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I dont understand myself

Community Member
My entire life has been filled with nothing but pain. My so called family could watch me burn.
I dont understand where ive gone wrong. I have this ability to wear peoples shoes
And feel their pain. I allways want the best and i only ever show i care to no avail. I dont want anyone to suffer thats all i ever do. Yet im left complexed at why i just get left out,lied too,manipulated,used,abused
I suffer with anxiety and depression. Ive allways been single spent every night alone try to myself it will all be ok. But when does it stop im soo tired my thoughts run rampent my anger untethered, and all i feel is contempt for myself. I dont want to change who i am, i love who i am and what ive become yet.. i hate myself
4 Replies 4

Community Member
All i want is someone just to wear my baggage for 5 mins im scared of myself and the numbness that has set in to my cold stale existence. But i know this wont happen and im left at a stalemate.. i just pray i dont fall victim to myself

Even now im talking in third person allmost . Im even replying to my own comments im falling apart going crazy i need a rock

Hey Joseph1992,  Thank you for your recent posts to the beyondblue community forums and reaching out for support at this time.... It sounds like things have been really challenging for you and you're having a hard time knowing which way is up.
We'd really encourage you to continue reaching out and that you might benefit from speaking to a counsellor By calling us here at Beyond blue on 1300 22 4636 or maybe our friends over at Lifeline on 13 11 14.
Again, welcome to the forums, and we hope you find the support you are looking for here.

Hi Joseph, welcome

It is disheartening to realise your family doesn’t measure up to some basic expectations like showing some empathy. So that isn’t your fault. If your expectations were unreasonable that would be different.

Having any mental illness places us in a position of loneliness immediately because it’s an illness that is out of sight- out of sight is out of mind!

Therefore we need to find support elsewhere like this forum and if need be, drift from family members that aren’t helping your progress.

google this please

beyondblue topic they just won’t understand-why?

beyondblue topic the best praise you’ll ever get