Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Spring2016 Much needed advice to move on
  • replies: 4

Thanks in advance for any advice given. To make a long story short, early this year I commenced an affair with my “childhood sweetheart” sorry couldn’t think of another term that is not so cliché….. Anyway, I ended the affair a month ago, (we have no... View more

Thanks in advance for any advice given. To make a long story short, early this year I commenced an affair with my “childhood sweetheart” sorry couldn’t think of another term that is not so cliché….. Anyway, I ended the affair a month ago, (we have not been in contact) as much as I desperately wanted to end my marriage and be with this man, I decided to be realistic and do the right thing by my husband and child, and not get all romantic comedy about it. My husband does not know – and as much as I want to tell him – I won’t subject myself to the judgement and ridicule of our family and friends – if I knew that I could tell my husband and it would remain between him and I then I would not hesitate in telling him. What I need help with please is, I still think about this man everyday, I am still very much in love with him, and I still want to be with him. How do I get over him and move on with my husband….? thanks again for any advice.

Lass Hello to all.
  • replies: 3

Hello to those who care. I've had the most hellish past years. Son with chromosomal disorde, I've beat a rare form of cancer, ex cheating on me; and exiting the family; offering no support. My beloved father has just passed away. I truly wonder what ... View more

Hello to those who care. I've had the most hellish past years. Son with chromosomal disorde, I've beat a rare form of cancer, ex cheating on me; and exiting the family; offering no support. My beloved father has just passed away. I truly wonder what I did to be dealt this treatment!!

Marah11 Tired
  • replies: 3

I feel miserable and lost. I want someone to talk too, but I don’t have any friends. I want friends but then when I have friends I just feel like it’s all a competition, and I can never win. I don’t feel good enough, and I can never act myself. My pa... View more

I feel miserable and lost. I want someone to talk too, but I don’t have any friends. I want friends but then when I have friends I just feel like it’s all a competition, and I can never win. I don’t feel good enough, and I can never act myself. My partner just left and all I wanted was some help. I want someone to care for me for a change. I feel so bitter and jaded, I always push people away. I feel so tired all the time, I just wana crawl into a ball for a week and hope I feel better. I can’t ofcourse.

Sims9287 Guilt
  • replies: 2

Hi. First time to this forum so pls be kind. I feel like i'm in a weird spot in my life. A few years ago i cheated on my boyfriend and, even though I told him, I feel guilty. I just want to move on...he has but I can't quite forgive myself

Hi. First time to this forum so pls be kind. I feel like i'm in a weird spot in my life. A few years ago i cheated on my boyfriend and, even though I told him, I feel guilty. I just want to move on...he has but I can't quite forgive myself

BoomJun28 Feel like world's worst mother.
  • replies: 2

Hi all. I have two children ages 2.5 + 8 months. They are beautiful. I have recently gone through family things where I actually have no family members left, I do not speak to a single one of my family members and both of my parents are deceased. My ... View more

Hi all. I have two children ages 2.5 + 8 months. They are beautiful. I have recently gone through family things where I actually have no family members left, I do not speak to a single one of my family members and both of my parents are deceased. My family chose not to show much interest in my first born and then couldn't even visit or a phone call for my second born, hence the cut off. Day to day now though, I now feel anxious and stressed. Lonely and isolated. I don't have many friends anymore either S we moved away. I seem to have little to no patience with my children. I am the mother I said I would never be. The yelly type and I have even given my eldest some taps on the hand recently as behaviour has been out of control and I feel like a complete failure. Today they were both taking ages to fall asleep and I yelled at them and they both cried because I yelled loudly. They don't deserve this, they deserve someone so much better than me. I am horrible at the moment. I have no help day to day as my partner is gone for 12 hours a day. His mother visits one a week or fortnight for an hour or two and that's it. I am going insane. I feel like I am not coping. The issues with my family are never going to be fixed as that's just the kind of people they are. I love my kids more than anything but they are getting the worst me everyday at the moment. I am embarrassed that I am like this. I honestly hate myself. Any advice or suggestions on how to improve myself are welcome.

