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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Ellecat-_- My adult life feels like i have nothing to show for it now.
  • replies: 1

Hi. Im 28. I feel like my adult life has just slipped away. I was with the same guy for the past 8 years and we recently went our separate ways. I didnt feel sad or upset when we came to an end because i had in my head felt like we ended much earlier... View more

Hi. Im 28. I feel like my adult life has just slipped away. I was with the same guy for the past 8 years and we recently went our separate ways. I didnt feel sad or upset when we came to an end because i had in my head felt like we ended much earlier and i didnt really mourn him at all. Since him i meet a guy, i didnt really let him in and pushed him away. He wanted to be something but i pushed and when i was ready he said i had ruined it for him by pushing him away. I have never felt so rejected in my life. This one guy who has only had a small print in my life, barely 6 months and i felt like my whole heart had been pulled out and broken to pieces. He says im killing him and now some how i need to let go but its really hard.. why is this breaking me ? is it a combination of all my pain rolled into one and hes pushing me off the edge? i just dont' feel okay. i dont feel okay. i feel like i could disappear and nobody would notice.

purplepeopleeater dealing with an alcoholic girlfriend and mental health issues
  • replies: 3

hi all its been a long time since i have been here i have been dealing with loads of mental health issues for such a long time that i cant even say when they all started - definitely over 10 years ago, i have long time absolutely horrible insomnia an... View more

hi all its been a long time since i have been here i have been dealing with loads of mental health issues for such a long time that i cant even say when they all started - definitely over 10 years ago, i have long time absolutely horrible insomnia and im lucky if i can get 5 hours sleep each night most of the time its 4 or under, up and down depression that follows my insomnia (when i can get sleep i feel much better about things) as well as a bit of anxiety that is manageable it has been a long road but up until about 3 years ago i was starting to manage things, i was in no way "better" but i had an understanding of myself my needs and what i need to do - i dont know the right words but im sure theres a few people out there that know what i mean. 3 years ago i met my girlfriend and she was fairly upfront that she drank a lot and as someone who likes the occasional drink (not too much though to keep the insomnia under control) i thought "cant be too bad" but i was wrong my girlfriend is an alcoholic - she drinks 4x5ltr casks of wine in around a week or less and she just drives me totally bonkers, we argue and fight almost non stop when she is drunk which i can honestly handle as i know its the alcohol because we get along so well before she starts to drink again in the afternoon what i am struggling with however is that she also keeps me up until crazy hours (4am+) which is destroying me as i cant just sleep in like she does - one time i kept her up after her antics going until 4am (i know it was the wrong thing to do but i was pretty angry at the time) when she tried to sleep and she went mental at me and blamed me for everything and told me its my own fault i cant sleep (i could get into more detail but i dont think its needed) she is also has medical issues and is on medication (trying to be vague as possible to be as anon as possible) as well as takes drugs and smokes a lot - she easily gets addicted she doesnt want help she doesnt want to even try i am a very patient and understanding person after going through what i have been through but even i am losing my patience, i have no money left credit cards are maxed my overdraft is maxed and i recently lost my job because the company i worked for went broke and as a cherry on top a close cousin recently died from alcohol i know the advice will most likely be to leave, but i cant do it i dont want to give up on her like many have given up on me how can you help someone who doesnt want help?

LittleCherubs Why the computer over me?
  • replies: 4

Why do I go to bed alone every night? Why does he stay up til some silly hour watching YouTube videos or playing games? Why am I the only one to get up to the kids? feeling so alone and unappreciated

Why do I go to bed alone every night? Why does he stay up til some silly hour watching YouTube videos or playing games? Why am I the only one to get up to the kids? feeling so alone and unappreciated

Iwatbianoot Rejected
  • replies: 11

Hubby and I have been together 3 years. For the past year getting him to have sex with me is like pulling teeth. He always uses the excuse that he’s significantly older than I therefore he’s tired...... I’m feeling rejected, unwanted and lonely. I’ve... View more

Hubby and I have been together 3 years. For the past year getting him to have sex with me is like pulling teeth. He always uses the excuse that he’s significantly older than I therefore he’s tired...... I’m feeling rejected, unwanted and lonely. I’ve tried talking to him about it and he always comes back with “I warned you that I’m an old man when we got together” what do I do? I’ve tried to be understanding, tried to spice things up in the bedroom..... I’m always willing to “satisfy” him with a smile and love...... and I get nothing back. It feels like we are in a one sided relationship....

