn't our fault. We didn't pull out and we can't control the weather. We even suggested to do something else, as there were many other things we could have done. The whole adventure was for C's birthday, and an opportunity for us to all be together for the first time in several years, but L wasn't interested, that was all secondary to him, he was fixated on going rafting or nothing else. The words L used to us had both C and I in tears, two 40 year old men. L eventually decided to come anyway and go on a bushwalk by himself, we weren't invited. C decided to meet with him as it was easier to do that than explain to his kids why they couldn't see Uncle L. L wanted to see me also, but I had strong mixed feelings as at that point every message from L would cause strong fear and anxiety in me due to his relentless anger. I told him this but said we could meet if he wanted to. His response was to say he wasn't angry in one sentence and in the next that my comments were highly offensive. A few weeks have past now and I am struggling with what to do. I don't want to lose my friend but I can't pretend it didn't happen and I can't apologise for something I didn't do. I wan't L to apologise for the hurt he's caused but he hasn't yet and I can't see him doing so. And if I confront him he'll just get angry and say it was my fault and become more angry. I have reached out once to him and had no response, he's shutting me out. I think he is angry at me because I have stood up to him, but in the end I am the one left feeling outcast. Now I see posts online of him with our other friends having fun and I feel sad. What should I do?