Fiki Am i the toxic one in the relationship?
  • replies: 4

Hi this is the first time I’m posting on this forum. I’ve been married for 14 years and today I told my husband that I think we should separate. We have 3 kids and I’ve been struggling with depression for the past 6 months. I have episodes which last... View more

Hi this is the first time I’m posting on this forum. I’ve been married for 14 years and today I told my husband that I think we should separate. We have 3 kids and I’ve been struggling with depression for the past 6 months. I have episodes which last a couple of days where I can’t eat I want to stay in bed all day with a book and I can’t even get myself to smile at my children. It’s been really hard and I’ve been trying to fight these episodes by eating healthier, doing exercise and I’ve even joined martial arts classes. But Sometimes I feel I wouldn’t have these down moments if I wasn’t with my husband. We can never agree on anything and everything is a battle to decide on. I have problems with his family as I feel my husband always puts them first. They live overseas. He sends money to them every month, talks to them on the phone 4-5 times a week, they come and stay at our house for 3 Months at a time and my husband goes there every year for 3 weeks by himself. I first started having my episodes after his father came to stay with us for 3 months in which time my husband and I had a lot of problems as I felt neglected. I feel complete trapped where I can’t be free to do what I want and wear what I want. I feel like I have to do the right thing so my husband doesn’t get upset and then he’ll ignore me even more. Whenever I talk to him about my problems he tells me it’s always him that is doing something wrong. When I ask him to tell me something about me that upsets him he says he’s very happy with me and the only thing he can say is that he wants me to be Happy whenever he goes to see his family. He says I should be thankful for everything I have and I shouldn’t be moping around. He is very helpful at home and does a lot of housework and he loves our kids. He has a good heart and he is honest. I feel like maybe I’m the one causing the toxicity in our relationship. I love him and it’s so hard to work past these feelings that I have. I hate feeling unhappy all the time that’s the reason I suggested the separation. I want to be able to be happy with my kids and for them to have a normal Mum who isn’t always trying to escape reality. My husband told me I have to stop thinking about me and think about the kids will they be happier with only me or with both parents. I feel like I’m going crazy I don’t know what to do or how to fix myself... I just want to be alone and for this feeling to go away.

Melstar I think my husband is cheating
  • replies: 29

My husband has become very good friends with a neighbor they sit up drinking together the snap chat each other and I’m not even friends with him on snap chat he calls her and messages her he has he is just helping a friend through a hard time but I f... View more

My husband has become very good friends with a neighbor they sit up drinking together the snap chat each other and I’m not even friends with him on snap chat he calls her and messages her he has he is just helping a friend through a hard time but I feel she is priority over me he is now saying he doesn’t know if he wants this (us) and he needs space to figure out what he wants I keep having arguments with him because I want him to stop we have started counseling but I feel he is only doing it for me he says he loves me and that I’m his best friend but again I feel like he is just telling me this we have been together for 23 years and have 3 daughters do I let him go and work out what he wants or do I keep being miserable and just guessing what is happening I feel if we have a break he won’t came back to me I cry all the time I’m very anxious and I’m servilely stressed we don’t have sex a lot as he has issues there or are the issues just our problems that are going on or that he just doesn’t want to be with me

Nearly_Free How do I convince the court that my soon to be ex has NPD and is a danger to my child
  • replies: 7

I am currently going through the courts in a custody battle. My affidavit outlined all of the ways in which he made our lives terrifying and traumatised. The judge asked "did you do these things?" He said no and was awarded the time he asked for. Our... View more

I am currently going through the courts in a custody battle. My affidavit outlined all of the ways in which he made our lives terrifying and traumatised. The judge asked "did you do these things?" He said no and was awarded the time he asked for. Our child is 10. After I left him, she was finally free to talk about how much she had been frightened of him and about the things he said and did that made no sense. Being terrorised by him was our normal. I have only realised what he did to us after I left with my mental health in tatters. How can I make people in the legal system realise that I am not a vengeful, vindictive woman, but a mother who knows now just how much our lives were damaged by this man and how much he can still do if I am not able to prevent him? His driving is terrifying because he thinks he is the only one who can drive despite three car right offs all with our daughter in the car; misjudging, arrogance,refusal to wait, driving while tired. His tirades and tantrums are sources of pride for him and he adores the way people rush to appease him. He is a victim in all areas and that is how he is currently selling his story in the courts. His lack of ability to tell the truth even when faced with proof of his wrong doing is breathtaking. There is no lie he will not tell to avoid taking responsibility for the destruction in his wake. He also knows that the way to destroy me is to hurt our daughter. My lawyer told me that the way the divorce process is going is not normal even in angst filled separations, but really, it is normal for me. Has anyone any ideas, anyway to enlighten, anyway that the blinkers can be removed so that they see him as he truly is? The court appointed psychologist caught a glimpse but also thought it could be a defense mechanism. Why can no-one see that the quickest way to see him clearly is to say no to him?

