Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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AnnRob Cheating on my husband with an ex online
  • replies: 43

I've been married for 15 years. Very happily married. Last year in August an ex reached out via email as he'd just moved back to Australia. The last time I saw him was 17 years ago. He's married with two kids. We've only chatted via Whatsapp and emai... View more

I've been married for 15 years. Very happily married. Last year in August an ex reached out via email as he'd just moved back to Australia. The last time I saw him was 17 years ago. He's married with two kids. We've only chatted via Whatsapp and email for the last 6 months. Early this year I was discussing this online connection with a friend and my husband discovered this. Naturally, he was very upset and we went through a rough patch. But we worked through it and we're getting there. My problem is that I did not end this online relationship. Instead I got another phone and set up whatsapp on that. I'm just so overwhelmed with guilt as my husband is trying really hard and I'm continuing this on the side. To make matters worse, this ex has now ceased communication and I'm upset and torn. I felt very alive and flattered with the flirtatious nature of our relationship and now I feel so empty. My husband deserves better. Why am I doing this to him and myself? I have beautiful children and a wonderful life. What is wrong with me? I just keep contacting the ex. I can see he's online and he keeps ignoring me. This is how our relationship ended 17 years ago. He just cut all ties. Why have I not learned from this? This is affecting all aspects of my life. I'm finding it hard to concentrate at work. I'm getting snappy with the kids. My poor husband doesn't understand why I'm weepy all the time. Help me

Iamnotthisperson Some sort of painful adjective I couldn't find in the dictionary.
  • replies: 1

Hola Folks, I am writing here cause I am clueless. Long story short, I have been with a narc for about 10 months and now i am just drained. Anxiety is at peak as I stopped talking to her and my wants call her every second. I can stay alone and even w... View more

Hola Folks, I am writing here cause I am clueless. Long story short, I have been with a narc for about 10 months and now i am just drained. Anxiety is at peak as I stopped talking to her and my wants call her every second. I can stay alone and even with distractions I can only offer a fake smile. I am just not this person. I have been into tons of relationships before but never like this. Now about her, let's just say she has got all the qualities a human being shouldn't posses but mind doesn't feel the same way. As you could guess, I took the love bombing too literally. Anyways, now i can't do my usual things. I don't love doing the things I used and i wake up with a very heavy brain but the biggest problem is my mind or body or something else still wants to be with her. Help!!

leabe Loving someone who has a drug problem
  • replies: 3

I don't really know what to do anymore. I am stuck between staying and leaving. I just don't want to hurt him, I don't want him to feel the way I have felt. I have found myself in the darkest place I have ever been, crying on the shower floor, scream... View more

I don't really know what to do anymore. I am stuck between staying and leaving. I just don't want to hurt him, I don't want him to feel the way I have felt. I have found myself in the darkest place I have ever been, crying on the shower floor, screaming my lungs out while driving down lonely roads. Loving someone with a drug addiction is the hardest thing I have ever been faced with. I have experienced heartache in relationships before, but this is different. I have been lied to in the past, used, taken for granted. But this is different. I see through all the lies and I know it's the drugs speaking. I see all the efforts he puts into hiding it and I know it's the actions of the drug. There is so much I know that he does that's because of the drugs. I have tried so many times to speak to him about this. I have tried to be kind and understanding. I have tried to express how it makes me feel and how important our future is to me. But as time as gone by, the more I speak, the more effort he puts into hiding it. It makes me feel like a fool. Well, I know I'm not a fool, but he probably thinks I am. I feel disrespected and my trust in him is crumbling to pieces. He gets offended at the idea that I don't have trust in him. But trust is earned. You don't earn it by pretending to tell the truth. He has crossed so many boundaries - emotionally, financially... so many indiscretions in so many ways. I cannot control the way I am - I still see good in him, but I am tired and sinking into the loneliest depression I have ever felt. I can't ignore it but I pretend to. I really don't know what to anymore.

Matchy69 grieving for someone special i lost
  • replies: 5

I have lost someone special to me through my anxiety.She will never talk to me again and am struggling to come to terms with it.I have just sppent last couple of days in bed crying and regretting what i did.I miss her so much.

