Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Vicki_E My partner refuses help
  • replies: 7

I have been living with my partner for the best part of a year, and it has been a wonderful time until the last couple of weeks. He is clearly depressed, behaving out of character and self focused. He says he can’t see a light at the end of the tunne... View more

I have been living with my partner for the best part of a year, and it has been a wonderful time until the last couple of weeks. He is clearly depressed, behaving out of character and self focused. He says he can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel and knows he needs help but refuses to talk to anyone. It is affecting our relationship, and while I’m trying desperately hard to be supportive, I find myself questioning everything he says and does and smothering him with kindness. (I’m an ex nurse and a ‘fixer’ by nature). His ex wife says he has had these episodes before and she was never able to get him to seek help either. I don’t know what to do.

MummaPetal Husband says he loves me but I don't feel it
  • replies: 4

I've been married around 10 years and we have a child. There's very little intimacy in our marriage. When we are home together, my husband is either on his phone or on the computer. I just feel that we are living together. He doesn't have friends out... View more

I've been married around 10 years and we have a child. There's very little intimacy in our marriage. When we are home together, my husband is either on his phone or on the computer. I just feel that we are living together. He doesn't have friends outside of work or has any hobbies. He goes out for drinks sometimes after work but not often. I feel lonely and yearn for an equal relationship. I feel responsible for everyone in the family. We have discussed my feelings and I have said I've considered leaving. He says he loves me but nothing ever changes. I have no money to leave but I also feel that I cannot stay in an unhappy marriage. Can anyone offer any suggestions? Thank you.

Gaz67 Recently Seperated
  • replies: 6

I recently seperated from my wife of 29 years, I just fell out of love with her. We tried different things to rekindle it but it didn't work. I'm really struggling with it way more than I thought I would, I'm constantly breaking down, feel down & rea... View more

I recently seperated from my wife of 29 years, I just fell out of love with her. We tried different things to rekindle it but it didn't work. I'm really struggling with it way more than I thought I would, I'm constantly breaking down, feel down & really hate when I'm alone. We are currently still living in the same house as I can't afford to move out & niether can she so that is making it hard

BBUser38 I'm so lost and confused. I want to stay, he wants me to move on. What do I do???
  • replies: 2

So my depressing feelings are starting to impact my job, my relationship, my health. These feelings are ruining everything. But it's soon going to destroy the only relationship I have. My boyfriend of 3 years told me that he has not loved me since Au... View more

So my depressing feelings are starting to impact my job, my relationship, my health. These feelings are ruining everything. But it's soon going to destroy the only relationship I have. My boyfriend of 3 years told me that he has not loved me since August last year. Telling me that he has been trying to find a way to break up with me but he doesn't want the guilt of the pain it'll cause me. He says there's no way this relationship is going to work because we are two very different people trying to fit together. After crying and talking, he says that he'll stay with me and we can try to work it out but he has no hope of this happening. And I can't help feeling that if I was a stronger person, confident like I was when we first met, that he wouldn't stop loving me. It's all because I can't get out of this hole. And for the last week, I've been crying myself to sleep every night. Everything hurts, I'm angry, I'm devastated, and everything that I've felt since I lost myself is hitting me tenfold. I really just don't know what to do. It hurts him to fake a smile with me but he says he doesn't want to break up. That the love has changed. He no longer loves me like he did when we were first together. But he cares for me so much that he doesn't want to ruin my life. He says he is happy when I am happy... I'm so confused. He cares, but he doesn't love me. He has been trying to break up with me for a year but he doesn't want to break up with me. He keeps saying he is logical, and our relationship just doesn't work. But he tells my that he's holding me back, that he'd regret breaking up with me but he knows it'll be best for me. I love him so much that I'm being selfish and I want him to stay with me even though it hurts him. So do I really love him if I can't let him go when this relationship is hurting him. Or is it blind hope that if I finally find myself, that he'll come back to me and love me like before. But this is also his first long term relationship. Isn't it normal to fall in and out of love? Or am I too afraid to let him go because I have no one else. I've just moved to a different state. I'm a 3 day drive away from all my friends and family. I have a new job that I'm sucking at because I have zero confidence. The only person I have is my boyfriend. And he is everything to me. I love him so dearly. He was the man, I was suppose to spend the rest of my life with. Grrr, what do I do? Am I delusional, pathetic, or too attatched. Or all three. Please help

MP_Lost Struggling with a narcissistic husband
  • replies: 2

Dumb, b, moron, slow, stupid, stop playing the victim, f off, get out of my face, I’ll call your mum, you’re a slow learner, you’ll pay for this, you better apologise. I hear these things on a weekly basis, sometimes numerous times a day. The person ... View more

Dumb, b, moron, slow, stupid, stop playing the victim, f off, get out of my face, I’ll call your mum, you’re a slow learner, you’ll pay for this, you better apologise. I hear these things on a weekly basis, sometimes numerous times a day. The person that says these things is the person that’s meant to love and support me - my husband. The man I have been with for over 11 years. The things he says to me used to hurt and make me cry but for a long time it’s not what he says that makes me cry, it’s why I continue to stay. I’m starting to believe that maybe he’s right and the things he says is right, after all what person would subject them self to this over and over again. I don’t tell people that this goes on. To his friends and family he is wonderful and always there when they need him so how would they believe that he’s the complete opposite with me? I can’t continue to go on like this. I wake up every day wishing that I didn’t but I don’t know what to do to change it. I live in a remote part of the country with all of my family 1000’s of kms away. I have a full time job where I earn decent money but I have no savings because my husband gambles all the money away. We have no kids however I have two large dogs that are my entire world so I can’t just jump on a plane and go home because there’s no way I can leave them behind. I have decided to post to ask if anyone is please able to give me advice, or offer some glimpse of hope. I know that I cannot continue to stay with a gambling, alcoholic, narcissist but I don’t know how to leave.

