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Lack of relationships issue

Merkles
Community Member

Hi guys, not sure how to put this, or if it's worth posting here, I just feel so alone lately. I am 27 and have never been in a relationship before and it's really starting to take it's toll on me. I live alone, all my close friends have partners and are moving on with their lives. I'm not sure why I struggle so much to find someone. At the start of the year I got close with someone I've known for some time now, we were chatting quite regularly (Mostly daily). I thought for sure it was going to turn into something more. We had a weekend planned away, that I was really excited for, I spoke to her about it and she had forgotten about it? Which really made me feel worthless. I suffer from GAD and I couldn't stop thinking about why she would have forgotten. Since then she hasn't really been close with me, sometimes messages me out of the blue and then leaves me on read for days. I just keep thinking to myself what did I do. This is just one example; I always feel nothing works out for me, even though everyone says how great of a person I am. It's leading me into quite a depressed state as I can't help but envisage a future spent alone, and it's scary.

None of this is her fault, I'm sure she has her reasons, who knows, maybe she's found someone better, maybe I was always just an option, anyway the best to her.

I can't help but think back on the good times now and I miss them like crazy, my phone can go days without getting a notification that isn't from work. Not sure what I'm looking for posting here, I just think I needed to get this off my chest. Thank you if you read this all.

2 Replies 2

Betternow
Community Member

Hello Merkles.

It really shakes your confidence when a friend or potential partner behaves in such a strange manner. Unfortunately, in the courtship game, everyone can expect their share of disappointments. It hurts, I know.

In this digital age, the constant barrage of stories and photographs of happy couples enjoying exciting lives can makes us feel left behind and sad. The reality is nobody has full control on the events that take place in your life. It is a mistake to constantly compare your life to others. You are unique. Your still relatively young and I have no doubt that social opportunities will arise for you, often when you least expect it.

I would put your focus into healthy living, being the best person you can be to yourself, friends and family. What do you do in your spare time? Can you afford to join a casual club, maybe swimming, book club, tennis, art appreciation, volunteer work (check out Seek), anything to help you mix with people. Don’t expect it to lead to romance, just live in the moment and surprises may happen.

How are you managing your GAD?

Thank you for the reply. I Know everything you're saying is correct and I never blame anyone else, it's just that I feel against the world, like other people have it so easy, then I know other people also have it a lot harder too.

I was on medication for it for a year, whilst it helps my anxiety, I find it was bringing me down in other areas of my life, feelings of apathy, etc.

Currently I am self medicating with Cannabis, but I do plan on giving that away very shortly too, it just seems to be the only thing that puts me at ease for a few hours.

I never expect anything to lead to romance, it's just that when it gets close to that, it's hard to not wish for it to, and when it falls over, I feel back at square 1.

I think a lot of it stems from when I was younger, I was made fun of by girls, pretending to ask me out and then laugh it off saying "Like I'd ever date the ugly guy" it's really shattered my confidence and sometimes when I'm down all I can think about is, maybe they're right? even though I personally feel I am far from ugly.

I've been suggested to join some classes, my problem is I find it hard to initiate conversations and put myself out there due to my lack of self esteem & social anxiety.

It all feels like a catch 22.