I have lost someone special to me through my anxiety.She will never talk to me again and am struggling to come to terms with it.I have just sppent last couple of days in bed crying and regretting what i did.I miss her so much.

Weemary Hi I am lost
  • replies: 3

Hi i am 48 years old and I am married to a man 18 years older than me, we have 2 grown up children and we have been married for nearly 29 years, I am not from Australia ( but am a Australian citizen) I have not been happy with my marriage for a few y... View more

Hi i am 48 years old and I am married to a man 18 years older than me, we have 2 grown up children and we have been married for nearly 29 years, I am not from Australia ( but am a Australian citizen) I have not been happy with my marriage for a few years, my husband has his own business and I am the home maker, I went back to my birth place last year ( where all my family live) I am in Australia with no family, I met up with a x who I have fallen for and this has made me look at my marriage and realise that I am not happy at all, but my husband is telling me that I am ruining his life that he is 66 and will never find a mother women at his age, we have nothing in common and it’s only since meeting up with my x of 30 years that I want to walk away from my marriage, I have been with my husband 28 years we have had our ups and downs and now I feel it’s time for me to live my life, I have been there for my husband and children for 29 years, why do I feel like I am in the wrong for wanting a new life, I do love my husband but I am not in love with him, he keeps telling me I knew he was 18 years older than me but I don’t want to live like a 66 year old, sorry to go on but this is my life am I being selfish x

Merkles Lack of relationships issue
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, not sure how to put this, or if it's worth posting here, I just feel so alone lately. I am 27 and have never been in a relationship before and it's really starting to take it's toll on me. I live alone, all my close friends have partners and... View more

Hi guys, not sure how to put this, or if it's worth posting here, I just feel so alone lately. I am 27 and have never been in a relationship before and it's really starting to take it's toll on me. I live alone, all my close friends have partners and are moving on with their lives. I'm not sure why I struggle so much to find someone. At the start of the year I got close with someone I've known for some time now, we were chatting quite regularly (Mostly daily). I thought for sure it was going to turn into something more. We had a weekend planned away, that I was really excited for, I spoke to her about it and she had forgotten about it? Which really made me feel worthless. I suffer from GAD and I couldn't stop thinking about why she would have forgotten. Since then she hasn't really been close with me, sometimes messages me out of the blue and then leaves me on read for days. I just keep thinking to myself what did I do. This is just one example; I always feel nothing works out for me, even though everyone says how great of a person I am. It's leading me into quite a depressed state as I can't help but envisage a future spent alone, and it's scary. None of this is her fault, I'm sure she has her reasons, who knows, maybe she's found someone better, maybe I was always just an option, anyway the best to her. I can't help but think back on the good times now and I miss them like crazy, my phone can go days without getting a notification that isn't from work. Not sure what I'm looking for posting here, I just think I needed to get this off my chest. Thank you if you read this all.

Jacko93 I’m stuck and confused as the last 2 years of my life have been taken away
  • replies: 3

My girlfriend of 2 years went on holidays with a group of people for a my “friends” 21st birthday, I couldn’t go because of work and asked her 3 times I wasn’t ok with her going without me (I was already getting suss that something was going on betwe... View more

My girlfriend of 2 years went on holidays with a group of people for a my “friends” 21st birthday, I couldn’t go because of work and asked her 3 times I wasn’t ok with her going without me (I was already getting suss that something was going on between them) we couldn’t afford it but she went anyway. When she came home 2 weeks later she broke up with me out of the blue saying she had feelings for this guy who’s birthday it was and she didn’t miss me while she was gone. She’s 27 and we lived together and had a lot of stuff together, trying for kids, had 2 dogs ect. She kicked me out with no warning and didn’t even wait 48 hrs or before I moved out to get in bed with him. She says she didn’t cheat but in my eyes she 100% has emotionally (and probably physically) one half of me still loves her but the other half never wants to speak to her again as she took EVERYTHING from me. I could really use some advice as I’m just taking it day by day at the moment and fell very lost and very confused at the moment. This happened a month ago and I haven’t spoken to her since. I want to reach out to her but I know I have to wait for her to reach out to me(I honestly don’t think she will as she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong) Thanks for your time and advice