kebabeater Breakup struggles
  • replies: 1

Recently, I got out of a relationship that was toxic in many ways, mostly being mentally and verbally and while I am grateful he was never physically abusive towards me the verbal toll it paid on me was very high and I am struggling to move on as he ... View more

Recently, I got out of a relationship that was toxic in many ways, mostly being mentally and verbally and while I am grateful he was never physically abusive towards me the verbal toll it paid on me was very high and I am struggling to move on as he made me change the way I see myself. I feel as though I can't move on because no one will ever see the good in me as I struggle to find any good left within myself as my ex told me I am a very annoying and clingy person which I now feel as thought I can not change. Despite the way he treated me, I need help on advice how to move on and fall out of love as I know I still love him and have even tried reaching out to him to see if he wants to meet up. I have no self control with him and I can tell its sending me back down the path of depression and anxiety about myself which I had only just recently started to overcome. Any advice on either how to move on and be happy by myself or advice on how to not see myself as a waste of peoples times would be greatly appreciated. (:

Bushboy2016 Struggling after affair.
  • replies: 11

Hi. I'm a divorced father after my own doing. I was married for 10 years with 2 children and had an affair with a work colleague almost 6 years ago. I couldn't handle the guilt and told my wife about the affair at the time. initially she wanted to tr... View more

Hi. I'm a divorced father after my own doing. I was married for 10 years with 2 children and had an affair with a work colleague almost 6 years ago. I couldn't handle the guilt and told my wife about the affair at the time. initially she wanted to try and work it out which we tried but things didn't work out. I ended up leaving the relationship and am now married to the lady from the affair. Since then we have had 2 children. About 18 months ago I discovered that my current wife was having an affair. She wasn't happy with how the relationship was going and sort another man. At the time we'd only be married for about 14 months but had a 2 year old child. For many years I have been struggling with clinical depression and aniexty. And had been going through a really bad down time leading up to he affair. I acknowledged this and promised to try harder in controlling my depression and being more open about it. I asked her to stay and promised to work on the relationship. Since then for the last 18 months I have struggled nearly everyday to come to terms with the affair. Both with trust issues and regrets. I suppose it could be said it's just karma coming back to bite me after I left the previous marriage in the same circumstances. However one of the reasons I left was that I knew the trust issues would be hard to over come and they were for my ex wife , just like they are now for me. I struggled with the speratiom from the kids with my separation and admit a huge reason I begged my current wife to stay was because of the kids. I suppose what I'm asking is has anyone been through a similar situation and how long am I going to feel this void from the affair. I know it's double standards since I had an affair and basically treated my ex wife the same way I've been treated now. I don't know if I should just leave and start again. I can't help how my depression and medication makes me feel sometimes.

Fleur1992 how do we know when we are being emotionally abused?
  • replies: 14

Hello everyone, I would like to know how do when we are being emotionally abused when we suffer from depression. Because depression makes you overly sensitive to criticism and causes frustration for our family. When I described my situation to three ... View more

Hello everyone, I would like to know how do when we are being emotionally abused when we suffer from depression. Because depression makes you overly sensitive to criticism and causes frustration for our family. When I described my situation to three different psychologists, all said I was being emotionally abused. These incidences were; my partner went and received a a sexual service when we were in an online relationship, before we met in person, and claimed he's done nothing wrong because he didn't consider us in a relationship at that time; several occasions he has blocked my number and ignored me for 3 days at a time when he got angry at me- he claims everyone gets angry in relationships and why does it hurt just not speaking for a few days? and lastly, he said I'm lazy and not meeting up to his expectations because I'm currently off sick from work. I don't know how to differentiate what is acceptable and what isn't because of my state of mind. He said the idea he is being abusive is absurd because he never shouts or hits me. He thinks emotional abuse is a fake construct. Thoughts?

homerj Trust? Relearning what that word means.
  • replies: 3

Hey, I’ve be learning a lot of new things lately and this online communication thing is another. So I’ll start by saying that I’ve been my own worst enemy throughout my adult life. Being a constant abuser of alcohol for the past 15 years has seen my ... View more