BDSA I'm cheating on my husband online with the possibility of doing it in person
  • replies: 9

I need help and advice on how to handle this situation. I've been married for 7.5 years. We've had issues in the beginning that we overcame and I'll even say that we are at our best at the moment. There are some small things that I'm not happy with b... View more

I need help and advice on how to handle this situation. I've been married for 7.5 years. We've had issues in the beginning that we overcame and I'll even say that we are at our best at the moment. There are some small things that I'm not happy with but we are good. Then 6 months ago, I was at a friend's bday celebration that hubby couldn't go, which is fine. As I was there by myself and didn't know anyone else, sometime after, the bday girl introduced me to this guy, bf of her friend, as he's a marathon runner and I was training for my first half marathon. We got talking about all things running, he gave me a few tips and I added on him on Instagram. I didn't meet the gf as she was playing video games (party was at an arcade games bar). A couple of months later he msgd me asking how did my run go and we talked a bit and that was it. And then a couple of months he msgd me (replying to one of my stories) sort of asking if I was really married and stuff and started showing signs of interest. They were broken up. And from then on we started talking heaps, he was flirting constantly and I was enjoying the attention, to be honest. And I started having "feelings" for him, very strong sexual feelings. One day he asked me what did I think of him and I was a bit rude, he got angry, rightly so and stopped following me. I apologised but no more contact. I then msgd him a day later with a proper apology as I felt like I needed to say more. And that led to us talking again. This was last Tuesday. We were having a very open honest conversation about what feelings we provoked in each other and we were talking 4h straight. Since then, conversation is very sexual, sending provoking/revealing photos and the rush that this gives me is incredible. We even did a video call. He's now asking to meet in person as he wants to have sex with me and the thing is: I want to. The desire is almost unbearable and I don't know how to handle it but I don't want to go ahead with it as I love my hubby very much and I know this is wrong. But the feelings and arousal that I get from this guy is something that I have never felt before. I even had a moderate anxiety attack last week as I simply couldn't deal with all of this and he wasn't msging much that day. Sorry for the long post but I guess I needed to add as much as possible so hopefully someone has some advice on how to handle this. Thank you!

The_Woodman My wife has no interest in sex
  • replies: 7

I have now been married for 32 years and our sex life is virtually non existent. When we first met everything about our relationship was terrific. I suppose I should have seen the warning sign when she told me that once the honeymoon period was over ... View more

I have now been married for 32 years and our sex life is virtually non existent. When we first met everything about our relationship was terrific. I suppose I should have seen the warning sign when she told me that once the honeymoon period was over I was not to expect the same frequency of sexual activity. The warning came to fruitition shortly after we married and since then it has declined to the stage that we do not make love for up to a year. I understand that when she put on a lot of weight after the birth of our children that she felt ashamed of her body, but I still felt desire for her. A few years ago she had a stomach band opperation shortly followed by a tummy tuck.She now has her sexy figure back but still has no interest in sex.I feel so depressed/frustrated/angry that after going through the operations to look and feel better that she still has no interest in sex.It seems that the only time that she is interested is if we go on holiday or spend a night away in a hotel.As much as I love my wife I do not know how much longer I can stay in a marriage that has no intimacy. All our children are adults and have moved on and into good relationships.She has now purchased a few animals who she shows emended amount of affection to which is also making it more depressing. I have told her how I feel and she tells me that if I feel like making love she will try to get into the mood. 50% of the time she still knocks me back as she is either not in the mood or feels tired.I am now so depressed about our relationship and lack of intimacy that I now don’t approach her anymore intimately. To top it all off I now have Peyronies disease and have asked her if she could help me relieve/ cure the problem. She has only done it once which I felt was more out of interest than anything else. We both suffer from stress at work which I accept adds to the problem. I have no idea where to go from here.