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extra loneliness and helplessness around holidays and new year's eve..

Community Member
I've been struggling with loss and grief from a long-term relationship breakdown last year, and now find myself in isolation with deep loneliness and sadness.. made worse by looking back at my life this time last year where it was full of people and things to do. I find I reach out to friends to try and connect but I get nothing back - they are too busy with their families or don't even reply. I want contact with my ex just to try to re-live some of the connection and affection we had, which I know is unhealthy but he has moved on and doesn't want anything to do with me. I struggle to understand why I can't form lasting relationships or why people have no interest in spending time with me, or even checking in on me to offer a kind word or support. I have no one to talk to or spend time with. I'm dreading tomorrow new year's eve when everyone else will be spending it with people and I want that too, but can't seem to get it. I don't know what to do..
21 Replies 21

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Abbie121 ,i just read your post and see some similarities with your story and mine.I to lost someone i was very close to and know they will never have anything to do with me again.This has really broken me and the few family i have left allways seem to busy and not interested in me.I spent Christmas day alone and will be spending new years eve alone to.I have allways struggled to make friends and keep them and i have Aspergers syndrome which dosnt help.

I try to keep busy even when its so hard some times.I like gardening and old motorbikes.I also have 2 kids that i have most weekends and they both have special needs.

Try and do something you enjoy doing even how hard it can be.You sound like a really caring person.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Abbie121

Great to chat to you and I hear what you are saying in that this time of year is really hard for so many people, so many grieving loved ones passed and relationships that have passed too. It is a time when alot of expectations are around, that we will be spending time with family and with our future partners and family etc..this is not always the case.

I think it is so hard keeping in touch with people and we all lead such fast paced busy lives that we do forget to remember people..if that makes sense..I am not sure if you know what I mean but my life is crazy busy, I have two teen children, I work full time and the rest of the time I am here...I think of my best friend all the time and each time I go to call her something ends up distracting me....poor excuse I know but when we do finally chat and even finally catch up it can be months later..my point is that she is always on my mind and in my heart..I need to get better at phoning her...I am sharing this I guess as sometimes it really is hard to make time for everyone else..let alone me....I believe you are always in your friends thoughts, does it help when you need them most..no but it does help sometimes to know it is real and life is busy and they are not brushing you off or forgetting you. In fact just by writing this now to you I am going to make a promise to be a better friend in 2020...and make real time for the people who I love.

Tomorrow night, I actually hate NYE..so full of rules..and shoulds...anyway...are there things that you love to do? Can you make some new traditions and make the night about Abbie121 and not about the shoulds..that you should be kissing someone at midnight...give yourself a kiss and do something wonderful that you like doing..a movie...a beach trip ...something that you love to do...I know it is not the same but you can do something that makes you feel good about you. Perhaps even if you went to a public park with the amount of free community things on and fireworks (scary with all the fires in Aust atm)..but you could pack a picnic and enjoy some you time.

I am not sure if I have helped at all and I am so very sorry that you are feeling so lonely and isolated and are reminded of how your life has been in the past and is not like that now.

I hope you find something wonderful to do tomorrow night that makes you feel good.



Thank you for your message Matchy, much appreciated.. it's good to know there are people who understand and feel the same way. It does sound hard for you too, but I know it's true that keeping busy with things that give you some happiness is the key thing.. I'm glad you have those interests and your kids. I'll try to focus on the small things that are enjoyable, thank you for the encouragement and kind words.

Thanks so much AS, your thoughtful words do mean a lot and are a help.. You sound like you are a great friend, and it's true that even though people can't always be in touch, they're in each other's thoughts.. that's usually enough for me but at times like this I can understand what a big difference it would make for a friend to take a minute to reach out (just as you did here) to those they know are alone, who might be struggling at this time of year, might be going through or recovering from grief or may just benefit from being asked how they are.. Thanks for the supportive encouragement about NYE.. I will do my best to do something like that, something nice for me. I hope you are going okay and hugs back to you x

Thank you for your kind support to me too Abbie121, that is so very much appreciated and I too am finding out that how things were for my last NYE and Christmas is very different to this year also. I do understand that a friend reaching out and taking the time to call and to care really does only take a minute and it really does hurt.

I am hoping that perhaps by me reaching out more to my friends and being a better friend next year that they will follow my lead and contact me some more too, almost like model the behavior.

I hope you do something wonderful for you tomorrow, even a massage or a pedi or some self care..that sounds wonderful actually....might take some of my own advice...

Thank you again for your kind sweet words, this is where I will be tomorrow, with beautiful people like you.

Huge hugs


Community Member

Hi Abbie121

Try to take some comfort in that you are not the only one going through feeling like this at the moment. My partner who I loved deeply broke up with me two weeks ago. I don't think I've ever felt this level of despair and darkness before in my life. I too had a very different life one year ago and up until not so long ago I assumed I would be with him at this time of the year. My friends are mostly married with children and I feel they don't understand my despair and loss. I guess we just have to keep on taking one step forward, as what else is there to do? Tomorrow night I'm going to start reading another book on my list and try and pretend it's just another weeknight.

Community Member
Thanks Jhc, and so sorry for your recent loss. I know that despair of losing someone you love so much and thought you would always be with. I think that is true though, that all you can do at this time is keep on taking a small step forward, no matter how tiny and how hard.. one hour and one day at a time, and over time, the pain will start to not feel so raw and all-consuming. That sounds like a great idea to start a new book tonight, I might do the same. Hugs to you x

Thank you AS.. yes, some self-care for you today sounds lovely, definitely take some of your own good advice. 🙂 I woke up today a bit more determined to do something good for me, and did a long beach walk this morning. Even though I wish things were different and am so sad I will try to take pleasure and comfort in the small things like that and not dwell on the past or what could have been. Hugs x

Hi Abbie121,

I am sure we talked months ago about breakups. I finally had to leave my partner 5 weeks ago, the abuse had become so bad I had to throw some clothes in a bag and run out of the house. This time last year I had a family, we watched the fireworks together with a bunch of school friends of one of my kids. I lived in a big flash house and was getting nearly straight Distinctions at university. Now I have to go to Macca's for internet, I'm struggling with uni and I sleep in my car as often as a bed. To cap it off, my father has just had a horrific fall and is not expected to survive the resulting implications (my mother is already passed). Christmas was hard, but this will be the first New Years in 25 years without my X.

I so feel all the things Abbie121 says in her first post, that is so how I feel! It is amazing. I guess though, that I will have to take Jhc's advice and try to read a book, though the whole world is spinning for me, and I can't help thinking of my X out with her new partner, my friends are all married or busy, my kids grown up with their own concerns.

All my life I have been the tough one, but finally the cracks are showing. I pray the new year brings us all what we need, a little joy into our lives. I will be thinking of you all tonight.