Hey, I’ve be learning a lot of new things lately and this online communication thing is another. So I’ll start by saying that I’ve been my own worst enemy throughout my adult life. Being a constant abuser of alcohol for the past 15 years has seen my life spiral all the way down to rock bottom, that was 5 months ago. Alcohol almost ended my life and my marriage. Since then I’ve managed to curb my drinking so much so that I haven’t had a drop for 3.5 weeks. My wife and I have been seeing a marriage counselor, which my wife arranged, for 3 months and things were getting better, until... 4 weeks ago I found out my wife had slept with another man 3 weeks prior to me finding out. I was gutted. She was talking with other men online, hence why she wanted marriage counseling. I wasn’t giving her what she needed, attention, because I was so engulfed in my alcoholism. So now I’m working on staying sober and keeping my marriage alive. She has been fantastic, honestly doing anything she can to help me through both situations. But I just can’t seem to trust her at all anymore and I find myself obsessing over her whereabouts constantly. I really want to be able to get enough trust back so we can move on with our life together. Any advice would be awesome, thanks for reading.

Earthangel1111 My fiancé never touches me...
  • replies: 1

I am having a difficult time understanding why my fiancé never wants to have sex with me. He calls me gorgeous and even told a guy today that when he had his accident that the only two things he cared about was if he could still drive and if he could... View more

I am having a difficult time understanding why my fiancé never wants to have sex with me. He calls me gorgeous and even told a guy today that when he had his accident that the only two things he cared about was if he could still drive and if he could have sex. He’s an incomplete quad and is a very head strong guy who wasn’t familiar with an “emotional” woman. He knows what my needs are, I know what his are and I do so so much for him and I’m lucky if I get a passionate kiss or sex once a month. When I moved here from america and we got engaged I learned he had lied to me about relationships with other women before I got here. I let it slide figuring since he was lonely and unsure I’d follow through on my promise to come here that he was just lonely and wanted some female attention. Yet here I am and he can have me every day if he wanted to and yet nothing...I don’t know if I lose too much weight and he likes bbw women? He use to do so much with the gal he was seeing before me and I just feel like shit on the bottom of his shoe and I don’t understand. I almost left once back in June but he told me he and our dogs would be “screwed” without me and that if I left he’d hurt himself. Although he says ppl who do that are weak... I feel like an idiot. I feel so alone and scared and I have nobody to talk to he is emotionally inept. He treats me well and is an ass to everyone else. I can’t help but wonder if I’m being used. Please help me. The feelings of rejection and being so far from home and his words have me at a loss.

IHaveNoIdeaWhatsGoingOnEv Why Are My Family in Denial About My Experiences?
  • replies: 1

When I was in my teens, my mental health was considerably more destructive than it is now. My depression was overwhelming, I attempted suicide, formed a drug addiction and developed schizophreniform disorder. Ended up eventually dropping out of schoo... View more

When I was in my teens, my mental health was considerably more destructive than it is now. My depression was overwhelming, I attempted suicide, formed a drug addiction and developed schizophreniform disorder. Ended up eventually dropping out of school (glad I did). I still have depression but it's nowhere near as bad as it was (no suicidal ideation, can function, more mindful etc), I've been completely sober for almost 4 1/2 years and, after extensive mindfulness practice, my schizophrenic experience subsided after around 5-6 months. I don't talk about it all very much because the past is the past and I'm a lot more concerned with the practice of living in the moment, but I still know it was one of the biggest battles of my life; yet for some reason, my mother and sister always deny it. My mother even flat-out lies to extended family members when things about the past are referenced in relation to me. She even convinced me, when I was younger and in a fragile state, to lie to my extended family and friends about school because I would've been “harshly judged” and it would've “emotionally burdened” my grandparents. I understand they’re in denial about my experiences, but why? Whenever, on odd occasion, I’ve had to re-explain certain things to either of them, it’s like talking to a brick wall. And trust me, it’s not a comprehension issue. Note: they complain about things all the time, whereas I almost never complain about anything around them because I’m scared of sounding like them, and I’ve had fibromyalgia for years. I’m even feeling extremely insecure right now about sounding like I’m complaining here, I just have no one else to say this to. If I say a single thing to them I’m either treated as a hypochondriac by my mother or I'm only half-paid attention to by my sister. I personally don’t think people should define themselves by their experiences and am very careful not to romanticise things, but these past experiences are still very important to me in retrospect, having played a big part in the development of my understanding of things both emotionally and philosophically. So I find this behaviour from my mother and sister to be very confusing and, if I’m being honest, a little hurtful and invalidating; especially since it’s coming from my family. The amount of courage it took for me to admit certain things to them in the past and they don’t even regard it sincerely. I’m not asking for a trophy, I’m just confused. Why do you think they do this?