vinnyboma how to cope with rejection from wife.
  • replies: 2

Rejection..... how to cope with it when it comes from someone you love very much?? I have been married for nine and a half years to my wife we have 2 children 9 and 5 years old. over the past 9 years we have had our ups and downs but what always come... View more

Rejection..... how to cope with it when it comes from someone you love very much?? I have been married for nine and a half years to my wife we have 2 children 9 and 5 years old. over the past 9 years we have had our ups and downs but what always comes up is intimacy and I am sure this has been brought up before on here. what is a normal sex drive?? is there such thing as a normal sex drive? if every one is different then how can one know what is normal? my sex drive is very different to my wife's I believe it is still the same as when I fist met her, ok maybe a little higher now and I think it should be after being with her for a long period just shows I still have the same last and mostly love for her right??. But the problem is this my wife and I know we have very different sex drives my wife's sex drive is hardly existent and this has been said by her. it has been very hard in the past and still very hard now to deal with this problem. I know what some people are thinking "she might be tired, do the house work", "make dinner", "put the kids to bed and rub her back" yes yes I know all of that and I already do that. I had asked my wife last night while rubbing her back if she could change anything about me what would it be and her reply was my sex drive so after all my dribble how do I lower my sex drive to make my wife happy to save our marriage?.

Booklover17 Please help - I need advice
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone So 2 nights ago my husband just told me that I make him feel like he can’t be himself around me because he is scared of my emotional reaction. I should say I do have anxiety so sometimes my reactions can be huge. Anyway, now I feel like a... View more

Hi everyone So 2 nights ago my husband just told me that I make him feel like he can’t be himself around me because he is scared of my emotional reaction. I should say I do have anxiety so sometimes my reactions can be huge. Anyway, now I feel like a complete psycho and I feel so bad and so upset and hurt. I had no idea he was feeling this way- everyday I have just trying to deal with my own anxiety and make it through the day and now he says (he didn’t use these words) but basically that I am a b****. I don’t know what to do anymore. What can I do?

ssvv24 Overweight boyfriend?
  • replies: 6

My boyfriend has gained 10+kg since being with me. Now his BMI says that he’s overweight and yet he doesn’t do anything to lose it. I feel upset bcos I feel as though he’s become complacent and entitled, that’s why he’s not motivated at all to at lea... View more

My boyfriend has gained 10+kg since being with me. Now his BMI says that he’s overweight and yet he doesn’t do anything to lose it. I feel upset bcos I feel as though he’s become complacent and entitled, that’s why he’s not motivated at all to at least watch what he eats. I rly think he’s let loose and I feel like it’s unfair because I always dress my best and watch what I eat but all he does is wear sweatpants when we’re out, play games and binge eat. He even shrugs off the comments friends make on his appearance due to weight gain. I know I sound shallow but I just wish he’d at least be mindful of how much he’s eating. I’m not sure how I can bring this up anymore. I don’t want to be the nagging gf who says “watch what you eat “and “we should exercise together”.

Gluey A potential cheating scare has left me unable to trust my new boyfriend whom I adore
  • replies: 3

Before i start, I have no idea if any of these things are red flags since I'm 19 so bare with my story. For some context, I (19) have been with my boyfriend (21) for just over a month, but we hadn't been seeing each other for very long (about a week)... View more

Before i start, I have no idea if any of these things are red flags since I'm 19 so bare with my story. For some context, I (19) have been with my boyfriend (21) for just over a month, but we hadn't been seeing each other for very long (about a week) before he asked me to be with him exclusively. He also confessed to falling in love with me within two weeks of knowing me (weird or not??). I returned the gesture a little bit later. It didn't take long for me to get attached as he's a great guy who loves making sure I'm happy and getting what I deserve from him. He is a bit of a jokester who likes teasing but i enjoy his humour as its similar to my own. He's extremely supportive when I'm upset about life and never pressures me to tell him anything I'm not comfortable with yet. We've spent more nights together than apart since he loves having me around all the time at his place, he's even told me multiple times that i should just move in or move more of my stuff there so i don't have to go back and forth. From what I've gathered, he's been in one long term relationship 2 years ago with a girl who abused him a lot and slept around a lot with random girls when he was single. About a week or two in, I tried stalking him on social media where I found another girl he dated for 6 monthish that he never mentioned. When I asked he told me she was "just some girl he was seeing" and that he didn't even know his instagram account was still accessible since he thought he deleted it... he promptly made sure it was deleted for real afterwards. He doesn't use fb either since its old and he hasn't noticed my friend request. His roommate is an old friend that I haven't been able to get along with due to his drunken behaviour (pulled a prank that crossed a line at one point) and I can't tell if he accepts me or is ok with me living at their place all the time. Under a week ago I found another girls bra on the floor amongst a whole heap of other shit. When I approached him about it he seemed genuinely confused and told me he had no idea what it is or who it belonged to and that he's genuinely sorry that this has hurt me (he apparently was cheated on by the ex long term girlfriend). His reaction and the fact that he was sick that week (I was with him while sick too) make me believe him but whenever I'm alone I find myself worrying about where he is or if he is lying to me. My theory is his roommate planted it. Im not sure what is going on in my head or if I should believe him.

Lizer Trust your partner
  • replies: 2

Hi guys just wondering how to trust your partner / husband after he’s been cheating on you with prostitues and short term affairs . please help don’t know what to do

Hi guys just wondering how to trust your partner / husband after he’s been cheating on you with prostitues and short term affairs . please help don’t know what to do