I’m stuck and confused as the last 2 years of my life have been taken away

Jacko93 · ‎02-09-2019

My girlfriend of 2 years went on holidays with a group of people for a my “friends” 21st birthday, I couldn’t go because of work and asked her 3 times I wasn’t ok with her going without me (I was already getting suss that something was going on between them) we couldn’t afford it but she went anyway. When she came home 2 weeks later she broke up with me out of the blue saying she had feelings for this guy who’s birthday it was and she didn’t miss me while she was gone. She’s 27 and we lived together and had a lot of stuff together, trying for kids, had 2 dogs ect. She kicked me out with no warning and didn’t even wait 48 hrs or before I moved out to get in bed with him. She says she didn’t cheat but in my eyes she 100% has emotionally (and probably physically) one half of me still loves her but the other half never wants to speak to her again as she took EVERYTHING from me. I could really use some advice as I’m just taking it day by day at the moment and fell very lost and very confused at the moment. This happened a month ago and I haven’t spoken to her since. I want to reach out to her but I know I have to wait for her to reach out to me(I honestly don’t think she will as she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong) Thanks for your time and advice

Liz19 · ‎02-09-2019

Hi Jacko93,

You must be feeling really lost right now and feeling that life is very unfair. When someone breaks up with you it is such a painful experience and unfortunately only time will make things better for you. I am sorry that you are going through this, I do know how much it hurts and how betrayed you would be feeling right now. It is actually a good thing that you never had children together. Children would not have guaranteed you staying together as a couple but it certainly would have made things harder for you if she was to have another long term partner or if you did. The last thing you would want is to be connected to someone for life because of your kids together.

You probably still do love her. You are not the one who decided the relationship was over, she did. But, you cant maintain a relationship if you are the only one putting in any effort. If she has fallen out of love with you then you cant force her to love you. As hard as it is, you have to accept that loss. Personally, if someone was going to treat me like that I couldn't go back to them. I think you set yourself up for pain again later on down the track. You are probably thinking that no-one else would love you like she did but thats just not true. You will meet someone else but it will take some time. You really need to spend some time on yourself, looking after yourself, doing things you enjoy or trying something new. You dont need other people around to do something satisfying and you also dont need money to try something new. It could be volunteering at something, learning a new skill through a community program or something. Find something that you've wanted to do but didnt have the time before. Spend some time on you.

The "stuff" is just stuff and doesnt matter. It would no doubt only remind you of her anyway. Find something you want to save up for or get creative and find ways to restore old furniture. Find a project. My advice is to move forward, be kind to yourself and remind yourself that there is someone out there for you who will not only love you for who you are but also will be wanting to plan a long term future with you. You are young and she is out there.

I know none of this will mend your broken heart at the moment but just remember that so far in life you have had a 100% success rate of getting through hard times. Now is no different. Believe in yourself that you deserve better and take care.

Merkles · ‎19-09-2019

I feel you Jacko, these things are super hard and feel completely unfair, left with all the questions, like Why doesn't she love me anymore, what did I do wrong? You want what you used to have, however that will never come back with her by the sounds of it. I would recommend distancing yourself, try not to think of her at all (It's impossible I know) at the end of the day, if she can do that to you, you deserve better, time really does heal.

Betternow · ‎19-09-2019

The suddenness of the ending seems to have left you dazed and confused, Jacko. You want answers. It is hard for you to accept because of the manner in which she dumped you as much as the dumping itself. If I’m right your feelings are quite normal.

Accepting that someone you care deeply for no longer loves you is one of the most difficult things a human being has to come to terms with. But accept it you must.

Liz’s advice is spot on the money. Good luck on your rebuild.