Cheated on my partner with my ex

[LUCIDFOX_X]

This has been quite troubling for me. I sort of told myself that I would never be that person who cheated. I vowed it to myself really.

Straight afterwards I mostly just felt shocked and sort of frustrated with myself, I haven't told anyone and don't plan on telling anyone but I'm am mostly just surprised. I don't want to be viewed as the 'cheater', the 'once a cheater always a cheater'. I'm at a point in my life where I really don't know what I want and it feels like quite a 'transitional phase'. I'm only 22 and I've heard of this so many times from my older friends where your 20's is where you really discover yourself. This, of course, is not what I'm referring to when it comes to discovering myself. I mean more like I want to move cities just to try it (Why not), and meet new people, and study animals like I've always wanted to since I was a little girl, become a zookeeper and work my way up, I want to discover things and become someone who I love.

Don't get me wrong, I love my partner... As ridiculous as that sounds... I really do though, he is such an angel and I don't know where I'd be without him sometimes, but I don't think I'm 'in love' with him anymore. He's been my rock for a very long time but there's a lot of things we don't agree on and I'm a very hypersensitive person, and he isn't, i'm very empathetic, he isn't, I communicate using different pitches in my voice to express my care and love for someone, or anger or sadness, he doesn't (So offends me a lot without realising), he's very black and white, I'm not, he has a criminal record, I didn't sign up for that, he's cheated on me twice (?) and has sent photos of me to his friend when we had been dating for 6 months. So, ultimately, I'm just unsure of what direction I want to go in really, and where I want to go and who I want to be. As for my ex, this person has been in my life since we were in year 8 and we have always had a lot of love and care for each other, it did make us feel things, but he seems more distant now, I think because he feels so guilty. And for some reason, I feel nothing, I can't stop thinking about it, and I think I feel sort of sad (?), but I mostly think I feel indifferent but also just nothing. It's hard to explain.

Please don't give me a grilling. I really don't want one lol. I know how bad it is... I just need some advice or insight.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Thankyou for your honesty. I think you're giving yourself enough grilling.

To return the honesty, I think you're need to discover yourself has led to not really knowing what you want and as you are not "in love" that compounds issues. It is clear to me your wings need to be spread for a few years before you will be ready for your next chapter.

I went through a similar period but I had the benefit of being a member of the RAAF so I had adventure, good income, friends and a career. Consider the ADF.

Google

Beyondblue topic guilt the tormentor

Beyondblue topic who cries over spilt milk?

Repost anytime.

TonyWK

[Croix]

Dear LUCIDFOX_X~

I've read some of your other posts ans it seems to me you are a sensitize person that needs someone else in your life. there are many like that , I'm one. My soul is not complete unless joined to another.

I think James may have mentioned to you the need to be with another can sometimes become so powerful one accepts whom is available -and that might not be best .Your BF has been to jail since meeting you, cheated twice and shown your photo around. And not been particularly forthcoming in affection.

Nothings black and white and he may well have good qualities too, such as being considerate when you want to leave a club.

It does not necessarily mean he is right for you, and from the fact your emotions have damped down, feeling nothing but sort of sad, I would think your needs are not being met.

If you are living wiht a difficult mother that won't help either.

Under those circumstances perhaps it is not surprising you have been with someone who represented a better time in your youth.

I tend to think Tony is right, instead of berating yourself I'd suggest you may need to explore more of life and yourself - not just settling for the status quo and find it an ill fit.

What do you think?

Croix

[LUCIDFOX_X]

Hi Tony,

Thanks very much for your comment.

I think so as well, so thanks again! I have begun to think that I need to as well but I'm struggling to actually make the jump. Unfortunately I'm quite scared. I tend to be quite a confident and determined person. I have no fear of meeting new people, in fact, I love talking to people who I don't know, so perhaps the move for me wouldn't be as difficult as it seems.

I'm not sure what RAAF or ADF is? Please enlighten me lol.

Thanks again.

A.

[LUCIDFOX_X]

Hi Croix,

I can recall that you've commented on some of my other forums before. Good to hear from you again.

I am definitely a sensitive person, hypersensitive if you will. But I must say, I really wish I didn't the need to have a partner. I'm not sure where it's come from, but on the other hand, I really like dating multiple people and have it be nothing serious, because like I mentioned in one of my other comments, I really enjoy meeting new people, it's almost easier than talking to someone who I know really well, and being by myself, doing things by myself.

It's an unfortunate circumstance because I really care about him, and I do love him, but as I said, not 'in love' with him.

I've actually moved out of home since the last post about my mother. I've been living with my partner for 6 months. But my relationship with my mother hasn't improved in the slightest, still the same.

I do agree, I do need to go and explore myself and life itself. Just need to get the boost and balls to do it. I need a push.

- A

[Croix]

Dear LUCIDFOX_X~

I've been thinking about your situation, the fact you have at on least one occasion started to explore. It makes me wonder, do you need a partner or do you need a 'base' from which you can explore. Sometimes it can be difficult to tell the difference.

If you were in a supportive balanced relationship I'd not ask the question, then you probably wold not have the need to explore.

Am I making any sense or completely off-track?

Incidentally while I join Smallwolf in admiring your avatar I think Kazimirov Dmitriy has it the wrong way around, you might see yourself in an unflattering way, but that is the outside, not the inside.

Croix

[white knight]

Hi

RAAF means Royal Australian Air Force

ADF means,Australian Defence Force eg Air Force, Army, Navy.

Cheers

TonyWK

[LUCIDFOX_X]

Hi Croix,

I definitely agree with you on that. I need a 'base' to explore from. Probably not a partner. That's why I've been considering moving back in with my parents, but the relationship just isn't there anymore, and I would need to move away with them.

I'm not sure what you're referring to here:
"Incidentally while I join Smallwolf in admiring your avatar I think Kazimirov Dmitriy has it the wrong way around, you might see yourself in an unflattering way, but that is the outside, not the inside."

I don't see myself as unflattering, maybe a little bit self conscious of some parts of my body on the outside but in my core and soul I know that I am a good person, hence why this situation is affecting me so.

- A

[geoff]

Hi LUCIDFOX_X, you do love him that's why you're very empathetic and could also be a reason why you have connected with other people and have needed for this to happen, but try to focus on yourself for once, otherwise, you could be used to drain all your energy again and be in the same situation.

You can put yourself on a path to becoming who you truly want to be but you have to try and get out of your own way and start exploring yourself and learn to be empathetic to just yourself by learning new skills, new adventures but it can't be done with having a relationship, that only confuses the situation, simply because you're not thinking by yourself.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Croix]

Dear LUCIDFOX_X~

It was not important, Dmitriy tends to draw people that are horrible inside , and that does not fit you at all, as you say in my core and soul I know that I am a good person.

I'm probably not the world's best art critic:)

-C