LUCIDFOX_X Cheated on my partner with my ex
  • replies: 9

This has been quite troubling for me. I sort of told myself that I would never be that person who cheated. I vowed it to myself really. Straight afterwards I mostly just felt shocked and sort of frustrated with myself, I haven't told anyone and don't... View more

This has been quite troubling for me. I sort of told myself that I would never be that person who cheated. I vowed it to myself really. Straight afterwards I mostly just felt shocked and sort of frustrated with myself, I haven't told anyone and don't plan on telling anyone but I'm am mostly just surprised. I don't want to be viewed as the 'cheater', the 'once a cheater always a cheater'. I'm at a point in my life where I really don't know what I want and it feels like quite a 'transitional phase'. I'm only 22 and I've heard of this so many times from my older friends where your 20's is where you really discover yourself. This, of course, is not what I'm referring to when it comes to discovering myself. I mean more like I want to move cities just to try it (Why not), and meet new people, and study animals like I've always wanted to since I was a little girl, become a zookeeper and work my way up, I want to discover things and become someone who I love. Don't get me wrong, I love my partner... As ridiculous as that sounds... I really do though, he is such an angel and I don't know where I'd be without him sometimes, but I don't think I'm 'in love' with him anymore. He's been my rock for a very long time but there's a lot of things we don't agree on and I'm a very hypersensitive person, and he isn't, i'm very empathetic, he isn't, I communicate using different pitches in my voice to express my care and love for someone, or anger or sadness, he doesn't (So offends me a lot without realising), he's very black and white, I'm not, he has a criminal record, I didn't sign up for that, he's cheated on me twice (?) and has sent photos of me to his friend when we had been dating for 6 months. So, ultimately, I'm just unsure of what direction I want to go in really, and where I want to go and who I want to be. As for my ex, this person has been in my life since we were in year 8 and we have always had a lot of love and care for each other, it did make us feel things, but he seems more distant now, I think because he feels so guilty. And for some reason, I feel nothing, I can't stop thinking about it, and I think I feel sort of sad (?), but I mostly think I feel indifferent but also just nothing. It's hard to explain. Please don't give me a grilling. I really don't want one lol. I know how bad it is... I just need some advice or insight.

We_Can_Get_Through_It Why do I feel worse?
  • replies: 4

I've been dating this guy for about a month now and I love him so much, he is caring and is very patient and I am so happy when I am around him. But when I'm not I'm super anxious and depressed and it's getting way worse, I feel like I'm acting very ... View more

I've been dating this guy for about a month now and I love him so much, he is caring and is very patient and I am so happy when I am around him. But when I'm not I'm super anxious and depressed and it's getting way worse, I feel like I'm acting very clingy towards him already and the feeling of loneliness is suffocating. I have no idea what to do, any ideas?

Claypole Wife Had Affair - 3 Yaers later, Relationship Is not the same
  • replies: 3

My wife had a five year long affair with one of our best friends. I found out when I saw a text message on her phone. We decided to stay together , and the aftershcok of the affair had a big effect on our social base and friends (most blamed her and ... View more

My wife had a five year long affair with one of our best friends. I found out when I saw a text message on her phone. We decided to stay together , and the aftershcok of the affair had a big effect on our social base and friends (most blamed her and ditched us both) Three years on and I feel very confused, my wife and I are still close, but there is no intimicay in the relationsip at all. I still do not fully trust her, and every time she is away my anxiety levels rocket. My self asteim is very low because of the lack of intimacy, and I feel kind of trapped. Is it time to end the relationship? Can it be fixed? I have tried talking to her, but she would rather just sweep it under the carpet and pretend it didn't happen. she just says things like "but things are good now, we should just move on". She doesn't seem to understand that things are not good. This just feels like a friendship rather than a marriage - we do lots together, but not really as man and wife. We have been married for 25 years now, and I'm not sure I am just staying for a sense of loyalty or duty. There is no other person on the horizen, I have never actively looked, but I am worried if I don't will I be stuck in this state of Limbo for the next 25 years?